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Dead Nature
(Three)
Sara pulled up into the parking lot pausing to watch as people rushed around to and from their cars. She was late and it was more than obvious that she should have been one of those people, she should have been busy doing something but she'd barely managed to motivate herself to get out of bed that morning. The feelings of foreboding as she woke to the morning light had become more frequent as the days passed. Sara would find herself staring at the ceiling just trying to get together the energy to move.
Her eyes travelled to the entrance from where Greg was stood watching her, he raised a cigarette to his lips his eyes not abandoning hers eventually forcing Sara to end their staring match by looking away. She could feel his vision burn into her as she made her way towards him. It was as if with each step she was moving closer to a storm. The hurt, the anger and confusion radiating from him almost burnt her skin with its intensity. Greg didn't understand why Sara was pushing him away- why she had closed herself off to his attempts at comforting her.
"Morning" He said with the slightest venom- a strangely bitter smile tugging at his lips.
"Hi" Sara stood awkwardly before him, realising that perhaps opening up- telling what was going on would be for the best.
"I told DB you weren't feeling well and had gone to the doctors" He informed her of the excuses he had given for her; inadvertently taking a dig at the fact she was late.
"Thank you" She muttered nervously placing her hands in her pockets. "I'm sorry...about the other night...kicking you out like that..."
"No need" Greg shook his head "Let's pretend it never happened"
"Greg I mean it- I really am sorry" Sara took a deep breath. "I haven't been feeling myself recently...and I don't mean to take it out on you"
"Better to take it out on me than yourself." Greg shrugged with a sad smile realising he knew only too well the things Sara would do to punish herself when she felt like she'd done something wrong. He stubbed his cigarette out and tossed it aside. Sara found herself simply watching as he walked away from her- a sinking feeling weighing down her heart.
Sara eventually made her way inside knowing that Russell was going to want to talk to her about her absence at the start of shift. His office was dimly lit, a lamp focusing on a book laid out on the centre of the desk, shining brightly against the darkness.
"Ah Sara...I've been expecting you..." He said with a grin looking up at her as she waited by the door.
"Sorry about this morning...I should have called you..." She said quietly refusing to sit down even when he indicated to the seat opposite him.
"But you called Greg" He pointed out as if unravelling some great puzzle.
"Yes" Her mind scrambled for an excuse. "He was the first speed dial number I hit...and I just didn't think..."
"It's okay..." The older man tried to reassure her, to see her relax but still Sara stood awkwardly watching him. "Nick and Morgan are chasing down a lead...but I promised Greg I'd send him some help- he's in the layout room"
"I'm on it" Sara nodded turning to leave wondering what lead they were working on.
Nick slammed the driver's side door shut stepping out into the bright early morning light, waiting for Morgan to join him.
"Archie tracked down the IP address" He said indicating to the house they had found themselves in front of. "The guy bounced the signal around the web a few dozen times- trying to keep his identity hidden"
"If I was promoting adultery I would" Morgan commented knocking on the door before taking a step back.
"A lot of pissed off husbands out there" Nick added.
The door eventually creaked open a man in his 40s, with greying hair and nothing but a pair of boxers on glared back at them.
"Mr Adrian Vickers?" She asked with raised eyebrows in order to confirm they had got the right man.
"That would be me" He slurred, the smell of whiskey surrounding them.
"We have some questions" Nick informed him wondering if there was any point in attempting a conversation with him.
"Of course you do" He laughed his eyes barely focusing as he turned to Morgan. "Would you like to strip search me officer?" He giggled, his hands reaching for his boxer shorts.
"No" Nick and Morgan both exclaimed at the same time, the harshness of their tones stopping him in his tracks.
"Cuff him Mitch" Nick announced stepping aside. "Leave him in the tank till he sobers up"
With an exhausted sigh they made their way back to the truck wondering whether if this would constitute as progress in their case.
Greg glanced up to see Sara nervously loitering by the door, waiting for some instruction from him. With a sigh he placed his pen down and clasped his hands together on the table still not saying a word.
"What can I do for you?" He asked formally as if they did not know each other.
"Russell said you needed some help" Sara muttered softly, waiting to be invited in.
"Sure" Greg nodded waving her towards the table. "I've been cross examining our victim's lives looking for anything to suggest a link other than this website...perhaps...the killer is linked to them in some other way. Maybe this isn't about sex at all"
Their eyes met across the table, and Sara found herself wanting to hide again, disappear into the background.
"Have you found anything? She asked attempting to keep her attention on the case rather than her own moral, internal, battles.
"No" He shook his head. "Nothing"
"Did the women date any of the same men?" Sara pondered out loud her eyes glancing over the papers Greg had laid out on the table.
"Not from what I can tell" Greg shook his head. "Why would you do it?" The question seemed to be an afterthought rather than anything linked to what they had been talking about before.
"Do what?" Sara raised an eyebrow at him.
"Want to sleep with a married woman?" He asked attempting to understand the pathology of the people they were dealing with.
"Sex with no strings isn't that what all guys want?" Sara shrugged.
"Not all" Greg pointed out firmly.
"Well why would a married woman sleep around anyway?" Sara retaliated with fire in her eyes.
"Because she was lonely" Greg stated with certainty, his eyes meeting hers over the table once again.
"Well our guy was a wash out" smirked Morgan from the doorway "You guys find anything?"
Sara and Greg both turned to stare at her, momentarily stunned into silence as she crossed the room to stand on one end of the table.
"We've just started" Greg clarified with a nod, shuffling papers around.
A tense atmosphere had settled around them, one that Morgan and perhaps even Greg seemed to be oblivious to. She could feel her skin burning up as she tried, and failed, to stifle it.
"I need to step out for some air" Sara muttered, clearing her throat as she moved past Morgan and into the corridor. She stood facing away from them biting at her nails; it was a few moments before Greg followed her out.
"You'll have to talk to me eventually..." He informed her forcing her to turn and face him.
"I can't...I can't do this"
"Just talk to me, I don't know what to do to make this better." Wishing for something, anything, to change how things were.
"It's not going to get better...It's not going to go away. I just want to pretend it never happened." But her memory wouldn't allow for that.
"You're not acting like it never happened" Greg indicated accurately.
"What would you prefer?" Sara raised her eyebrows at him
"If I'm supposed to pretend it never happened I think I could at least have my best friend back." He clarified.
"I can't do this Greg..." She shook her head, feeling suddenly nauseated heading towards the exit.
"You need to stop shutting me out Sara! It's not fair! Let me help you!" He demanded as he followed her to the quiet corner of the parking lot where they took their smoke breaks.
"How can you help me Greg? I feel sick...just thinking about it..."
"You need to let this go - it was one time. Grissom never has to know...you keep acting like this... he'll see right through you!" Greg tried to reason with her.
"I need to tell him Greg. I can't live like this pretending that I'm still the same person." But his attempts seemed to be in vain as Sara continued talking at him.
"You are the same person - we made a mistake."
"You don't understand... I didn't want to" She muttered quietly.
"What do you mean you didn't want to!? From what I recall you were as into it as I was" He accused a frown creasing his brow.
"Just leave me alone Greg" Sara pleaded turning away from him but Greg snapped grabbing her arm- forcing her to face him.
"No. I won't, this isn't my fault. You need to stop blaming me." He growled.
"I'm not blaming you..." She whimpered.
"Well it sure feels like it and I've had enough of feeling guilty over this. We had sex! Big deal... There is no need for Grissom, or the lab or anyone else to know..." Greg raised his voice- storms brewing in his eyes.
"It was just sex?" She seemed to be asking him.
"Obviously it was to you - what do you want me to say? That I'm in love with you? Would that change anything?" He questioned her as if they were in interrogation.
"I don't know." Sara replied honestly. She had never considered what would happen if Greg admitted he loved her, a part of her deep down knew he did, but it wasn't worth the risk thinking about it she'd decided.
"It doesn't matter anyway. You'll still go back to him. You'll still play house when he comes back... only difference being I won't be there to pick you up when he leaves again because you keep shutting me out!"
"Having sex with me wasn't picking me up Greg. You made everything worse." She shot back.
"What about all those other times? The dinner reservations, the cocktail bars, the late night movies, the 3am phone calls from the bottom of a wine glass... it all gets forgotten because of one stupid mistake?" Greg gave a small humourless laugh letting go of her arm and taking a step away. "Stop acting like I forced you into it- you enjoyed it as much as I did. You wanted it as much as I did. Don't pretend that I didn't give you an option to say no- you're not a victim Sara."
