Hey everyone!
I'm still alive.
I am so sorry for not updating in so long... I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Feel free to tell me what you think.
Several days later, Jen was at home again and Matt successfully avoided Tai in the office. Now he sat at the dinner table and ate his breakfast while reading a newspaper. "How was your business trip?" he asked. Jen put a plate on the table and sat down. "Ah well, could have been better. Did I miss something while I was away?" – "Uh... I met an old friend again, he's now working with me." – "Oh, how nice!" Jen smiled cheerfully. "Yeah..." - "Is there something about him?" - "We... He..." Matt swallowed hard. "We had a bad fight a few years back... but it's alright now, I guess." - "Oh, I see. Maybe you could invite him for dinner, that way we can get to know each other, your friend and I. What's his name?" - "Taichi Yagami." - "Sounds friendly. You know what? He can come today. Would you ask him for me?" - "...of course. Of course I will." Matt grabbed Jen's hand. "Why did you fight?" she asked, looking into his eyes deeply. Matt's guts hurt suddenly. "Uh... 'girls' is probably the most adequate term." - "Matty had a fight with another boy about a girl? That doesn't sound like you at all. You're too humble to be like that." - "I was also a lot younger. You know, puberty and so on..." - "Wow, I get to see some new sides of yours!" Jen laughed. "Would you fight for me?"- "Of course."
Matt never told her. Nobody in his new environment knew about his past. Well, except for one, and that was Tai, but he was not entirely new and more like a parasite sucking his blood out. More or less. He hadn't told anyone about him liking guys, about nearly killing himself because of some stupid feud or about his feelings. He wanted to start over. Since it was nearly impossible in Japan to get a house or something like that in a same-sex relationship, he wanted to start a life happily with someone together, even if he had no sexual satisfaction out of this. Do you really need sex to be happy?
Matt was sixteen when he and Tai started to date, even though Taichi was in another relationship with Sora. While it all looked nice and tidy at that time, sooner or later their cover was blown and Sora was – of course – hurt pretty bad... so bad, she called Matt a fagott. Big problem was, Matt was really anxious because of his sexuality at that time. He was afraid of his father who seemed to be quite homophobic, afraid of Takeru, his little brother, though this was resolved early enough, Matt was scared of his friends back then, because he built up quite a distance to them and even betrayed Sora – Matt was a ticking time bomb. And when everything collapsed onto him, when the pillars of his small world crumbled and smote him, when Sora cried and yelled because of Matt, calling him a piece of garbage that deserved to be burnt alive, Matt didn't want to go on anymore. He wanted to sit down, cry and die. Preferably the latter.
Luckily, he didn't succeed. He had now new friends and even though his past broke through sometimes, rendering Matt sad and gloomy, most of the time, he was happy. One big bummer though was his craving for … well, for being screwed. In the ass. Yes, he liked that. And he wanted it. Sleeping with Jen, which Yamato had to admit wasn't as pleasant as he hoped when he tried to hook up with women, forced him to be dominant. Frankly, the blonde liked it more to be the bottom, the receiver, the uke, whatever you call it. He liked being adored, being touched by someone much stronger. This was hard to get from women.
When he was younger, he feared he had to confess his sexuality to his father. But he hadn't done this yet. Not even today. He began his new life and now only Tai, Takeru, Hikari, one or two guys from High-School and his mother knew about it. Matt's mother reacted surprisingly well to his confession. The suicide attempt was pinned on puberty depression and after some sessions with a psychologist Matt didn't dare to hurt himself again. He wanted to start over. After finishing school – and having some few times fun with another guy – he looked for a girl. Though his family found it weird that he returned to "their site", they didn't ask, understood the problem with his father and just played along. This of course made family gatherings quite awkward, because his family treated Matt's marriage like it wouldn't be serious. Honestly, this pissed him off. As long as he's happy, what's the problem? Marriage doesn't have to be about sexual attraction or anything like that. It was just... two people functioning together. And he didn't want to change that. Albeit Matt had to add one thing. Jen was just a friend to him. And now, that he once again craved the sensations of gay sex desperately – before this he managed to jam all the thoughts behind some thick, sturdy door in his thoughts, made of oak or something similar, only to have all of them break free at once – he was more than aware that he couldn't return the feelings Jen had for him. Probably, this big, fluffy lie was a worse idea than he initially thought. Of course it was.
And Matt feared the bubble might pop.
But he was fine. He knew it. There was nothing wrong. And Taichi might become a good friend again. They were best friends before everything derailed, so... nothing wrong with that, right? After adventures and beating their enemies together... Nothing at all. Just... friendship. Matt needed his friends now.
"Okay, gotta go now." he said and stood up. "See you later." Smiling, he gave her a kiss on the forehead, but his lips were cold. Soft humming of the air condition in the staircase greeted him as he pulled the door behind him shut. Work was waiting.
Not even 30 minutes later, Matt was in his cubicle, working, and he was concentrated on his work. One thing caught him off guard. Jen asked him to invite Tai for dinner. In other words, he had to stop avoiding him, he had to confront him directly. Matt had to chuckle as he realized the sound of his thoughts. It was like Taichi was some kind of wild animal, untamed and dangerous, but that was not true. Today he was a polite and friendly guy who obviously learned from his mistakes. Putting his hands down from the keyboard and stretching himself, Matt stood up and walked slowly in the direction of Taichi's desk. His lips moved slightly, as he voiced silent words, making up a sentence in his brain.
Said brain was one of the kind that had to think before and after a conversation about that conversation. What should he say? How should he react? What would happen? How would it resolve? What would the other person think of him? That was before the talk. After it the brain went mad even more, thinking about alternative routes and good retorts. Well, it was food for thought, good food for though, but Matt was gutted.
Arriving at Tai's desk, Matt gently tapped his shoulder. "Huh? Oh, Matt! It's you!" he said with an immediate grin on his face, but the grin weakened quickly. "I've got the feeling you've been avoiding me." Taichi, direct as always. "What? No, no!" Matt's hands twitched up in defense. "Sorry. I was just really busy." - "I see. What is it?" Tai sounded friendly and happy again, at least it appeared so. Okay Matt. You can do this. "Jen and I thought that you might want to come over for dinner tonight." - "Oh, really?" As Matt nodded in response, Tai's mouth widened to a big smile, but again it broke down midway. "I'm not free tonight. " - "Oh..." - "What about next week? Would that fit with you two?" - "Next Tuesday? Yes, that should work. I'll tell Jen." After everything was treated and negotiated, Taichi turned around to his PC again and continued his work.
Whew. Matt got it. Yes. That was good. He returned to his cubicle. Back to work.
Finally at home again, Jen was in the kitchen, she just started cooking. "Hey Matt. Will Tai be here soon?" - "Uh... fuck. I forgot to tell you." - "What?" She turned around and straightened her apron with the back of one hand. "He isn't free tonight. He'll come next Tuesday. Is that okay?" - "Of course, but... you could have told me." - "Yes... Sorry. I forgot." A heavy sigh filled the air. "Now that's typical. You should be glad I didn't start to cook yet. But now I bought everything already..." The last thing Matt wanted now was a fight with Jen. They were rare, but thus proportionally fierce. "Can you calm down for a second?" - "I am calm!" she responded quickly. "Whatever. I'm not hungry." Matt grumbled. Shaking his head annoyed, he left the kitchen and sat down on the couch. He grabbed his laptop and booted it. "Come on..." his fingers drummed on the plastic. One of Matt's favorite songs started to play suddenly – his phone rang.
"Hello?" - "Ishida?"
Great. Taichi. The reason Jen was mad at him. "Yeah, it's me. What's up? I thought you were busy." A sigh escaped the phone. "I thought that too. A friend and I were meeting up and... things escalated." To be honest, Matt cared. "What happened? Are you alright?" Taichi gulped something down. "Uhm. Yeah. I just got a blow on the nose and I'm bleeding a bit... Sorry for interrupting your evening." Taichi said with an unusually reluctant tone.
"No, don't worry! Can I help you somehow? Should I come over?" Another gulp. "Somebody to talk to would be nice... You don't have to, though!" Exactly this made Matt want to go to him. "I'll be there." Reluctancy and all this around was well-known to him and he hated the feeling to be alone in such situation. Without a word he left his apartment, jogged to the station and chose the quickest route to Taichi. He almost missed one train and another one drove only every fifteen minutes, but after a little longer than half an hour he was finally in front of Tai's door. Long stairs and the last bits of the rush hour in his way made him panting.
Knocking on the door, Matt looked around. Were there hints of a fight? If any, Matt couldn't find them. Footsteps announced something and indeed the door opened a crack, Tai looking through. "Oh, you actually came." he beamed with joy, bits of dry blood trickling down above his lips. The door closed again and Taichi removed the small chain that prevented the entry from opening. With the chain no longer in place, Tai let Matt in. This time he didn't even try to hug him, one hand was pushing an ice pack against his nose, the other hand showed him the sofa and invited him with a gesture to sit down.
"Hell, Taichi, what happened?" the blonde asked concerned. "Do you want the whole story or a short summary?" the other muffled under the cold pack of ice. Sitting down and leaning back, Matt glared to Taichi and tilted his head. He really was curious, so he said: "The whole story. I have plenty of time." Taichi nodded, brought two glasses of water and sat down, putting the ice pack on the coffee table next to some bottles of booze.
"So... Actually I wanted to meet up with a friend, Jack. We've been friends in college and he is in Japan on vacation... And he wanted to meet me after all these years. We drank something – he way more than me, though – and... then it became awkward. He confessed his love to me even though I didn't even know he liked men. And..." Tai's eyes searched for something to hold on, "I said no. He's handsome, yes, but not more than a friend. After I said no he snapped and tried to convince me to date him, but after many 'no's and 'but's he suddenly punched me, grunting drunkenly and angrily... and he even threatened me, but I managed to get him out. That... That was why I locked the door." Taichi looked away. "I'd rather had dinner with you two." Matt rested his elbows on his knees. "Ah, well, better not. I think Jen is pissed off." - "Why that?" Taichi lifted his view to look into Matt's eyes. "I forget to tell her you'd come next week, not today. She bought all the stuff already and... well..." Pressing the ice against a red crust on his upper lip, Tai let out a slight (unnerved?) moan. It was no pleased sound. "Sorry... I shouldn't have met up with that guy in the first place." His gaze moved around. "Matt?" - "Huh? Need another ice pack?" The blonde got up. "No, please sit down again. I... I have to talk with you." - "Uhm... okay? What is it?"
"I don't know if you can ever forgive me or like me again, but I am sincerely sorry. I should have looked better after you... When I heard you were in hospital, you wouldn't believe how devastated I was..." Tai's hands clenched around invisible things. "You made me change. Thank you. Albeit other circumstances would have been nicer..." Matt sat there, twiddling his thumbs uncomfortably. "And sorry for bothering you like this. I know I won't ever be your best friend again, but I trust you and feel like I can talk to you... You were the first person I've ever loved and I'm not sure if I'm over you yet or if I'll ever will." Trying to cover most of his face with the ice pack, Taichi stood up and scuffled to the door, opening it with one hand. "Sorry for interrupting your evening and causing trouble with Jen." Matt still sat there, mouth half-open. "The first...? What about Sora?" - "You should have known best she was just a cover up... You were the first. And you can go, if you want." Taichi's muscular hand twitched around the door handle.
Matt never experienced this side of Tai. This guy always seemed like an extrovert, happy-go-lucky type of guy. Seeing him like this was scary, horrifying to be precise. And Matt didn't want to go. He wanted to stay and console his friend. There. He thought it. Taichi was his friend. And after seeing his new manner, all the good memories both shared flooded back through Matt's brain. He liked this guy. He was his friend.
Getting up, Matt instantly saw a sad glimmer in Taichi's look, like he didn't want to be alone. Matt headed for the door. He stood in front of Tai's apartment's entry. But he didn't leave.
No.
He hugged his friend. Much to his surprise, though. Arms hanging down lifelessly, Tai had to get used to this. Shyly his hands wrapped around Matt and both just stood there for a good moment.
Sobbing cut the silence. Taichi cried. This was way more awkward than Matt would ever have expected. He petted his friend's shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm here." he said with his soothing voice. The arms wrapped tighter around Matt. "I haven't got a loving hug in a long time..." Tai sobbed. "Me neither, Tai."
Matt's guts hurt like hell.
Sooo... should he risk it?
I'm not sure when I will be able to update again... I don't want to make promises I can't keep...
I hope you all have a good time. Feel free to review this stuff.
