Chapter 4: Fragile

The next morning when Angel woke she had a feeling of nervousness in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't explain it, and as she got dressed the feeling got worse.

By the time she got to the guild she felt shaky. Normally she didn't try to ignore a feeling like this, but normally there was a damn good reason for it and right now she was completely confused as to why she was nervous.

She sat down at Levy's table and gave them a shallow smile.

"Are you alright?" Levy asked. Angel shrugged.

"I dunno. I've been having this weird feeling all morning, and I can't explain it," she said, looking down and twiddling her thumbs.

"Maybe it's Gajeel? I mean, you knew you were supposed to come to Fairy Tail because of a feeling. I mean, he hasn't come in today, so maybe that's it," Jet said. Angel shrugged.

"Maybe. But I can't do much if I don't know for sure. Besides, he might be fine and we're just worrying," she said, though they all knew he wasn't fine per say.

"Makes sense," Droy said.

As the day wore on, Gajeel never showed up and the nervous feeling in Angel's stomach turned into nausea. Levy and the others could see she wasn't feeling well, but said nothing about it, figuring she would just wave them off.

Finally, around six that night Pantherlily flew in the guild looking downright frantic.

"Angel!" He hissed, flying straight to her and landing in front of her on the table. As he spoke she felt her nerves turn into dread, the nausea leaving her body in a split second. "Gajeel's locked himself in his room, and he won't come out. I know something's wrong but I can't get in," he said. Angel jumped to her feet.

"Let's go," she said, and she and Lily hurried out of the guild. She let Lily take the lead as they ran for Gajeel's place of residence. When they arrived Lily pushed the door open and let Angel enter first. The house was dark, but there was an alarming scent that told her right where to go: Blood.

She ran, dodging furniture, and walls, until she came to a locked door. She pounded on it and like she had predicted got no answer. "Gajeel!" She screamed, pounding on it once more. The smell of blood assaulted her heavily here, and though still no one answered, she knew she had the right door.

"I'm sorry about this," she said to Lily before the stepped back from the door.

"Lava Dragon's Talon!" She slammed her foot into the door, which snapped off its hinges and fell over. As she stood straight she felt her breath catch in her throat.

The room was dark, but she could clearly see Gajeel sitting on the floor in the corner. His head had lifted weakly and he looked shocked and scared, two emotions neither Angel nor Pantherlily ever expected to see on his face. He was ten times paler than normal, and she could see a razor in his right hand. His left wrist was cut to shreds, and Angel wanted to scream in rage.

"Idiot!" she shrieked, running straight over to him and dropping to her knees. Before he could react she ripped the razor from his hand and whipped it across the room so hard it disappeared into the wall. Gajeel looked almost like a dear caught in the headlights.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot," she repeated as she took note of the pool of blood on the floor. There's so much of it… How is he not dead or out cold?! She thought. She quickly looked around and went with the simplest solution she could come up with.

She ripped her shirt off and then tied it around his wrist as tight as she could. Gajeel paid little attention to the fact that she was topless, and instead, tried to pull his wrist away from her.

"No…" he whimpered.

"Shut the fuck up!" she growled. "I'm not going to let you kill yourself! Because if you think that that will solve everything, you're wrong!" she snapped. "I know! I've been there! It's not fun, but dying is not the fucking answer!" Gajeel looked taken aback, for a moment before he looked away and did the last thing anyone expected him to do.

He broke down and started to sob.

Angel, however, took it in stride, hiding her shock as she pulled him close, despite his protests. "Shh," she whispered, running her hand over his knotted and tangled hair. "I know… I know how much it hurts… Trust me… I understand." Lily flew over silently, and landed softly next to them. He said nothing, until Gajeel had passed out.

"Was that completely necessary?" he asked. Angel had a sad look on her face.

"Unfortunately yes. It took me getting screamed at a thousand times by Master Bob and Hibiki to get me to let them help me. However, I probably won't scream that much. I'm not much of a yeller," she said, slowly running her hand over Gajeel's hair still. "I wouldn't have yelled this time, but my anger got the best of me." She chuckled once, humorlessly. "But I can't really be mad at him… He doesn't mean it," she said softly. Lily nodded.

"I see. I suppose that makes more sense," he admitted. Angel sighed quietly.

"Why didn't someone catch this before?" she groaned. It was killing her to watch Gajeel go through this.

"I don't know Angel… I don't know," Pantherlily said quietly.

"Would you get me a proper first aid kit, and a brush please?" she asked. Lily nodded.

"Would you like an extra shirt as well?" he asked as he headed for the door.

"Yeah, actually. I would, thank you," she said with a small sigh. Lily nodded again and disappeared into the hallway. He came back about ten minutes later, with a clean black shirt that was way too big, a first aid kit, and a brush, all as she had asked.

First she took the shirt and slipped it on, tucking it into her skirt to make it fit better. After that she untied her shirt from around Gajeel's wrist and went to cleaning and properly bandaging it. She then sighed and turned to Lily, handing him the first aid kit, before turning back to Gajeel and carefully brushing his hair out. It gave her hands something to do, and her mind time to think and calm down.

She knew it was going to take a lot to help Gajeel but she didn't know what she was going to do. She noticed within the first few days of knowing him he was very hard to get to and he didn't let others see his inner emotions.

She had been like that too, but… She had a feeling it was going to be so much worse with him. She sighed as she finished brushing the last of the tangles and knots from his hair.

"Lily, can you help me get him into bed?" she asked softly. Lily nodded and shifted and together they got him off the floor and back into bed. Angel then sighed and turned to the door.

"I really should have been gentle with the poor door," she said with a sigh. Lily looked over at it as well, and then sighed.

"We should probably fix it before he wakes up, but all the closest hardware stores are probably closed. She nodded.

"Oh well. I guess it stays like that until tomorrow," she said with a sigh. "It's not like welding it back into place would help."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked. It seemed like a good solution to him.

"It might not move when I'm done," she said. Lily nodded at that.

"Fair enough."

XxX

When Gajeel's eyes opened in the morning he was immediately aware that he was really dizzy, and he was still lying down. As he slowly sat up his dizziness got worse, and he was confused.

How the hell did I get into bed? He thought. The last thing he remembered was Angel bursting in a yelling at him, taking his razor away, and chucking it at the wall. Then…

He had completely lost control of his emotions and had cried like a little girl. After that he realized he must have fallen asleep because that was the last thing he remembered. Slowly, he looked around and noticed the door, which was now propped up against the wall. He frowned and ran a hand through his hair.

He paused. What the hell? He remembered being tangled and knotted and yet, it felt like…

She brushed my hair? He thought in confusion. Angel was starting to wonder him. Either she is completely crazy, or she… Oh never mind! It doesn't matter anyway… He thought bitterly, clenching his fists and looking down at his lap angrily.

I can't believe this happening… How the hell did they find out in the first place?! I don't get it! I don't want this! I don't fucking want their help! I just want to die and get it over with… He looked at his bandaged wrist with a scowl.

Lovely. An alarm spell in case I try to take it off. God dammit. She's clever, I'll give her that. He looked up as he heard the rustling of wings. Lily hovered in the doorway, Angel next to him.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked. He glared for a moment before looking away, refusing to answer. She sighed. "Gajeel…" He didn't acknowledge her, and she sighed again, slowly walking towards the bed.

"Gajeel, please. I only want to help you, whether you want it or not which I'm pretty sure, from the cold shoulder I'm getting, you don't," she said, sitting on the foot of the bed, Lily landing right in front of her. He glanced over and noticed she was looking at her lap, one hand on Lily's head.

"Why the hell do you even care?" he snapped coldly. "You're never gonna be able to help me, so why don't you just get out and move on with your little life," he growled. He barely saw her move before he felt the sting of her slap on his cheek. It sent him reeling, the dizziness making his head spin.

"Don't you dare say that! I said the same damn thing when Master Bob and Hibiki tried to help me. But it's not true! But you have to stop fighting me! Dying is not the answer, and I will make you see that. You don't have to make yourself miserable like this Gajeel," she said, clenching her fists at her side, looking down. He looked up a little and noticed she was trembling. Lily was giving him a sad look, and had his arms crossed.

"Why? Why do you care? And why me?" he asked, shaking his head and looking down again.

"I don't know why you Gajeel, it could have been anyone! But I had a feeling I needed to be here, in Fairy Tail, and it looks like I was right. As for why I care and why I'm here, well, I promised Master Bob I would save others from the fate he saved me from. I refused to stand by and watch others lose to the darkness when I know they can beat it. That's why I care Gajeel. You're a person. A person who needs help, not some… Animal to be ignored," she said. She looked sad as she said this, and it made guilt rise in Gajeel's chest and he found it hard to breathe.

"Please, Gajeel," he looked up into teary eyes, as a few of her tears spilled down her cheeks. "Let me help you. You can't let the guilt win. Don't let the darkness take you…" He couldn't speak, and he looked away again.

"Gajeel, you're not alone. You can do this. But you have to let us help you," Pantherlily said, his voice seeming to strike a nerve. Tears of his own spilled and fell to the floor.

"Gajeel," Angel said after she had quickly wiped her tears and kneeled in front of Gajeel. "You know the real Graciea wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself like this, and she definitely wouldn't want you to drown in your guilt either. I know what it's like, the guilt creating a demon to torment you. But it isn't real," she said, putting a hand on his arm. He flinched at her touch, and kept his eyes down.

"How… How did you find out about all of this?" he asked. His voice was quiet, but you could still hear how fragile it was. She knew he was close to breaking down again.

She looked up at Lily, who nodded.

"She'll understand," he said softly. Angel nodded slowly.

"Juvia told us about Graciea," Angel said. "When you got sick on that job, we got worried, and I asked if there was anything unusual going on with you, and they named off things that all pointed to depression. When I saw the cuts on your wrist, I knew. But, Levy and her team had no idea why you would be depressed like this, so we asked Juvia," Angel said softly. "She only told us because she was worried about you, and she wanted to help." Gajeel chuckled once, humorlessly.

"I shoulda' known she'd have been the one who told you," he said quietly. Angel smiled sadly, gently putting her hand on his wrist. He looked at her with eyes of one who is hopelessly lost.

"She cares too Gajeel, we all do, whether we show it or not," she said gently. She carefully reached up and put her hand on his cheek, making him look at her. "You'll be okay Gajeel. I'm sure of it. You'll make it. But you can't give up like this, ever," she said, looking him in the eyes. He looked away uncomfortably.

"And if I don't? I'm not like you Angel," he said, swallowing slowly.

"That's where you're wrong. You're exactly like I was Gajeel. And I'll make sure you come out on top, trust me," she said standing.

Gajeel didn't know what to say. For one, he was still dizzy, and for two, he was still so hesitant to trust Angel. It wasn't her fault. It was his own memories and her resemblance to Graciea that made it so hard for him.

"I want you to see something," Angel said after a long silence. He looked up a little to see her pulling her gloves off her arms, and his eyes widened.

From the crease of her elbows to the top of her wrists were scars from years of cutting. They overlapped, and went every which way. When she turned her arms over, he saw the same patterns from her wrists to her elbows.

"This is how far I'd gone. Seven times I damn near ended it, but…" she chuckled fondly. "Hibiki or Master Bob always caught me. And these," she said nodding at her arms. "Were like my check markers. I would always how far forward or backward by how many new cuts there were. In total I think there's… about 10,970 altogether," she said. Gajeel looked shocked.

"S-So many…" he whispered looking down.

"Now you know why I stopped you last night," she said, slipping her gloves back on.

"Why do you hide them?" he finally asked after a long pause.

"It's not for me. I'd rather have them uncovered as a constant reminder, but it intimidates people, so I just cover them," she said. He nodded slowly.

"Don't worry Gajeel," Angel said after another long pause. "You'll be okay."