I was woken by a pot clanging the next morning, and I crawled groggily out of bed. I was in a white shirt, one of Harvey's, and I couldn't help but laugh at how expensive the plain thing looked and felt.
Probably more than my tuition.
It hung down to my knees, and I made my way out to the kitchen looking like an elf.
Harvey was dressed in a grey t-shirt and jeans behind the counter, cooking, and laughed when I entered the room.
"Morning! How's your hangover?"
I smiled at his ease. He was so confident in everything he did, it was impossible not to believe him and copy every emotion.
"I'm fine, my body's used to it".
He looked at me pointedly, one eyebrow raised, and I looked away, my smile disappearing.
"Come on, I've got eggs and bacon ready for you" Harvey said lightly as he tipped some bacon rashers onto a plate.
I pulled myself up onto a stool.
"No work today?" I asked.
"Nah, I told Jessica I had something to sort. For the sake of my liquor cabinet more than anything".
I blushed.
"Yea uh… I'm… I'm sorry about that".
He moved around the island and sat a piled up plate in front of me.
"It's cool. But oh boy, if you were mine…" he glanced at me and trailed off, suddenly looking awkward.
Harvey? Looking awkward?
"What?" I demanded of him as I tucked into my breakfast.
"It's uh…" he shook his head, chuckling at himself as he skewered some bacon.
I glared at him. I wasn't going to let this go, and he knew it.
"I um… I was at The Red for a reason the other night" he said, finally meeting my eyes.
Oh. I'd forgotten. That night…
I nodded, and scooped another mouthful of eggs into my mouth so I didn't have to talk.
We ate in silence for a minute, and I could feel Harvey's concern. He was worried that he'd upset me by bringing up that night. I cleared my throat.
"I um… I was there for a reason too" I said quietly, staring at my bacon. I felt him look at me, and dared to meet his gaze. It was open and kind as he watched me curiously.
Dangerous water, Emma…
The voice in my head was warning my sternly, but I ignored her, as always.
"So do you currently have ay… ah… sub?"
"No. Not for a year now"
"Oh?"
"We ended on good terms. She wanted more, and I wasn't willing to give it to her"
"Oh"
We both ate some more, but I could tell he was curious as to why I'd shown up that night myself.
That night…
I shook my head to clear it of bad memories.
"I've never done… it. Like, at all" I started carefully.
"But you want to?"
I blushed.
"Yea"
He nodded at that, and we both relaxed a bit as anxiety gave way to curiosity.
"I was coming to meet you"
"I know"
"But you ran…"
"I know" I sighed. It all seemed so stupid now.
"So you've never…?" He let the question hang in the air.
"Nope"
"Huh…" he was thinking. I let him in silence, and got up to clean my plate.
After putting my dishes in the dishwasher, I made to head back to the bedroom.
"Thanks for breakfast, Harvey. I'm gonna go have a shower, if that's alright?"
He nodded as he finished off the last of his eggs, and I made my way into the bathroom.
Jesus, this guy had money.
I took my time taking in the expansive bathroom properly for the first time. It was black and white, like the rest of his apartment, and was much larger than one man needed.
I'd brought my previously neglected phone in with me, and I ignored the notifications, setting it to play my favourite playlist as I undressed.
I danced my way through a shower, taking time to scrub myself down and wash my hair. I inspected my tummy as I washed. The bruises were still there, but were fading to yellow around the edges. I had a lump on the side of my head still, but it was mostly invisible under my hair, and I reminded myself that Bradley was coming to take the stitches out tomorrow.
Waiting for my favourite song to finish, I then reluctantly left the hot steam and towelled myself dry. I smelt like Harvey, and it was comforting. I had no desire to return to my crappy apartment, but realised with a wave of depression that Harvey wouldn't let me stay forever. I'd ignored my life for long enough, and it was time to wake up and go face the depressing reality.
I got dressed into the same clothes as yesterday. I'd have to go home whether I liked it or not.
Harvey was reading a book when I returned to the lounge, frowning slightly in concentration, clearly immersed completely in the story. He hadn't noticed my entrance, and I took a few seconds to take him in.
He was truly gorgeous. His short hair was perfectly styled as always, slightly pulled up at the front, and every feature on his face was sharp and masculine. Beneath his t-shirt, it was easy to see that his chest and back were well-defined, and his biceps looked too big in the sleeves. He licked his thin lips slightly as he adjusted his position on the couch.
Those lips…
I cleared my throat to bring myself back to the present, and he looked up at me, smiling.
"Good shower?" he asked.
"Yea, thanks" I hesitated, not wanting to talk about me leaving. He continued to watch me, calmly allowing me to focus before speaking again.
"I uh… I wanted to thank you for… for everything" I stuttered. I sounded awkward and tense, but only because I could feel panic oncoming.
I don't want to leave.
He placed his book aside and rose from the couch fluidly. Approaching me, he confidently stepped into my personal space as I stared at the carpet, fighting to keep my breath steady. As he'd done the night before, he reached up to cup my cheeks gently, forcing me to look up at him.
"You sound like you're about to leave" he said, his perfect eyebrows knitting once more as he watched me.
"I uh… well I can't exactly stay forever… and I've been eating all your food and using your water and…" I trailed off into a useless list as I tried hopelessly to convince the both of us that it would be better if I left.
"Emma". He said my name sharply, as I imagined he would speak to his clients at work. I paused, my mouth still open slightly, and he moved his hands from my cheeks to take my hand. Finally breaking eye contact, he turned and led me over to the couch, gesturing for me to sit.
I lowered myself onto the plush cushion as he did the same beside me. He looked down for a moment, carefully structuring his next words as I waited.
"I don't think you should be left alone at the moment. Not until you… until you recognise what happened the other night. You can't just go on ignoring it and pretend everything's fine, Emma. I know you'd like to but you can't".
He finally looked at me as he finished, and I blinked, tears threatening in the corners of my eyes.
He's right, we need to talk about this.
My jaw was locked as I struggled to come up with a reply. Eventually I sighed, letting my shoulders sag slightly as I turned to brace my elbows on my knees, burying my face in my hands.
"I know" was all I could squeak out.
I felt Harvey relax slightly beside me.
"Would you… like me to call someone? For you to talk to?" He sounded uncertain, and I shook my head.
"No, I just… I know what happened. I do. And I am processing it. I just… need time" I managed to stutter out.
Harvey reached out and pulled me into his arms, and I sighed against him as the tight pain around my heart started to lessen.
Bradley arrived a few hours later, and I felt like I was in autopilot mode as I answered his questions.
He made small talk with Harvey as he deftly removed my stitches, the two of them allowing me to lie in silence as, piece by piece, I started to allow memories from the other night back into my head. Now that I'd had a few days, they were less fresh. The pain was duller, the sounds quieter, and everything moved a little slower. By the time Bradley had finished, I was cradling a cup of hot coffee, and thanked him before Harvey walked him to the door.
Harvey returned to sit beside me, and cautiously rested a hand on my knee. I closed my eyes at his touch. I'd never get used to the way it both shocked and calmed me at the same time.
I turned to look at him feeling more normal than I had in days.
"I need to go to my apartment to pick up some things, if you'll let me stay a while longer?"
He smiled, "of course. I'll call Taylor round".
"Taylor?"
He chuckled, "my driver"
My eyes flew to the ceiling.
Of course he has a driver.
When I looked back at him, he looked slightly pissed off.
"What?" I asked, a little nervous.
He hesitated before answering.
"I've never had a girl sass me like that before and get away with it" he said quietly.
"Oh" my mouth hung open slightly.
"Yea"
A charged silence hung between us briefly, before Harvey rose to call Taylor.
I enjoyed the rest of my coffee, and my ear pricked up when I overheard him on the phone.
"… yea, bring the R8, I'll drive. I feel like a little fun today".
No. Fucking. Way.
He turned to face me after hanging up, and looked shocked at my expression.
"You have an Audi R8?" I asked, my voice a high squeak.
He grinned as he returned to the couch.
"I do, cost me a small fortune. Well worth it though, she's my baby!"
I leapt off the couch with such enthusiasm I'm sure I saw him jump beside me.
"Oh my god, I can't believe… wow… I mean… far out" I rambled incoherently as I rinsed out my coffee cup and sat it on the side bench.
Harvey watched me bounce around the kitchen, the grin never leaving his face.
When we finally made it to the garage, the matte black beast was silently idling in front of us. A tough looking man in a suit, Taylor, handed the key to Harvey, who opened the passenger door and turned to look at me expectantly.
I inhaled deeply as I slid into the leather seat, ignoring the dull ache in my stomach as I committed the leather and petrol smell to memory. Harvey made his way round to the driver's side and watched me for a moment as, for once, my ordeal wasn't the first thing on my mind.
"I hate to interrupt", he said finally, "but I need your address".
I told him the number of my apartment as I examined the dashboard, studying all the buttons and dials.
I was interrupted by a low growl beneath me, and my hands moved to grip either side of my bucked seat tightly as we pulled out into the city's streets.
Harvey indulged me by being over-zealous on the accelerator, and laughing at my reactions. I felt like a four year old at Disney world, and was reluctant to leave the gorgeous interior of the car when we finally pulled up outside my apartment block.
I prayed I hadn't left the place too messy as I unlocked the door, suddenly self-conscious as I let Harvey into the tiny lounge.
I had very little personal belonging so the place hardly looked inhabited. The only sign of life was my poor laptop, which was blinking furiously to let me know of its dying battery.
I turned to face Harvey, who looked intrigued by everything.
"So uh… yea. This is home" I said awkwardly.
Harvey moved to sit on my bed, and stroked the quilt quietly for a second before looking at me.
"Emma, I was thinking. If you want to, you could… um… move in with me?" Harvey asked, sounding unusually unsure of himself.
I just looked at him blankly as I processed what he was offering me. He continued to ramble.
"I mean, you don't have to, this place is nice, but I just thought, it's been nice having someone else around, and, well, I think it would be, you know… cool"
I burst into laughter when he finished, and he looked up at me in embarrassment. I moved to sit beside him.
"Harvey, I think that the two of us living together would be extremely cool" I snorted as I repeated his phrase.
"But are you sure? I mean, we barely know each other, and I'm not exactly in an amazing place right now… and-"
I was cut off by Harvey pressing his lips to mine. They were sudden and soft, and I gasped at the contact. We both hesitated for a moment, before a red hot flame moved up my spine, putting my limbs into action. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tipped my head slightly to the side, allowing him better access. At my invitation, he placed his hands at my waist, and ran them slowly down to my hips, which bucked at his touch. His mouth opened against mine, his tongue tentatively exploring mine as we inhaled each other's scent.
The fire suddenly consumed us both in a rush of primal need, and I pulled myself up against him. Harvey groaned deliciously at my movement, and moved quickly. Suddenly, I was on my back, Harvey on his knees over me, holding my wrists above my head with one hand. He had slipped his other hand under my top, and his fingertips traced circles on my skin above my hip, leaving searing marks behind them. Breaking the kiss for breath, he moved to my neck, where soft kisses turned to bites as I writhed beneath him, unable to control my body as I jerked my arms against his hold, gasping and moaning in the same breaths.
His movements slowed all of a sudden. As I lost control, he seemed to regain it. His fingers slowed their pace over my skin, and his tongue moved down my neck so fucking slowly. The burning heat running through me was becoming unbearable, and I hissed, lifting my knees up, bucking my hips and wrestling my arms in a vain attempt to free myself from his torture.
Without moving his face from my neck, he growled.
It was a deep, distinctive growl, and it made me freeze. It was a growl of pleasure, but also a threat, a warning, and it made my joints lock.
The warmth flowing through me turned ice cold, and I started gasping – in fear this time.
I was aware of Harvey removing his hand from under my top, and lifting his head to look at me, but all I could see was a darkness clouding the edges of my vision, turning to rain and concrete. The fire in my nerves turned to pain and cold and numbness, and I sobbed as I heard his voice in my ear.
I moved to struggle, but Harvey was already off of me. He stood a few steps back from the bed, his hair ruffled and his shirt moving over his still heaving chest. The look on his face was one of sheer horror as he watched me fall into a panic attack before his eyes.
I didn't want him to run, to leave me. I couldn't be alone.
Not again.
"Harvey, please" I gasped between sobs as my hands grasped the quilt beneath me for stability.
"Please, don't leave me. Please… I can't…" I dissolved into tears as the other night played through my head on repeat.
As my breath was torn from my body, I was vaguely aware of strong arms wrapped around me, gentle whispers in my ear.
When it was finally over, I blinked to clear my eyes.
I was curled in a fetal position, kept upright only by Harvey's strong arms, which were encasing me against him. As my breathing calmed, I could make out his whispers.
"I'm sorry, Emma. I'm so, so sorry…" over and over again, each time filled with more self-loathing as he rocked me back and forth.
Finally, I lifted myself upright and turned to look at Harvey.
He met my gaze with an expression I never expected Harvey Specter to wear. It was concern, fear and self-loathing all in one. This was something he'd never dealt with before, and he didn't know what to do.
"Harvey…" I croaked out. I didn't know how to tell him that it wasn't his fault. None of this was, and yet he seemed to be shouldering the blame for it all.
He closed his eyes as I said his name, and when he opened them again it seemed he had regained himself.
Just like that, the Harvey I was used to was back.
"Are you okay?" he asked carefully.
I nodded.
"Do you want me to leave?"
I shook my head.
"No, you're… you're all I have left" I squeaked.
He nodded, understanding, and the two of us turned our minds to packing my stuff.
Barely a word was spoken. On the way back it started to rain, and I closed my eyes, listening to the purr of the engine and the rain pattering against the windscreen.
