Reno couldn't hold it in any longer.
He picked up the knife, the tears pouring down his face. This was the last thing he wanted to do…
He swiftly brought the knife down and sliced through the skin, causing more tears to cascade from his aqua eyes.
"I hate chopping onions," he sobbed to Rude. "Why can't you do it?"
"They make me cry real bad," he replied, backing away slightly.
"You have glasses!" said Reno "At least you can protect your eyes!"
"They don't stop the tears from falling!" whined Rude.
"Well, can I borrow some? Come on, you have 367 pairs!" begged Reno. Rude shook his head, causing an angry outburst from Reno.
"Man, you never share!" he sulked. "You never used to share your action men, or your school lunch, or your girlfriends-"
"-You used to steal them anyway!"
"Chicks dig redheads, man. I can't help it."
Rude huffed and faced away from his partner, stirring the pot on the stove. It was all that gobshite redhead's fault they were in this situation in the first place, he could at least show some remorse…
Earlier that day, 10:30am.
"Yo, Ruffy." grinned Reno as his boss entered the office.
"Don't call me that," he snapped.
"Ok, sorry, Mr. Snuggles. "
Rufus Shinra glared at the Turk, daring him to piss him off further.
"I'm warning you," he said steadily. "One more wise crack and you're sleeping in the shed!"
Reno groaned and rolled his eyes. Unfortunately, Reno was forced to stay at Rufus' as his home had a rat infestation.
"…Big fat rats, playing checkers," Reno had told everyone. "Rude won't let me stay at his, his mum doesn't like me… Reeve… well, that Cat of his annoys me… Tseng and Elena get on my tits so… I guess you'll have to put me up for a few night, sir."
He grinned and threw his arm round Rufus' shoulder. Rufus glared at Reno, perhaps he smelled horrible. No body dared to sniff him.
"I'd rather not," said Rufus, throwing Reno's away and wrinkling his nose.
"But it's Shinra policy! If an employees house is infested with rats, they must stay with the boss!"
"O RLY?" said Rufus. "And where does it say that?"
With a grin, Reno headed over to his draw and pulled out a script, handing it to Rufus to read. Scrawled in pink crayon, like a child had written it. It said; "If an employeez howse is infested wif rats, then the employie must stay at da boss's howse. Rool numba 39 of Shinra policy."
Unfortunately, Rufus was gullible and fell for it. With a shrug, he told Reno he could stay for a few days.
"…but no funny business," he warned. Reno grinned and gave him the thumbs up, racing off to tell Rude the gossip.
Back in the kitchens with Reno and Rude.
"…That's not how you got us making the dinner for everyone," groaned Rude, ending his friends daydream. "You kept pissing everyone off, and put itching powder in Rufus' pants, that's how we ended up here."
"You never tried stopping me," he shrugged pouring the food onto some plates. He was about to spit on Tseng's plate when Rude hit him.
"Spittings a dirty habit," he said, picking up some plates and carrying them to the café. He placed the plates in front of Tseng, Elena and Reeve. Tseng eyed them suspiciously.
"I'm not eating anything Reno made," he said raising an eyebrow. "He probably spat in it."
"Rude stopped me," said Reno emerging from the kitchen, carrying some plates.
"Oh, well I'm definitely not eating it." said Tseng pushing his plate away.
"Fine starve!" snapped Reno. "I stayed over a hot stove for hours! I know when I'm not appreciated!"
Reno threw his long red hair over his shoulder and pouted. Tseng sighed and apologised.
"I'm sorry, honey. You know how stressful work is," he said.
"What, and looking after 3 kids isn't?" asked Reno pointing to Elena, Reeve and Rude.
"What the fuck." said Elena, feeling confused and scared at the same time. Reeve scratched his head, then picked up the fish off his plate and slapped Reno and Tseng with it.
"Snap out of it!" he said. They shook their heads, dazed, and continued to glare at each other. The usual sound of eating was heard as the four Turks began to dine.
"Mmmffkkmfmkkf munch munch," said Reeve tearing a chunk of chicken away from the bone with his teeth.
"Om nom nom," said Elena munching on her lettuce. The Caitkins diet certainly didn't taste nice, and the fact Cait Sith invented it aroused some suspicion. Elena, nevertheless decided to try it, hoping to drop a few pounds.
"Snort snort snuffle," said Tseng devouring his burger like an animal eating it's prey.
"Hmfkkkmmmhmhmhmfk," said Rude cutting up his steak. The rest wondered how he made eating noises when he wasn't actually eating.
Reno watched the rest, nibbling his chips, wondering how they ate so noisily. He glanced at Elena who was looking uncertainly at her celery, wondering how many calories were in it.
"It's ok, celery has no calories," said Rude picking up a stick and studying it closely, maybe to see if there was a guide to how much fat, salt and carbs were packed in this stick of green goodness. "You know, I'm trying to eat healthily. Perhaps cutting down on calories might help…"
He dipped the stick in mayonnaise, sprinkled it with salt and vinegar, added some full fat cheese and took a bite.
"Mmm, no calories…" he said dreamily.
Before anyone could protest, Tseng spoke up.
"Why you on a diet Leany-bear? You don't need to lose weight!" he said in a sickening babyish voice.
"I want this dress to fit me for the office party, Tsengy-poo," she replied in a voice just as disgusting, referring to the office party which was to be held next week. "I want to look fabulous for you, pumpkin."
"You look fabulous whatever you wear, snuckums." said Tseng with a cheesy grin. Reno gagged and pretended to puke.
"Would you two stop talking like retards!? We're trying to eat!"
"Jealousy killed the cat," grinned Tseng taking Elena's hand.
"Curiosity killed the cat," corrected Rude, straightening his shades in a geeky manner. If nothing, he knew all the sayings…
"Cat? What cat? I hope it wasn't Cait Sith!" said Reeve panicky. "He's always getting into trouble!"
"Not a kitty!" shrieked Elena. "I love kitties!"
"No cat died!" thundered Tseng. "But Reno will die in a minute if he doesn't shut his gob!"
"Make me!" smirked Reno puffing out his chest and pouting.
"Oh, don't say I didn't warn you, boy," threatened Tseng picking up some chicken and aiming for Reno's big gob. He threw it at him, and hitting Reno's big massive cave that he called a mouth.
"You son of a bfttthhddfkkfmfk!" muffled Reno, flailing his arms round madly and falling out of his chair. A loud choking nose emerged from the floor, where Reno was choking. Tseng hooted with laughter, throwing his head back. Reno's head popped up, and he reached for a bowl of coleslaw. A mass of mayonnaise, carrots and onions were sent in his direction, splattering his face and suit resulting in a very angry Tseng.
"Don't throw things!" snapped Elena throwing a spoon at Reno's head, but missing and hitting Rude's instead. It bounced of his shiny head, and he looked completely unfazed.
"What you hit Rude for!?" Reno barked, aiming for Elena with a carrot, which she dodged.
"I was aiming for you! You hit my Tsengy-poo!"
"You hit my Renny-poo!" said Rude, his eyes widening. "Er, I mean, you hit Reno!"
"Not again," groaned Reeve, leaning on the table, which was on the verge of being upturned if yet another food fight broke out. without warning, a baguette was thrown at Reno's head, effectively knocking him out.
"Look what you've done!" shrieked Rude pointing to the unconscious Reno. "Get the emergency first aid kit!"
Reeve raced forwards with the kit, and handed it to Rude. Taking out a Yuri magazine, he waved it in front of Reno's face. He sat upright, instantly.
"Do I sense Yuri?" he asked, his tongue hanging out. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
When Reno had finished reading the Yuri, he remembered who knocked him out in the first place.
"Tseng!" he yelled picking up a pizza and flinging it at him. Tseng threw back a sandwich, which hit Rude. Rude threw a chicken leg which hit Elena. Elena threw a piece of bread with hit Reeve. Reeve groaned and shook his head, refusing to take part.
Seven seconds later, Reno sprang to his feet and began the food fight. Various snacks were sent zooming through the air, as the fight commenced. Sauces and dips splattered faces and tables. Baguettes bounded off heads and cheese was lodged into hair. There was a flailing of limbs and savoury snacks, the air thick with food and high pitched screeches, mainly coming from Reno.
Rufus heard the racket from his office, and entered the café to find Elena smearing Reno's face with Cheese and chive dip.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?" he roared, causing the fighting to stop abruptly. They all turned to face him, with guilt etched onto their faces.
"Er…" began Tseng, who was about to stick a bread stick up Rude's nose. "…I can explain?"
"Tseng! You of all people! I can understand the rest of them doing it, cos none of them are all there, but you! I expected better!"
"Oh, thanks," grumbled Tseng who was sat quietly at the edge of the table, completely clean from not fighting.
Rufus looked at the dirty Turks' and tutted. They always caused him trouble…
"Well," he said kicking the mop bucket towards them. "Guess who's cleaning this up. When I get back, this place better be spotless!"
With a menacing glare at the rest of them, he turned on his heel and thundered outside. Reno stuck his middle finger up at his back, Rude hit him on back of the head.
"Why do I hang out with you people," grumbled Tseng, reaching for the bucket.
"Yo, Elena, do the cleaning up." drawled Reno. "You're a girl, after all."
"Sexist!" she said angrily "Don't make me beat you to death with a French stick!"
"Let's just clean this up," groaned Rude, also reaching for the bucket.
"…Honestly, Reno. First you get us cooking for everyone, then we have to clean up after them. I think I'll trade you in for a new partner…"
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A/N: Yo guys. Thanks for all the reviews so far! (:
Next chapter; office party. It gets gate crashed by… FANGIRLS! XD
I need some people to volunteer to be mad crazy fan girls. Interested? Lol
Please R&R! (:
