Author's Notes:
I also decided to have a system here. If any character refers to "the Author" with a capital, it's me. If they refer to "the author" with no capital, it is the stereotypical moronic writer I am mocking.
A
uthorz Notez: Like, ohmigod, you won't believe this! I've got, like, a FLAME!! Like, somebody doesn't recognise my, like tallent.So I'm like gonna work even like harder to make this a like, good story! *Squeals* B/S 4 EVA!!!!!!
Like, the next day Buffy and Spike arrived in China.
"Wait a minute," Spike said to Buffy, frowning. He looked around. "I thought we were going to Texas?"
"Oh yeah, well apparently the author lost interest in that idea and discarded it, figuring no-one would notice. They then decided it would be a good idea to change our new living location to the most ridiculous place possible." Buffy explained.
"Oh. That makes sense. Well, in a 'wtf, that makes no bloody sense AT ALL' kinda way." Spike commented.
So then like Spike and Buffy went to bed and kept the neighbours up with long, loud hot steamy sessions of use ur imagination!!!!!!!!....[author pauses and thinks for a second].....!!!!!
"Wow, you've really got the hang of the single entendre there." said Spike, rolling his eyes.
* * *
"Like, really, whatEVER, ohmigod, B/S 4 eva, YEAH!!!!!!!!"
The author sat back and tried saying the extent of her vocabulary out loud.
"Like, the words just won't come. I think I have, like writers self-defence move."
She sat and thought. *cough* Well, 'thought' is maybe too generous a word to use in the situation...
"Like, ohmigod, I know what to do!" The author squealed. "I'll just like, write it anyway! No matter how SEE-AR-AY-PEE-EYE-EN-GEE it is."
* * *
"So, let me go over the plan one more time."
Giles, Willow and Xander sat in the Magic Box. They had spent the whole afternoon formulating (ooh, big word) a plan to deal with the B/S situation.
"B/S?" Xander repeated. "Couldn't have put it better myself...." he muttered.
Willow looked around.
"Hey, where is everybody? Tara, Anya, Spike, hell, maybe even Agent Corn-farm."
"Ah, well you see Willow, the majority of starting out fics tend to forget those characters. So I'm afraid there's no getting laid for either of you."
Simultaneously...
"Dammit!"
"Damn those authors!"
Willow and Xander began to sulk.
"Uh...yes, quite." Giles checked his watch. "Wait a minute. How can we have only spent 'the whole afternoon' thinking up a plan when it's already been mentioned a whole day has passed?"
"...Because in most starting out fics time periods are completely irrelevant?" Xander suggested.
"Right, enough of us bluntly stating all the inconsistencies of starting out fics. Instead let us try to subtly fit them into the storyline, like other authors do. Cal...." he glared.
"Sorry." The Author apologised.
"So," Willow interrupted. "The plan is for us to tranquillise Buffy and somehow get some organisation we hate and don't trust like the Watchers Council or the Initiative to keep her locked up until she sees sense?"
"Yep." Xander confirmed.
".........Why am I somehow doubting that plan's reliability?"
"Well, duh, because in the majority-"
"Xander!" Giles hissed.
"Oops, um what I meant to say was....." Xander looked puzzled. He turned to Giles.
"Exactly how do you subtly fit jabs at the authors into the storyline?"
"Well, it's simple. You.....well, that is to say, one will....uh..."
* * *
Spike and Buffy walked hand-in-hand down the busy street of Australia, whistling a merry tune, in synch with each other.
"My dear, isn't life simply wonderful?" Spike asked Buffy.
"Why yes, my pumpkin-honeycomb. It's simply perfect." Buffy replied, her heart content.
"Waitaminute, stop, hold everything." Spike suddenly glanced around him. "Why the hell did we come to Australia, a land known for it's SUN? And while we're at it, why am I walking outside in broad daylight and staying in this rather pleasant state of non-spontaneous combustion?"
"Well, you see, IN THE MAJORITY OF STARTING OUT FICS," Buffy began, glaring pointedly at the Author. "The author conveniently forgets that you can't travel around during the day."
"Oh. Well, that's bloody convenient."
"I think I covered that with the whole 'conveniently forgets' comment."
"Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!!!!!!!!" Spike said. Then he frowned.
"Wait a minute, why the hell did I say that? I don't talk like that."
"Well, in the majority....you get the idea."
* * *
"So...." Giles managed to say. "How about we go over the plan?"
The three were draped out across the table, absolutely exhausted.
"What, again?!!" Willow screeched, too tired to be-hyper-and-act-like-a-five-year-old. "We've gone over the damn plan 812 times!!"
"You actually counted?" Xander asked quietly. With a glare from Willow he shut up.
"Well, you see, in most starting out fics the phrase 'so, how about we go over the plan' or some variation is used in every scene opening, as a plot device to keep the readers up to date."
"Isn't that just lazy and convenient?" asked Willow.
Giles gave her a significant look.
"Oh. Right."
"So-" Giles began.
"GODDAMN IT, THE PLAN IS TO LOCK BUFFY UP UNTIL SHE'S NOT PSYCHOTIC ANYMORE!!!!!" Xander yelled, in a rather stupid outburst.
The three were silent for a moment.
"So, how about..."
THE REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS:
From: Sclub7pandagrl
Review: Like, that woz wierd I didnt understand it.....
From: Genghis
Review: Um I don't really no what 2 say..*notices other people are saying, 'great fic etc'* ...on 2nd thought its great man yeah keep it up.
From: Oogleboogle ('Kay, I'm really pushing it with the names here)
Review: Yes, well, while I'm not largely a fan of parodies myself, blah blah blah. As Freud once said, 'Ha ha, only complete losers quote me in an argument'. Blah blah etc etc.
From: Twoannoying13yearoldgirlsfromengland
Review: erm yeh we liked it it woz gr8 but don't make fun of Spike he is HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From: Spikesgirlfriend4eva
Review: good B/S 4 eva YEAH!!!!!!
From: Johnson
Review: u think ur so smart, dont u. How would u like it if someone did this to u? I'M GONNA HACK UR COMPUTER AND ERASE UR C DRIVE HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! God, I'm so witty.
From: Steve Groper
Review: yeah, good FOR A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD
(That ones for you, Jenn!)
From: Angelus
Review: Yeah, um that sucked, etc.
