A/N: Don't own anything, you know. This is the last chapter before the intense junk starts happening! lol. And I promise, Rachel will be part of the picture soon! Read and Review!
Days turned to weeks, and before he could blink, Jesse found himself packing a small suitcase for the trip to New York for the National Showchoir Championships. His arm was tender, covered with a seven-inch slice from a girl's heel during yesterday's dance rehearsal, and he was bruised and battered in places he was unaware could bruise from dancing. Shelby had upheld her promise, and asked Dakota to spare no ease on the group when choreographing the number. He had listened excitedly, and thus, the group came out with more injuries than ever before, with at least three collapses per rehearsal, and one girl being rushed to the hospital with a bruised femur.
But it would all be worth it by tomorrow evening, Jesse realized as he carried his suitcase through the crowded airport terminal. He had seriously considered asking Shelby if he could drive with her, as she hadn't felt safe traveling with a newborn, but he realized that might be blurring the lines of propriety. So he stood at a boarding gate, surrounded by the people who annoyed him most, huge headphones over his ears, blocking out all other noise. The soothing sounds of Elton John and Kiki Dee had just begun, when Gisele sidled up to him on the cold plastic seats. He moved the headphones down and looked to her.
"Yes?" he asked, and she giggled. It was the first time she had spoken to him since they had realized Jesse wasn't onstage for Shelby's extreme bashing of the club.
"You know," she said, batting her eyelashes. When Jesse stared at her blankly, she rolled her eyes dramatically. "After our win tomorrow, the club won't be in the way anymore," she said, putting a hand dangerously high on his leg. His nostrils flared and he recoiled from her as though she were a poisonous snake. Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. "What the fuck St. James?" she hissed, causing a few passers by to glance over. "You must be a faggot or something," Gisele rolled her eyes, while Jesse glared right back.
"Don't say that word! Some of the nicest people I know are gay!"
"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "I was going to offer that we celebrate together in my hotel room after our win tomorrow, but obviously you'd rather celebrate with Adam," she growled. "Should have known, that Berry girl looks like a man—"
"Shut the FUCK up, Gisele," Jesse said firmly. A coy smirk played in the corners of Gisele's mouth.
"You still like her!" she laughed menacingly. "You little fucking traitor."
"I mean it Gisele, get the hell away from me."
"Or what?" she asked dangerously. "See you around," she leaned in close to his ear, "Jesse," she whispered, smirking. Jesse had never hit a girl before, and he very nearly lunged toward her as she picked up her bag and sashayed away from him. Heart racing and blood boiling, Jesse slammed his headphones back on his head.
He sat blessedly alone on the plane. He'd thought better of texting "I'm going to violently murder Gisele and play around in her blood," to Shelby—the last thing she needed was one deceased soloist and one that was in jail. He watched the picture around him orchestrated by his own soundtrack. His groupmates were laughing and joking with each other. He hit the 'next' button on his iPod, and he began to chuckle to himself as Simon and Garfunkle's "The Only Living Boy In New York," blared through the miniature speakers on his ears. It was ruefully appropriate—slow and melancholy, with just a slight glimmer of hope. He decided this would be his anthem for this trip—funny, how the others had been so bright and uplifting. Freshman year it had been the theme from "New York, New York," sophomore year, "New York State of Mind," and the year previously, the theme from "42nd Street." Jesse let out a breath of air as the plane began to taxi—this was it.
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They arrived late in New York, close to midnight, and Shelby was waiting for them at the gate with an incredibly cranky Beth. She looked frazzled as she explained the directions to the hotel to Jesse, and hurried off without a response. They checked into the hotel and Jesse crashed into his bed the moment the door was unlocked, without even bothering to change out of his jeans.
They were roused at 10 the following morning, eating brunch in the great hall on the main floor of the hotel. An exhausted Shelby greeted them, a few of the boosters gathering uniforms and props and preparing them for the drive to Radio City Music Hall. They rushed upstairs to grab garment bags and accessory bags, and piled onto the bus that was now waiting for them outside.
They arrived at the hall around 1PM, piling into the theatre and picking up their reserve tickets. He got exhilarated feeling that was all too familiar whenever he stepped into a real theatre. He loved the feeling, the idea that someone who truly was successful had performed on the very same stage that he soon would. He wouldn't call it nerves—Jesse St. James didn't get nervous—but he loved the pounding of his heart and the way his senses all became more astute. Jesse wanted to compare it with great sex, and with this, he had to laugh at himself. They were competing with five other teams, and the top three would place. They would be performing fourth, and were all of the opinion that vocal warm ups and costume preparations should begin now for the show beginning at 3.
As they walked to their dressing room, Shelby pulled him aside.
"I talked to Rachel," she told him, smiling warmly. Jesse put on his bravest face and nodded.
"That's great," he said. Shelby nodded, oblivious.
"Yeah. We've talked everything out and decided that, at least for now, we'll have monthly lunches. We'll get to know each other slowly, but I've made it evident that I do want to be a part of her life as long as she'll have me." Jesse grinned.
"That's great Shelby. But I…uh…I've gotta go change," he explained, nodding for the door. He made for the door to the boy's changing room.
"She's not dating Hudson," Shelby called after him, and he stopped dead. Without turning to her, he swallowed.
"How do you know?" he asked, motionless.
"She told me," Shelby said, and Jesse's heart dropped. Had she told Rachel everything he'd said? But before he had another chance to worry, Shelby explained herself.
"I told her I found out about the incident," Shelby said. "Asked her how she was doing, and she said she was okay, that she had a suitor but she wasn't quite ready to go after him yet." Jesse's heart relaxed and worried at the same time—he still had a shot, slim as it was, it was still there. She wasn't taken. Without another word, he walked into the changing rooms to put on his emerald green dress shirt and black slacks.
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Four schools, four states had performed: California, Florida, New York, and Maine, the schools of which he hadn't bothered to listen for. This was it, they were up. He felt an unfamiliar feeling in his stomach—panic? Nerves? He was unsure, and he couldn't decipher why they were even there. He'd never experienced a feeling like this before. He waited anxiously as they announced "Three time Champions, Carmel High School's, Vocal Adrenaline!" and the applause died down as the curtains flew open and he stood, alone, in the dark. He heard the slow, haunting piano and string intro, and felt the blazing spotlight come up on his face. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward.
"Who needs a dream?
Who needs ambition?
Who'd be the fool
In my position?
Once I had dreams
Now they're obsessions
Hopes became needs
Lovers possessions.
Then they move in
Oh so discreetly
Slowly at first
Smiling too sweetly
I opened doors
They walked right through them.
Called me a frien…" his voice trailed off. There, in the fourth row. It couldn't be her, could it? Suddenly, he realized where he was, what was happening. In the brief pause he'd taken, he'd missed two lines, and the chorus was starting! He came in late, and in a song like this, it was nearly impossible for him to catch up.
"Where Iwannabeand…wanna be
Doing what I always said I would…feel I haven't won at all!" his heart was racing. He was finally caught up, but this flaw was going to be a huge issue, and he already feared turning around when the rest of the group took the stage. He finished the song, heart heavy; trying desperately to avoid the part of the audience he'd sworn he'd seen Rachel. As he continued, his heart continued to race as he sang a line that, although he'd acknowledged the pertinence before, struck him with an even heavier blow now.
"But what's the point
If I'm concealing
Not only love,
All other feeling…"
He completed the song and turned to take his place, receiving angry glares from his teammates, though they kept the smiles pasted on their faces. "Airplanes" began, receiving enthusiastic responses from the rest of the crowd as they realized what they were performing, and Jesse remained hidden in the background as a featured ballet dancer—well, as close to ballet as they could come in leather oxfords and character shoes. Shelby had insisted that the references to rap be replaced, so the second verse was replaced with an adapted version of a verse from "Airplanes Part 2," a song Jesse hadn't even known existed until he was forced to listen to it as a warm up song daily before dance rehearsal. He had to admit that the easy replacement of "rapper" to "star" and "A" to "place," made a huge change, and Adam's voice was well suited for the roughness of the song. As the girls continuously spun around the lead vocalists, Jesse and the boys did bounding leaps across the stage. The song ended with the boys holding the females up in high poses, and the audience burst into applause. They scurried into their positions for their closer, Rachel's exuberant face from her last performance of this song burned as an image on Jesse's eyelids. The heavy dance beat began, and without a moment to catch his breath, they began the excruciating four-and-a-half minute routine.
The audience seemed perplexed, but with the familiar backbeat of "Don't Stop Believing" and Gisele's female lead with the Gaga lyrics, there were astonished glances across the auditorium. It suddenly struck Jesse that this would be his last Vocal Adrenaline performance ever, and his entire heart and soul exploded into the dance as he pushed forward.
"Just a small town girl
Living in a lonely world.
"She took the midnight train going anywhere." He spun away and continued, flipping a girl whose name he couldn't quite remember over his head. He didn't stop moving, not even breathing when he continued to sing the memorable rock ballad.
"Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling!" For the first time, Jesse understood the connection Rachel felt to New Directions and the Glee club. The song was absolutely unbelievable to perform live. As the dance beat came back, they ended in a stereotypical show pose, with the boys on one knee and girls swung over their legs. The theatre broke out into thunderous applause, and Jesse scanned and searched for any sign of Rachel, but she was gone, if she'd ever been there at all.
They meandered offstage, and although everyone was panting and beaming, by the time they got to the dressing room, Jesse felt a hand on his shoulder and was roughly pushed into the wall.
"The fuck happened out there, St. James?" Adam asked, an army of Vocal Adrenaline members behind him. "I swear, if you cost us Nationals," he growled. Jesse put his hands up in defense.
"They were going faster than at rehearsal!" Jesse attempted, but Adam pushed him again.
"Fucking liar!"
"Dude, lay off," Jesse spat, searching the crowd for any sign of Shelby.
"I'm not going to lay off!" Adam retorted. "You fucked it up, asshole," he pushed him once more, and this time, Jesse couldn't take it, and he pushed back. "Oh, that is it," Adam said, making for Jesse, but Gisele caught his arm.
"Not here," she spat. "If Shelby sees, we're all fucked," she explained. Jesse had escaped out of the line of fire and was now on the complete opposite side of the room phone in hand.
"Intervention needed please," he texted Shelby, sliding his phone back into his pocket immediately. The group was still glaring at him, but thankfully, Adam had cooled down. Shelby arrived just a few seconds later looking frightened, but when she saw that he was alone and unscathed, her eyes calmed down.
"Awesome guys!" she said, acting as though she had meant to come to the dressing rooms and give them a pep talk. They mumbled in agreement, and Shelby rolled her eyes. "Look, the last two competitors are from Alaska and Wyoming. I'm pretty sure Alaska hasn't heard modern music for like, twenty years, and Wyoming is just going to do a bunch of country ballads. We've got this in the bag," she tried to get her students pumped up, but her attempts were futile. Finally, she walked over to Jesse and pulled him aside.
"Okay, what happened?" she asked. Her male lead had, not once in his 4 years of performing, ever faltered, so she was assured that this had been something major that had caused his stumble. Jesse shook his head.
"You're gonna kill me," he began. Shelby raised an eyebrow.
"Try me."
"I thought I saw your daughter."
