A/N: So good fortune has smiled upon Kaname it would seem… but sometimes all is not that it seems…
And it is with pleasure that I present my lovely beta, Yengirl, once again. Keen of eye and light of heart, she once again sprinkles her magical fairy dust on my words and then they too gain a little shine. Thankyou.
Sanctuary in the dark.
Several days later…
Kaname awoke in yet another beige hotel room in yet another anonymous city, just another day in that long cavalcade of days that streamed through his life. Yet somehow not the same, not quite. Something was different about this day, subtle and unfathomable, a sense of impending change that had been nibbling away at the back of his mind for several days now.
Staring blankly up at the ceiling, Kaname's thoughts were still in a disorderly tangle, and the mystery of the feather still swirled through his mind. His hand clutched the pocket of his pyjama jacket, thumb and forefinger delving into the smooth silk to check that the feather was still there. An automatic wave of relief releasing as pleasurable endorphins flowed into his brain as he satisfied himself that he still had it.
The strange little feather had become a sort of talisman to him, he never went anywhere without it since having discovered it just a few days ago. His shirt selection was now not based on colour or style anymore but on whether the garment had a pocket or not. Kaname had even gone to the lengths of buying himself a whole slew of new dress shirts, T-shirts for rare stolen moments at the hotel gym, silk pyjama tops also included, just to make sure he was never without a garment with a pocket over his heart. Kaname couldn't fathom why but he just knew that having the white, scented feather close to his weary, lonely heart somehow made the world seem less black, less painful.
Flinging back the midnight blue velvet bedspread, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, pausing a moment before standing and padding over to the window. He pressed the button, which allowed the heavy drapes to slide back and reveal the cool grey morning to him. He pressed his palms to the broad windowsill and allowed his gaze to sweep across the view ahead of him. Soft foggy rain drizzled down over the city, the streets mirror-slick with water, the early morning traffic sparse still, making soft whooshing noises as it hurried on heedless of Kaname's gaze from twenty stories up.
A pigeon whirred down out of the sky and came to a messy flapping halt on the window ledge, shaking raindrops out of its slaty blue feathers. It paced along the sooty concrete ledge and stopped in front of Kaname, cocking a beady eye to look up at him, giving an inquisitive "coo?". Its obsidian bright eyes roamed over him, totally unappreciative of the perfect specimen of masculine beauty in front of it. Kaname pressed his forehead against the cold glass heedless of the cool pressure against his brow, his senses perceiving no cold, no sensation other than the faint warmth emanating from his pyjama jacket pocket.
As he continued his introspection he became dimly aware of a soft rapping noise on the door of his suite.
"Come in," he called without turning away from the window. He heard the door open and registered the soft clink of glassware and the quiet movement of rubber wheels over carpet. The sound of an "Ahem" caught his ear and he turned to see the room attendant with eyes downcast respectfully waiting a few paces behind him, account book and pen proffered on a little silver tray.
"Sorry to interrupt you sir, but I need you to sign this, please."
Kaname took a step closer and picked up the slip of paper, running his eye over the figures there and then signing it without looking up at the room service clerk. He was totally unaware of the havoc he was wreaking on the young man's nervous system. As Kaname wrote the other man's eyes raced up and down the former's face and body, his cheeks crimsoning as his gaze traced a reverent pathway from the tousled, shiny, messy bed hair, lingered longingly on the unbuttoned black silk jacket which hung open, showing a smooth expanse of creamy skin and then flicked past his belly button and furtively further along Kaname's hips where the draw-string waist of his soft silken pants dipped enticingly.
"Here you go, all done."
The young waiter came to with a guilty start as he realised Kaname was holding the signed paperwork and pen out to him.
"Oh, yes sir, thank you sir…. Oh, thank you very much, sir,"
The young man replaced the docket and writing implement on his tray then fumbled the fifty-dollar note Kaname had pressed into his sweaty palm away into his pocket. "Enjoy your breakfast, sir. If there is anything else, anything at all, I would be only too glad to attend you further. Sir."
"You're welcome, I'm sure, I'll keep that in mind," Kaname murmured absently already turning his attention to the breakfast trolley. The waiter slipped out of the room, silently closing the solid door behind him. He paused a moment and his cheeks flushed further as he thought of the generous, good-looking businessman behind the door. If only all the hotel's patrons were half as generous and half as good looking, he thought wryly. It might make the long hours and meagre tips worthwhile. He continued down the hall to the lift, the penthouse guest's handsome looks occupying his thoughts intensely.
Kaname moodily inspected the contents of the chrome and glass trolley, lifting the shiny lids off the hot dishes and disinterestedly noting each offering. Softly scrambled eggs, all buttery and parsley flecked hid underneath one silver cloche and a tangle of crispy bacon slices surrounded by cheesy grilled tomato halves, tottered in an unwieldy pile under the other lid. An ornate silver toast rack held six halves of perfectly browned thinly sliced bread and small dishes of butter curls and zesty orange marmalade nestled nearby. A large crystal pitcher held cool orange juice, ice cubes jostling for space with thin slices of orange amid emerald flecks of shredded mint leaves. Lastly a large silver thermos-style carafe of coffee brought up the rear.
Kaname's lip curled in distaste as the fragrant scents reached him, his appetite deserting him yet again. He clapped the ornate domed lids back onto the hot dishes and reached down to the under shelf of the trolley to fetch up a heavy cut crystal glass. He splashed a half measure of juice into it, sipped at it and then crossed a few paces to the little marble topped coffee table and put the glass down on the coaster thoughtfully placed there. Returning to the trolley, he slapped marmalade onto a piece of toast, spurning the butter, clamping the bread between his even white teeth as he retrieved a large gold rimmed coffee mug from below and filled it to the brim with black coffee, not giving a second glance to the cream and sugar sitting on the lower shelf as well.
The fact that the trolley held enough food for a small hungry army yet sported only one juice glass and one coffee mug caused a familiar spike of bitterness to twist in his gut yet again. His solo status had been underlined once more…no need for two cups or glasses, no chance of a lover sharing a delicious breakfast after a night spent exploring the limits of ecstasy. Kaname touched his pocket almost unthinkingly, the soft warmth within sending a tiny, tiny shot of wellbeing through him enough to momentarily clip back the wings of black depression threatening to clamp down on his thoughts like a gleeful beast of prey.
Covering the distance to the velvet-clad armchair in two easy paces, Kaname dropped himself carelessly into it, one lean, taut thigh hooked over the arm of the chair and absently bit into his toast slice, his innate grace ensuring that not one drop of coffee spilled to mar either his silk night attire or the pretty chair.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the soft velvet while he chewed, swallowing automatically and feeding another bite into his mouth. He paid no attention to what he had in his mouth; it may as well have been cardboard. For a very long time now Kaname had only eaten to live. Solitary hurried dining at some very anti-social hours had taken its toll on him, food was now just a mechanism to keep the machine in some sort of running order and oft times he rejected food totally relying on the false well being in a glass or three, of red wine.
When checking into yet another hotel and when yet another receptionist quizzed him as to his breakfast preferences he usually just shrugged and asked for whatever was "popular", knowing he would ignore most of it any way. It didn't much matter one way or the other, so let them send whatever was the chef's whimsy for the day.
Crunching up the last bite of marmalade smeared crust and washing it down with the last of the now cooling coffee Kaname turned his thoughts back to the feather. He took it out of his breast pocket and idly twirled it to and fro between his long pale fingers. After endless speculation as to how it came to be in his possession he'd now moved on as to why it seemed to make him feel better. Why should a feather of all things, imbue him with a faint hope that somehow his ill fortune was due for a turn-around, that something somehow was going to improve the bleakness of his existence? It didn't make any sense at all Kaname thought as he brought the small fluffy thing up to his nose and gently inhaled the soothing violet scent that had not faded a bit despite being sniffed at every so often in the past few days. Losing himself in the moment, Kaname shut his eyes again and just sat, allowing his mind to wander at will.
Tangled thoughts and images flooded his mind, an esoteric flow of feelings and pictures projected as if on a screen. Amethyst eyes, salty copious tears, the measured beat of a steadfast heart and the infinite softness of wings, plush angelic wings, were amongst the strange new thoughts that filled him whenever he touched his 'lucky charm', as he'd come to think of his tiny white wisp of hope.
A shiver of gooseflesh ran over his skin and Kaname opened his eyes with a start, swivelling himself in his chair to take in the wall clock's white face. The hands showed he'd been sitting there for over an hour. Gods, not again, he thought, the hours seemed to vanish down some sinkhole lately. He found himself time and time again startled to find he'd lost track so badly that he always seemed to be in a rush for the next meeting, the next limo, the next pointless luncheon, the next anything at all. He was going to be late again and that pompous ass who ran the steering committee was sure to make the wrong proposal while nervously waiting for Kaname's appearance.
Kaname leapt to his feet and stripped off his pyjama top, dropping it to the chair while pulling loose the drawstring of his pants. They fell to the floor in a silken cloud as he stepped out of them and strode into the bathroom simultaneously reaching for his waterproof shaver and twisting the tap lever to dispense hot water in the shower. The hum of the battery powered razor combined with the hiss of the water provided a background of white noise which Kaname found soothing, allowing his over active mind to hover in neutral for a while. Time enough to exert his tired brain when the meeting started. Feeling his cheeks, he decided that the shave was close enough and turned his attention to lathering up his lean torso, cleanliness and the pleasant feel of the warm water his only thoughts for the moment.
Back in the bedroom all was still when Kaname reappeared and hurriedly donned his fresh clothing, throwing his pyjamas and yesterday's shirt, socks and underwear into his overnight case, closely followed by his still damp toiletries bag. His eye caught the time and he swore softly under his breath, scooping up keys, wallet, laptop, cell phone, cramming his feet into his polished loafers and was out of the door in an instant, the door shutting behind him with a quiet snick of the well oiled lock.
The feather lay underneath the armchair in that centimetre gap between the base and the floor where it had been puffed by the rush of air made by the falling garments.
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Next, chapter 5: The darkest place.
