Fighting Against Self

Chapter 4

Your Boyfriend Sucks

"Hey Bella, que ases?" I smiled as I looked up at Edward. On Saturday when we'd ran into each other at the mall and we'd ran away from Emmett and Rose, we'd talked and shared a few things about each other. One of those things was that I spent 4 years speaking Spanish. Coincidentally, so did he. (BTW: Que Ases?=What are you doing)

"Nada. What are you doing?" I was sitting outside in the front lawn over a blue blanket. I laid on my stomach with a book in my hand. Edward laid next to me, looking at me reading. (BTW: Nada=Nothing)

"Nothing. Just noticed you here all alone. Where's Emmett and Alice?"

"Alice is out with James again. Emmett's hanging out with Rose." he nodded.

"Tell me something I don't know." he said. I closed my book and turned to my back. My eyes closed instantly to shield away from the bright sky, but it felt nice to feel the sun on my face.

"Mmm, I can play the drums."

"Seriously?" he asked. I couldn't help the proud smile that spread on my lips.

"Yeah. I've been playing since I was 5. When I lost my parents, I grew up with this sort of anger inside of me. My shrink said that he wanted me to use all my anger into something more productive. So he handed me drum sticks and just said to take it away. I've been playing since."

"You mind showing me?" he asked. I shook my head and pushed myself off the ground. Edward picked up my book and blanket, following me inside the house. We went past the hall and my bedroom to the room next to mine. My drum set was there, black and beautiful. I sat behind the set and took the purple drum sticks.

"Any requests?" I asked. He laughed and shook his head.

"Anything is fine." I nodded and though for a second. I played Second Chance by ShineDown. Through all the years, my anger had slowly just faded away. So now I just played for the fun of it. I stopped mid song and formed it into Playing God by Paramore.

"Amazing. Your seriously good."

"Thanks." I set my drum sticks to the side and walked out the room. We sat in the living room, both of us quiet, but not in an awkward way.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked. He sat next to me and he was so close that I could feel his hand touching mine. Our fingers were brushing against each other, teasing.

"Why do you always seem so sad?" his voice was a whisper, afraid of putting his foot in his mouth. I took a deep breath and looked at the wall.

"There's so much pain inside of me Edward. I've done some shity things in the past year. I moved here to get away. Emmett, Alice, and I will tell everyone else that I moved here for school, but it's bullshit. We moved here to get away. To leave Forks. I couldn't breath there anymore. I hit rock bottom. Edward…I'm going to give you a little heads up…don't get attached to me. I'm not worth it." I closed my eyes, feeling my tears falling. I felt Edward shift and the next second I was pressed down on the couch, Edward hovering over me. His green eyes drowned into mine, speaking to me silent words that I couldn't comprehend.

"Don't you think that's up to me to decided if your worth it or not?" he asked.

"I'm screwed up Edward. If you knew the shit I've done…you'd turn and never look back."

"I highly doubt that Bella. Look, something about you attracts me in. It's not just your beauty. But you attract me. So don't push me away. I have a feeling this could go somewhere and I don't just give in easily." I took a deep breath. How could I deny that. I could feel the attraction he felt, and I wanted to get to know him.

"You've been warned Edward." he laughed and kissed my cheek. The small feather like kiss felt like small flames on my cheek. It felt really nice.

For the rest of the day, we just sat and watched movies in the home theater. Somewhere near 7pm, I heard a car pull up. Edward and I instantly let go of our hold on each other. It wasn't that we were ashamed, we just wanted to see where this was going before anyone found out we were trying to date. We walked out to the front and found Alice and James here. I groaned and went back inside.

"That's James?" Edward asked, following me. We sat in the couch and I turned the TV on.

"Yup. Things might get dirty right now. So I apologize for my…bitchiness." He just laughed instead of saying anything.

"I though she was dead?" James spat, his blue eyes glaring at me. I glared back at him, rolling my eyes.

"James. Don't speak like that." Alice said it half heartedly, like she barley cared at all. It really pissed me off.

"Don't worry princess. I'm only here to make your life a living hell." I spat back at him. He hissed at me, and I saw the way his knuckles turned white.

"I could simply finish the job you didn't finish back then. I could slice a knife down your throat." I felt my own knuckles tightened and tears threatening to fall. I glared at him with so much anger that I just wanted to kill him with my eyes.

"Alice, you mind taking your scum bag to the dog house. I rather not have him stinking up my house with his shity scent."

"Don't be like that Bella." Alice pleaded.

"No Alice. I won't be like that. But it's totally okay for James to threatened my life. Just get him out of my face before Emmett get's here. You know he'll fucken cut his nuts off. Not that it would matter, considering his nuts are small and Em would have a hard time finding them." a couldn't help the small smirk that spread on my lips. I even heard Edward sneaker next to me.

"You say that now but you weren't saying that the other night when you were sucking on my dick." I laughed darkly and pulled my heel off, thrusting it at his nuts. He was able to dodge it, but I could see he didn't like that.

"Not even in your dreams James." I heard Emmet's jeep pulling up next. Alice took that as her cue to drag James up the stairs to her room. I shrieked a little, feeling so frustrated. Times like this were when I'd drown myself in alcohol.

"Relax Bella. He was only trying to fire you up." I felt Edward's hand running over my knuckles, trying to sooth my anger. Surprisingly, it was working.

"Well…he just get's me so angry." he nodded and placed a soft kiss on my temple. The front door opened and Emmett came in with Rose.

"Hey Bella. Edward what a surprise. Wait…who are you trying to kill Bells?" I looked at him and narrowed my eyes at the wall upstairs.

"James is here." I saw him narrow his eyes too. He felt just as angry about that as I did.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing…doesn't matter. How about I make dinner?" he smiled and nodded.

"Edward, Rose…would you guys like to stay? You can call Jasper too." Emmett offered.

"Sure. Sounds like fun. I'll help Bella. Rose you call your brother." I felt Edward following me into the kitchen.

"So what are we making?" Edward asked, washing his hands after me.

"We are making onion ring covered chicken. With a salad."

True to his word, Edward helped me make dinner. He was pretty good around the house, and when I'd called him out on it, he'd let me known that he did all the cooking at their place. Though both Emmett and Alice knew how to cook a few things, I took care most of our meals.

"Something smells good Bells. Is dinner ready?" I heard Alice say as she walked down the stairs.

"Yup. I just need to set up the table. Emmett you mind?" he stood off the couch and helped Edward set the table.

"Need help Bella?" Jasper asked. I nodded and saw him pick a few things too. Once everything was set, we sat around the table. Edward sat to my right, Jasper sat at my other side. Rose sat between Emmett and Jasper, with Alice to Emmett's other side and James between Alice and Edward. I felt sick sitting so close to James. I strongly hated him.

"I don't remember asking James to stay over for dinner." Emmett muttered, glaring at him. James glared back at him and I knew this was going to head down the wrong road all to soon.

"Can we please not start this again. Can we just have a nice dinner. Bella this all looks really good." Alice had always tried to play peace maker between James, Emmett, and I. but it usually failed miserably.

We all just ate, Emmett and Rose told us about what they'd done today. Soon after, Emmett asked what I did. I just told him Edward and I watched a few movies and I played the drums for him. Jasper said he was out shopping for a few last minutes school things. Just as Alice was about to share her day, James just had to and open his fucken mouth.

"Bella, your chicken is dried. Didn't Esme ever teach you how to cook?" I couldn't help it as I stabbed my fork into the chicken. I glared at it and wished it was James neck, or his dick…either was good.

"His crazy Bella. Your chicken is mouthwatering." Jasper was sweet enough to say. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks Jasper."

"Yeah B. your cooking is always the best." Emmett gloated. I rolled my eyes at him but whispered a thanks to him.

"They just don't want to hurt you feelings Bella. They feel like you might go and try and kill yourself again." I pushed myself off the table and stormed out the kitchen. But not before I pushed on James shoulders, making him fall to the ground with a loud bang. I knew he'd feel it in the morning. I slammed my bedroom door closed, locking it. I hadn't wanted them to find out, not any time soon. I needed to trust Rose, Jasper, and Edward. But now they knew. At least part of the shit I'd done. Now, he'd either understand or he'd run away. That hurt a lot.