Chapter 4: Chess and Hot dogs

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In the common room, James and Sirius were playing wizard's chess. Sirius, who was not very good at it, had proceeded to pull Wizard's Chess for Dummies, and went on to beating poor, pathetic James's ass.

"You know what Sirius! That's not fair! I didn't even know you could do that move! Give me that book!" James yelled at Sirius. Sometimes James had an anger issue. A big one.

"Well perhaps you should read more. You can find out everything by reading. There's no way in hell I'm going to give you my book! It's my book and not yours! Get your own book!" Sirius clung on to the book with all of his might and proceeded to act like a three year old, pouting in the corner of the common room. However, James was not going to give up that easily, he backed up, getting ready with a running start, and pounced on Sirius, trying to pry the book from his fingers. Sirius turned into a dog and bit James's arm.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" And on that note, James turned into a stag and rammed his antler's into Sirius. Sirius, who was smaller than a stag, ran around James and up into the dormitory. He collided with Remus, who happened to be reading a book, Werewolves for Dummies (Sirius lent it to him a while ago and he just now decided to read it). Sirius transformed back into a human.

"Ow! Sirius, you shouldn't be transforming in the common room, people might see." Remus said. "By the way, why were you in dog form right now?" Sirius was just about to explain to Remus why he transformed, when James, still as a stag, came and rammed Sirius so hard that he pushed Remus off the bed. Remus hit the curtain from the bed, and the whole thing came tumbling down, resulting in James's antlers being tangled in the sheets.

James transformed back into a human. "Help! The sheets are swallowing me!" James continued to thrash around some more. Remus found his way out from under the curtain and pulled the blankets off of James.

Remus sighed, "You guys sometimes embarrass me. I don't even know why I hang out with you two anymore." Remus shook his head.

"Because you love us! That's why!" James and Sirius shouted in unison.

Then randomly, Sirius yelled, "GROUP HUG!" James and Sirius rushed towards Remus and hugged him so hard that Remus could not breath and he almost passed out.

"I thought I made you promise that you would never do that ever again!" Remus said, while still catching his breath.

"Ah," Sirius mused, "If only you made us get it I writing."

"I did.," Remus said sternly, "Then you tore it up into a million pieces and stated that I could trust you by word of mouth and it was useless to write it down.

"Oh," said Sirius, looking guiltily at the floor, "Well…what's one hug going to do to you, eh, old chap?"

"You almost strangled me!"

James and Sirius both looked very sorry, when suddenly, they both burst out in fake sobs. "HE DOESN'T LOVE US ANYMORE!" James cried out.

"He's always toying with our hearts. It's just not fair!" Sirius joined in. He had been practicing his fake crying over the summer, so his tears almost looked genuine. In case you were wondering why Sirius was practicing his fake sobbing, it was so that he could start getting out of detentions that he thought were a tad unreasonable. For example, this one time, when Sirius had "accidentally" put Professor Slughorn's robes on fire. It was an accident and he shouldn't have had to clean all the potion bottles until he could see his own reflection. So that, my dear readers, is why he was so good at fake crying.

"Sirius," Remus started, "I know those are fake tears, I've been with you long enough to realize when you are actually crying. So both of you, STOP ANNOYING ME!"

"But don't you want an explanation first?" James asked innocently, while drying his eyes and batting his eyelashes.

Remus sighed, "Ok fine. What is your excuse?"

"Well," Sirius started very dramatically, "If you must know, James and I were having a friendly competition of wizard's chess. And I, knowing best, took out a book on how to play chess. You know how horrible I am."

"Even though it is so unfair that you get to cheat with a book and I have to be crummy and play with NO book. CHEATER!" James said, in defense.

"I'M NOT A CHEATER! YOU ARE!" Sirius yelled.

"HOW?" James yelled back. "I'm not the one who pulled out that book!"

"YES…BUT YOU KNOW YOU CAN TOTALLY READ MY MIND! YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO DO THAT!"

"Since when could I read your mind? If I could read minds, I would be taking over the world right now!"

"YOU JUST SAY YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE ALL THE ATTENTION!"

"ENOUGH!" Shouted Remus. "Please stay focused. Why did you transform and disturb me while I was reading!"

"Because…I wanted to see the book." James quietly said.

"So naturally, I had to defend my book," Sirius said with out looking at James, "And I went into a corner and protected it."

"And then," James dramatically said, "I REALLY wanted to see the book. So I pounced on him."

"Naturally, I had to defend myself, so I bit his arm." Sirius said, starting to get angry at James.

"Hey, don't get angry with me, you should be apologizing to me for biting my arm!"

"Why should I apologize to you, you were attacking me over MY BOOK!" Sirius said defensively.

"BECAUSE YOU BIT ME!"

"FOCUS!" Remus roared. "How did you get up the stairs and into the dormitory?"

"Well I walked up them." Sirius said with a smirk.

"Don't be a smart ass with me, Sirius," Remus said, frowning, "You know what I mean."

"Okay, okay," James confessed, "It really was my fault. I pushed Sirius with my antlers and he crashed into you and that's how this whole mess started!" James looked down at his shoes, he knew if he looked up, Remus would be giving him The Death Glare from Doom. Remus was good at doing The Death Glare rom Doom. He had a lot of practice.

Remus sighed and smiled slightly. He was going to go easy on them this time. "Honestly, why do I even hang out with you two? You both act like three year olds."

"Because you love us, remember?" Sirius said.

"Just don't crash into me anymore and please," Remus said, looking stern, "DON'T strangle me ever again. Okay? I enjoy my reading time…away from you two."

"Fine, I guess we'll go down and get some lunch. I'm starving." After Sirius said this, his stomach grumbled a little bit.

"I'll come with you." Remus said while getting up.

"I thought you were going to read?" Inquired James.

"Yes. Well, I'm hungry. I don't like to read when I'm hungry." Remus said, looking sheepishly out the window.

"'Kay, fine. Let's go down and get some food before it's all gone." Sirius said, as he opened the door.

"Hey," James questioned, "Isn't today hot dog day?"

"Yes. It's all you can eat hot dog day." Remus said instantly.

Sirius suddenly stopped in his tracks and burst out laughing.

"What? Why are you laughing? Did you put another one of those immature signs on my back again?" Remus asked Sirius.

All Sirius did was start laughing again. And more. Finally catching his breath, he said, "Wow, that's really…sexual." He went on another laughing rampage.

"What?" Remus asked. Then he looked back on what he said earlier, "Sirius, you are so damn immature!"

All Sirius could respond with was, "Sexual." And continued to laugh. James started laughing as well. Now at this point, Sirius was on the floor, crying, he was laughing so hard and started drawing a crowd.

Dumbledore pushed through the crowd, and found Sirius rolling on the floor laughing and Remus and James laughing on the sidelines.

Sirius was shouted, "Sexual" over and over and laughing even more. Every time he said it, he laughed more and louder.

"Okay, that's it Sirius. I've had enough out of you." Dumbledore sighed, "Detention for one week and fifty points from Gryffindor."

Sirius stopped laughing, "What? No way, Professor! That is so not cool!" James and Remus laughed as they helped Sirius up, and they all went to go get some hot dogs.

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