A/N: I know, I know. You guys have every right to hate me, since I made you wait like 5 months for this update. I could come up with a million and one excuses, but no one is getting any further with that. So, yea.
I still haven't decided if Gail and Holly's baby should be a boy or a girl, so I'd like to ask you guys for your opinion once again: Should their baby be a boy or a girl?
I'd like to take an extra minute to thank my BETA sneezingrainbows for helping me with this story! If there are any mistakes in this, I'd like to take full responsibility for them, since they are probably my own last minute changes.
Please let me know what you think about the new chapter by leaving a review, ask or tweet; feedback is very much appriciated. Hope you'll enjoy reading this new chapter of Not Like You've Been Counting!
Not Like You've Been Counting
Chapter 4
"I don't know but, I think I may be, falling for you. Dropping so quickly." You had immediately recognized the song as soon as the first seconds sounded through the radio. It had been the first love song that didn't make you want to kill yourself or vomit in disgust. In fact, it had been one of those songs that made you want to vomit at first, but after meeting a specific someone, that had started to change.
You remember hearing it in the squad car while you were on patrol with Oliver, waiting for him to return with your donuts and diet coke. It had been about a week after you had kissed Holly in the interrogation room. You remember sitting there in the snowy streets of Toronto, not being able to stop yourself from softly singing along to the oh so familiar song, while keeping your eye on an old lady that was crossing the street. You felt your phone buzz, signaling that you had received a new text message. Once you got your phone from your pocket and looked down and read her name on the display, butterflies had started to fly around in your stomach. The song continued playing in the background, and while you read the text, your abdomen performing all these weird love sick flips, the lyrics had started to make sense to you. You were falling for her, you were falling for Holly, and you had been falling, hard. So, you continued humming along to the song, as you started to type out a reply to Holly, thinking about how this song summed up your feelings for Holly perfectly.
And here you were, four years later in the apartment that you now shared with your wife. Your wife, the same woman that had given you all of these butterflies years ago. The same woman that still gave you butterflies every time her key turned in the lock. They were still there, the butterflies, all of them. You put the dripping plate you had been holding back on the counter and couldn't help the big smile from spreading across your face as you continued singing along to the song you had come to love.
"Maybe I should, keep this to myself, waiting till I, know you better." Not caring that you were closer to screaming than singing at this point. "But I'm trying, not to tell you, but I want to. I'm scared of what you say. So I'm hiding, what I'm feeling." Your hips slowly began rocking along to the music as you continued doing the rest of the dishes, something you had been doing before Colbie Caillat had interrupted you.
"But I'm tired of holding this inside my head." You're so lost in the song and the dishes that you don't even hear the front door close.
Unaware of the fact that your beautiful wife has returned home from work, you keep singing along, giving your own little pop concert in the kitchen. You have no clue that you've found yourself an audience.
"I've been spending all my, time, just thinking about you." You spin around, wanting to put the plate you had just been cleaning in its usual place when you notice Holly standing in the door frame, her trademark lopsided grin on her face. You freeze for a second, not knowing what to do or how to handle this situation. But when you find your feet again, you quickly put the plate down in the cabinet and make your way over to your wife.
"I don't know what to do." You grab both Holly's hands and drag her closer to you, suppressing a giggle from Holly's throat in the process.
"Gail, what are you doing?" The only thing you can think about right now is how you want to kiss that grin off her face.
"I think I'm falling for you." You quickly peck Holly on the lips, before you continue singing.
"I've been waiting all my, life, and now I found you. I don't know what to do." You lift your right hand entwined with Holly's up in the air. Holly immediately gets the hint as she starts dancing with you in the middle of the kitchen, the dishes on the counter long forgotten.
Holly keeps giggling like a love sick teenager as the two of you continue to dance along to the song. You're pretty sure Holly's giggle is in your top three favourite sounds in the world. For a moment you're too lost in your wife's eyes to remember what got you into this situation, until Holly opens her mouth and slowly starts singing.
"I think I'm falling for you." It's barely noticeable and you are positive that if you and Holly were not standing so close to each other, chests almost touching, you would have missed it. You miss the next 'falling for you' in the song because Holly's lips are on yours. After only a few seconds, you break away.
"As I'm standing here, and you hold my hand." You look at your hands, still interlocked with Holly's, noticing how her fingers perfectly fill up the empty spaces between yours.
"Pull me towards you, and we start to dance." Holly pulls you closer, and you both slowly start swinging to the music again. You're pretty sure this is not a song to slow dance on, but you don't even care. You miss the rest of the lines in the song, lost in the depths of your wife's beautiful eyes.
The smile on Holly's face grows with every second that passes and your own face mimics hers. You suddenly do not care about finishing the song anymore, and all you want to do is kiss her perfect kissable lips. You lean in, Holly's lips meeting you hallway, as you finally give her your proper 'welcome home' kiss.
"Abigail Elizabeth Peck, what the hell do you think you're doing?" You smile by the sound of your full name leaving your wife's lips, as you pull her closer into your naked wet body. Your pink lips hover over the warm sensitive skin of Holly's neck, making her suppress a soft moan. You mumble something, but you are positive that the words are lost against Holly's skin, something that is confirmed by Holly as soon as she speaks again.
"Weren't you supposed to be in the bathtub?" You nod, your head softly brushing against Holly's shoulder in the process.
"I was, yes."
"What was it this time, Gail? Was the water not warm enough? Did the strawberry shampoo run out again? Oh, please don't tell me the upstairs neighbours slammed the door too loud? Because I'm telling you, I'm not letting you go up there again. You scared the shit out of them the last time you showed up at their door, still wearing your police uniform." You press your lips against Holly's exposed shoulder.
"No, none of that happened this time."
"Okay, so if that's not it, then please tell me what you are doing here, dripping all over our kitchen floor?"
"I may also have dripped all over the hallway floor and over the one in your office, I thought you'd be in there," you confess.
"Gail!" Holly turns around leaving her work for what it is and finally faces you. Before Holly can finish her sentence, your lips are on hers. Holly responses immediately to your kiss, but breaks away before you have a chance to deepen it.
"Gail," she says a little more firm and concerned right now. "Will you finally tell me what's going on here?" You sigh.
"Well, like you said, I was in the bathtub, when all of suddenly I realised that something, or no better to say, someone, was missing." Holly raises an eyebrow , and you can't help but peck her on the lips when her mouth falls into that lopsided grin you fell in love with.
"Will you take a bath with me? Please?" you ask, playing your best puppy eyes, the ones you know Holly can't resist.
"You're not playing fair, Peck. And the worst part is you know you're not!" Your smile grows from ear to ear, earning you an eye roll from Holly.
"Fine, I guess I can leave this report for another hour." You do a little fist pump. Holly is shaking her head, like she can't believe you just did that, but the lopsided grin that appeared on her face hasn't gone unnoticed by you. You want to wrap your arms around her, when she speaks again.
"An hour, Gail, then I really have to finish this! So, no funny business," she says firmly.
"I don't make promises I can't keep," you say, before capturing Holly's lips with your own. You feel a soft moan escaping your throat, when Holly's lips respond to yours. But again, before you have a chance to deepen the kiss, Holly pulls away. You pout, saddened by the loss of contact. Holly, who is watching your face intently, starts laughing.
"You're insane, Peck, you know that right?"
"So, I was told. Yes. Many, many times." You lick your lips, and before you've had a chance to bring your tongue back to its normal position, Holly's lips press against your own, her tongue immediately begging for entrance, and you know the 'no funny business' rule is out of the window.
"Is the water finally warm again?" Holly asks as she appears in the door frame in nothing but her red robe.
You nod, "Yeah, all good again." You had to refill the bathtub with warm water, since the water that had originally been in the tub had gone ice cold during your love-making session in the kitchen earlier.
You were already in the tub while Holly had decided to mop up the floor before joining you. You'd tried to protest, tell her that the floor could wait, but Holly had said that if she didn't mop up the mess you had made right now, the water would leave circles on your beloved expensive wooden floor, so you let her be.
"Well, are you getting in? Or do I have to get out of the water again to drag you in?" you ask. Holly, who is still standing in the door opening, hesitates for a moment before dropping her robe to the floor and walking towards you. She gets into the warm water and nuzzles into your body wordlessly. With Holly's back now pressed against your chest, your arms instantly fall around her, your fingers tracing over the little bump that had started to form on Holly's stomach carefully.
"I'm getting fat." Your mouth almost falls open, did Holly really just said that?
"You what?"
"I'm getting fat."
"Hol, you're pregnant. I think the whole purpose of growing a baby is that you get bigger."
"So you agree? You think I'm fat?" Holly sounds offended now, something you absolutely did not mean to happen.
"What? My God, of course not! Holly, I think you're beautiful! Even more beautiful now that you are growing my child in there. Where is this coming from? I thought you loved being pregnant?"
"You mean the nausea, exhaustion, the constant feel of having to pee and the fact that I can't even fit into my favourite jeans anymore? Yeah, it's great. Awesome, really." Holly says sarcastically as she tries to scoot further away from you. This is something you won't let happen, so you wrap your arms around her tighter. You don't really know what to say. You did not know that being pregnant was this hard. You mean, of course it was hard, no one said that growing a baby was easy, but so far Holly had seemed to love every minute of it (well, except for the nausea stage at the beginning of her pregnancy, but she had passed that stage a few weeks ago). So you were a little taken aback of where this came from. You pressed a kiss to Holly's shoulder.
"Hol, what is this really about?"
"I, I just don't want you to think that I'm not attractive anymore. I mean I know how you loved my abs and all that, and I just, I'd understand if you do not longer want to sleep with me until the baby is here and I get my abs back you know." You're not used to this insecure side of Holly, it's probably the hormones talking, but that does not chance the fact that you do not really know how to handle this situation. You want to do everything in your power to make Holly feel as beautiful as you think she is, but you have never really been good with words, or feelings for that matter.
"You're scared that I don't find you attractive anymore?" Holly slowly nods, and even though she is facing away from you, you can tell that she is crying.
"Baby, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Yes, I do love your abs, but you don't think that I find this little bump here the most beautiful thing in the world?" You asks as you place your hands on Holly's stomach once again. "Because I do Holly. I really do. I mean that's my baby in there you know? And well if he looks only half as pretty as his mommy does right now he is going to be the most handsome baby on earth. So, please Hol, believe me when I say I think you are absolutely gorgeous, and there is only one thing that will make you look more beautiful now than that beautiful stomach of yours." Holly turns her head your way, wondering what the hell you're talking about.
"Your smile, babe. I miss that beautiful smile of yours." You place your lips on Holly's, and you can already feel the corners of her mouth starting to turn upright when you pull away.
"So, you don't think I'm fat?"
"No, I really don't. And don't you dare to ever call my wife or my beautiful baby fat again! Because I'll kick your ass! You hear me?" That makes Holly's smile return again. You never thought you would be so grateful to see Holly's smile return to her face.
"Good. Now come here. You're so far away." You say as you pull Holly's head down on your chest again.
"So he huh? You think it's a boy?" That makes you go speechless. You did not realize that in your ramble you had accidentally started to give your baby a gender.
"Or girl," you quickly say.
"No really, you think it's a boy?" Holly asks again.
"I don't know, I mean, I guess. I've thought about it. What about you?" Holly just shrugs her shoulders.
"I don't know. I of course had dreams, but I never really could tell the baby's gender. I guess it does not really matter. What about you, would you rather want a boy or a girl?"
"I don't really care to be honest, I mean I've thought about it, and the idea of a boy is more reassuring because well they are mostly tougher than girls and more likely to come up for themselves. Plus if it's a girl and she has your eyes and smile, how am I ever going to say no to her?"
"Same way, I try to say no to you, with those bright puppy eyes of yours." Holly says laughing. You quickly press your lips against Holly's shoulder.
"No but really, I'd probably worry myself sick if it's a girl. Like what if someone will hurt her? I'd want to kill them."
"I don't really think that gender matters for that Gail. If someone would want to hurt your baby boy you'd want to kill them too. You'd not be the only one, though. I think this kid has a whole division looking after him or her."
"Yea, he or she really does." You say smiling, realizing how safe your baby will be with so many police officers looking after it.
"So I guess it does not really matter if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy. And hey, even if it's not, we will find a way to deal with it. This is going to be the most loved baby on earth."
"It already is." Holly says as she drops a soft kiss on your collarbone.
"So, do you want to know?"
"Know what?" Holly asks.
"The gender. I read that they can see if it's a boy or a girl at the next ultrasound."
"I don't know. I've thought about it. It would sure as hell help to decorate the nursery. What do you think babe?"
"I support whatever you want."
"This is your baby too, Gail."
"I know. I just- I think it could come in useful, yeah," you say honestly.
"Okay, so we ask for our baby's gender the next ultrasound."
"Okay." You say as the smile on your face grows wider.
"What?" Holly asks as she notices the grin on your face.
"Nothing. I just really can't wait to finally take baths with the three of us." You look at Holly's stomach and realize that the baby is already in this tub with you. "You know, when he or she comes out of there to really join us and all." You say, before placing a kiss on your wife's cheek.
You were walking down the hallway of the station, nerves running through your veins. After your bath yesterday you had gotten a Skype call from Holly's brother. The two of you had been really surprised to see his call coming in on Holly's laptop, since he didn't really have the opportunity to call you often with his current position in Afghanistan. Holly and you had been more than thrilled to tell him about your little family expansion that was taking place in five months. Jonathan had jumped up from his seat and called to one of his Army buddies that his sister's wife had finally knocked her up, making you and Holly laugh.
After filling Jonathan in on all the details about Holly's pregnancy, the conversation had started to turn into a heavier subject. Somewhere along the conversation Jonathan had started crying and explained how much he had missed Holly, and even you. He had been missing everyone at home so much, especially his wife Chelsea and his beautiful three year old girl Zoya. He couldn't wait to return home, and he was more than thrilled that he would be back in Toronto just before your baby would be born. With both of the Stewart siblings crying, you had to admit that you were having a pretty hard time holding back the tears yourself.
After the call had ended, Holly still in tears mumbling things about how much she missed her brother, Holly had begged you not to go on any undercover operation for the upcoming eighteen years. Something you understood more than Holly would ever understand. In the four years the two of you had been together you only had to go on a serious long undercover operation once. You had absolutely hated it. The operation was quite thrilling and you liked catching the bad guy, without knowing your mother had set you up for this. But having been separated from Holly, knowing the doctor would worry herself sick about you, worrying yourself sick about Holly, had been a nightmare. That didn't even count the actual nightmares that were coming back about your previous undercover assignment resulting in your abduction and the dramatic events that caused Jerry's death. So you had wrapped your arms around your beautiful wife and you had reassured her that you would talk to Frank tomorrow.
Okay, you knew eighteen years was maybe a little bit exaggerated, but it would not do any harm to tell Frank about your personal situation at home. You knew that next time they would need someone for an undercover operation he would take it into consideration...especially since he had two children of his own sitting at home waiting for their daddy to return home every day.
So, here you were. Making your way over to his office on the other side of the hallway. Holding a pile of papers, that functioned as your shield, close to your chest.
"Peck." You spin around in your spot as you hear Chris call out your name.
"Officer Diaz," you say politely, trying to hide your annoyance by showing him one of your best fake smiles. "What can I do for you today?"
"Madeleine Elcri, you know the missing girl from a couple of weeks ago?" You nod.
"What about her?" you ask, still trying to hide your annoyance. You had finally gathered up all the courage to make your way over to Best's office, after having gone over the conversation in your head this entire morning, that you had barely progressed the words Chris just said to you. You did not want to lose the courage you had built up and sweat for another three hours about how Frank would react to your little news.
"Andy and Dov found her," Chris tells you, unaware of the fact that you're still not really listening to him.
"That's great Diaz, keep the peace!" you say, wanting to turn around and make the other fifteen meters towards Frank's office, when Chris grabs your arm and says something that makes you completely freeze in your spot.
"They found her body Gail."
"Wait, what? Shit!" You had had good hope that the little Madeleine would return home safely. You mean yes, she had been missing for over three weeks now, but the entire Division believed that she had been taken by an uncle overseas. Giving everyone good hope that the little girl would return home soon. Plus, the little girl was no longer your concern, since 27 Division had taken over the entire case because the father of the young girl had a friend over there.
"Yea." Chris says. "It's tragic." You nod, still processing the words into your head. And that's when it hits you, Holly! Since your wife is the best senior forensic pathologist in Toronto, there is a big chance they took the little girl to your overemotional pregnant wife. The same woman that comes home crying whenever she had a kid on her table when she is not pregnant, let alone in her current state!
"Chris, who is doing the autopsy?"
"It's Holly, I think." Your friend confesses.
"Shit! I've to go over there now! Cover for me will ya?"
"What!? Gail, we're no longer working the case you can't just go over there and burst in!"
"Watch me!" But before you could walk away, Chris has grabbed your wrist once again.
"Look I get it, you want to protect Holly, it's always hard to see a little girl like that. But you can't protect her from everything Gail! It's her work, she knows what she is doing. She'll be okay."
"No Diaz, you don't get it. Yesterday at a store this little boy fell down, and his teeth went straight through his lip. There was blood everywhere, trust me it was not pretty. Holly was by his side in no time and calmed him and his mother down, until the bleeding stopped. Once we got back to the car, she started crying. Sobbing how this world is such a horrible place for children, and how it should be forbidden for them to hurt themselves. Trust me, she is not okay."
"Holly, crying? Hasn't she like stitched up at least a hundred children when she did her internship at the hospital in medical school?" You nod.
"Yea, she has. But the circumstances have kind of changed." You say as a shy smile starts showing on your lips.
"What do you mean?" Chris asks confused.
"She and I uhm, we kinda-"
"Gail?" He asks serious, his brown eyes turning brighter in delight.
"We're having a baby." You say laughing, like you're still not quite believing it yourself.
"You what! Oh my God Gail, congratulations!" And before you know it, he has wrapped his big strong arms around you, pulling you in for a hug.
"This isn't really how I communicate." You say, before you feel Chris arms lose its tightness.
"Just shut up Gail." You're both laughing now.
"So, can you please cover for me? I've to see if she's okay." You say, the serious tone returning in your voice.
"Yea! Of course! Go, go! And tell Holly my congratulations!"
"Thanks Chris, you're the best!" And with that you sprint out of the station. The conversation you oh so carefully planned with Frank, long since forgotten.
"Holly!" You shout as you make your way into the lab.
"Gail!" Holly says relieved as she immediately stands up from her chair, wrapping her tiny arms around you.
"I'm really glad that you're here."
"I came as soon as I heard." You look at the little girl with the blonde pigtails on Holly's table. A lump forming in your stomach. You can't believe there are people in this world who would hurt a little girl like that. Holly catches you staring, and you see the tears return into her eyes, but she is strong. She is not letting them fall. You've always loved Holly's professionalism. Yes, she would come home crying into your arms, looking for comfort. But here at her work she was so strong in hiding the fact how much the five year old girl lying on her table was doing to her.
"I know right." Is all she says as she catches your eyes staring at the little girl. "It's tragic." You love how the two of you don't need words to know what the other one is thinking.
"Yea. God, I can't believe that people can do something so horrible to a young girl like that. She should worry about her favourite crayon getting lost, or not being able to find her friends while playing hide and seek, not family members that try to kill her."
"We don't know if he's the one that killed her yet."
"Yea, well, he fled the country two days after Madeleine went missing. I think we can conclude that he at least has something to do with it."
"Yea, I guess," is all Holly says. You expected to get an entire lecture on how not to accuse people of a crime without any evidence. But it seems like Holly doesn't feel the strength to argue with you, and to be honest you can't blame her. You watch Holly walk over to the little girl, and stroke some of the hair out of her face.
"What happened to you, baby girl?" Holly asks gently.
"Did he- Was she-"
"Raped?" Holly asks. You can't seem to bring out any words so you just nod.
"I don't know yet. I still have to start the autopsy. I guess I just wanted to give her some time to get some rest first? It sounds very stupid, I know." Holly says as she turns her head towards the floor. You put your right hand under Holly's chin and lift her head up.
"It's not stupid Holly. I think it's very sweet. God knows what that girl has gone through the last three weeks. The least we can do is treat her with the respect I know you will give her."
"Exactly. I guess I just wanted to make her feel that she safe in here. That no one is going to hurt her anymore. You know, that we're on her side."
"That's beautiful."
"It's the least I can do."
"So, how are you feeling?"
"Exhausted. How am I ever going to tell her parents that something so horrible has happened to their little girl. I don't think I can do this work anymore Gail. How am I going to tell them."
"The same way you always do. You can do this Hol. I know it's hard, but trust me if they have to hear this horrible news, they better hear it from someone who treated their daughter with the love you do."
"Yea, I guess you're right." Holly says with a deep sigh. "I guess I'm just scared I'll start to cry. I know I am usually always able to put on a brave face. You know, keep in the tears until I returned home. But now, I'm not so sure anymore. I mean I do not only look at this case as a forensic pathologist anymore, but also as a mommy to be. What if that would be our baby boy or girl lying up there."
"Hol, you can't think like that."
"I know. I just- Cases like this, they touch me. Like I'm not saying all the adult people that end up on my table deserve to be there. But a lot of them where criminals and they kind of had it coming. She was just playing outside, innocent and all, and someone decided to hurt her regardless." You don't know what to say, so you remain silent. If you have learned anything in your relationship with Holly in the past four years, it's that sometimes silence says everything.
"Did you talk to Frank already?" Holly says, deciding to break the comfortable silence you had been sharing for minutes.
"Not really."
"Gail." Holly says serious.
"I know! I'm going to! I really am. Trust me, I just- Something got in the way." You look at the little girl on Holly's table and you can feel Holly regretting her question.
"Oh. Okay. You know, we could talk to him together if you like." You look up into Holly's eyes. "I mean, I know you're not looking forward to the conversation and that you probably ran over it in your head at least a million and one times already."
"Yea, I guess that if we tell Frank other officers are going to know to, meaning it will get to my mother somehow. I guess I'm just not looking forward to that. She'll probably throw some rude comment my way about how this is not really my baby anyway."
"Gail."
"I know it's bullshit Holly."
"Good. Because it really is Gail."
"I know." You press your lips against Holly's and that's when the officer that was sent by 27 Division walks in.
"Oh, my apologies." He says politely. "I did not know you'd be in here officer Peck. I can leave and return later."
"No that's okay Martinez, stay. I was leaving anyway." Holly looks at you with a questioning look on her face.
"I have to get back to work, and you have to start working here too." You explain. Holly gives you a sad smile but nods.
"I'll see you at home okay?" You peck her quickly on the lips, not caring about the other officer in the room because you know Holly could use the extra comfort now.
"You can do this Hol." And after saying those words you make your way over towards the exit. Turning around one more time to see Holly walk over to the little Madeleine. Your stomach doing a flip which makes you nauseas. And for a moment you wonder if you're doing any good to bring another child into this horrible cruel world full of crimes. But then you see Holly and the way she is looking after the little girl with so much care, and you know you're doing the right thing to bring a little baby into this world with someone like Holly. You take a quick look at Holly's barely noticeable little bump, and you can't wait to finally meet your baby boy or girl in five months and two days.
Five months and two days, not like you have been counting or something.
