A/N: Chapter four of Breathe Your Last!


If Karin thought it was horrible, feeling the life drain out of the shinobi destroying her village, it was a million times worse to feel her fellow townspeople fade.

Some went suddenly, dying with so little warning that Karin failed to detect anything beyond shock in their last moments. Others were not so fortunate. Karin could feel the anger-disbelief-fear-sadness take over as everything that made them who they were dimmed and died. To be able to sense, with startling clarity, the exact moment when the elderly woman who'd always given you sweets realized she was dying was torture, plain and simple. Of course, the self-pity Karin felt only served to make her guiltier. She had turned her back on these people, the ones left behind, without so much as trying to aid them.

She knew, objectively, she probably wouldn't have been able to do anything to help, but the voice in the back of her mind thought otherwise. 'How do you know?' It asked her. 'Wouldn't saving even one life be worth it - be better than doing absolutely nothing?'

I didn't do nothing! Karin argued. I helped evacuate the town. I did all I could do without risking my life.

'That's just it,' the voice whispered, 'You refuse to risk your life. You, who already lived once, won't put your life on the line for those who only have this life to live.'

The words echoed hauntingly in Karin's mind even as she refused to continue arguing with herself. She instead chose to focus intensely upon the signatures of everyone who'd made it out thanks to her warning. Their chakra burned brightly, comfortingly, in her extra sense, regardless of the abundance of negative emotion.

The people around Karin were all terrified despite the growing distance between them and their burning town. When she'd first reached the group, Alberi's residents had been gathered in a long line on the western road. Friends and neighbors had huddled together to speak in hushed whispers. "Do you think it's true?" "My mother and father were killed in the Third War." "Why do shinobi destroy everything?"

Still somewhat dazed, Karin had shuffled to the front of the line to join Luka and his mother. She'd settled in quickly, letting the low hum of conversation and the anxious watch for more evacuees distract her from the selfish decision she'd made.

The quiet murmur had quickly turned to horrified silence when the first group from the eastern side reached them. Clearly, the battling shinobi had spared no thought for civilian casualties, not that Karin had assumed they would. The injured were hastily treated and laid down in wagons with the extra space to hold them. The survivors had been anxious to leave after that, but the majority were unwilling to actually go without waiting for as many of their fellow townspeople as possible. Apparently, Karin wasn't the only one suffering survivor's guilt.

Eventually though, they'd had to cut their losses and get away before the battling shinobi could reach them. Luka's dad, Alan, had been among the last to make it out. He had a deep gash across his bicep, but he'd live; which was more than Karin could say for some. No, don't think about it, she told herself. You can't do anything now.

Karin glanced beside her. Luka was sprawled across the bench with a quilt thrown over him, breathing steadily. She wished desperately to be able to fall asleep like that, but all she could think about was the danger they were in, the lives lost, and how guilty she was. Even if she did manage to drift off, Karin doubted anything but nightmares awaited her.

God, now that she was thinking about it she couldn't stop. If hazy memories of a past life and scary stories could prompt eerie dreams and fear, then actual tragedy would be many times worse. She just knew she'd be seeing death and destruction whenever she closed her eyes in the near future.

"Karin, are you alright?" Luka's mom asked just as a full-body shudder ripped through the eight year old at the dark turn her thoughts had taken. The woman had turned around in her seat to face Karin, only her pale face visible in the early morning darkness. "You've been awfully quiet. I know you said you were fine earlier, but you haven't slept or spoken since we left."

"I am," Karin said dully. Feeling the Ana's disbelief she tried again. "Really," she assured the worried mother, "I'm just worried"guilty"about the rest of the town."

Even in the dark, Karin could see Ana's pained grimace. Clearly the woman knew what usually happened in a situations like this and didn't know how to respond. Shinobi and chakra users gave entirely new meaning to the words 'collatoral damage.'

"All we can do is pray to the gods they'll be alright and keep moving so that we stay that way as well." Alan's firm voice cut through what would have been an awkward silence. He was seated at the front of the small wagon, steering the horses along the road and leading the rest of the townspeople farther west. "There's no point dwelling on uncertainties."

"He's right," Ana agreed. She sounded less unsure, less frightened, after her husband's proclamation. The two really were an ideal couple, Karin thought idly. Where Alan was stern and serious, Ana was bright and compassionate. When they were together, Alan lost his aura of solemnity and Ana gained a confidence she usually lacked. At their cores, they both cared fiercely for their children and had unshakable morals.

Karin suddenly found herself swallowing back tears. Her parents weren't anything like Luka's in looks or personality, but the depth of their relationship and the co-dependence was gut-wrenchingly familiar. Though she was unsure of what she'd say when she did actually face them, all Karin could think about was running into their arms and letting them protect her from the world - she didn't want to deal with it anymore.

Before she could truly start to sob (and worry Ana any further than she already had), Karin slumped in her seat and pulled a blanket over her head. The others would think her asleep and leave her be, giving Karin the opportunity to sink into an unthinking meditative state. She didn't want to contemplate recent events. And she most certainly didn't want to dream about them either. Her shock was restricting the intensity of her emotions, but it wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later, she'd have to face this.

Karin chose later.


Due either to her own stubborn nature or a sympathetic higher power, Karin's breakdown didn't occur until she'd wandered off to be alone the evening after Alberi's survivors made it to the nearest settlement. Everyone else was too busy getting in touch with loved ones or planning the eventual reconstruction to notice her disappearance.

Still somewhat in a daze but knowing her brief reprieve was drawing to a close, Karin had walked casually to the edge of the village and slipped away into the tall grasses. The true hysteria and panic she'd managed to avoid for so long bubbled towards the surface. In fact, she'd barely made it out of hearing range when the first scream left her.

Karin wasn't entirely sure what followed. All she knew was that, judging by the tear-tracks on her face and the scratchiness of her throat, it involved an abundance of shouting and sobbing. On the bright side, she finally felt like herself again, albeit an emotionally spent and utterly exhausted version of herself. Still, she'd take what she could get.

Her breakdown had actually lessoned a lot of her guilt, since she'd finally been able to contemplate the events of that night in their entirety. Oh, she knew she was still a coward for running away at the end, but she was glad she'd had the sense to warn the others. It was thanks to her that so many got out. Without her and her extra sense, Alberi's townspeople likely wouldn't have known of the incoming battle until it was too late. It was a small consolation, but better than nothing.

She sat up gingerly, rubbing away the wetness on her cheeks. A quick check with her mind's eye showed no one had come to look for her yet so she lay back in the grass, finally ready to think about what she was going to do next. I can't stay here, not by myself. Most of her fellow townspeople would do so, wanting to remain close for when they inevitably returned home to rebuild. It was admirable - Karin didn't think the people from her old life would have been brave enough to return, not after such a trajedy. In truth, the people she'd met in her current life seemed much more resilient (that, or the recent and devastating wars had left their mark). The general attitude seemed to be: 'Shit happens. Get over it.'

Karin didn't have that option. She was sure either Luka's parents or one of her other neighbors would be willing to take her in, but she couldn't accept. It had been fine to stay with Luka and his family when everything was normal, but she didn't think it would be healthy to do so with her current mental state. Knowledge from both her lives told Karin that grieving was best done with those who understood you. How could she go about explaining her guilt when those around her didn't even know about her sensing ability, let alone her knowledge of another life?

I need to find my parents, Karin thought resolutely. Not just to let them know she was fine (for when they inevitably heard of Alberi's fate) and bask in their unconditional love and support, but to let them know of her decision. Her helplessness, rather than scaring her away from the shinobi path, had inspired her.

I want - no, I need to make a difference.

Uzumaki lived incredibly long lives. If she worked hard and made the right sort of connections, Karin had a real chance at making that difference. Maybe one day shinobi would be held to a higher standard. Maybe one day, political leaders would learn to compromise without resorting to violence. Maybe one day, no one would ever have to 'get over' the tragic loss of a loved one.


"What do you mean you're leaving?!" Luka was the one to speak, but both Ana and Alan looked as though they'd very much like to hear the answer to the question as well.

"I'm going to travel with the Bano family towards the capital and break off in Tyoshi, since Tabu is just a few miles north. I've already asked and they agreed just this morning."

"Can't you write a letter?" Ana asked. "We'd pay for its delivery."

Karin shook her head. "I know my parents. They led... difficult lives before they settled down and had me," she admitted. "They'll want to see me in person as soon as possible. Besides," she continued. "I miss them. I don't want to wait the remaining month and a half to see them or my new sibling."

Ana had subsided and Alan looked thoughtful. Clearly, they sympathized with her reasoning. Before they could come up with an alternative solution Karin ploughed on, "It's not that I don't appreciate you opening your home to me - it's just... They're my parents, my family."

A long pause followed. "If you're sure..." Alan said at last. He rose to his feet, "I'm going to speak with Jae, I'll have to discuss some things with him before you leave."

Karin nodded her acceptance, hardly daring to believe her luck. She was prepared to leave the room after him, but something a lot like resolve settled in Ana's signature. That, and Luka was radiating anger. Karin winced, he was too young for her reasoning to mean anything to him. He simply couldn't empathize.

Ana waited for her husband's footsteps to fade away before stepping forward. "Karin, I know you're not going to change your mind about this, and for good reason," she added. "But I want you to be careful - the world isn't like Alberi. People aren't going to stop and help you when they see you, you'll have to look out for yourself."

"I know," she told Ana. "Really. But I can't stay here. I need them."

"I understand - family is important," Ana said. Karin smiled at the woman who, despite not knowing the entire situation, still managed to say something that applied. Truly, the woman had a gift for saying the right thing when she offered comfort.

Karin gave a deep bow. "Thank you auntie," she said sincerely.

Ana waved her off. "None of that, Karin." She managed to sound playfully stern despite her blush. "I've got to help the others get ready. The capital's sending a group to protect us on our way back to Alberi, there's even been word that they'll help with reconstruction." The woman tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. "In the meantime, I'll leave you with Luka - I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about."

"Right," Karin said weakly.

Luka waited for his mother to depart much like his mother had done for her husband. Then, at last, he turned on Karin. "You can't leave."

"Luka, I-" she was interrupted.

"No. You can't leave," he repeated. "You're supposed to stay with us until your parents come back with the baby."

"Luka, what happened back home... That was scary right?" Luka nodded uncertainly, thrown by the seemingly random question. "Weren't you glad to have your parents there to help you?"

Luka frowned. "Yeah, but we're safe now. You don't need them now that you're not upset."

'He's only a child. He's only a child. He's only a child...' "But I am still upset," Karin told her friend patiently. "Just because I'm not crying doesn't mean I'm not upset."

"But what about me?" Luka's bottom lip had started to tremble and Karin had to forcefully stop her own from doing the same. "Aren't you going to miss me?"

"Of course, Luka!" Karin assured him quickly. "But I'll come back. I'll introduce you to my new brother or sister and it'll be like I was never gone in the first place."

"Promise?"

"Promise."


A/N: I had to split this chapter in half because I couldn't find a good stopping point, so expect chapter 5 within the month!