Author's Notes: I apologise if I haven't been able to reply to all of my reviewers, but thanks to each and every one of you for your feedback. Also note that this is both a Deeks/Kensi story and a Nell/Callen story. This is Jane's first official entry into this story - I based her appearance and tone/general traits off two of Alicia Key's roles (The Life of Bees + Nanny Diaries), but the character herself is my OC. As of this chapter, she's a main character in this story too.
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~ Waiting ~
Callen was in a tough position.
He walked boldly into the Mission with a stern expression set upon his face. Sam spotted him from his desk and knew right away something was going on. Deeks only noticed the absence of Kensi, and quickly rose to question it.
'Family emergency.' Callen stated to Deeks, before the detective had the chance to ask why Kensi hadn't returned with him 'She'll be out of town for a few days.'
'What?' Deeks was baffled.
He slowly dropped back into his chair, and an expression of momentary hurt cross his face. His phone buzzed, and Deeks quickly reached for it. Kensi had sent him a message of apology for leaving so abruptly, but promised she'd call him when she can.
'Focus on the case.' Callen instructed. 'Where are we?'
The case hardly mattered. Callen listened to the details enough to be able to recite them when needed - otherwise his interest was elsewhere. LAPD had brought in the missing Arms Dealer, which was a relief, and Callen sent Sam off with Deeks to interrogate him.
Callen's mind just wasn't in it.
Sinking into his desk chair, within the now-empty bullpen, Callen released a long breath of anticipation. He rubbed his hand over his face, and frowned at the situation presented to him. Callen wished he could say he had more knowledge now, but the only fact was how Kensi had recoiled back behind her walls shortly after her admittance that she might be pregnant.
She clearly wanted to talk to him about it, but Callen recognised Kensi still needed time. He'd helped her up off the ground, and directed her back to his car. They'd continued on with their job, and afterwards he dropped Kensi at her apartment.
She'd agreed to take a couple of days off to bide her time until she could take a pregnancy test. They both knew she wouldn't be able to safely perform her duties at work with her mind so distracted, though Callen was surprised when she didn't fight him on it. Kensi was emotionally exhausted, and it was very clear to him that she needed those days away from any added stress.
He also promised his silence; this was her secret to share, not his. Callen respected that.
'Gum for your thoughts?'
Callen chuckled as he glanced at Nell, who offered him a packet of freshly opened chewing gum.
'That's all my thoughts are worth?' He joked. 'A single strip of gum?'
'I was out of pennies.' Nell shrugged with a smile. 'You look stressed.'
'Yeah.' Callen stretched back in his seat and exhaled. 'Life is stressful.'
'That it is.' Nell agreed. 'The gum is still on offer, if you want to talk about it?'
Callen couldn't understand how easily she was able to lift his mood, and he was almost tempted to vent to Nell. She'd be able to make better sense of the situation than he could, Callen was certain, but he couldn't ask it of her.
Kensi trusted him for his silence.
'It's not me.' He said.
'Kensi?' Nell guessed. 'She's not here, and she doesn't have family out of town.'
'You heard that?' Callen glanced at her. Nell scared him sometimes with how she seemed to just know things – like Hetty.
'I heard Deeks complaining about it.' Nell smiled with amusement. 'Is she okay?'
'That's up to Kensi.' Callen sighed, pulling his chair closer to his desk. 'All we can do is wait and see how it all turns out.'
Nell sat on the edge of his desk, and popped a piece of gum into her mouth. It was her way of offering her support even if he wasn't able to talk to her about what was bothering him. Nell could probably only afford to be there for a couple of minutes, before she was needed back in Ops again, but those few minutes meant a lot to him.
'You don't like waiting.' Nell said, amused.
'No, I don't.' Callen grumbled, giving the stack of paperwork in front of him a disgruntled look. 'Waiting for an outcome I can't do anything about is almost as bad as filling out these incident reports.'
'That bad, huh?' Nell chuckled, though she agreed with him.
'Yeah.' Callen sighed again.
Although, quietly, he was fairly confident Kensi wouldn't feel the same way. He could only imagine what she must be dealing with, and that gave him the determination to wait it out with little complaint. And if he had to vent, Callen would blame it on the paperwork.
In his mind, that was perfectly justified.
Waiting was not something Kensi was agreeable to in any situation.
After being dropped off at her apartment, she'd called for a cab right away. She'd been so close to giving Callen her real address, but guilt crushed down the thought. She already told Callen about her possible pregnancy, something which Deeks didn't even know yet, and Kensi wasn't going to tell Callen about the house as well before Deeks did.
As she wandered towards the house, Kensi thought about what happened in the alley. She might still be over-reacting, but the possibility of being pregnant was certainly there. And she'd confessed the possibility to Callen. That part confused her. It should have been Deeks; why wasn't her partner and boyfriend the first person she reached out to?
Stepping inside, and kicking the door shut with her foot, Kensi made her way to the living room.
Dropping onto the pale sofa, Kensi realised why it was easier to tell Callen. She kept thinking about the morning she'd found out the other test was negative; he'd been patient and supportive when she was clearly bothered by it. Callen didn't know any details, but offered to be there if she needed to talk regardless. Kensi took that opportunity in the alley because Callen still didn't know the details. Deeks did. If she'd told Deeks, he would get excited and hopeful. Kensi didn't have any confirmation of the pregnancy yet, and didn't want to crush his dreams a second time.
It would have been even worse – before it had been a negative test, but now to say she might be pregnant and then have it taken away wasn't something she could do to Deeks.
Kensi had to find out if it was true this time.
It was still too soon, though. She'd agreed to take several days off from work, knowing she wouldn't be able to do her job safely when her mind was going crazy, but Kensi had no idea how to spend the time. It had been over a week since she'd been intimate with Deeks for a second time. After that they'd gotten the current case, and time alone together became a rarity. That's why she'd used the excuse of being out of town - Kensi couldn't directly keep the secret from him. If he stopped by her apartment, he would find it exactly as it was: empty, with her clothes packed up.
Kensi was determined to wait it out; to let the days pass by until she could take another test. She was terrified, and confused, but if nothing else her stubbornness won through.
The only problem she had was figuring out how to spend the next several days.
Shifting on the sofa to get more comfortable, Kensi released a drawn-out exhale to calm herself. She needed to distract her mind from everything, but it was impossible. There could be a new life, part her and part Deeks, growing inside her right now. Kensi gasped, as the magnitude of her realisation begun to fill her entirely. She questioned everything she ate, every risk she took to stop a bad guy, and every moment she should have been more self-aware. Guilt flushed through her, as well as panic she'd done something wrong.
Kensi jumped up from the sofa and hurried to the kitchen. She'd hardly had anything to eat all day, and in light of her possible new situation she was scared the baby might be hungry.
If there was a baby, Kensi reminded herself.
She halted halfway through raiding the fridge, and felt even more unsure. If she changed anything now, it would be as mind-numbing as accepting she truly was pregnant. There was no confirmation, and it was far too soon for anyone to tell her for sure. Kensi knew how long she had to wait before she could raid the bathroom cupboard for another pregnancy test.
She'd checked the calendar – Friday would be the day of truth.
Standing in front of the kitchen counter, Kensi pressed her palms flat to the surface, and exhaled a long breath. She hung her head, closed her eyes, and tried to get her mind under control. Kensi had to make a choice: brush it aside and carry on as normal until Friday, or accept the likely truth and make adjustments while bracing brace herself for possible disappointment. She was terrified of the second option because Kensi did not think she would survive a second time of seeing a negative test result. It left her with a sense foreboding and dread, when Kensi realised she really didn't have a choice – something within her own mind and heart had already convinced her there was new life forming inside her.
There was a baby, and no matter how Kensi tried to say neutral until she could take the test – somehow, her instincts told her she already knew the truth.
Kensi placed her phone in front of her, and stared at it. With shaking hands, she went to her messages and tapped out another text to Deeks. She could not call him, it would be too hard for her to deal with in her unsettled state, but Kensi had to allow herself one big personal risk - it was a risk she would only ever take with Deeks.
It was a simple message implying she would be back on Saturday. Kensi admitted she wasn't living in her apartment anymore, and that she'd explain on Saturday. She gave Deeks the address to the house, and asked him to promise to be there in the afternoon – even if she texted him from now until Saturday to change her mind. Kensi had to make sure Deeks would stop by when she'd asked, and that the plan was final.
By Friday she would know the truth for certain, and on Saturday – so would Deeks.
Standing around in a darkened street, with only a suitcase being dragged with her, was something Jane was very familiar with. It wasn't from a time in her life that was entirely joyful, and yet it was a moment she relished the memories of. Sighing, looking around at the late Los Angeles traffic, Jane kept her hand out in wait for a taxi.
'About damn time.' Jane grumbled, when a yellow cab skid beside her and halted.
She tossed her suitcase onto the seat beside her, and gave the man the address. Leaning back, and cringing at the scent of the vehicle, Jane pulled out her phone to re-read over the text she'd received earlier the previous day. Kensi hadn't told her much, but Jane could speak her language better than anyone. She knew Kensi's casual questions and comments were a veil for a desperate need of some company.
The moment Jane had read the message, she'd literally dropped everything and left Hawaii on the first available flight.
While sitting unnaturally quiet in the back seat of the cab, Jane stared at her reflection with no interest towards the night lights beyond. She saw her wavy brown hair, caramel-coloured skin, brown eyes, and big hoop earrings – yet Jane could only think of the emotions her face expressed. It was strange for her to ever look at her own reflection during moments of quietness or contemplation. Jane wasn't used to being so open, having learned years ago that being closed off from the world was the only way to be protected from it. She'd taught Kensi to do the same, and since then they'd been instant best friends. More than friends, really – if they sat together at a cafe in the middle of the day, any bystander would easily assume they were sisters.
Sometimes, Kensi and Jane forgot there was no shared blood between them.
'We're here, Miss.'
'I have eyes, ya know!' Jane grumbled to the driver, blinking from her memory-paved trance.
She tossed notes of money into the driver's face, then kicked the door wider open. Roughly pulling her suitcase out, Jane looked across the road to the house.
A few lights were on, so she knew Kensi was home.
Jane hadn't told Kensi about her early return. She knew Kensi would have insisted not to come back from her holidays just for her, and Jane couldn't be bothered having that argument while bickering with the airport staff as well.
Jane snatched a pile of envelopes and papers from the mail box, then walked to the front door with her suitcase trailing behind her on its well-worn wheels. Jane used her own set of keys to unlock the front door, then stepped inside her house. She abandoned her suitcase by the re-locked door without any continued concern for its existence. Jane casually flipped through the letters, then listened for the sound of the television playing familiar shows or films.
Hearing a muffled sound in another room, and nothing else, Jane narrowed her eyes with worry. She dumped the mail on the kitchen counter, and looked around for Kensi.
Jane walked forward and headed for the hallway where the bedrooms and bathroom were located on the other side of the living room, far opposite the front door hallway and kitchen area. She didn't call Kensi's name, as Jane knew there was no use in doing so. She'd locate her without the need to shout as if her friend had gone deaf.
Jane continued walking, until she found her friend sitting on the floor between Kensi's bedroom and the bathroom. Jane halted at the sight, seeing Kensi curled up with her arms wrapped around her legs. She was crying, and barely seemed to take much notice of Jane's presence.
Jane bit her lip, with worry and lack of information flooding her awareness, then huffed and strode forward with habitual determination.
Kensi's breath hitched when she felt Jane slide down the wall to sit beside her. Neither made a sound at first, allowing the other to feel relief and comfort from being together again after quite some time and distance apart. Both Kensi and Jane sat with the only person in the whole world who knew them completely – it's why no words were needed right then; not even a greeting.
It was a relatively late Wednesday night, yet neither girl made any movement to prepare for bed, sit in front of the television, or order take-out like every other Wednesday night they'd spent in the other's company since college.
Kensi swallowed, then sniffed, and pressed her face to her forearms resting over her knees. She never worried about looking weak in front of Jane – she didn't consider it as showing weakness, not to the person who had seen her during her absolute worse.
Jane had been there to tackle Kensi so hard she wasn't able to kill a man they both knew deserved no mercy. She'd also held Kensi in her arms during the first anniversary of Donald Blye's death, and remained strong to allow Kensi to vent all her pain and hurt of that day against her. She'd punched every male who dared to break up with Kensi, and Jane remained at her side to remind her not every person in her life was going to leave. Jane had done all those things for Kensi, and so much more. Through their every struggle, fear, and learning curves – Kensi had done those things for Jane as well.
That was what sisters did - stand by each other no matter what life threw at them.
Jane glanced to her right, taking in the sight of Kensi's wild hair and tearful face. She could tell the emotional state wasn't based on hurt or loss – it was confusion, and being so overwhelmed that tears were her only way to vent the frustrating doubts. A swell of protectiveness flooded Jane, as she reached to rub Kensi's arm in effort to provide some level of warmth to the only person Jane truly had in the entire world.
Kensi leaned her head to Jane's shoulder, letting her tears drip from her eyes, and exhaled a staggered breath of emotion. Jane rested her cheek to Kensi's forehead, wishing she'd never decided to go to Hawaii – wishing she had never left Kensi's side for even a moment, because indirectly or not her absence had left Kensi vulnerable when something big in her life happened or changed.
'I'm here now.' Jane said quietly. 'Let me hear it.'
