The standard disclaimers apply to all chapters; I don't own the series or any of the characters. This was written only for fun and practice.
Chapter 4
George stood shaking in front of his telephone, he had never felt so vulnerable in his own home.
The monster had violated his home. With a shaking hand he reached out and almost reluctantly pushed the play button on the answering machine.
Beep! "So, my sweet I have found you at last. I meant it when I said that you were my favorite, you always were, you know. I can't get you out of my mind, and even now I can taste you on my lips. You are a sweet nectar, and after having tasted you again, I won't let you go, not this time. You are my obsession. You are my addiction. You are mine and always will be." Beep!
George stood rooted to the spot. "You are mine." That slow sultry voice seemed to reverberate through his head. "You are mine." a stab of fear coursed through his body. He couldn't begin to imagine the terror that Matt must have felt.
He shook his head as if to clear his mind. Something wasn't right. He pushed the rewind button on the answering machine, then the play button. "I meant it when I said that you were my favorite, you always were" quickly George pushed stop. He rewound the tape just a little and pushed play again. "my favorite, you always were".
Suddenly something clicked for George, 'you always were'he mumbled to himself. 'you were my favorite, you always were' past tense 'you are mine'present tense. There was history here. The voice had been very possessive not angry, George listened to a bit of the message again, "after having tasted you again" George shuddered 'again' how did Matt know this man? He pushed the play button again, "I won't let you go, not this time" George felt his skin crawl. 'not this time'He could feel his pulse thundering in his ears, there was definitely history here and it seemed that the sultry voiced monster wished it to be history no longer.
George was filled with a rage, white hot and almost overpowering. He started to tremble with the effort to keep himself from screaming. He could still see the raw terror in Matt's eyes. He could remember too well how his friend had trembled as he held him sitting there on the floor. How he had cried. That was something Matt would never do in the past. He had always kept a tight reign on any emotion that would make him seem week. He had always seemed so fearless. But sitting here on this floor, George turned slightly and glanced into the corner, Matt had sobbed into his shoulder, and had trembled uncontrollably until the sedative had done its work. He had been terrified.
George hadn't moved away from the phone, in fact his hand was still on the answering machine. He quickly hit the eject button pulled the small tape from the machine and dropped it in his coat pocket. "He's not yours you bastard, he never was and he never will be." he hissed and stood with his hands clenched tightly in front of him, his knuckles almost glowing white. He forced himself to calm down. He flexed his fingers and let his hands drop to his sides, and in a voice dangerously calm and determined he finished, "I will stop you, there will be no next time." He whispered into the empty room.
The bedroom was dark and quiet except for the steady rhythm of Matt's breathing. Vessna stood in the doorway eyes wide and Abigail, her stuffed elephant, still clutched tightly under her arm. She had never seen her Uncle Matt or for that matter any other adult act so afraid. Like most children she had the odd idea that grownups didn't get scared. This had been a revelation for her.
She took a tiny step and stopped, watching Matt's chest rise and fall as he breathed, he didn't move so she took another. By the time she had made it to the bed she had gathered her courage and without stopping to think, she crawled up and lay down beside her bestest grown up friend. She snuggled up against his side reaching her arm up and around his middle much as she had done when he had been in the hospital. Instinctively Matt curled his arm around the little girl holding her and Abigail closer.
Vessna heaved a sigh of relief. He hadn't pushed her away, maybe he was going to be okay now. She sighed again and burrowed in deeper against him. She didn't like for him to be alone, it was scary being alone. She didn't like it herself.
She missed Emily terribly and had a hard time getting to sleep at night without her. George and Susan had tried to soothe her fears, but she couldn't get accustomed to the silence or the feeling that something was hiding under her bed.
Matt had been very sympathetic, he had understood. One day about two weeks after Emily had been away at school, Matt had picked her up one afternoon. He told her that he had found a poor lost elephant who was very lonely and needed a home and a friend to look after, would she be interested in helping out. That was how she had first met Abigail. She had no idea how Abigail was able to keep the monsters away, but they were terrified of her and kept their distance fleeing the closet or anywhere else they might have been hiding.
There was no way Vessna would be able to give Abigail up, but she was willing to share. She and Abigail together would keep that bad man away from Matt so he wouldn't have to be so scared anymore. After all, no one in their right mind would brave an angry elephant.
Marcie sat at her desk going over Matt's medical records, psych work up, and the police report again. She had read and reread them until she could almost recite all the entries word for word.
This was going to be a tough case, but Matt was worth it, he was one of the good guys and she would do everything in her power to help him get his life back. She still had a copy of Matt's personality profile from almost eight years before. Way back then there were doors Matt refused open, she knew that it would be even harder now.
It was late afternoon, almost evening when Matt started coming around, he was disoriented and very confused. He had no idea where he was and began to panic, his heart thumping almost painfully in his chest. He felt something tickle against his cheek and jerked away almost falling off the bed. He suddenly found himself face to face with a fuzzy grey stuffed elephant. Relief washed over him, it had been Abigail's velour trunk resting on his cheek.
He smiled feeling foolish and lay back covering his eyes with his forearm. Memories began to flood his brain. Nothing clear though, still nothing made sense. He knew he had been hurt, he could remember the pain and the mind numbing terror. But it was almost like trying to see through murky water.
He could remember clearly the days in the hospital and the many humiliations he had had to endure. The endless parade of doctors and nurses coming and going at their conveyance, looking at him touching him and never asking his permission before taking blood, drawing fluid off his bladder or the many embarrassing examinations. The rectal examinations had been the worst, even now he could feel his face burning.
He hated this. He hated being so week, so dependent on Cathy and his friends. Hell! Even after the catheter had been removed from his bladder, he hadn't been able to take a piss without someone there to help him. His face burned again as he remembered the nurses and even George, who had held the urinal for him while he had taken care of business.
His mind was so full of holes with some flashes of clear memory like in the hospital, but all too many hazy recollections. "I'm losing my mind" he thought despondently. That thought brought back the memory of what had happened that morning. He had lost it right there in George and Susan's living room. He had become a basket case just listening to that voice. But damn, he could still feel that oily voice sliding over his skin. He couldn't remember a face but he could remember that voice and it filled him with revulsion. He began to shake and suddenly he was gripped by stomach cramps that had him sitting bolt upright gasping for breath and breaking out in a cold sweat. He hated himself again for the tears that refused to be held back and made tracks down his face. He groaned and wrapped his arms as tightly as he was able around his middle, feeling nauseous.
He hadn't heard her come in the room but Cathy was quickly there next to him, "What's wrong?" her voice was full of concern.
"Sick" was all he was able to get past his chattering teeth.
Cathy quickly helped him to lean over the side of the bed. He was mortified, he could feel George watching him from the doorway, but he couldn't help himself as he retched and threw up what little had been in his stomach.
He lay back exhausted his head spinning. 'Oh God, was this ever going to stop?' he thought to himself.
"You okay?" Cathy's voice sounded far away as she cleaned up the mess in the floor.
He only nodded wishing everyone would just go away and leave him alone.
She finished and came back to sit on the side of the bed watching his face for any sign that he might be sick again. She let her hand rest on his shoulder and he stiffened noticeably. She moved her hand to her lap never having felt so helpless in her life. She wanted desperately to comfort him in some way, but was totally in the dark as to what to do.
Earlier that day after Matt had been sedated and put to bed, Dr. Wright had gathered the family together downstairs. "There are some things I feel I need to go over with you about what you might expect in the days to come." She looked around the room at Matt's family, the people he would depend upon as his support base and continued, "You have probably already noticed a change in his personality, he may seem sullen, and nontalkative or he may go to the other extreme and even seem overly upbeat some days, don't let this behavior fool you, and I believe that you have noticed that he is quick to anger, getting upset over little things at the drop of a hat." She had guessed right as the family nodded back to her.
"Matt is still in a state of denial. Many people feel that talking about the trauma will only make things worse, that it is better to push it to the back and try to forget to go on as if nothing ever happened. Unfortunately this never works."
She took a deep breath and exhaled, taking Cathy's hand she said "Don't be surprised if he tries to push you away," she then looked to the rest "all of you. Don't let him, he will need you more in the coming days than he ever has. I won't lie to you this is not going to be easy." she looked into Cathy's eyes her own full of encouragement "He may not want for anyone to touch him, even you Cathy. Many victims of sexual assault become nervous or upset or even nauseous by nothing more than a light touch. I'm afraid it may be a while before he will be able to participate in any kind of physical relationship."
George spoke up, "You said that he needed to talk about what happened to him."
"Yes, but I don't think it would be a good idea for any of you to bring that subject up, unless of course he does, but I don't think that's very likely. That will be my job. All you need to do is be here for him."
Cathy now sat next to Matt with all this going through her head. She could tell that when she had touched his shoulder he hadn't liked it. He hadn't said anything he probably wouldn't, but she could tell that it had bothered him and it broke her heart. "Is there anything I can do for you Love? Do you need anything?"
"Hand me my crutches I need to go to the bathroom."
George still in the doorway turned and headed toward the stairs calling over his shoulder, "Sorry Matt, I think they're still downstairs."
"If my crutches are downstairs then how did I get up here?" but he cut Cathy off before she could answer, "No don't tell me, I don't want to know."
George was back with the crutches and as much as Matt had wanted to get up unassisted, he had to let George help. He gave them a painfully false smile, and firmly closed the door to the bathroom saying, "Thanks, but I believe I can handle this myself."
He stood leaning on his crutches, waiting for his hands to stop shaking. He glance up into the mirror and found himself face to face with a stranger. 'That's not me' he thought staring at the gaunt face with the frightened haunted eyes. He quickly looked down deciding to avoid mirrors for a while. Finally he felt steady enough to relieve himself into the toilet, and for the first time in weeks felt a little of his old confidence come back. He laughed at himself then, 'Oh, man you really are a mess! All you did was take a leak by yourself.'
All done he moved over to the sink and leaned against it to wash his hands, still avoiding the mirror, he knew it was foolish but he couldn't take seeing that face again. He didn't know who that person was, but he knew damn well it wasn't him.
He opened the door to find George and Cathy waiting out in the hallway. "Look you guys, you don't have to hover over me I'm okay, getting better every day." He remembered the face in the mirror and knew they wouldn't believe him.
He slowly made the tortuous trip back to the bed and exhausted, allowed George to help him again. Soon he was back in under the soft warm blankets. He knew they were only trying to help, but he couldn't face them right now he just wanted them to leave him alone. Did they see what he had seen when he had looked into the mirror? Did they see that other man? He closed is eyes embarrassed at the thought. That wasn't him that couldn't be him. "That's not me." He mumbled.
"What was that? I'm sorry I didn't hear you." Cathy bending suffocatingly close to his face and he began to feel panic closing in on him. "Nothing, just thinking out loud." Another false smile.
"Can I do anything for you? Get you anything?"
He closed his eyes tighter, "No. I'm tired, just need to sleep. You don't have to sit and fuss over me, I'll be okay. Just need to sleep. Okay guys, just leave me alone for awhile okay? I promise you I'll scream bloody murder if I need anything, right now I just need to sleep."
"Okay, but call me if you need anything, I'll be just next door in Vessna's room."
"Thanks, I'll be okay"
She was a little hurt that he didn't want her to stay. He had seemed to welcome her presence while in the hospital. she had really hoped that the doctor had been wrong, that he wouldn't try to push her away.
She gave him his meds and made sure he was comfortable, then reluctantly she stood to go. "Well if you're sure…Matt you know that I love you." And she lightly kissed his forehead only to see his eyes close tighter.
He felt horrible for doing this to her, he really didn't know why he was doing it. Before she made it to the door he called out to her. "I'm sorry Cathy, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's been a long day, and I'm dead tired. Look, things will be better tomorrow. Cathy, I love you too you know that don't you?"
She smiled sadly, "Yes Love, now go to sleep." She turned out the light but did not close the door, she left it open just a crack, just to be sure she could look in on him, or hear him if he should cry out in the night.
Matt lay in the bed listening to her soft footfalls as she made her way to the room next door. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid.' He knew all he would have had to do was ask her to stay and wild horses wouldn't have gotten her out of that room, but he couldn't, he just couldn't. 'What is wrong with me?' he thought while he lay in the darkness. 'Dead tired, yeah I'm dead tired alright. Maybe more like just dead or should be dead. It would make things easier for everybody.' He felt so many conflicting emotions, 'I should have died, Cathy would be a lot better off. She would grieve, but eventually she would be able to get on with her life…he could feel the warm tears as they were squeezed out and ran down both sides of his face to get lost in his hair.
George sat in his study with a carton of a very good three week blend of Kentucky blue and Tennessee Guernsey Rye. He was just on the verge of getting a good little buzz going. The thin white liquid lightly coated his throat as it slid down to his stomach. He knew it was foolish to indulge himself but right now he didn't give a damn.
He had never felt so out of his depth…so inadequate. He hurt for Matt, and he desperately hated the monster who had done this to him. He hurt for himself, he wanted his partner and friend back. He wanted his old life back, and there was no doubt in his mind that he would find it easy to kill the bastard when he caught him, and catch him he would.
He had emptied the carton and still he wasn't drunk, not like he wanted to be. He grabbed his coat and started for the door, but on his way out he thought he heard something in the living room. Quietly he made his way into the darkened room only to find Susan sitting on the floor in the corner where Matt had been earlier that morning.
"Susan, what are you doing?" confusion clouding his voice.
She looked up with tear filled eyes…eyes so full of pain and helplessness. "I tried to help him George, but he was so frightened. I've never seen him like that. I tried to touch him and he begged me not to hurt him, not again. George, he said 'please', 'Please don't hurt me' and I swear he sounded like a frightened child. How could he think I would hurt him?"
George gathered his wife in his arms, "I don't think that he realized that it was you. I think that in his mind he was seeing the monster. The one who had hurt him so badly. In his heart he knows that you would never hurt him. He was just so confused.
I'm sorry this is my fault, I should have screened all the messages before we brought him home."
"George, he knows where we live, he knows who we are and he knows that Matt's here. What do you think he will do now?"
"There is a double watch the watch on our house and none of us can leave without an escort. Mrs. Martin, Vessna's teacher has outlined lessons and has made herself available to help us teach Vessna at home until we catch him."
"And what if you don't? What if he gets away? Do we live like prisoners in our own house? I'm not sure I can do that. I lived too much of my life as a slave to someone else's will. This just isn't fair George, it's just not fair!" she cried out against his shoulder.
It took him a little over an hour to get her calmed down, up the stairs and into bed. He was standing by the window watching her sleep when he realized that the bastard hadn't just assaulted Matt, he had raped his whole family. None of them would ever be the same again. He had never felt so alone in his life.
2:30 the clock glared out in bright green numbers. George had tossed and turned but hadn't been able to get to sleep. He couldn't turn his mind off, there were too many questions, too many fears. Finally he gave up, and pulling his pants on he headed for the stairs.
He felt stifled, he needed air and had to get out for a while. He couldn't go out for a drive, that would only make things difficult for the guys watching the house, so he opted for the patio in back.
He lowered himself into one of the lounge chairs and stared up at the stars. How neat the universe looked from here. 'Ordered chaos' he thought. From here he couldn't see the dust and debris he knew was up there. From here it looked clean and strangely peaceful. Ha! He laughed to himself, it's anything but peaceful.
There were worlds upon worlds bound in slavery, decimated by war and some scorched bare by their own ignorance and mistrust. He had no idea how this little blue world had remained hidden for so long escaping any one of those fates.
He glanced around until his eyes settled on a particular cluster of stars. Orion had been the first constellation he had gotten to know after their arrival, The humans had called him the hunter, but George liked to think of him as the defender. In his minds eye he could see the mighty warrior. Many nights he had looked up into the night sky trying to gather his thoughts and his old friend had always been there, but tonight even his presence didn't do much to calm him.
He had held onto his faith even in the toughest times. But his faith had started to fray around the edges, when they had taken Ruhtra for the game. He had prayed. He had prayed with everything that was in him but that didn't save his brother. When Matt had gone missing, he had prayed and he did get his friend back but not before he had been tortured and violated. He had begun to wonder if his faith was faith at all anymore or simply tradition. Then he thought of Lily and her quiet faith mixed with hope. She seemed to have no doubts.
He closed his eyes against the swirl of thoughts and willed his mind to drift trying to distance himself form the events of the day. He must have dozed because he swore he could feel soft arms come around him in a comforting embrace. And oddly enough he did feel comforted. 'I know I'm dreaming, but that's okay.' His mind fuzzily registered before he slipped into a deep sleep for the first time in weeks.
Matt was nervous as he waited in for his appointment with Dr. Wright. His hands were sweating and his heart was racing. 'Dammit! calm down before you hyperventilate.' He scolded himself. He wanted to get up and pace around the office, but he was still too week and unsure on his crutches.
Cathy sat only a few inches away and wanted desperately to reach out to him, but was afraid that he would pull away again. He was trying so hard, she could tell, but still, he was barley able tolerate anyone getting too close. It was different with Vessna though, Cathy smiled at the memory of finding the little girl snuggled up close to him that morning. Both were sound asleep as she lay in the crook of his arm, with Abigail held firmly under her own. Suddenly a lump came to her throat and her eyes began to mist over. She excused herself to the restroom to try to gain back a little composure before Matt could see how emotional she was becoming.
George watched his friend fidget and squirm in his seat as they sat in the waiting area of Marcie's office. Like Cathy, he wanted to reach out to Matt, to calm his fears, but he felt helpless not knowing what to do.
As he watched his friend, Matt's eyes came up to meet his. "George, I want you to go in with me." He nervously looked at his shaking hands, "It might help you catch the bastard if you're in the session. You might hear something…you know."
"Yes of course, but what about Cathy, don't you want her to go in with you?"
"NO!" he hadn't meant to shout, but Matt didn't want Cathy to know exactly what had happened to him. He knew that she had some idea, but he couldn't bare the pity he knew would be in her eyes every time she looked at him thereafter. "I just…" he closed his eyes not knowing how to say what he felt.
George seemed to understand and quickly tried to put Matt at ease, "It's alright Matthew. You're right, and I promise you that we will get him."
Just as Cathy came back into the waiting room, Marcie's secretary called for Matt. George stood to follow and Cathy looked up questioningly.
"He wants me there in case he remembers something that might help with the case." He patted her arm and went through the door behind Matt.
She felt hurt for a moment and then relieved, and then ashamed of her relief. She wanted to be there for him, but was afraid, more afraid than she wanted to admit. She wanted to know what happened, but now wasn't the time, maybe one day but not now.
Marcie welcomed Matt into her office and before she could question his actions he told her that he had asked George to come in with him for this session. "of course Matt, whatever will make you comfortable."
"I just thought that I might remember something…"
"and once said is enough?" she finished for him.
"Yeah something like that." He answered.
She sighed and smiled, "It's okay, come on in George. Now if you'll both have a seat." She motioned toward a sitting area consisting of two overstuffed chairs and a matching couch. George took one chair and Matt sat on the end of the couch nearest George, leaving the other chair for Marcie, "I guess I'm supposed to get the couch right?" he laughed shakily.
"No, not necessarily, if you'll be more comfortable here it's okay." She motioned toward the chair.
"I guess I'm alright here." he said as he turned to rest his bad leg up on the couch cushions, unconsciously turning away from George, and grabbed one of the large throw pillows hugging it tightly against his stomach.
"Fine, well lets get started shall we?" she sat and pulled her chair a little closer. "Okay, Matt your memories are coming back on their own, so I don't want to rush things, lets just take this slow and easy. Anytime you want to end the session we'll end it. You are in control here okay?"
He took a deep shaky breath and nodded. "How do we start this?" he asked only wanting to get the whole thing over with.
"Well we just talk. Tell me what do you remember about your abduction?" she asked sitting back in her chair and crossing her legs. Her skirt slid up her thigh just a little as he watched, and suddenly he could feel hands on his own thigh.
He cleared his throat uncomfortably and started "I remember someone touching me. hands roaming all over me" he swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut, "and that voice…he never stopped talking unless…" he turned his face away in revulsion mingled with shame as he remembered the other things that mouth would do and a shudder ran down his spine.
He was breathing heavily, his eyes still closed and his fists clinched into the pillow he hugged tightly to himself. Marcie reached out just barely touching his knee with her finger, "Matt calm down, lets go back a little okay? I know, lets go back to when you were first abducted and tell me what you remember."
Matt's eyes flew open and he jerked away from her, he held the pillow tighter and began to rock looking around the room as if looking for an escape route. Marcie leaned in closer, "Matt what's wrong? Talk to me."
He starred at her for a moment as if he had only seen her for the first time. And then in a voice much different than before he almost shouted, "NO! We don't go there!" he continued rocking but didn't take his eyes off her.
She was puzzled, "I'm sorry Matt, I don't understand. You'll have to explain this to me."
He only sneered at her, "You're as stupid as that other lady they made me talk to. I told her that we don't go there, we never go there. That door is locked so forget it!" he was still staring at her.
She was perplexed, it was if he had become a different person. He exhibited the reactions of an adolescent. He looked scared to death, but held himself rigid as he rocked back and forth, his face set in defiance. "Matt? You've talked to someone else? You said a lady? When did you talk to someone else?"
"They made me." He answered.
"Who are they?" she asked.
"The cops, who else?" he looked at her as if he thought her to be as stupid as he had earlier accused. "They told my mom that we couldn't go home until I talked to the nut doctor. So I talked to her. She wanted to lock us away somewhere, until I fed her some bullshit that finally made her happy. Man she was so stupid." He laughed.
A chill ran down her back, and she locked eyes with George for a moment, and registered the fear and confusion written across his face.
Suddenly it all made sense to her, and she knew why she was supposed to take this case, "Matt, how old are you?"
He held his chin up a little higher, "I'm old enough to know how to take care of myself, besides it's in the record. If you read it you know how old I am."
"Okay, smart guy, I understand that, and I know it's in the record, but I want you to tell me yourself." She spoke to him with all the authority she could muster, and waited for his response.
He stared at her for a moment and then he shrugged, "I'm eleven, Okay, happy now?" he asked her.
TBC
