Slowly.
Hitsugi frowned at Yuuki.
"I'm aware my pay is disgusting, but surely there is no need to back away from me"
Yuuki heaved a heavy sigh, slowly wondering over to Hitsugi's bed. He fell back on to it, staring with sad eyes at the cob-web covered ceiling. It was rare that anything was clean in the clown's dorm. The dolls' room weren't like palaces, spotless and gleaming, but they were never as bad as the clowns' bedrooms. Spiders and occasional mouse shared their living quarters and left tell tale signs of their exsistance.
"I'm sorry. I'm desperate" the blonde whined, sitting up to look at the clown "I want us to leave"
He held out a hand to the pierced boy, who took it gently, coming to sit next to Yuuki on the bed.
"Together" the doll was stern "We can get out, I'll get my operation, and we can have a life. A normal life. You and me"
"Yuu, you know it's unlikely to go that way-"
"Only if we let it be unlikely. The harder we try, the more likely it is"
Hitsugi frowned, squeezing the blonde's hand.
"Yuu-"
"Wait 'till you see me. After the operations. I'll be your beautiful lady, curves and all."
Hitsugi swallowed hard. I wished to still have such high hopes like Yuuki. He had hopes, but while Yuuki's were tied to the top of the ladder, Hitsugi wobbled unbalance at the bottom step. They were there, but so low down and unsteady.
"We could leave in a month"
Hitsugi's head shot up to look Yuuki dead in the eyes
"Yuuki, no, I-"
"We'll pay the fee to get out, then we'll head to find that famous doctor. The good one who does it illegally but well"
"I-"
"I'll have the op, and still in pain, we'll travel to find help. Stay in homeless shelters while we figure something out. We'll find my sister and your cousin and get help! And then it can all begin.
We'll get a house, I'll legally register my new name and gender, we'll get married, adopt a little boy and we'll live the perfect life-"
"Yuuki, I can't!"
The blonde boy lost his breath. He felt his heart sink. He knew what Hitsugi would say. He had said before, but he had also said that Yuuki's dream were also his. They'd regain their purity, be saved, and return to their once so free selves. Adopt a kid and raise him right, keep him safe. Maybe move countries to be as far away from Hyde and the mafia, protect theirselves and their son.
"I can't leave everyone... and I can't do those things. Not now, not ever"
"You can't leave with me?" Yuuki felt his heart crack.
"Yes of course. I will. One day. But the other things. The perfect life. I can never have that"
"You said' Yuuki felt his eyes swell "That you wanted all those things with me"
"Of course. I want you to be happy"
"You only say yes because you want me to be happy? Hitsugi, I want you to want them with me, not for me"
"I do!" Hitsugi insisted, frustrated now. He took a deep breath, regaining his calmness as he looked deEp into Yuuki's brown eyes "But I can't leave just yet. I can't leave them"
"They don't matter! They're clowns. You're not a clown really, you don't belong with them. You're not hideous scum"
"And neither are they." Hitsugi scowled at him, releasing Yuuki's hand.
The purple haired young man got up from the bed and strolled over to the window, pressing his forehead against the cool glass, condensation hydrating his skin.
"It's Dora, isn't he? He said something"
"No" Hitsugi whispered "but I won't leave him"
Yuuki rose to his feet.
"I see."
Hitsugi heard Yuuki's steps move away from the bed
"We'll talk tomorrow" he said sternly, slamming the door behind him.
Outside the door, Yuuki's eyes laid upon the one he hated most.
Dora was walking up the hallway, eyes on the floor, his mind in another place. Yuuki's blood boiled in his veins as he noticed Dora's attire; Hitsugi's shirt. He sucked his tongue, holding himself high as he walked towards Dora.
"That top doesn't suit you" he sneered as he passed the clown.
Dora looked up, meeting eyes with Yuuki for just a second before bolting it down the corridor to Hitsugi's door. Yuuki began to feel hotter.
Dora crashed into Hitsugi's room. The pierced boy whizzed found in alarm, a cruel expression in his face, having assumed Yuuki had returned to finish their argument.
His expressions softened as he say his dear friend.
"Hits..." Dora's face fell into his hands "I feel dirty"
Hitsugi stared at him, unsure of his next move. Should he hold his friend or give him space? Did he speak or wait for Dora?
"They watched us..."
"Dor, I'm sorry, I-"
"No! No..." Dora sniffed, slowly walking closer to his friend "Please don't apologise to me anymore"
Hitsugi swallowed as the distance between them became smaller and smaller.
"It's annoying now" Dora half laughed, folding his arms. "I'm anxious. I need you to be honest with me"
"It fascinates me how you can be so tough yet emotionally honest at the same time" Hitsugi smiled, though his eyes were still filled with regret.
"Hush.." Dora was in front of him now, looking him straight in the eyes "are we really okay?"
"Yes of course, I swear, Dor"
"But are we really? Has anything changed?"
"No" Hitsugi responded firmly, placing his hands on Dora's form arms delicately "Nothing"
"That can't be true"
"But, it is"
"We had sex. Audience or alone, it was sex. With each other. Pleasurable sex"
Hitsugi blinked. He felt his spine become ridged.
"You can't deny that. For a minute, we were bathing in the moment. We liked it. Don't you deny it"
Hitsugi squirmed inside, releasing reluctant nod.
"How are things going to go back to before? We just shared intimacy-"
"It wasn't intimacy, it was live porn. We got caught up in it all to distract our selves from those watching"
"Hitsugi, that was intimacy at points"
"I don't even know what you mean"
"Why are you denying it?"
"Dude, I'm not, I really don't understand. Was there passion too? Think I missed that"
Dora wriggled from his friend's grip.
"It can't be the same"
"It can." He paused, doing his best to read Dora's expression "But we'll be closer. Nothing to hide now"
Dora sat slumped on to Hitsugi's bed, in the same place Yuuki had been just moments before. He signed, lying down on the bed, his eyes on Hitsugi.
"Something will happen that'll spark if the change-"
"Dora, I'm sorry but can we talk about this another time? I need to stop. Just stop. Just for a couple of hours. Please"
"Yes" Dora remained on the bed "But I'm staying"
Hitsugi huffed, grinding his teeth. He craved to be in solitary, to be alone with his thoughts. He wouldn't say no to his friend, who clearly needed comfort.
Dora move up the bed and moved from the centre, patting the empty space. Hitsugi joined him, mirror Dora by lying on his side, face to face.
"At least Meto is okay" Dora whispered, stroking a stray hair out of Hitsugi's eyes.
"That's what matters" the pierced boy nodded "Look after the young ones"
Hitsugi pulled his cigarettes out his pocket, leaning backwards to grab an ash tray from his bedside cabinet to place between them. He offered one to Dora with only a gesture before the two lit up on the same match.
"Why was Yuuki in your room?" Dora asked with a throat full of nicotine and smoke.
"Dunno. He must have been bored"
"What did he say to you?"
"The usual. Back-handed compliments and poss takes. Making it clear he thinks we're beneath him, the usual"
"He came to your room to naked jabs?"
"Like I said. He must have been bored"
Dora nodded, looking away from his friend. He was still suspicious, worried even. He didn't trust that 'slut'.
