CHAPTER FOUR
Dances and Confessions
An hour had passed; I wanted it to be over and my retire to my bed and cry my eyes out. The first man I had ever fallen in love with was engaged and there was nothing I could say or do to change it. Ada looked so sophisticated and elegant; not my ideal vision of a sea officer's wife. She was too high maintenance and pristine. I couldn't help but admit that I was not only hurt, but jealous. As I continued to do all I could to not burst out into tears, William once again caught my eye and his face immediately became sullen. I suddenly looked away to try and hide my red face. He must've known how emotional I looked and was.
I caught a side glance from my sister Eve from the corner of my eye. "Angie, the man across from us has been staring at you throughout dinner." She whispered . I took a sip of my champagne. "I know." I muttered as I watched his fiancee pick at her food while resting her head in the palm of her hand. My trying to understand what he found in her was very hard; the constant glasses of champagne was easing my nerves quite a bit. I did know that I would feel forlorn in the morning.
I watched Rose get up from seat and walk slowly away from the table with a rather troubling look on her face. I couldn't help but turn my head and watch her get further away as a steward opened the door for her. I turned back around and saw that some of the men were getting up, including father.
"Girls, please mind your manners while the other gentlemen and I are in the smoking room." Father kissed Eve's cheek and then mine. I couldn't help but stiffen up. This man had the nerve to show such platitude towards me? I forced a smile in return.
Captain Smith in turn got up and turned to Officer Murdoch and Officer Moody; he whispered something into Moody's ear. After a moment Moody got up.
"Ladies, thank you for having my men and myself here for dinner. I am afraid that there is something that needs tending to." The Captain smiled and nodded at Moody. The both of them made their leave. The only male at the table was William and he looked over at Ada and she rolled her eyes about something. He shook his head and then got up, my eyes grew as I watched him walk over to my side of the table.
"Would you like to dance?" He asked me.
I couldn't help but let out a gasp. I could feel a sensation run up my spine and heat trickle into my neck. I licked my lips and cocked my head to peek over at Ada. She was talking with the Countess of Rothes and didn't notice us.
"Your fiancée wouldn't mind?" I whispered.
He shook his head no and stuck his hand out for mine. I swallowed and grasped his hand, his warm and soft hand. We walked hand in hand over to a small area where a couple of other couples were happily twirling and prancing around. My heart raced and it felt wonderful.
I licked my lips out of nerves once more. "Officer Murdoch I am afraid I am not good at this."
He smiled. "Neither am I. I just wanted to talk to you." I got the hint and wrapped my arm around his neck and placed some distance between us. I knew Mother would be watching and of course Ada.
We started to make circles slowly. "I can look at you and see that something is wrong." He said tenderly. I bit my lip and tried to think of something else to say besides the obvious.
"Well it is complicated Officer Murdoch."
"It's William and you look just as upset as you did at lunch." He noted.
I closed my eyes and involuntarily let a tear fall. "How pathetic". I thought to myself. "I am not engaged out of love." I muttered. "My mother and father want to practically be rid of me it feels like. This...this buffoon I am engaged to doesn't care about me at all. Just some rich old man."
We stopped our movements. "Have you ever wanted so bad to be your own person?" I asked. "Just not have a care in the world and be happy no matter your social status?"
He looked down at me at I up at him. I felt him take a hold of my hand once more and squeeze it.
"You and I have very similar lives you know." He said. I looked up at him, "How?" I asked. "You can have anyone you want, any woman would practically swoon if they had someone like you." My hands immediately flew to my face as I covered myself in shame.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." I felt like I had really done it now.
"No no, you needn't worry Angela." He said softly. My ear prickled as I heard him say my name. It was like music. "Ada isn't the person I thought she would be." He breathed.
"She cares about appearances and fashion. I know I sound so awful, forgive me." He looked over at the table then back at me. "She isn't someone who possesses compassion and depth." He continued.
This man may have been just a sea officer to many people, especially those in this big room, but to me, he was so deep. He had feelings and thoughts, he was a human.
I couldn't help but smile sheepishly at him. I wasn't smiling at him for what he was saying about his betrothed mind you, but at his heart.
"It could be worse. At least she is attractive and comes from money."
We continued dancing, slowly. His smelled and looked so nice, I could help but part my mouth and let out a sigh.
"My family wanted to see me married off a long time ago. We have been engaged for going on four years now."
My eyes bulged in surprise. I looked up at him. "What in the world?"
"I know it is awful." He said softly.
The music ended. I casually took a piece of my hair and tucked it behind my ear.
"Thank you for the dance William." I smiled sweetly. I never felt so delightful but yet so awkward. This man wasn't in love with the woman whom I watched from the corner of my eye look at us.
"I will see you around Angela Stewart." He took my hand and kissed the top delicately. My cheeks felt hot as I relished in the feel of his mouth of me.
We looked into each other's eyes for a moment before he offered me his arm back to the table. We walked softly towards our group; Eve smiled ear to ear and winked at me. I couldn't help but giggle, causing Ada's eyes to narrow.
"I need to retire for the night. We will be near Ireland in the daytime." William said to Ada. She looked up at him with a hostile look in her eye and slowly rose up from her seat.
"I guess your dance tired you out, no?" She asked with subtle sarcasm. I couldn't help but feel tension in my shoulders.
Will padded her shoulder lightly and took her hand. Before they turned away he gave me one last look. I swallowed and forced a smile. I wanted to crawl into a hole.
I looked over at Mother and Eve. "I suppose it is getting late. I am going to turn in." I said almost in a whisper. As I walked away, I started to shift my thoughts to Rose. Her face before leaving the ball room was grim and I hoped that she was alright.
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"So how was the ball?" Fran helped me out of my dress. The feeling of relief of being out of my undergarments was wonderful.
"It was alright if you like boring people."
Fran giggled. "I am sure it wasn't that bad." She cleared her throat. "So um did you see a certain man?"
I swallowed. "Yes." I put my arms through the sleeves of my night gown. "He brought his fiancee."
"No!" Fran gasped then slumped down onto my sofa.
I nodded my head. "They have been engaged for four years now." I started brushing my hair.
Her eyes rounded. "What is the hold up?"
I took a seat beside her. "He isn't in love with her. His family practically pushed him into getting with her. He asked me to dance with him." I noted the delight on her face. "He is a sailor and an officer, she doesn't understand his way of life. She seemed so full of herself compared to his humbleness." I immediately covered my mouth. "Forgive me."
"You are only speaking the truth. He said it, so why feel bad?"
"Fran, I cannot have him!" I exclaimed. "He is probably going to marry him regardless and I am stuck with Mr. Dalton." I closed my eyes. "My family would NEVER let me be with William Murdoch." I whispered.
"Well you have a heart, follow it Angie." She padded my knee. "You do not have to marry that awful man."
I wiped my eye. "It isn't that easy."
As we sat in silence for a moment, Eve came rushing through my door, causing us to jump.
"It's Rose, something happened!" Eve exclaimed.
