Sorry for not updating in awhile- I've been on holiday; but yes thank you so much for all your reviews it means alot! So this part is dedicated to Addie-love, saci, frl'nsweetheart, ppplily & Satan wears Prada. Please read and review, G x
Oceanside was more than hectic without Pete and Violet; Addison had had to draft in hired help, both of whom were proving to be unpopular with the patients. Violet's replacement was accepted by some but Pete's replacement was flat out rejected by all but one of his regular clients. Addison wondered how ill his patients could really be if they 'could wait for Dr Wilder,' but she did admire their loyalty.
Despite her outward moaning to Sam and Cooper, Addison was actually secretly relieved that work was so busy; she could throw herself wholly into it and avoided those awkward conversations about her 'emotional state'. She had no idea what her emotional state actually was. He had called her so many times and endlessly she'd just pressed the delete button on her machine, did he really not get the message? She had had time to dwell on what had happened that night and the fact that she made a possibly fatal error, on one of her colleagues, was the only thing that kept her pressing the delete button. The fact that he was married and what that meant was also gradually beginning to take effect on her, yet she was glad of the utter self loathing it evoked- it meant she could move on.
It didn't make it easier though, the fact that she had to move on again- she had so wanted never to move on again, after Derek and Mark and then Kevin but she'd let herself fall again. She was getting bored of falling- she just wanted to land. She was interrupted from her thoughts by the figure stood her doorway watching her pretend to do paperwork.
She looked so tired, and as she got up to greet him Pete noticed how much weight she'd lost as she hoisted her trousers up round her waist.
"Hello stranger," she was smiling at him and in just felt natural to open his arms to her. At first she looked slightly unsure and only when she was hugging him did he realise they had never hugged before. Suddenly he was concerned, how long should he hold her?
She was hugging him? If felt so nice to be close to someone and as she stepped back from him she felt a sense of longing to be back in his arms, it was the first time she had not felt numb in two weeks, but then she remembered his were definitely not her arms to be held in.
"So what do we owe this pleasure? I thought you had another week off?"
"Yeah," he looked at the floor and then up at Addison's concerned face. He couldn't tell her how bad things were at home, or how it didn't feel that Violet had chosen him as Sheldon was there the whole time and to add insult to injury- that Sheldon was so much better at dealing with Violet and Grace than he was. He had tried but he couldn't bond with the baby- and he was angry that Violet had expected him to when he still didn't know whether she was his or not. He had thought he loved her and he'd thought he'd love the baby no matter what but the more time he spent with them, the more unhappy he felt.
But then he looked up at Addison again, she was still stood there, concerned. And so Pete decided to do something he never normally did, he started to talk. He didn't know why he was, but he knew that he wanted her to listen, he wanted her opinion. He talked for over fifteen minutes about how he was struggling, how he felt trapped and how he needed to know either way whether Grace was his or not. His tone got increasingly angry as he referred to how Sheldon patronised him and Addison found her own temper rising as Pete's did. How could Violet be so selfish? Pete seemed to be really trying here, heck he'd even sold his bike and bought in his words 'a big ugly people carrier' instead. He told her about the time he'd tried to spend with the baby- but he didn't know what to do, he'd never been around babies outside a hospital environment and so it was a new experience for him, but Violet or Sheldon didn't seem to get that being a father figure was such an effort.
She could see the pain he was in and she wanted so badly to help him, and as his explanation of wanting to return to work came to an end, she just held his gaze "Ok, if that's what you want, then sure you can come back whenever, in fact if I'm being honest, the sooner the better," she smiled,
"Mrs Fenwick refuse to see anyone else again?" She saw him smile after saying it- it was nice to hear the slightly cocky tone that she associated so strongly with him back.
"Yeah, I wish it had only been her! But what can I say Dr Xiu is apparently no Dr Wilder," He smiled at this comment, even though it used to seem superficial, it made Pete feel a bit less useless at least some people wanted him around. But then the smile faded and he turned to leave. Addison, aware of the fact that he had just poured his heart out to her, and Pete didn't do that lightly, felt she had to say something, but what?
"Pete?" She walked briskly out of her office and saw him turned to face her in the empty corridor, "keep trying, and maybe try to do it somewhere away from Sheldon," his eyes considered her advice, but Addison still saw the layer of scepticism caused by his battered belief in his parenting abilities. She found herself with a desire to inspire him again, to remove this layer of doubt, so she continued "you'll be a great dad Pete, you're a good guy so you'll be a good dad. Take Grace to the park or something, somewhere it's just the two of you. At the end of the day, if you and Violet are going to be together then this baby is going to be a big part of your life," he still looked sceptical so she added "Pete, I know you can do this, you have to be comfortable around her- for Violet, you can do this" and she just held his gaze and she could have sworn she saw his eyes lighten, only fractionally, but it was there. He smiled at her, Addison added, "Take at least one more day off,"
"Thanks," and with that Pete left. But his head was up and he was walking more confidently. He could do this- Addie was right, this baby was going to be part of his life and he needed to love her whatever, and he trusted Addison, so he would try.
He pulled up at Violet's house, it was only just past 9 in the morning but Sheldon's Volvo was already in the drive. He sat in the car transfixed by the Volvo's ugly shape, Sheldon was a Volvo man. Pete really wasn't, he had bought apparently ,'the next best thing,' according to Sheldon, but then in Sheldon's opinion 'nothing could beat a Volvo for the best family transportation,' and Violet had agreed. God that car really is ugly he thought as he got out of his own and locked the door, he turned to look at both cars from the front, his was clearly better.
He pulled out his keys from his pocket and let himself in. He walked slowly into the hall and had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to turn round, go back to Oceanside, go back to Addison and Sam and Coop, joking about Mrs Fenwick or Dell's inability to pull, but no, Addison's words echoed round his head, he could do this. He would do this.
"Hi," He said as he saw Violet and Sheldon in the kitchen
"Oh hey," Violet got up and hugged him; he nodded at Sheldon over Violet's shoulder, who did his best to fake a smile in return. Violet pulled away from their hug "I thought you were going back to work today?"
"Oh I was, but Addison gave me another day off,"
"Oh great, do you wanna go out, do something?"
Sheldon stood up, "Well, I, I could watch Grace if you two want to erm do something or-" Pete didn't notice hopeful way in which Violet looked up at him. She hadn't seen him properly, they hadn't really talked since that day he told her he loved her, and she needed to talk to him. He'd been so distant. She was ready now, now Katie had been caught and charged, she was ready to move on. She wanted Pete to be the father of her baby, biological or not, she was sure it didn't matter to him anyway as she had convinced herself that the reason he hadn't been here much was because of the flash backs of finding her, the woman he loved, in a pool of blood on the floor with his baby- the memory was still too painful, but Violet was sure this was why he hadn't been here- they still had a future.
"Well actually I was wondering if I could spend some time alone with Grace today," Neither Pete or Sheldon saw Violet's face fall, but Pete carried on "I dunno go to the park or something,"
"Or something?" Sheldon began to pipe up, "Pete, I'd like you to be a bit more specific, we need to know exactly wha-"
"Sheldon, Pete can take Grace wherever he wants to," Violet looked angrily over at Sheldon but then she softened her gaze. He had been amazing, so attentive, always here and Violet wished so hard she could love him, and sometimes she thought she did but then Pete's face always crept into her mind. But then did she really love him? She didn't love him like she loved Alan but love like that grew. She and Pete were thrown together so quickly, of course it wasn't going to feel as strong as the love she felt for Alan but she felt the potential.
"Great, well I've got the car seat all set up in the car,"
"I'll just go and get her things," Violet went off into the dining room where Grace was sleeping and started to collect her things together.
As Violet left the room Sheldon began to speak again "Have you checked your car seat?"
"Yes Sheldon,"
"Are you sure, it's just I read an article in Which? the other day and-"
"It was fitted and checked when I brought it,"
"Good,"
"Yes Sheldon, I thought so," his tone was getting slightly more aggravated but it wasn't worth another fight. He just wanted to get Grace and leave, he had to try, Addison's words circled his head again, she believed in him. He could do this.
Half an hour later, after another lecture from Sheldon about the angle of the stroller wheels, Pete arrived at the park. He unfolded the stroller, it wasn't as simple as it looked but eventually, after making sure it was secure he lifted little Grace out of her car seat and placed her gently in the stroller. He grabbed her bag from the back seat and placed it under the stroller, this wasn't so hard. He locked the car and started to wheel Grace around the park.
It really wasn't that exciting and Pete was still at a loss of what to do, so he saw a park bench and sat down. He turned the stroller to face him and gently pulled back the hood so he could safely remove Grace. She opened her eyes and her baby blue eyes connected with his. He loved how they didn't judge him, he loved how new they were, and the more he looked the more he loved blue eyes.
"Hello," Grace was in his arms and as he spoke she opened her eyes, "Hello little girl, we haven't really spoken much yet, my name is Pete, I could be your daddy." He jokily extended his hand towards hers but she grabbed his index finger, wow she had a grip on her, he couldn't stop smiling. This was a real little person, his little person, how had he not seen how perfect she was? I mean he'd seen it but, no, she was really perfect, "So yeah, hi. Sorry I haven't been around much lately, I think I'm your daddy, how could anything so perfect have come from Sheldon?" Pete smiled, this was far easier, without Violet or Sheldon judging him, Addison was right. She was always right. "Oh don't tell him I said that. So are you enjoying yourself then? This was your auntie Addison's idea; she's a doctor too, like mummy and daddy. She saved mummy's life, and yours- so we like her. We like Addison. Would you like to go and meet her? I think she'd like to meet you," Pete decided he would like to be the one to show his daughter off at work, and he wanted to go anyway, to thank Addie, this was just what he needed.
Pete stepped out of the elevator door at Oceanside. He and Grace had been for a walkabout town first where he had shown her some shops and bought her a stuffed toy horse; he'd had one as a kid and never put it down so he figured with genetics and that she might like one too. This walk had meant it was lunchtime at Oceanside so the reception was empty. Pete was pleased; it meant the likes of Mrs Fenwick wouldn't be cooing over Grace for ages, he wanted to see Addison, to show her how right she'd been. So he wheeled the stroller round to her office.
She was sat in the same place as she had been earlier this morning,
"I assume in five hours you have actually moved?" His whimsical tone caused Addison to look up quickly and she couldn't help herself smiling when she saw the huge grin that was across his face. She got up and crouched by the front of the stroller, Pete kneeled down next to her. "Addison I would like you to meet Grace again, Grace this is Addison,"
"Hi Grace, you look alot better than the last time I saw you- yes you do," she turned to Pete, "can I?"
"Sure, yeah" Addison watched as Pete so carefully removed Grace from the stroller. He cradled her so lovingly in his own arms before he passed her to Addison. She placed her so naturally in her arms and leant back on her desk. Pete couldn't understand what Addison was mumbling to her but the tenderness in her eyes moved him. He couldn't describe the feeling- it was only momentary but it was there.
"Wow Pete, she's gorgeous," Addison looked down at the baby again; she was searching for Pete in her face. But the more she looked she thought she recognised Sheldon's features, after working with babies for so long she could notice subtle things like the shape of the nose and the size of the forehead. Of course this wasn't a conclusive analysis, she could be Pete's; she was perfect enough to be his. But Addison had a feeling in her stomach, but no it didn't matter if she was his or not, he had clearly bonded with Grace and as she had said he would be part of her life forever, so no it didn't matter.
But it did, Addison knew Pete too well, he couldn't accept not knowing, he was trying so hard here but he needed to know.
"Do you like Horace?"
"What?!" Addison said, breaking her gaze from the infant
Pete had reached into the stroller and pulled out the stuffed toy horse "Horace the horse."
"Horace the horse? Yes well Horace is a very handsome horse,"
"I bought him today- I used to have one when I was a kid-"
Addison interrupted "You had a stuffed toy horse?!"
"Well yeah, I was only like three," Pete looked a touch embarrassed and Addison let out a small laugh
"I'm sorry, so you brought Horace..." Addison was still smiling; the image of Pete with the stuffed toy animal menagerie she had now drawn was highly amusing.
"Yeah- well I figured you know genetics and all, maybe she'd like one too," Oh no this was dangerous; he was assuming she was his. Not even assuming, he'd decided. Addison was all for him being comfortable around the baby but deciding she was his- no that wasn't good- because if she wasn't then Addison didn't dare to imagine how crushed Pete would be. This was before Sheldon was even considered, he deserved to know too. She had to ask Pete, she knew it would hurt him, but in the long run he would be hurt far more or he would hurt people far more if he didn't lose this naivety.
"Genetics?" Pete's face fell,
"Well, I don't know for sure but I'm pretty sure she's mine,"
"How?" Pete looked at her confused- what was she doing? she had been the one to build his confidence earlier and now she was taking it away again. He was happy not knowing, she had been right before.
"Well it doesn't matter anyway- I'm going to raise her as mine,"
"But what about Sheldon?" Her blunt questioning was killing her because she could see it again widening the gaps in his self esteem, but he needed to think this through.
"Well he'll just have to accept that this is how it's going to be," Pete's answer was abrupt. What the hell was she doing? Only this morning it was oh Pete you're gunna be a great dad and now it's you need to know- what the fuck did she want from him? Why was she even bothering with him, it wasn't her business, it wasn't her place, it was his, and he knew she was his kid. That's what matters. Yes she was his,
"I think I should be going," He took Grace quickly from Addison's arms and put her in the stroller
"Pete, no come on I didn't mean you shouldn't love her it's just surely you need to know,"
"I'm just fine, you sure it's not just you who wants to know?" Pete turned out of her office and began pushing the stroller down the hall, he was so mad at her. What right did she have?
"What?!" He heard her call, but he didn't plan what he said next, he was just angry
"Well your own life's now so damn empty, maybe you need to distract yourself?" He regretted it as soon as he'd said it. She looked at him and he'd never felt so guilty in his whole entire life. He looked back into her blue eyes as they fought back the tears, as she just turned and slammed her office door. Pete just stood frozen in reception, the image of her eyes breaking etched on his mind. He had to apologise so he walked over to her office door and opened it gingerly. Her chair was facing the wall; he could see her shoulders shaking. Without turning round she murmured "Get out,"
"Addison, I'm sorry I didn't mean-"
"Get out,"
"Addison,"
She got up from her chair and stormed straight past him towards the toilets, "Addison come on,"
She turned round to face him, "I tried to help you- but if you want to be so naive then fine, but I was only trying to help," she had never spoken to him in such a cold tone and he was taken aback, but her words riled him up again, but he stopped before he came back with another uncontrolled one liner. So he turned the stroller around at the same time Addison turned and continued her walk to the ladies room.
Slamming the ladies door, she slumped down against the sink and for the first time since Noah allowed herself to cry. She needed someone, she couldn't go on like this- falling in and out of love, Pete had really hit home, her life was empty. She needed someone- anyone, and she needed them tonight. Nothing else mattered so she stopped herself from crying and picked up her cell phone. She opened her contacts and made her way down the list, she reached N, she pressed dial. The phone seemed to take forever to connect, but then it was ringing. She was too numb to hear the morals screaming in the back of her head, she needed this. The ringing stopped, a woman's voice answered,
"Hi Ken, Noah's busy at the moment, he's just changing Toby" Morgan's voice made Addison freeze "Hello?" "Hello?" "Ken? You there?" Addison put the phone down and hurled it across the room; it shattered as it hit the white tiled wall on the other side. Then she began to cry again, even more uncontrollably than before. How could he tell her he loved her? She was in his phone as Ken? And she had called while he was with his kid? Her morals were screaming so loud and she felt so dirty these two things intertwined making her sobbing borderline hysterical. Pete was so right- she was so lonely, she wanted company- she needed someone to tell her it was ok. Someone to love her, someone to listen to her, someone who she could trust. She wanted to date, she wanted to get out there but the idea of exposing herself to more heartbreak was something Addison didn't think she could take, could she really afford to take another chance?
Pete got home, his mood completely changed from how it was at the park. He couldn't stop thinking about her broken eyes, the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Why had he said that? He had been so defensive- and he knew why. Of course he needed to know, Addison was always right and he knew it was time to know. He couldn't honestly have the same relationship with a baby that wasn't his- someone people could- but Pete wasn't one of those people- he needed to know, even more now he knew how perfect she was. So as he walked into the house he placed Grace, sleeping, in her crib and then walked into the kitchen where Sheldon and Violet were sitting at the table. He walked over to them, took a deep breath
"We need to do a paternity test,"
Sorry this one wasn't very exciting- it's sort of a necessary transitional chapter. I will try and update soon, in the mean time- press that lovely button- you know you want to!
