Signing this Newbie Up for War

My vision returns eventually. I'm standing on a sidewalk, facing a street. A relatively slow traffic street with more pedestrians than vehicles. Speaking of transportation, I forgot to say thanks for the lift. What a nice alien tractor beam that was. Even if they stole my DNA or something, I didn't feel an itch.

Behind me appears to be a church of some kind. It seems like a pretty decent destination if I have some more questions about this world. Alright, time to test out [God Mode] for the first time on this flimsy-looking wooden church door!

I walk up and put my hand to the door. To activate the skill, I say its name out loud. Then I lean forward. Oh, it's going through! But it's a lot slower than I expected. It's supposed to start at half my current speed, but this is nuts. What am I, an Alolan Pokemon?

Right before my five seconds expire and my hand gets permanently stuck in a door from the first activation, the door swings open violently. Outwards, right through me. Lucky.

"What are you thinking?! Are you really that reckless?!"

The open door reveals a small girl around Eris-chan's size, also with silver hair but cut short. Her outfit is quite revealing, consisting of a tiny black top and tiny jean shorts, with only a tiny pistachio green mant and a sky blue scarf for warmth. I would ask who she is, but a distinctive scar on her right cheek gives it away.

"Oh, Eris-ch-" She clamps my mouth shut with both her hands.

"Shh! No no no, my name's Chris! I'm a thief-by-class and a member of the Eris Church! I am most certainly not [ding!] the goddess of fortune worshipped by this church!" So she says as she drags me away from her church.

"So Eris-chan disguises herself whenever she comes down for a visit." I say when we're far enough away from mortal ears. Come to think of it, she said she'd visit soon, but how long has it been since I last saw her? "Speaking of which, you cut your hair?"

"Alright, let's ignore that you saw through two of my secrets immediately after meeting me, but yeah, that's right. I have to cut it every time I come down because it always grows back to its full length at midnight. Ah, but don't tell Kazuma, or he might develop a weird hair cutting fetish!"

...Wow. This innocent-looking goddess just said something incredible. What was your relationship with that guy again? But I wouldn't worry about that if I were you, Eris-chan. I highly doubt Satou Kazuma is coincidentally also the descendent of a scissors-wielding serial killer. But I also doubt we're thinking of the same thing. Or, I dunno, we might be. Whoever said goddesses don't watch anime?

"Seriously though, I was right in worrying, even if I was worried for a different reason, but I didn't expect you to be so careless. That church door isn't as flimsy as it looks, you know. It's protected by divine magic. Any other magic would've been repelled normally, but since your skill is divine in nature, it only slowed it down like a generic barrier. That was really dangerous! Haa... I guess I'll guide you for a bit, and show you the ropes or something. But I don't do this often, so sorry if miss anything important."

So you're going to run me through an impromptu crash course tutorial? Sounds fun. Then I'll be in your care. Eris-chan seems like the kind of girl that unintentionally holds your hand through an explanation, so I'll have to pay close attention to save us both from various forms of embarrassment. Actually, she said she goes by Chris, right? Then I'll call her Chris-chan while she's dressed like this.

Chris-chan leads me through the streets until we arrive at another large, distinctive building.

"This is the Adventurers Guild, the first destination for newcomers. Here is where you sign up and get a card and choose a job class and stuff like that." She says as she walks in, pulling me along. We head to the counter and meet a pretty receptionist with wavy, blonde hair.

"Ah, Luna-san, this is a new girl who has yet to register. Please help her through the process."

"Why if it isn't Chris! Long time, no see! Of course I'll help your friend." Luna-san smiles at me. "First, there is a small 1000 eris registration fee. Do you have that much on you right now?"

"Probably." I pull out the coin purse Eris-chan- or rather Chris-chan gave me, and tried to find coins that add up to 1000. I am just now starting to regret my decision. Eris-chan's custom-made [Exact Change] skill is looking so much more useful than [God Mode] right now.

"Ah, the coins are a little different, after all. Here, you can use two of this kind." Chris-chan points out two 500 eris coins for me. Thanks, the coins look so similar, it might've taken me forever to find them.

"Next, please fill out this form with your height, weight, age, and other details." Luna-san hands me a form. Surprisingly, it doesn't ask for my name. I fill out my particulars, and hand back the form.

"After that, please touch this card. This will display your base stat spread, and help you determine which job class will work best for you."

The card is drivers license sized. I press my thumb against it, and numbers and letters appear. So this is why the form didn't ask for my name. It's spelt out clearly at the top. It'll suck having to see it every time I look at the card.

The numbers next to the stat names like strength and vitality are all close together in value, save for the one next to luck, which is about ten times that of the rest. It also appears speed really is my lowest stat.

"Now then, allow me to recommend a job based on your stat spread, Miss... Eh... How do you pronounce this?"

You don't, that's how. But thank you for not trying out loud, Luna-san. Needless to say, I'm not too fond of my name. It sounds like a cheap knock off version of a mythical weapon.

"Luna. That's my name as well." Ding! She didn't fall for it though. But I wouldn't mind sharing that name with her. It sounds nice.

"I do appreciate the thought, really. You know what they say about imitation and flattery. But if you're going to come up with a nickname for yourself, I recommend using something district from others. To avoid confusion, you know?" Oh, Luna-san's thought this through. Is she thinking of changing her name, too? Is Luna her real name?

I look at Chris-chan. "How did you come up with the name Chris?" I ask her.

"Eh? What was that? Chris isn't your real name?" Luna-san looks lost.

"Wa wa wah! I, I have no idea what you're talking about! [Ding] Chris is definitely my given name! [Ding ding] Uh, my parents chose it for me..." Ding ding ding! Three strikes and you're out, Eris-chan!

I patiently stare at her, waiting for my answer. Luna-san looks back down at my card, trying to decipher it or something. Chris-chan sighs, pulls me close, and whispers in my ear.

"Okay, it's a flower. I named myself after a flower that I like. So think of something like that, something you really like."

A flower, huh? If I could do that, what flower would I name myself after? How about Dandylion? Because if you kill me, then two fluff balls will appear in defense position. Ding ding. No, I don't think I could bear hearing the eventual 'Dandylion? What the hell kind of flower is that?' from a curious stranger.

What's something I really like? I try not to like anything too much. The only thing I can think of, that I like at all, even the tiniest bit is...

Chris-chan. She's been taking care of me real well ever since we met. Like, exactly how you'd expect a devout little sister to take care of you when you're down. I wish I had you when I was little, Chris-chan. Alright, then it's settled, my nickname will be in reference to my little sister's nickname!

But what fits with Chris? Anthemum? Tamanthequins? Looking outward rather than inward is a better idea. My eyes finally land on a rough-looking drunk dude snoozing away in nondescript chair at a table along with several other rough-looking drunk dudes. But this one dude has a huge X-shaped scar on his face. It looks super cool. I want to ask him about it when he wakes up.

"Alright, Luna-san, you can call me Chros-chan for short."

"? How did you come up with that?"

"You see, me and Chris-chan," I try out a shitty idol pose that probably doesn't suit me at all, "We're Crisscross!"

That's what I was thinking of. I just thought of it, but it was so stupidly, sickeningly adorable, I couldn't help but love it. But not too much. I don't know if anyone else shares my opinion.

I think Chris-chan has been stricken with a fit of befuddlement, and she's also looking a little red around the ears. Oops, I forgot. I wanted to not embarrass her. I'm sorry.

"...Let's leave your nickname open for future discussion for now." Luckily, Luna-san is a considerate adult. "That said, hey Chris-pff," Oh, she's trying to stifle a laugh. I may have spoken too soon. "Ahem, I was just wondering, I may be crazy, but doesn't this stat spread look a bit too familiar?"

I don't know if it's a good idea to show your ID card to people so easily, but it should be okay if it's only Chris-chan.

"All your stats are generally around bottom tier except for luck, which is almost up to my level?" Her eyes widen. It seems someone similar to me existed that these two are familiar with... No, don't tell me-

""It's Kazuma!"" The two ladies exclaim. Who'da thunk? Certainly not me.

Unfortunately, their outburst wakes up the entire guild. Various eyes are staring me down, with various emotions and varying intensities. It's not great. I feel hella embarrassed. This must be karma at the divine level for embarrassing Eris-chan just a minute ago.

"You're like the new Kazuma 2.0!"

"That's wonderful! I can train you up differently, to be morally righteous, where I failed with him!"

Chris-chan... What does that even mean? You sound like you used to be his mom or something. But I'm sorry to say, if there's one thing I am definitely not, it's morally righteous.

More pressingly, I don't think I enjoy being compared to the man who died because of me. Considering the various ways everyone reacted when they heard his name, there's no way he's just an average dude. There's no way he's not the main character of his own light novel, manga, and anime series. There's no way he's anything like me.

But apparently, he started his new life in this world with the same kind of garbage stat spread as mine. I'm actually having a weird kind of mixed feeling. We share our highest stat in luck. That has to do with survival just as much as vitality and agility, right?

"Hey, I'll recommend the same job I recommended to him, alright? The merchant class doesn't need proficiency in any other field than luck, though it does scale a bit with intelligence too. And there's no risking your life fighting monsters." Luna-san's concern for me doubled when she found out I was just like Satou Kazuma.

"...What did he go with?"

"Kazuma? He said he was aiming to defeat the demon lord, but with his stats, the only class with combat capabilities available for him was the default class for adventurers, called the adventurer class. Last I checked with him, he was still the same class. Ah, but there was Aqua with him at the beginning. I think she was pressuring him toward fighting. He might've chosen merchant if not for her."

"...Unfortunately, my aim, it turns out, is the same as his. I'm assuming I can also only choose adventurer from the combat classes?"

"Are you absolutely sure? It's dangerous and risky, you know?" But adventurous and free! Adventure, that's the life for me! ...As they say. I just nod. She sighs. "Haa, well Chris, I wish you luck." There's no need for that, she's the goddess of luck. Or did I just miss a deeper meaning there? Luna-san hands me back my card with the new 'ADVENTURER' title at the top.

"Thanks Luna-san, I'll explain the rest to her outside. We'll come back another time." Then the Crisscross duo waves bye bye to Luna-san, and walks out of the guild in silence.

Xxxxx

...X-chan is super enamored with Chris's exposed navel. Lol, I have no idea if that's true.

There could've been many potential explanations for the Eris/Chris hair length conundrum. I went with this one because I thought it'd be funny.

There may have been a bit too many random, unnecessary references here. What do I think this is, Nyaruko? There isn't even a unifying theme for them all.

I'm not using number values for stats because Akatsuki-sensei also does not use them. I am using proportionate values though, even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't use those either.

I want X-chan to eventually have an actual X motif, so I'm thinking of giving her an X-shaped scar by the end of her journey. Just like that sleepy drunk dude. Or Kenshin. Or Shichika. Or Jack Sparrow. Or Master Daidara.

I also feel like giving Chris a pistachio motif, but that probably won't come into play or make any noticeable difference at all.