Author's Note: Note got deleted and I can't remember what I typed. Damn. It had a thank you to reviewers, especially those who sympathized with my Kaufman plight. I still haven't watched Taxi yet. D: And the rest of the note is forgotten.
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Needless to say, when we got back to the inn hot granny had took her braid and started to whip Jin and me with it. How the fuck does a person think to whip someone with their hair? Oh, well. It hurt like a bitch. I think she has rope for hair. "Stupid men! You better be glad I won't rip your ear off!" She had bared her teeth when she said that and chomped down. Jin had glared at Almi before going off to the room but I had stayed.
So now I'm just stuck cutting potatoes with Fuu, who thinks it's cute to hum annoying little songs that get stuck in a person's head. "This is the song that never ends, never ends, never ends. This is the song that never ends, never ends, never ends." She's been singing that since we started. Where did girly hear that song from in the first place? If I find out I'll cut their head off, since they think it so smart to spread that song instead of letting it die.
I hate cutting potatoes. I've cut my fingers a dozen times and the skin still ain't coming off. "Ew, Mugen, don't get your blood on the potatoes." She leaned forward and snatched the potato out of my hand. "I'll get blood anywhere I want." I snapped at her. She rolled her eyes and went to work on my potato. I went to grab another one but she grabbed my wrist. "You're going to get infected, so stop touching the potatoes that people plan to eat." She's treating me like a baby. I'm a fucking criminal, not some child who can't understand no.
I twisted out of her grip and grabbed another potato, going to work on peeling it. "No, Mugen." "Fuck off." She stomped her foot and glared at me, as if that's supposed to work on me. I smeared the small wound that was dripping just a little bit of blood over the skin and smirked. "Stop that! Oh, I'm so telling." "As if I care?" "She's going to beat you up." I threw the potato at her and it hit her right on the forehead, even smearing some of the blood onto it.
I grabbed another one and she put her hands over mine to try and loosen my grip on the vegetable. "Put it down. Right now. Stop peeling, you ass!" She stood up and started pulling at my hands with all her scrawny might. "I'll peel as long as I feel like it, and I feel like it. You sure as hell aren't going to tell me to stop just because you're a little grossed out." She huffed and continued pulling. I hope her little Almi sees her with my blood on her forehead.
"Blood has germs, you moron. We're all going to get infected with your diseases." "What diseases, bitch? I'm as healthy as a doctor." She pulled harder and I started tugging opposite of her. "With all those whores you're with I wouldn't be surprised if you were already dying." I gave a hard tug and she let out an 'eep!' before falling forwards. Great, so I'm stuck here with bloody fingers, a brat in my lap with her lips really close to my ear, and a potato mashed into my chest by a board, or Fuu's chest; same difference.
A low laughing came from the doorway and I looked up to see Six standing there with all her givings accentuated in that kimono. And by the look in her eye she was jealous of...Fuu? End of the world. "This is so cute." She said with a baby voice. Fuu, who'd yet to get off me, looked at her strangely. "Um, hi?" Six made a noise and sat in Fuu's spot on the floor across from me. "Hm, hello there, doll." She winked at me. As if I'm hitting that again.
Fuu pressed her lips close to my ear, in what at first seemed like possessiveness. But when she didn't lick nor kiss I realized she was just an innocent and annoying brat looking to talk my ear off. "Do you know her? I think she's eyeing you some." I pulled away from her lips and looked at her before looking over at Six. Compare and contrast. I suppose Six is better in the sack than Fuu will ever hope to be. But when it came to beauty, then girly was miles ahead. I ignored the questions and moved my hands behind my head.
Six looked at the potatoes with superiority before focusing all of her attention back on me. "So what brings you here? I've yet to take that bath." She lost her look and narrowed her eyes. "I'm here on account of Naka, the woman who's housing you." She said with an unamused voice. "Bath? Huh?" Fuu was asking but being ignored by the both of us. "And what does hot granny want?"
She dug her hands through her kimono looking for something, making small sexual noises as if to turn me on. "Ah--ah--" She dug further down until her breasts were hanging out and her hand must have been touching her belly button. Fuu leaned into me and looked away from the flopping bags that she couldn't identify herself with. And I guess I suffered temporary insanity because I put my arm around her neck and covered her eyes with my hand.
"And here we are." She pulled out some papers and tossed them forward at me, quickly fixing her kimono. "As if you two haven't seen it before." She mumbled. Fuu moved my arm away and scrunched up her face in a glare at Six before picking up the papers. "What's this?" Six glared back at her before answering. "Gee, I don't know. Maybe you should read it, or have your master do it instead." "Listen here!" "What the hell is it?" I shoved brat's hands up so that the papers were right in front of her eyes.
"Fine, geez." She said. "'LaPlegua's back in town, and you know what that means. The fifth annual beauty pageant is being held! LaPlegua and his assistance Minnagari are two of the best underground artists in the world, and they have spared their precious time for us to judge yet another beauty pageant. The auditions will be held June sixth at lunch time and the pageant will begin three days later at the same time. Only a maximum of twenty girls will go through to the actual pageant, so buy that new kimono and hair piece and get ready!'"
I was holding back my laughter as Fuu finished off one of the letters. Beauty pageant? In this town? Ahah! Now that must be a sight! I bet that LePlegua ass is just coming back year after year for entertainment. Hell, I would.
"Naka wanted me to help train you for it." Six doesn't sound all too thrilled. Fuu started laughing and leaned forward to slap her hand against her knee. "That's a joke. I'm sorry, but we can't afford the necessities that it takes to be in a pageant." She leaned back into me and Six's hands twitched. "It's not all about clothes and hair. I won one year with just a small kimono on and nothing else. It's about attitude, sexiness." The brat sexy? Pfft, okay.
"You have to command their attention to all the right places. Sway your hips, eye them with dominance and a hint of innocence, flirt with your eyes and mouth." She got on her knees and straightened out her back. "I'm not just doing this for show!" Fuu scrambled out of my lap and copied Six. Six moved her body to the left so that both her goods and her ass stood out more. Fuu tried, but it didn't have the same effect with the mashed potato on her ... well, Almond can refer to her extra inch of skin and milk as goods if he wants to, cause I'm not.
Six noticed the potato and sighed, looking at me with fiery brown eyes. A challenge? You got it, ho. She sucked her cheeks in and puckered up her swollen lips. Bah, how that won any contest with beauty in the name I'll never know. Fuu stared at her for a moment before straightening up and following. Now, she didn't look all that ugly. She hadn't sucked in her cheeks like Six did, so with her lips puckered up like that she seemed naÏve girl in a brothel with her first customer, even if the blood did damage what sexiness in the face she had.
"This is fun! Mugen, you should try it." She laughed at her own joke and I flicked her off. Six's hands twitched again and she raised an eyebrow with a cocky smile on her face. "Now be careful trying this, it's only to be brought out as a last resort; for example, if a girl is upstaging you."
She stood up and put her left arm opposite on her hip and her other arm stretched upwards with a slight bend in the elbow. She angled herself so that her legs were straight and her back was bent backwards gracefully. Graceful, you know, if her face wasn't so ugly. She sucked in her cheeks and puckered her lips like before. "Stare at the judge as if he's the only man you've eyes for. Make him want your body, as well as your mind. But mostly your body."
Fuu seemed lost for a minute before angling herself backwards also. She crossed both arms to touch her hips instead and turned her head a little to the side to look at me. She puckered her lips and her bangs fell backwards to expose her jaw line. Tears started to roll down her cheeks and she stared me right in the eye. Sexy, no? Bratty bitch to delicate woman that's just begging to be touched.
"This really hurts." She gritted out, breaking the illusion that was starting to form. Six broke her stance and fluffed up her hair. "Practice makes even the biggest failures perfect." Fuu sat down again and wiped her eyes. "That really, really hurts. How can you stand to do that?" I felt a hard, uh, big problem then. A problem which needed to be fixed.
"You two stand a better chance than the other squirrels out there." I said quickly before rushing off towards an empty room.
While rushing and gripping my problem to try and get a head's start when my toe hit something fluffy and itchy, causing me to fall forward and bang my pride on the ground. "Goddammit!" I shouted and gripped my problem again, which was aching and throbbing from being slammed onto the ground. "Stupid," I picked up the thing and looked at it closely. "wig?" Now why would someone need a wig? This household and guests all have some good hair on their head.
I tossed the straight blonde wig off to the side and went back to finding that room.
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Author's Note: LaPlegua is a real person, but his name came to mind while typing since it sounds so elegant and so sexy, like he would be the one to judge a beauty contest. And pay attention to that wig! The blonde wig! Go watch some Scooby Doo (old not new. Ugh, the new should be burned, forgotten, and never mentioned by anyone again..., anyone who values their life, that is) to get intouch with that inner detective.
