Leisure Suit Larry in the Magnificent Monsteriffic Mamono Mission
Leisure Suit Larry belongs to Al Lowe and Sierra, Monster Girl Encyclopedia belongs to Kenkou Cross
Chapter 3: Close Encounter of the Jellied Kind
Larry kept on walking on the path, as he looked around the world he finds himself into. The overall environment strongly resembles that of a King's Quest game, with its meadows and woodlands, and the medieval-esque architecture.
He thought about the mamonos the wanderer warned about, and remembered the times during the filming of Leisure Suit Larry 6: Shape Up or Slip Up. Some of the women he scored turned out to be his undoing as he got his colon flushed, electrically fried, got humiliated by a dominatrix while wearing a collar and barked like a dog, and even had a black transvestite dick on him. Most painful experience indeed.
When Larry reached a crossroad with a tree stump, he saw a pole with 2 signs on it. One sign points towards the left side of the crossroad written 'Siemen' while the other sign points towards the right side written 'Krum'. Larry stood in the middle of the crossroad, and looked around. A quick check on the signs led to the conclusion that Siemen is by the coast, and Krum on the hills. So, Larry decided to go to Siemen.
A 30-minute walk later, Larry arrived at Siemen, a small fishing town. The villagers seemed rather upset, but tried their very best to get on with their quiet lives. Larry walked around, trying to figure out his situation, and the village's problems. As Larry met one of the villagers, an old woman, he decided to have a small talk with her.
'Hello, ma'am. Name's Larry, Larry Laffer', greeted Larry.
The old woman smiled for a bit before returning to her dour look.
'A traveler from the distant lands, I see', replied the old woman.
'I see the villagers seemed quite sad. Why is that?', asked Larry.
'A lot of us were shocked that the Chief Goddess died in the ultimate battle between her forces and the Demon Lord's forces. Now few people dared to venture out of their homes, because the Order is no longer a protective force anymore ever since then.', explained the old woman.
'Oh, that's terrible. I'm just looking for someplace to rest for a while, and I'll be leaving this village', replied Larry, unaware of the perpetrator behind the Chief Goddess' death.
'You're a very brave man. Though it won't keep you out of those monster girls', warned the old woman.
Larry left the old woman to her business, and went to look for someplace to stay. Despite Larry's polyester leisure suit being completely out of place in a medieval setting, not one reacted to the anachronistic weirdness he is, to the surprise of Larry himself.
Later on, Larry ventured into an inn, and saw several men in tunics discussing about the usual matter in a village, like crop harvest, fish catches, hunted game and other basic stuff. Looking for a place to stay, Larry talked to the inn keeper.
'Hello there, my name's Larry, Larry Laffer', greeted Larry.
The inn keeper, a stout and musclebound man with a thick mustache, glanced at Larry.
'Greetings, traveler. How may I help you?', asked the inn keeper.
'I'm looking for a place to take a rest. Did you have a room?', asked Larry.
'Sure, we have, it's been a long time since anybody visited our village. That'll cost ye 1 gold coin', replied the inn keeper.
'I don't think I have any money', said Larry, realizing that whatever money he has can't be used here.
'Or I'll cut ye a deal. You get yourself a room and breakfast, in return you'll be doing some wood cutting. Is that good enough for ye?', offered the inn keeper.
'That'll do. I'll take it', replied Larry, not fully aware of what it entails.
'Good, meet me at the back at night. I'll brief you about your wood cutting. Your room's just of the first door on the left corridor when you climb up the stairs', said the inn keeper.
Larry went up the stairs, and entered his room. The conditions of the rooms reminded him of a saloon in a Freddy Pharkas movie, but much older and more basic. Larry looked at the window, and saw a quaint village center from the view. Larry thought about Patti, and how he wished to be with her again. This time, he feared that night with Patti was the last time he met her, before he got stuck in another place.
Later that night, Larry met the inn keeper at the back, and saw an axe and several logs piled into a stack. Larry gulped as he felt he doesn't have the strength.
'You'll be chopping about 100 logs tonight as firewood for the hot water bath for the guests. I'll be keeping an eye on ye, so you ain't gonna snooze off anytime soon', said the inn keeper.
Larry took the axe, and began chopping the logs. At first, he struggled to get a good grip of the wooden handle and to maintain balance. After a few minutes' worth of practice, Larry soon make quick work on the logs, impressive coming out of someone who stopped working out ever since Leisure Suit Larry 6: Shape Out or Slip Out. Within half an hour, Larry finished chopping the logs. The inn keeper nodded quietly before patting Larry on his shoulder.
'Well done, Larry. Once I brought the wood to the boiler, you can take a warm bath and take a rest. Breakfast will be served in at sunrise. And you'll be chopping some more tomorrow', said the inn keeper.
Larry, feeling his shoulders sore, returned to his room to sleep after a quick bath and wash. This isn't quite a way to start an adventure.
The next day, Larry went back to wood chopping, for another 100 logs to warm the ovens for the meals. A tiring ordeal later, Larry sat down on one of the tables and had an in-house breakfast of bread, ham, cheese, pickles, apple and a pint of ale. Saving his drink and food for later, Larry indulged in the simple yet delightful Ploughman's Breakfast.
As Larry saw several villagers having a loud discussion, Larry decided to overhear their conversation.
'Just went out into the woods to get timber and a horde of slime girls just came straight at me! I managed to run back to the village and grabbed a torch before they ravaged my ass! Where's the Order when we need them?', said one of the villagers.
'They must have thrown in their towels ever since the Chief Goddess was killed in battle. We can only hire mercenaries instead. If only we can find somebody so unappealing, no monster girl would want him!', said the other villager.
'Ay, barkeep! Another round of hot tea for us!', shouted the third villager to the innkeeper. The innkeeper turned to the boiler and prepares the herbal tea for the villagers.
As he served the hot tea in the tin cups to the villagers, the innkeeper spoke to them quietly.
'I think I know who you're looking for', spoke the innkeeper.
The three villagers looked at Larry, as Larry obliviously washes down the salty ham and cheese with ale.
'That bloke with the weird clothes and tacky jewelry?', asked the first villager.
'He looked so dorky, so lame, so unappealing, so inept, that he might just survive those monster girls!', remarked the second villager.
Larry knew he heard those remarks somewhere, and turned to the villagers.
'Yeah! That's the guy! He'll keep our village safe alright!', spoke the third villager.
'Me?', asked Larry, as he gulped over the implied obligations given by the villagers.
'Why yes, of course. What's this bloke's name?', asked the third villager.
'Larry, Larry Laffer', replied the innkeeper, repeating the greeting phrase of Larry.
'We need somebody to protect the village from slime girls who'll try to ravage men and turn women into their kind. We think you can keep our village safe', explained the second villager.
'Maybe I could do it. The villagers will definitely thank me for this.', thought Larry, and decided to accept the offer, despite the obvious risks involved.
'Good, head to the guard post near the forest. We'll speak to the mayor of this village. He'll talk to you shortly'
Larry finishes his meal, and proceeds to leave the inn.
'Good luck, kiddo. You'll be needing it', remarked the innkeeper.
Later, Larry arrived at the Southern Guard Post, and saw what was essentially a wooden tower. He climbed the stairs, and reached the lookout, where Larry can see a pristine woodland on the horizon. He then noticed a stack of reusable torches, which can be ignited and extinguished freely. He sneakily took one of the reusable torch for himself, and then saw a rack of polearms, such as spears, pikes, halberds and glaives, all to ensure maximum penetration of a mamono's body.
Just then, the mayor of the fishing village came to the lookout.
'Greetings, noble traveler, I'm Didier, mayor of this quaint town. I see you're the new watchman in this town?', said the mayor.
'Well, yes, of course.', replied Larry, trying to maintain the charade.
'Good! You'll be staying here keeping an eye on any incoming mamono trying to enter our village and take our single men and women. Should they tried to approach you, just take any weapon on the rack and shank them right in their weak spot. You know what I mean?', explained the mayor, detailing the task involved.
'Should be easy enough. I can handle it', replied Larry, somewhat assured about the simplicity of the task. The thing is, they always take a much complex turn, dear Larry.
'Well, you'll be on the post for a day, and tomorrow you'll be telling me your results. Should they decided to stop coming, we'll relieve you from your duties. Good luck!', said the mayor, before leaving.
He then turns around and mentioned one last thing.
'Oh, and dinner will be delivered to you by sunset', mentioned the mayor.
Larry looked at his phone, showing the time of the day. Knowing that he was trapped in a medieval world and there's no power source nearby, he decided to turn it off before it runs out of power. Larry took the time to read the adventurism guide and the magazine to pass the time, learning some interesting things as time passes. In the first chapter, 'So You Want to Be a Hero?', there's a detailed guide on how to survive against hostile lifeforms. One paragraph suggests befriending the creature by sharing food and provide comfort, and that doing so will go a long way in aiding one's journey.
As day turns to night, Larry ignites the reusable torch. Noticing the excellent craftwork of the torch, with the metal tip coated with a fabric stained with alcohol, burning in a bright, warm light. Larry turned to saw another rack filled with one handed weapons such as swords, axes, clubs, and daggers. Larry took an axe and a dagger, choosing the most useful weapons for his adventures. Just then, he heard a rustling sound from the woods. Knowing that it came behind him, Larry grabbed a spear and ventured out of the tower. Larry finds a small duffle bag left behind as his dinner, and opened it. He finds a ham, cheese and pickle sandwich wrapped in paper. Just then, a womanly figure showed up. Larry got his groove on as he hoped it was a beautiful woman asking for help.
But when Larry waved the torch at the figure, he was as shocked as the moment he saw Shablee's long dick. That woman turned out to be a blue, semi-translucent gelatinous slime girl. Larry always find any woman sexy, even if she's nothing but a humanoid slime. Resisting his lustiness, Larry draws a spear, and stabs the slime girl, but only successfully getting slime jelly on the tip.
The slime girl draws closer, as she began to woo Larry into submission by jiggling her jelly breasts. Remembering the advice from the book he read, Larry took the sandwich and cut it in quarters. He threw a quarter to the slime girl, hoping that some food would keep her satisfied for a while.
The slime girl was confused by the food thrown by Larry, but decided to eat it anyways. As she slowly nibbled on the sandwich, her confusion turned to delight, savoring the salty, smoky, pungent, acidic taste of the sandwich, just like some sweaty sweatpants. Larry threw the rest of the sandwich at her, and began to communicate with the slime girl.
'Hey miss. My name's Larry, Larry Laffer. You seemed quite hungry', spoke Larry, watching the slime girl eating the sandwich.
As the slime girl finished eating the sandwich, which her semi-liquid body reveals the sandwich slowly diffuses into her body, she slowly spoke.
'Laugher? A funny name you have.', replied the slime girl.
'So, I hear you're looking for men around the village?', asked Larry.
'Why, yes! I craved for their bodily fluids, especially semen. My, I do crave their delicious fluids!', replied the slime girl.
Larry gulped as he hears the word semen. He was glad he subdued the slime girl with the sandwich, knowing very well what will happen if she went for him instead.
'But, I'm really addicted to it. Please, just come closer and let me taste your goodness', begged the slime girl.
'Can I give you my clothes instead?', asked Larry, hoping that things didn't go her way.
'That'll do. Just give me something wet!', replied the slime girl, really anxious about getting Larry's fluid.
Larry took of his jacket and shirt and threw it at the slime girl. The slime girl sucked the clothing, still bearing Larry's sweat thanks to the polyester fibers that made up the clothing. Larry then quickly took off his pants, socks and undies and gave it all to the slime girl, leaving him naked. He swiftly cut the duffle bag and made a loincloth out of it just to make sure she didn't lay her eyes on his phallus.
'Oh my, this smelled and tasted so good, I can't even!', exclaimed the slime girl as she's overwhelmed by the complex flavor of the leisure suit due to its wear, tear and exposure to the elements, a testimony of the unfolding events Larry has been through ever since he winds up in this place.
Suddenly, Larry felt the urge to urinate. He then had an idea to get the slime girl out of the way. He decided to make a urine trail to entice the slime girl with his bodily fluids, and from there bait her out of the guard tower.
Without further ado, Larry took of the loincloth and streaked as he urinates. The slime girl turned towards Larry's waterworks and chased after it, trying not to waste any of his golden showers. Larry ran quickly, making sure that the slime girl didn't reach his crotch. As a chase scene consisting of a naked middle-aged man pissing and a slime girl savoring the man's urine, Larry managed to run all the way into the forest, and away from the village, ensuring that no attention was taken to any other single men.
As Larry stumbles upon a red slime, she noticed Larry's phallus, and was about to make a move towards devouring his semen. And suddenly, the chasing slime girl stormed towards them, and Larry dodged before it's too late. The speed of impact has caused the slimes to be stuck and blended with each other, with some pieces of their slime jellies splashed all over the area.
While the two slime girls struggled to separate, Larry quickly took his clothes and puts them on, scraping the slime jellies as he wears it. He pockets the slime jellies and quickly runs back to the tower.
Just as Larry returns to the tower, he saw the rising sun, signaling that a new day has arrived. Larry lets out a sigh of relief, knowing that he survived the slime girls. A guardsman came shortly, and noticing that Larry's clothing's all slimed.
'Are you okay, Larry?', asked the guardsman.
'Oh fine. They won't be coming to town anytime soon, though', replied Larry.
'Brilliant, come meet the mayor at the town hall. He has a reward for you', spoke the guardsman.
Larry followed the guardsman, and entered the town hall. The mayor shook Larry's slippery hands, carefully not to slip his hands.
'So, you survived as a virgin, Mr Laffer! Splendid work! Do those slime girls decide to leave our village alone?', spoke the mayor, congratulating the washed-up Casanova.
'Let's just say they're in a sticky situation now, and won't be coming back anytime soon', replied Larry.
'Terrific! Now, to thank you for your excellent help in our village, I'll be giving you a startup pack for an adventurer like you. 100 gold coins would provide a decent capital for any budding hero like you', spoke the mayor, handing him a sack of gold coins.
Larry smiled at the thought of being called a hero. Sure, it's messy and risky, but it's all to make a memorable adventure. Larry smiled as he accepted the reward.
'Now, if you excuse me. I'll start working on the construction of a salt wall with some engineers. No more single men to be sacrificed anymore!', declared the mayor.
Larry left the town hall, now with a wee bit more confident than before, pondered his next move as he tried to figure out where to clean up his leisure suit.
