Sir my lady

4:

Jonathan grabbed her shoulders and pushed her into the shadows of a doorway. "How long are we to hold out feelings back in cages of decency and propriety? Damn them all if we know we feel love unconditionally as I know we do." Alanna pushed him away, disgust in her face and hatred in her eyes. He took a step away from her, almost upset but still he held his ground. She shrank back against the stone was, the stone rough yet comforting beneath her fingers.

"I have no that mirror the expectations you have of me, your highness" She could no longer look at his face without a sour look, she could no longer look into his eyes without wanting to draw a sword to his heart yet before she had looked upon him with fondness. The only fondness had been suppressed with an iron boot, never to rise up again to the surface.

"Alanna, listen to yourself! You are deluding yourself that you cannot feel love. But you can, and do. I tell you now that you can feel love and compassion and who you give your heart to is your choice, but if it were mine, you would be enclosed in my arms, protected from the dangers of the world, yet you hide yourself in corners and denials, cold...unfeeling." Jonathan gently put a hand on her face, hoping that she would see beyond the painted veil she had cast between them, but it made no change. Alanna still held her heart in ice, far beyond the reach of his sweet and tempting words.

Alanna turned from him so he should not see that tears welled in eyes. Having her feelings so smothered by Jonathan's warmth made her feel as if she were drowning in a pool that had no edge, making sure that in time she would drown "As you so clearly express, my feelings are mine to do with as I will and I choose for them to stay my own, they are not yours to own or control."

Jon's normally warm and happy eyes were full of distress and hurt. He was tearing himself apart for an imaginary dream that could only exist inside their captured minds. But if it was a dream, it was a dream they both shared. Yet in the back of Alanna's mind, something was turning it into a terrible nightmare. "I do not force you to give up your feelings Alanna, I only wish you not to lock them away." She ran her hands through her hair and turned back to him, full of annoyance and disbelieve at his loosening grip on reality.

She backed against the wall, shaking violently but trying to show no emotion whatsoever. "How long have you remained under the delusion that I could love a prince of Tortall? Not only can I not, but I have no ambition to love any man only to become a knight" He grabbed her arms and held her still. Alanna averted her eyes and looked anywhere but into his, she most certainly couldn't look into his eyes.

He sighed deeply and fell against the opposite wall and slid down it, his eyes not meeting her face. "I cannot battle with you any longer, not only does it hurt me to hear you talk of me in such a cold dismissive manner but I do not have the heart to tell you that your ideas are senseless and you cannot stop your emotions." Alanna looked at the floor coldly. She couldn't stand the tension any longer.

"Go now, just go." Jon didn't move. His head slowly raised his head. His eyes met hers in a stare that showed no emotion. He had poured out his heart to her and now there was nothing left to say.

"Alanna, I feel sorry for you." Alanna felt the heat and embarrassment welling up inside her. He has just reminded her that she had no place talking to him at all. She was a page and he was the prince. She was just a lowly servant whose opinions didn't matter but had to hang onto every word his royal highness said to her.

"GET OUT! I'M TELLING YOU NOW, GET OUT!" She screamed, the words ripping and tearing as they burst from her mouth. How dare he treat her like a servant? After everything he had done to her, after everything they had been through! Jonathan flinched and walked out.

He stopped in the doorframe but did not look back. He had to have the last word, to inflict his superiority on her one last time. "No matter what, your unfeeling heart cannot deny me, or my feelings for you." Alanna's heart thudded, she didn't move an inch until his footsteps had died away.

As he walked away Alanna buried her face in her hands and slowly slid to the floor. Tears made tracks down her face and she angrily wiped them away. Was Jonathan so naïve that he could not see that she could not love him the way he asked? "I do not love him, I do not!" She shouted to herself.

You can keep telling yourself that but you know it's not true. The little black cat said, slinking in from behind the doorframe. You and he are meant, it's only you who can't see that. Alanna turned on the cat, furious. His eyes were wide and innocent, the same vibrant lilac as her own.

"Shut up! Just, SHUT UP YOU STUPID CAT! WHAT exactly do you know?" Faithful gave her and upset and reproachful look and stalked out. Immediately Alanna felt sorry for taking out her anger on the cat and wished it would come back and talk to her, she felt so alone. Only the sound of the horses and the shouts of men in the yard could be heard.

A new voice cut through the air, pulling Alanna from her peaceful reverie "He seems a pretty clever cat to me." Alanna jumped at the new voice then relaxed as she saw the figure of Myles standing in the doorway to the stables. "I guess so." Alanna shrugged and leant against the wall.

Myles gave her a disapproving look looked around the stables. Alanna followed his gaze, wondering what he was looking for. "Anyway, didn't duke Gareth assign you to mucking out the horses?" Suddenly she remembered the real reason she was in the stables and looked wildly around her.

"Oh, err…Yes" Alanna turned and grabbed the shovel and bucket that she had neglected upon Jonathan's entrance, and looked back at Myles, poised to begin work. Myles smiled, He was as aware as she that she had not done any work until the point of which he had mentioned it.

"Well then, I shall leave you to it" Myles smiled and left the stables, leaving Alanna to her work. She slowly shovelled and swept and thought as the afternoon passed itself away. Alanna fell deep into her thoughts. They all swirled around her head in a jumbled cluster that it gave her headaches to try and put into any sort of order.

In her mind it seemed that all her problems would be solved with the coming of the ordeal. But she could not help but think about Jon's face when he had left the ordeal chamber. Some part of him had died in there, a piece of his soul ripped away from him by the events that had befallen him in that room. Alanna could only imagine what those horrors could be, but one thing was certain in her mind. While they lay ahead of her, she could not lay thought upon the events after the ordeal. All her fear and excitement was fixed upon that one room.