Disclaimer: As much as I wish I could say otherwise, it's not mine.
Chapter 4: It's Really You?
Christmas morning dawned with sunlight streaming through the windows and fairly blinding all those who were up after the late night. Obviously, this number was small. Mel sat on the edge of her bed, contemplating her next move. This was it. She would have to face him today. Whatever Daria had been yammering about the night before had absolutely no relevance to anything.
There was only one other person in the dormitory with her, and she was passed out for the duration of the day. Mel ignored the small stack of gifts at the foot of her bed, and dressed quickly. She wasn't feeling very festive, but donned a red sweater and jeans. Walking down to the common room, there were several sights that Mel could have done without that morning. Several couples lay sprawled in various positions and in very odd places at that. Granted, the alcohol that had surely been smuggled in probably was a contributing factor. Stepping over them was really the only option as Mel clutched her most recent, and final clue to her chest.
Reaching the exit, she stepped out into the chilled dungeon hallway. Leaning against a wall, she sighed heavily and looked carefully at the parchment in her hand.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A dozen blood red roses,
A charm to match the gift,
And a map to his identity.
Follow the path and you will find
What happens when two star-crossed lovers combine.
Enclosed was a list of directions, like a scavenger hunt. Mel rubbed her eyes. She hadn't really slept the night before. A first kiss will do that to a girl. Any dreams she had had been about her mystery man that would be revealed today. Mel pushed away from the wall and made her way to the Great Hall for something to eat. The Hall was significantly emptier than it would have been most mornings on Christmas. Everyone was probably still either hung over or enjoying the company of a date behind administration's back. Ah, the joys of adolescence.
Intending to just grab a muffin and run, Mel had no idea what made her sit down, and at the far end of the Slytherin table, by the Head table, no less. Instead of the quick snack, she helped herself to sausage, eggs and toast. Whatever had made her sit also forced her head to turn in the direction of the door as someone came through. It was Jake.
Mel was about to get up and leave, but getting it over with now might actually be to her advantage. Deliberately making eye contact, she hailed him over to where she sat. As he made his way to her, her gaze shifted to the Head table again. The only chair that would have given her any interest if filled was suspiciously vacant. Mel shrugged. He probably didn't like Christmas any more than she did. Too much cheer gets old really fast.
Jake sat down next to Mel and said little for a seemingly interminable moment. When he spoke, Mel was shocked to hear sadness, and even a little venomous envy in his tone.
"So, who is he?" Mel blinked, completely confused.
"What are you talking about?" Jake turned on her suddenly and furiously. He kept his voice low, but the implication of his words was still there.
"You know what I mean. The guy from last night; I bet you had a really fun time didn't you?" Mel rose from her seat, her eyes flaming and her blood boiling to critical degrees.
"Well, first of all, I don't know why you're referring to yourself in anything other than the first person. Secondly, I don't understand what you're so bitter about. I had a terrible time after you ran out and just went back to the dormitories. I should be the one who's furious, not you!" Jake looked at her for a moment, taken aback by her sudden force of emotion. He didn't register that she had stormed off until she was almost out the door. Running after her, he thanked Merlin that the few people who were up were too drunk or tired to notice him.
Catching up to her as she fled the castle, he grabbed her arm and wrestled her to the ground, both of them covered in snow and frozen by the time she stopped fighting.
"What is wrong with you? I never saw you last night! I found Daria afterward, and she told me that it was you in the middle of that wonderful scene on the dance floor. I tried to find you, but you never told me what to look for." Mel stared at him incredulously for a moment.
"What? You mean to tell me that it wasn't you? You weren't the one sending me all those notes and presents and… But then who…" Jake pulled himself up and stretched out a hand for the girl who could have been his, if only he had thought to be a little more romantic, like whoever this mysterious beau was. He pulled her into a tight embrace, his way of admitting defeat.
"Go find him." Three words were all she needed to make a beeline for the front doors of Hogwarts. As she ran, instinct telling her where to go, the words Daria had said to her last night popped into her head.
Basically, Jake was completely jealous that he wasn't in the shoes of Mr. Mysterious. Mel grinned as she ran, quickly making her way down the path she had traveled so many times before, hoping for a small shred of recognition. Now, she was hoping for something much greater, and riskier. It was, after all, an unwritten rule that no one could steal his heart, much less a student who wasn't supposed to harbor such thoughts anyway.
Reaching her destination, Mel stopped and let herself catch her breath. As she reached up to knock, her bracelet jingled merrily. As soon as her fist made contact with the wooden door, it swung open.
Mel poked her head inside the classroom of her favorite professor. The classroom looked so much less daunting without all the candles and potions fumes everywhere. Off to the side was another door, one that inevitably led to Professor Snape's private quarters. Since he wasn't in his classroom, deductive reasoning pointed her in that direction. Knocking on the other door, she heard his voice, and a single word.
"Enter." Mel walked forward slowly as she opened the door. She was hit with a reality that she had never imagined. She had just walked into a very luxurious looking sitting room complete with a fireplace, two overstuffed armchairs in deep green leather, and a matching couch. The style was elegant and very tasteful, not really what she pictured as Snape's choice of furniture. On the far wall, there was a huge bookcase filled to capacity with every kind of book imaginable. Mel's fingers itched to get a hold of just one.
There was a door just to the side of the fireplace. Mel moved toward it, curious as to where it led. She only got a glimpse of a dark satin bedcover before a crash behind her startled her.
"Damn ruddy cauldron… Bloody foul thing." Mel moved away from the most private of Snape's rooms and moved toward the other side of the private quarters, where a door led into a private workshop connected to his store cupboard where another door led into the classroom where Mel had spent so many of her years dreaming and scheming about how she could make this very scenario pass. Mel cleared her throat. He spoke without turning.
"I was waiting for you. I'm surprised you didn't figure all of this out sooner. I always pegged you as one of my more sensible students." He looked over his shoulder just enough to allow her to glimpse his face, and the small smile that was forming there. She lost all control of her brain, and the words it put in her mouth startled both Slytherins.
"And yet, here I am about to do something that it not sensible nor technically ethical." Snape turned then and pulled her into his arms, sending a bolt of electricity down her spine. It was made worse when he repeated the act of last night, but without the mistletoe. Well, actually, this was better, because now they weren't worried about the school body watching. Mel looped her arms around his neck and arched her back as he kissed her hard, with a passion that neither soul could even hope to comprehend. It was just easier to go with it and ride it out.
She was a bit surprised to feel how soft his hair really was. It wasn't greasy at all, as much as it looked it. It was just very fine and quite stringy, and probably hadn't been properly taken care of in ages, giving it the appearance of being disgustingly unclean. He was thin; there was no getting around that. But there was a strength that didn't come from muscles, though he hid well the fact that he was better built than everyone thought.
His hands were gentle, but firm as one cupped the back of Mel's neck and plunged them both deeper into the throes of passion. The other stilled its path at the small of her back and pressed her body closer to her beloved professor. This movement made a certain part of the anatomy very obvious to the still innocent Slytherin girl, and it more than startled her. As much as it pained them both, she pulled away, putting at least a few centimeters of space between them.
She dropped her head forward onto his chest and tried to catch her breath. His heart was pounding under her cheek and she could feel her own beating in an almost identical rhythm. Mel smiled when she felt his hand massaging her neck and playing with a stray tendril of hair that had escaped her customary ponytail. She snuggled closer to her professor, tucking her head just under his chin. She was more than a little disappointed when he dropped his arms and moved away from her.
"Not one for cuddling I take it…" Mel clapped her hand over her rebellious mouth, not able to understand where the lack of verbal control had come from. Her horror dissipated quickly though, when she heard her favorite sound; Professor Snape's laugh.
"No, I suppose that would be something I'm not particularly used to. But given time, I do believe that could change." Mel blushed at the implication. She gazed around the room, taking in everything. So many vials of ingredients sat on the many shelves of the lab. There was a private store cupboard off to one side and Mel could see that there were a few items that would bring some controversy if they were discovered. Snape had gone back to his work, whatever that had been. Mel peered over his shoulder with curiosity.
"It's not a potion one would see everyday. Perhaps you can still tell me what it is…" He was making the potion on Dumbledore's orders, being as the headmaster had been a bit troubled as of late, for reasons beyond anyone's fathoming. Snape raised an eyebrow as he added another ingredient, one Mel recognized instantly as powdered moonstone.
"That's easy. It's a Draught of Peace. That's actually pretty basic isn't it?" Snape laughed again.
"Well, yes it is, but you'd be surprised how many students still can't recognize it." Mel feigned insult.
"And here I thought I was one of your clever students. How quickly you forget your compliments Professor." Snape gazed at his pupil for a long moment, taking in all that he could, from her impish grin to the alluring anatomy that had driven him wild all year. He was shocking himself with the level of emotion he felt towards this girl. After all, that's all she was. A girl. Not even a full-grown woman yet. Well…then again… She tilted her head to one side, as though she was trying to guess just what was going through his mind. He had tried not to go into hers, even though Legilimency had certainly become one of his specialties over the years. It had been one of his most valuable tools when he had decided to make the switch into the ranks of Albus Dumbledore. Not that some of his colleagues really believed he was sincere about said switch. Dumbledore had always had a sixth sense about whom he could trust.
He explained several of his "questionable" ingredients to Melissa, knowing that she would actually appreciate the significance of acquiring such things as shrivelfigs and anything that involves dragons, ferocious beasts that they are. She had a few questions for him as well, but not all of them had to do with potions. Very few in fact had any relevance to the subject. She was interested in knowing things like why his favorite class was DADA and why he loved Mondays so much, and other things of that nature. And while he had never made a habit of discussing such things with anyone, particularly a student, he felt he had no reason not to answer her inquiries. After all, he had supplied her with the information rather willingly to begin with.
"If you must know, I enjoy Mondays because it gives me an excuse to be even more disagreeable than normal. And I can resume the torture of my students. At least, on those that are actually intimidated, which I notice you never were." Mel laughed, and smiled sheepishly.
"I suppose I'm really not afraid of much. Well, except for my mother that is." The last part of the sentence slipped out before she even realized it. Turning her gaze to the floor, she proceeded to examine the plush carpeting, biting her lower lip nervously. By this point in their conversation, they had moved into the sitting area, and Mel had perched herself on one of the armchairs. Snape moved in front of her and knelt down on the ground by her chair. He placed a hand beneath her chin and tilted her face up to meet his eyes, which were full of intrigue as he planned to scrutinize the situation.
"And just why is it that she frightens you more than you "greasy old bat" of a professor?" She surprised him when she tore herself away from his concerned stare and went to stand in front of the fireplace where a deep orange flame had lit itself to warm the chambers. It was well past noon by then, and a small house elf had appeared about an hour before to bring a platter to the reclusive professor, and had returned with one for Mel after discovering her there. She and Snape had sat by the fireplace and done nothing more than socialize, not something either one of them had ever been good at. For whatever reason though, around each other, everything was a different world.
"I suppose..." Mel paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. She had never even told Daria what she was about to tell Professor Snape. "I think maybe… It's more the company she keeps than my mother herself. I just… I don't know." Mel hugged herself, as though she was trying to keep herself together. Seeing her so vulnerable was not what Snape had been expecting. He could only assume what she was implying, but whatever it was, there was really no good explanation.
"Tell me." He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her temple gently. The tears that she had held inside for years could no longer be kept at bay. It was with shame that she showed such a weakness in front of her professor. She was sure he would pull away and leave her feeling alone, unloved and insignificant, feelings she had come to know and despise.
Instead, he turned her in his arms and held her. He let her cry, even though he had absolutely no idea how to deal with emotional females. He allowed himself a single, quick glance into her mind, and what he saw frightened even him. He who had been beaten at a young age, he who had seen hatred and foul treatment all his life was scarred anew with what was hidden in Melissa Scott's memories. She had wrapped her arms around him again and he felt her fingernails digging into his shoulders, as though she was trying to keep him from leaving her.
Throwing caution to the wind and finally allowing himself to feel some slight pity for someone else in the human race, he lifted his emotionally shattered student into his arms and sat on the plush couch with her in his lap, her head on his shoulder, her tears finally dissipating.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled into his neck. He held her a little tighter and waited until her breathing had become a bit less uneven before pulling away just enough to look into her eyes. It was horrifying to see such pain in someone so young. He cursed himself, knowing that while in the ranks of the Dark Lord, he had caused similar heartache. He thanked Merlin that he had come to his senses, but knew that he had many sins yet to atone for, and he knew that could only start when his own heart had been opened up just a little. For the first time in his life, Professor Severus Snape was willing to take a chance on love. Perhaps, the two lost souls of Slytherin House could heal their wounds together. There is a first time for everything, so the saying goes.
Every day in the following week, Mel found herself being drawn to the dungeons and spending her free time in the company of Professor Snape. After the original emotional breakdown, she had been able to tell him nearly everything about her mother and the evil ways she conformed to. Julia Scott, while beautiful and seemingly perfect, was actually one of the most ruthless Death Eaters in the ranks. Never revealing her true name within the group, being known only as Scarlet, she was able to escape capture and came back to the normal world with new knowledge of dark spells and ways to torture her only child, one whom she considered a mistake. She hammered that point home quite often.
Mel had begun to question if she had been placed in the wrong house. She doubted it, but she was looking for anything to prove she was not of the same mold as so many of her classmates. Many of them still supported the Dark Lord, despite the fact that he had fallen over five years ago. She was surrounded by students who thought he had been an evil genius. Mel couldn't disagree more. She had a chronic fear of Death Eaters, having been raised by an extremely abusive one, who couldn't care less if Mel wanted to follow the path she herself had chosen. In that respect, a neglectful parent was actually a blessing. She had started at Hogwarts just before He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named fell; the same year Professor Snape had started teaching there.
He had shared certain parts of his past with her. Listening to her describe her deplorable childhood had made him realize that maybe he wasn't all that different from so many that he had once viewed as superior beings. This student that sat before him had done more for him in the past few days than anyone had ever thought to do for him in his entire lifetime. He was beginning to think that being on this side of the war wasn't so bad after all, if it brought him people like Melissa Scott.
He realized now that they had a lot in common between the two of them: poor childhoods and reclusive behavior among other things. Mel had gravitated toward those Slytherins who were less radical and more accepting. Not all of them were unpleasant, despite the stereotypes. Snape, on the other hand, had found himself surrounded by Death Eaters and other Dark Lord supporters. Regardless of what he had believed at the start of his school career, he had been molded into the ideal dweller of the Dark Side. Looking back, he probably never would have gone to such an extreme if given a choice. Lucius Malfoy was, after all, so… persuasive… for lack of a better word.
It was New Year's Eve before they knew it, and the two of them dreaded the beginning of classes more than any other two souls on the planet. The inevitable end to the long hours spent together in each other's company brought fear into Mel's heart, and made Severus irritable and grumpy… More so than usual… It was only in the confines of Snape's private quarters that Mel felt any security. Even Daria was proving inefficient, as she was absorbed in her romance with Evan, or what was left of it, since they were already on poor terms with each other. Relationships didn't last long for Mel's flighty best friend.
Mel was troubled by much of what was going on in her world. It was taking its toll on her both physically and emotionally. Professor Snape noticed it on New Year's as eleven o'clock neared. They had agreed it would be fitting to spend it together, though it would probably be the only holiday they would ever be allowed, save the Christmas they had just shared. It had been a season of new experiences that was for certain.
Mel glanced nervously at Snape, cursing herself for being as timid as she was when it came to relationships. Her body said one thing but her mind told her another, and it was difficult to know which one to believe. At the moment, her brain was sending warning signals that she shouldn't be there, and that spending such late hours in the dungeons would inevitably lead to something bad. But her heart and body were aching for something much more than it would be proper to receive, considering the circumstances of the situation she had found herself in. She was sitting on Professor Snape's couch, or rather he was sitting on it and she was sprawled in his lap. One of his arms was around her waist and the other was toying with the bracelet on her right hand, settled on his chest comfortably. Her other hand was draped leisurely over his shoulders.
They would have made quite the pair in the eyes of any unlikely beholder. But since nothing that was between them could ever leave the dungeons, they would remain in secrecy. It was this fact that annoyed Mel beyond anything else. She wanted to tell the world that she was in love. She wanted to spread the news far and wide. It was, after all, the season for miracles. Most of all, she wanted to tell him how she felt, but somehow, that just didn't seem possible. He wouldn't care for such an emotion, even if he had begun showing some indication of something resembling lust, which was as close as Mel believed he could get to the real thing. But still, it was disappointing to know that no matter what she did, she could never get close enough to make a real difference. Less than two years from now, none of it would matter anyway. It was depressing to say the least. In her heart of hearts, she wanted to believe that there was a way, but holding out such a hope was futile.
"What's bothering you Miss Scott? You are exceedingly quiet. I do find this rather unnerving as your presence normally brings some form of conversation or raucous." When his poke of sarcastic fun didn't draw a reaction, Severus' mouth twisted into the scowl many students were used to. He didn't like being ignored. Not in the least. He shifted until she was sitting next to him rather than on top of him so that he could look into her eyes properly, only to find them downcast and unable to meet his probing gaze. Sighing exasperatedly, he removed himself from the situation and went into his private lab. Coming back a few minutes later, he settled a small package on his companion's lap. She looked up at him, startled. Finally, he'd achieved a reaction. Snape sat down again, triumphant.
"What is this?" Mel asked skeptically. Severus smirked.
"Well, if I can't get your attention in the normal fashion, I shall have to resort to the more common form among humans beings. Bribery via presents usually makes people talk." Mel gazed at him quizzically for a moment before reaching for the ribbon tying the package. It was small, like the one that had held her bracelet on that first fateful day when the courtship of sorts had begun. He stilled her hand before she could undo the wrapping.
"You can't open it just yet. Not until midnight." Mel pouted.
"Well, what was the point in giving it to me now then?" Severus smirked again.
"It made you start talking to me again didn't it?" Mel blinked, and frowned at herself for being so easily manipulated.
"That was a cheap, dirty trick." Before she could continue her thoughts he had pinned her to the couch, her back flat against the puffy cushions.
"Not so much as this next little scheme." It was a long moment before she could speak again.
"I really do despise you sometimes." Mel giggled breathlessly. Snape merely smiled smugly and allowed her to sit up before insisting on some form of physical contact again. They sat in silence for a moment before Mel turned to him and sucked in a breath attempting to ready herself for the potential conversation. He raised an eyebrow, waiting.
"Professor, I've been thinking…" He gave her a strange look.
"That can be a very deadly thing for someone with your intelligence my dear." Mel smiled. He had been slipping small terms of endearment into their conversations, obviously hoping she wouldn't notice if he did it subtly enough. She slid a hand up his arm, feeling his muscles tighten. He wouldn't interrupt her as long as she kept that up.
"Let me finish. I've been trying to make myself believe that this is nothing more than a kind gesture between a student and a professor, but I can't help wondering if it might have another meaning. Like maybe one involving a particularly strong emotion, or something ridiculous like that?" Acting casual, she walked her fingers up his chest and back down, continuing to caress his arm. She couldn't be blunt with him. That wasn't an option. She would have to be devious about her intentions. The muscles in his arm tensed again, but not because of her touch this time. He was feeling cornered, something she had wanted to avoid, but had clearly failed at doing.
"What are you trying to imply?" His tone was wary and nervous. This wasn't a topic he had wanted to bridge with her: not now at least. He couldn't handle commitment. It was a touchy subject. He could deal with lust. He had been dealing with lust. Love? That was a different species entirely. He was Professor Severus Snape after all. Most hated in the school, and voted the "greasy old bat" by many. Not that he cared. He didn't care what anybody thought. Except maybe a certain cerulean eyed student who just happened to be driving his senses crazy.
It was nearly midnight, and there was something Severus needed to do before the night was over. He had needed it for the past two years. He had needed it more with every passing day, and now he was fit to burst with the hunger. It was almost too perfect. If only they were thinking the same things, it would be only too easy. He had refused to use Legilimency on Melissa more than absolutely necessary, which he defined as any moment in which he couldn't understand her… Which was almost every day... He didn't want to pry. But he needed to know.
"I… Well, I was… Is there any chance…? Oh, just forget it!" She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned adorably. It was driving her crazy that she couldn't say what was on her mind. It would be so liberating just to let it loose, but it just didn't want to come. Mel was surprised when her professor shook his head, chuckling.
"It seems we both find ourselves in similar predicaments. You wish to speak of something very important but cannot find the words. I simply cannot find the courage. I would much rather be in your shoes." Mel smiled.
"I don't think my shoes would compliment your outfit very well Professor." He wore all black, as per the usual; a black turtleneck with long sleeves and trousers. It was rather depressing, he supposed, but to him it was normal. To her, he was a reclusive stranger. She didn't want that and he knew it. He laughed, making her smile wider. He loved making her smile, almost as much as he loved…
There it was. There was the barrier he needed to cross. Love, and what it had done to his mother haunted him. It had made it exceedingly difficult to, well, to do much of anything. He had prided himself on being heartless. He was kicking himself mentally for suddenly destroying that view. It was certainly the fault of that particular organ that he was feeling so lightheaded and confused.
But there was one thing he knew clearly, even if the situation surrounding it was foggy. He felt more for Melissa Scott than was normal in a student-teacher relationship. And the saying goes, once one knows the problem, one can find a solution. And there really was only one that would do. Barriers shattered and desire winning the war, passion erupted like a volcano that had lain dormant for centuries on end.
(A/N) Ta da! And so it is revealed! Of course, the dramatic irony of it all, you know, the whole "we know something the characters don't" thing just makes it more fun! Review please!!
Yes, I posted two chapters at once, and this is the second time I did it, this one and chapter 5 which is the last actual chapter, but there's an epilogue too to wrap up the loose ends. I want to post the whole thing, which is done, within the next few days. So, it's coming in installments as I see fit. No reviews really, but I'm hoping for a few love notes by the time the whole thing is up… pokes reviewers repeatedly
Thanks again!
