So... I think I'm broken. I'm never this productive and I know I said this chapter wouldn't be out as quickly as the others were...but I couldn't help myself x.x
I'm not completely sure how I feel about the middle of this chapter. The begining was intentional, and the end was more than I intended. But I feel like the middle is just kind of...blah. Hopefully you guys can follow along with it though. I've been writing this chapter on and off from 7pm last night to 8am this morning haha oops!
Also again, thank you thank you thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows!
"What time is it?"
Felicity realized she didn't have the slightest idea of the time. She was suddenly aware of how much she had taken that for granted. To just be able to look out the window, or to glance at a clock. For all she knew it could either be the middle of the day or the middle of the night. She wanted to know how much longer she had left before she could be released. Not that she could really do anything anyway, but at least she would be comfortable in the familiarity of her own home.
Her home. The only place she would now be able to be comfortable in having been the only place where she could possibly get around without being able to see. Well, besides the foundry but she didn't think she was going to be visiting there until she got her vision back. If she got her vision back that is. She shuddered at the thought. Helping Oliver and Diggle with Arrow business was part of her life now and she did not want to lose that.
"It's about ten o'clock in the morning." Digg said from across the room breaking her from her thoughts. She could hear Sara flipping through the thin pages of a magazine across the room as well. She had asked them earlier if there were any other patients in the room with her but apparently she had her own private room. She suspected this to be Oliver's doing, but if not than she guessed just being with him was enough to warrant her own room.
"Ten?" She questioned surprisingly, a hint of panic to her tone.
"Felicity?" She stiffened for a fraction of a second hoping no one noticed. Oliver had barely spoken since the doctor left the room a couple hours ago, or at least what she assumed to be a couple hours. He would speak briefly to Digg or Sara, but that was about it. She couldn't tell if it was coincidence that he was not talking to her, or if he was flat out ignoring her. It was hard to tell since she took it upon herself to leave him alone as much as posssible. If he wanted to talk to her he would have by now.
The fact that he hasn't was what was slowly tearing her apart. It was not her intention to get hurt, but she got what they went there for so she wasn't quite sure why he was mad at her.
He almost sounded as if he was worried. She could have laughed at the irony. She was certainly going to need to work on reading people without being able to look at them.
She briefly pushed her feelings to the back-burner where they belonged. "Oliver, you need to be at work! What are you doing here? You have to be at the office!" She noticed Sara was no longer flipping through the magazine. She faintly heard a small cracking noise coming from where Oliver was. She was about to question it when he spoke.
"It has already been taken care of, Felicity. I'm sure they can manage to keep the company running without me there." If it wasn't for the fact that she knew what Oliver sounded like, she would have thought it was a computer that was speaking. The lack of anything in his voice was like a punch to the gut. She bit the inside of her cheek trying to keep the tears at bay as she turned her head in the other direction.
She suddenly preferred his silence.
"I'm a little exhausted. You guys should go home, get some rest. If you need me, you know where to find me." She bit her lip trying to rid of the sardonic smirk at the last part.
"Felicity-" Diggle started but she cut him off. "I kind of wanna be alone right now anyway, if you guys don't mind." The short bitter laugh ripped through her before she could stop it as she added, "Then again it's not like I would really be able to tell if you guys were here or not anyway, right?"
She wasn't really sure who started to speak as she interrupted them before they could get passed the first letter. "Please." She hated the way it came out in such a broken whisper.
"Okay," Sara said from across the room as the sound of her shoes hitting the floor broke through the silence of the room, "We'll give you a few hours alone. Would you like me to stop by your place for anything? A change of clothes?"
"Yes, please. John has a spare key, I think." Felicity answered after a few seconds of thinking it over.
"Yep, still got it. Felicity, are you sure you don't want one of us to stay?" Diggle said putting his hand over hers.
No.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. You guys probably need more rest than I do anyway." She smiled lightly as Digg removed his hand. "Let's go, Oliver." She heard Digg say. Oliver sighed heavily and it was then that she realized he was still next to her. She listened as the chair pushed back, a miniscule groan emitting from him as he rose out of the chair.
A hand was then on her shoulder but it was so light that for a second she wasn't sure what it was until she felt fingers. "I'll just be outside if you need anything."
"Oliver, no. Go home. Please. You need to sleep too." He could be mad all he wanted but she'd be damned if that stopped her from worrying about him. He worked himself hard enough as it was. She wouldn't be the cause of even more stress. She couldn't.
"Ollie, she'll be fine for a couple hours. Let the girl rest." Sara said. Felicity wasn't sure what the problem was, seeing as he had barely been around anyway. There was no response and for a moment she thought maybe they had left the room.
"Oliver." She heard Digg, contradicting her thoughts. The hand on her shoulder jerked slightly. She forgot it was even there.
"Fine," He cleared his throat, "They'll have our numbers if you need us." With that, the warmth of his hand was gone.
"Thank you." Her voice quiet, shaking slightly. She wasn't sure if it was from the exhaustion or the hurricane raging through her mind at the possibility, no matter how small, of never being able to see again. She wasn't sure if it was because one of the people she needed most right now seemed so far away.
She never hated the phrase 'So close, yet so far' as much as she did right now.
The trio said their goodbyes with promises of being back soon. She listened as their footsteps receded.
As soon as she heard the sound of the door clicking shut, a strangled sob tore through her despite her best efforts. Her hand flew to her mouth in attempt to smother any further sounds. She took a deep breath trying to restrain the impending downfall of the walls she failed to even put up in the first place. She couldn't breakdown like this. She refused. She didn't want anyone to see her in that state and though she had heard the distant footsteps and the closing of the door, there was really no way to know if anyone was still there, was there?
If anyone entered and she was too busy drowning in her own misery, how would she even know?
She grasped around the side of the bed until she found what she was searching for. After one or two trial-and-errors, she managed to lower the head of the bed down until it wasn't as elevated as before. She turned on her side, her back to the door, and concentrated on blocking out everything she possibly could. Thankfully, It wasn't long before she succumbed to her slumber.
She was pulled back to the real world from small sounds at her side. She heard what sounded to be things being moved around as well as a faint scratching noise that had no real sensible rhythm to it.
"Is someone there?" She asked hesitantly almost afraid of the answer.
"Oh!" A woman startled, the sound of something small clattering to the floor. "You scared me there. I'm Carol, your nurse for the rest of the day. I'm just checking your vitals. I'm sorry if I woke you." Carol said.
"No, that's okay don't worry about it." Felicity said smiling politely. "Everything looking good?" She joked. Carol gave a small laugh and confirmed. "So does that mean I have a chance at going home today?" She asked hopefully.
"No, dear, I'm sorry. Doctors orders. You'll be out of here before you know it though, don't you worry."
Felicity sighed, "It was worth a shot."
"Your friends that were here earlier are back, by the way. Would you like me to send them in?"
"Uh, yeah, sure. Thank you." She said hesitatingly. Part of her felt like maybe she needed more time alone but she didn't want to keep them waiting if they were already back. Carol finished up what she was doing, telling Felicity where the call-button was if she needed anything and left the room. Not even a minute later she heard the door opening.
"We're back. I brought you some clothes for when you're able to leave. Along with some other stuff as well that I figured you'd like to have like your toothbrush and things." Sara said as she entered the room, the sound of a bag being placed onto the table.
"I just realized I forgot to even tell you what to grab before you left, I'm so sorry. Thank you so much, Sara."
Sara laughed it off, "Don't even worry about it. I made sure to grab something comfortable."
"Anything's more comfortable than this stupid hospital gown." Felicity murmured earning a chuckle from Diggle.
"Wait, what time is it now?" She asked suddenly. There was a hesitation before she received a guilty sounding response from Diggle. "It's twelve o'clock."
"What? Did you guys even sleep at all?" She said exasperatedly. "There's no way you guys had time to leave here and go home to shower and sleep, get my things, and make it back here in just under two hours."
"None of us were tired enough to go to sleep anyway so it's not a big deal." Sara told her.
"You're all a bunch of liars." Felicity joked, but they all knew she wasn't happy that they had not slept.
She knew there were days they each went with very little to no sleep at all, but she didn't want them to suffer because of her. It was her fault she was in this mess in the first place. They shouldn't have to be sleep deprived because of it. She just wished they weren't all so stubborn.
"Knock, Knock." A new voice interrupted from where the door to the room was. "Hello, Ms. Smoak. Mind if I come in?" A voice she recognized as Detective Lance asked.
"Hello, Detective. You can come in." Felicity replied.
"Mr Queen. Mr. Diggle. Would you two mind giving us a few minutes?" She was confused at first but when he asked Oliver and Digg to leave, and not Sara, she figured it had to do with last night. After a few seconds he resumed talking so she assumed the guys had left the room.
"Sara told me what happened. Ms. Smoak, I'm so sorry for getting you into this." It wasn't so much the guilt ridden tone he had to his voice so much as the overall apology that had her taken aback.
"Detective, yeah you came to me, but it was my choice to break into the Wright Communications building."
"I'm going to ignore the criminal confession there." Detective Lance said jokingly. "Still, I'm so sorry this happened. I also came here to thank you. The information you provided was more than enough and we have Brian Wright in custody, all thanks to you. I owe you so much for this."
"I was just helping the Arrow, Detective." Felicity said absent mindedly fiddling with her blanket.
"Seems more like he was just helping you." He paused, "Or maybe not helping you at all. Where was he to make sure you were okay?" He added bitterly and she was quick to set him straight.
"Dad." Sara said in warning, not happy with his implications
"This wasn't his fault, it was mine. He did everything he could." Felicity said, more than offended that he would insinuate that Oliver hadn't tried to protect her, even if he didn't actually know that Oliver was the Arrow.
"Right, I'm sorry to make assumptions as I did." He apologized, "But what happened was not your fault either. It was an accident and I wish to god I could go back and not have come to you with this." He sighed heavily, "I have to get back to work, I just wanted to see how you were doing, but you'll get through this, okay? You'll have your sight back in no time, kiddo. You're strong."
Felicity stilled, not sure if 'strong' was something she'd really choose to describe herself anymore.
"Thank you, Detective."
"Bye dad." Sara called out as he left the room. "He's right, you know. You are strong and you will get through this." Sara said so convincingly that she may have believed her, had it not been for all the lack of self-worth she was feeling. After falling asleep earlier, she had hoped maybe when she woke up that she wouldn't still feel as useless and hopeless. Unfortunately, if anything it had only increased. Detective Lance's words may have helped a little bit, but it was nothing that would be able to put a dent in the regret she had for screwing things up.
She really did have no one to blame but herself, and she couldn't see how anyone could think differently.
Not long after Detective Lance left, Oliver and Diggle came back to the room. Diggle entered announcing their arrival and then told her they had gone down to the cafeteria to get food for Felicity.
"I appreciate the thought, guys, but that really wasn't necessary."
"Felicity, It's fine. Don't worry about it." Oliver said finally speaking up since his arrival. There was movement from her left and the sound of a bag being rustled. "There's a tray right in front of you with your food. It's a turkey sandwich and a cup of fruit. There's also a bottle of water." He said presumably placing the things on the tray as he spoke and then twisting the plastic cap off the bottle.
The thought of food hadn't even crossed her mind. As hungry as she was, having not eaten since early in the evening the day before, she wasn't quite up to eating anything at the moment. "Thank you, I'll have some of it later."
She was grateful, she really was, but the idea of trying to eat something she couldn't even see wasn't that appealing. Not that she didn't trust their judgment in what they brought for her, but not being able to see what she was picking up exactly, or if she was dropping things everywhere, was a little unsettling. A recipe for humiliation. It was bad enough that she couldn't see but to be making a mess and not even realize it was not something she wanted to experience.
"You need to eat something." Digg said from across the room.
"I'm sorry, I'm just not hungry right now." She tried to sound as convincing as she could.
"Come on, even I'm hungry and I just ate like an hour ago." Sara said coming up to stand beside the bed. "Here, let me help you."
"No, Sara, really it's fine." She tried but Sara didn't budge.
"Felicity, just eat it." She would have punched Oliver if she even knew where to find him. Sara grabbed her hand and was guiding it towards the tray and she tried to resist. "Felicity." Oliver said again as she continued to try and deter Sara.
"Stop!" She hadn't meant to yell, but it was too late now. The all too familiar silence was back before Sara spoke. "Felicity, I'm sorry. I was just trying to help."
"I don't need help! I'm not a child!" She took a deep breath trying to calm down but the smell of the food in front of her did little to help. She shot her hands out in front of her to push the tray away but not realizing how close it had been sent it clattering to the floor. The sound of the water bottle hitting the floor as the water rushed out of the opening, and the clatter of what she assumed was a fork bouncing off the floor was what made her come to her senses. The image of what they had gotten for her strewn across the floor, all because she acted so immaturely, flashed in her mind.
The anger and frustration that came over her was quickly replaced by an amount of guilt and shame so intense that she felt her heart constrict. "Oh, god. Oh, god, Sara, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean- I didn't…" She was frantically pushing the covers off her legs, "I'll pick it up. I'm so sorry." Feeling along the bed, she moved her legs to the side to get up.
"Felicity, no. It's okay, really. I've got it." Sara said casually and with no disdain which made Felicity feel even guiltier than she thought possible.
"No, no, no just- just tell me where everything is 'cause I can't- I don't-" The slight hitch in her breath and the sting in her eyes hit her before she could stop it. She had just felt her feet hit the cold floor and was about to stand when strong hands were on her shoulders attempting to push her back down. "No, stop. Please, I have to clean it up." She tried pushing against the hands but faltered for a moment when she heard Oliver just inches away before trying again to get up from the bed.
"Shh. Shh, Felicity, stop! You're going to hurt yourself. You need to lay back down." She squeezed her eyes shut trying to keep any tears from falling as she finally gave up struggling against Oliver but still hadn't made a move to lie down.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" She hadn't even realized she'd been saying it until Sara said something. "Felicity, you have nothing to be sorry for. I've already got most of it picked up anyway. Hey, at least it wasn't soup, right?" She teased trying to lighten the mood but Felicity couldn't find it in her to see anything okay with what she had just done.
The anguish coursing through her was hitting her tenfold and she wasn't sure if she could keep it to herself much longer. Her outburst now seemed to break the barrier as all her emotions were rushing through her trying to find release all at once. With a shaky sigh, the onslaught of words that came next were nothing that she was prepared for as they spilled from her lips.
"Can you guys… Can- I. I need a moment. Please. Just a couple minutes. If you could wait outside for just a couple of minutes? I'm really happy you guys are here for me, really I am, but I just need to be alone right now. Please. I don't want you to see me like this, so if you could just wait out in the hall for like two minutes. That's all I need. It's… It's…" She guttural sob hit her at the same time she felt her eyes flooding with tears. The wetness rushing down her cheeks as she was no longer able to hold them back.
She clamped a hand over her mouth hoping it would have some effect. Before she knew what was happening, a strong arm was wrapped around the back of her waist as she was pressed up against Oliver's chest, her head just under his chin. His hand was pressing lightly against the back of her head. Her hands flew out to grip the material of his shirt as gut wrenching sobs took control, any hope of regaining composure was long gone.
The humiliation she wanted to avoid not even ten minutes ago was nothing compared to the humiliation she was sure she'd feel later. However, right now, the only thing she tried to concentrate on was Oliver's arms wrapped around her.
It was the only thing she could feel that wasn't complete and utter despair.
Thank you for reading! Please leave a review! Especially if there's something you don't like so I know how to change it or fix it. Leave a review if you like it, too so I know if I'm doing something right! I love reviews :D
