"I'll Be Living in Vain"

In the Back of A Cab 6:30am

*Casey Pov*

I have a new outfit on. If i'm gonna go to the 1-6 then I have to be presentable. So I went to the nearest clothing store and bought a cheap pencil skirt, blue blazer, plain black heels, and terribly cheap pigmented makeup. My breathe hitched as the cab stopped. 'It's now or never, preferably never' I thought. I threw the driver some cash and got out. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and I walked in.

The squad room was packed. I couldn't help but to feel self-conscience. I covered up most of my cuts, but I couldn't do anything about my lip or the bruises. I saw Liv on the phone and I contemplated going up to her. I quickly decided not to do that. Instead I went up to Munch. I tapped on his shoulder. "If you have a tip, please wait in line." He said not looking back. I rolled my eyes. "Way to roll out the read carpet, Munch." I said in my usual raspy voice. He turned around. "Ca-Casey?" He asked as if he'd seen a ghost. I put on a brave face even though I wanted to run and hide. "The one and only." I said taking in the squad room.

Everyones eyes are on me now. I cross my arms. "Alright pack it up, we're done here." Munch says after staring at me for a while. Liv come my way with open arms. "Don't touch me." I say a little to hasty. She back away unexpectedly. I lift up my sleeve just a little. She saw the bruises and cuts. She nodded and gave me a half smile. "I know you guys might be mad at me and i'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what i've put you guys through and what I put the city through." I was crying now. Liv came towards me and held me. I didn't protest this time. I let her hug me even if it hurt. "Where not mad Casey. We're just glad your safe and your here." Cragen said. I cried even harder and Liv rushed me to a chair.

I was crying into Liv's shoulder and when I lifted my head I saw black on her shirt. "I guess thats what I get for buying cheap mascara." I said putting on my best smile. She chuckled and so did the rest of the squad. "I guess I need to make a statement?" I asked. Liv exchanged glances with everyone. "Uh-let's not talk about that just yet. Have you eaten?" she asked. My stomach growled and I forgot how hungry I was. I just nodded. With that Liv left.

Cragen took me into his office. He closed the blinds and the door. He sat down and asked "How are you feeling?" I look at him for a while. "Honestly?" I ask. He nods. "Hopeless." I say as I breathe out. He looks down. "You can get through this Casey." He said after a while. I nod as I take in the room. "I know. I'll heal. Or maybe I won't." I cocked my head to the side and squint. "Casey don't say that." He say walking towards me. I roll my eyes. "I'm being optimistic. What percent of victims actually heal?" I ask. He stays silent. "Now how many of them turn to sex, alcohol, or drugs?" I ask. "Way too many. Which is why I don't want you to become on of them." He says sitting on the edge of his desk. I laugh. "Do we actually believe the stuff we tell victims?" I ask. "Of course we do." He answers back. I look at him and smile. I pick up my purse and turn to leave. "I need a drink." I say as I walk out. I hear him call my name but I just don't care.

*Olivia Pov*

I went into Cragen's office when I didn't see Casey in the squad room. "Wheres Casey?" I asked. He rubbed his head and looked up at me. "She said she needed a drink." He sighed. "You didn't try to stop her. What if she hurts herself or worse someone else?" I say agitated. "Come on Liv calm down. We both went after her. What did you want us to do hand-cuff her?" Elliot asked. I roll my eyes. "Yes!" I yell. "If it keeps her safe then absolutely." I say walking out.

25 minutes later I hear Casey coming in the squad room. "Where the hell have you been?" I ask. She looks at me and around the room to see angry faces. She sat down at my desk and crossed her arms. "Blowing off steam." She said after contemplating her answer. I pull out my breathalyzer. "Really Liv?" She asked looking surprised. I walk towards her. "Yes Casey. When you walk out yelling that you need a drink I kinda expect you to be drunk off your ass." I said being a smart ass. She blew into the breathalyzer. It was normal. "See. I didn't get drunk. Even though I thought about it. I also thought about picking up a guy and going back to his place, but I didn't do that now did I?" She said rolling her eyes. "Case!" I yelled. "What? I'm sorry ok I just needed some time. Some time to think. I don't know how to not be okay." She says on the verge of tears. "I know. I'm sorry for being so hard on you, but you can't keep running away. We're here to help you. Anyways where did you go?" I said a little curious. "I took a walk." She said not looking in my direction. "You took a walk in Manhattan at night alone?" I asked. "Yes. I not living my life in fear and I start to I won't be living very long." She said. "Casey, you can't talk like that." I said crouching down in front of her. "Ughh STOP IT!. I will and I can. OK!" She yelled standing up and walking away. She combed one hand through her ponytail. She started pacing back and forth. "Can you just take my statement so I can get away from you all?" She said bluntly. I looked around the room at Fin, Munch, El, and Cragen. I could see the hurt on there faces. "Well?" Casey asked impatiently. "We actually thought it would be better if you talked to Dr. Haung." I finally said. That earned me an eye roll and a "Fine."

A/N: I thought it would be good if I showed Casey's emotions as kind of up and down...