A/N: Whoever made the episode I'm making fun of this time was clearly on some hardcore drugs. Seriously what the actual fuck?
And there's no english transcript for this so I'm just going to bullshit my way through it. Well...bullshit it more than usual.
They were back. Back in the horrible nightmare called reacting to their own show being fucked up by some asshole. Or as Lucio would say, back in the mix. Everyone turned their heads to the girl responsible for ruining their lives, finding her to be more calm than they had eve seen her.
"I have embraced tranquility and passed into the Iris. And I found this today and could not pass up on the opportunity to show you my pain." Jeenius explained gesturing to the screen.
The episode started, skipping the horrible intro that made people want to purposefully not wall ride the well in Ilios. The scene begins with...singing.
"...so we're just going to skip this part." Jeenius decided, fast forwarding the episode to a part without cringey singing.
Marinette was now searching for some present she was going to give Adrien. She, predictably, flips her shit and can't find it because she's extremely fucking useless without her Ladybug suit. Tikki finds it instead, secretly wishing she could be smited by the kwami gods of the universe. Tikki's Christmas wish would never come true.
Marinette runs back to the 'goriila', who looks nothing like Winston or that other gorilla who we all know and love, to give Adrien's present to the man so he can do her own manual labor. Marinette is a bitch. An extremely awkward exchange happens but we'll not get into it because I skipped over that too.
Marinette: "I hope Adrien has a merry Christmas." *looks up into the sky* A picture of Adrien's face appears next to the moon for some reason.
A record scratch is heard. The scene stops.
Jeenius stared at the screen with a dumbfounded look on her face. She tried to process what the fuck she just saw. Then remembered this was Miraculous fucking Ladybug, a cartoon that has somehow achieved the award for being worse than Teen Titans Go.
"I need a moment...or 3000." Jeenius said, shoving her headphones into her ears and trying to purge herself of the horrors displayed by listening to a six hour loop of DVa saying GG and staring at Mei's new legendary skin. Which is, in all honesty, just a recolour of her base skin with a hat thrown on top of her head. What the fuck Blizzard? You seriously think that's worth 3000 credits? That's how much a gold weapon is in competitive credits and comp requires actual skill to play.
Whatever let's just move on.
To sum up what's happening on the show, Adrien is decorating a Christmas tree while being emo about the fact his father is ignoring him again. I'd think Adrien would be used to that by now but apparently he feels the need to be emo. He goes into his room. You can faintly hear Wake Me Up Inside playing in the background.
Someone giggles. Probably the Rose human. She's craaaaazy.
The video skips ahead more, mostly because Jeenius doesn't want to have Adrien's emo single to be playing in the background while listening to her GGs and writing an angry reddit post to Blizzard that Blizzard will never see. No one would ever had to listen to him sing. Thank the Iris.
The video starts playing normally again.
Plagg is lying on the ground. Looking like he's about to die. What the actual fuck?
Plagg: I'm tired, my stomach is starving. I'm exhausted, I can't go on anymore.
"Well at least we know they're mutually emo." Jeenius said, pretending not to be triggered by the fact the cheese fetish cat was singing.
Adrien: Plagg! What have I done? Wait. Wait. I'll help you. *feels around for cheese* *is unsuccessful*
He finds the present Marinette gave to his body guard and opens it.
It's a hat.
Adrien puts the cheese fetish cat onto the hat. Cheese fetish cat become nothing but a disembodied head for a moment. No jokes. this actually happens.
Adrien finds a card. He reads it and friendzones Marinette once again. Good. Keep the shippers in agony.
He shoves the card up his ass and picks up the hat while telling Plagg everything will be alright. Jokes on Adrien. Nothing will be alright. Only pain and sorrow will fill his life. Life is pain.
Something else is said about Christmas. A picture of Santa Torbjorn flashing on the screen for a split second. No one has time to comment on this.
Mr Agreste goes to Adiren's room calling for Adrien. He finds the room empty. Cue angry overprotective father mode. He sends the secretary lady and Haramb- *cough* the bodyguard out to find him.
Cut to a montage of his friends not knowing where he is. Very useful.
The video skips ahead again.
No one knows why Adrien is standing outside his house with Santa but he is. Santa looks suspiciously a lot like Torbjorn for a minute. Before anyone can question this Santa looks normal again.
Ladybubs appears. Cue accusations that can only be followed up by her own stupidity. But that's miraculous Ladybug, 33% of the problems are caused by Marinette while the other 67% are caused by Chloe.
Adrien finds his inner emo again. What the fuck is this? My Immortal the cartoon?
Santa is akumatized because Marinette is stupid.
Music starts and the newly akumatize Santa begins singing...
and...
...
...dabbing.
Evil Santa: I AM THE DABBER! I SHALL MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD DAB!
That was dubbed over the actual episode.
Everyone turned to Jeenius to find her trying to suppress her cackles.
"We meet again BamBam." she whispered.
"What are you talking about? Who is BamBam?" asked MariNOOT, the episode continuously looping Santa dabbing in the background.
Jeenius clapped her hands together and turned her full attention to the characters of Miraculous Ladybug.
"A few months ago I finished a story called Min Yoongi and the Slow Decent into Madness. One of the villains I made you and Yoongi from BTS 'fight' was BamBam from a kpop group called GOT7. Good times." she explained, air quoting the word fight.
By this point the characters were too tilted to continue. The episode ended with Santa Torbjorn appearing again while saying, "Merry Molten core."
