Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Or a lot of other stories referenced in here, but thankfully most of them are now in the public domain. For those that aren't, consider them disclaimed. By myself.
I'm workin' on it, workin' on it!
The curséd prince slid silently through the forest, a bad-assed shadow of sleek fur and wicked fangs, eyes gleaming malignantly in the darkness- a creature of nightmares. A hundred years of living under the burden of his curse; a half-life, a cursed life, had transformed him. Shunned by those he'd once counted friends, abandoned by his own kin, he was destined to be forever alone. Betrayal and loneliness had made him bitter, twisted. Neither animal nor man, now, but monster, through and through.
The denizens of the forest fell silent before his passing, frozen under a blanket of terror- for to attract his notice meant agonizing, unholy- Hey, what's that?
On his way home from playing in the forest, the crown prince's inner-monologue was derailed when he noticed a body lying crumpled not far from his destination. Concerned, he loped up to check it out. As he drew near he could see that the body was human, male, alive, and as far as Alfred could determine from a distance, simply sleeping. He didn't smell any blood (he'd noticed that he could do that a while after he'd gotten his new body, which was pretty fuckin' sweet) or anything else that might indicate that the dude was wounded, but that didn't rule out internal injuries. "Hey, dude!" He called out once he was within hearing distance. "DUDE! Can you hear me, man? You alright? HEY!" The man stirred a little, but didn't awaken, and so Alfred waited until he was close enough to nudge his shoulder with a paw. "Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, man, you alright? Hey!"
With a groan, the man batted listlessly at his paw. "Not now, boys. Daddy will play with you after siesta, 'kay?" He muttered in his sleep, and rolled over, draping an arm over his face to block out the light.
Alfred blinked. "What?" A gentle snore greeted his question. He glanced around. They were just off the path that went past the castle gates. The footprints in the dust leading up to this spot were obviously this guy's, but no sign of a horse or cart or carriage, so he must have walked here. Which was a pretty long walk, Alfred knew. The closest town was about half a day's ride west of the castle, on the far side of the forest. The footsteps were coming from the opposite direction, and the only town east of here was a port town along the coast, about a week's ride away. If this guy had walked all the way here from there, it would have taken forever. It was no surprise that he was tired. Still, this was an odd place to sleep. Maybe he had a concussion? He nudged the man's shoulder with his muzzle, shaking him repeatedly. "Dude. Dude. Wake up! You shouldn't sleep here man, it's dangerous. There are a lot of wild animals around here, y'know. You might get eaten, which would suck, trust me. Hey. Dude. Wake up!"
"But I'm so tired..." He yawned, opening his eyes to see the hulking form of the crown prince hovering over him. He blinked, sleepily, and rubbed his eyes to clear them. Nope. Giant monster still there. He sat up with a sigh, too tired to panic. "Are you going to eat me?"
"Hahaha, no way!"
"That's good." The man nodded. "My boys would be very upset if I was eaten. They told me not to do it under any circumstances."
Alfred nodded too. It was sound advice. "They sound like smart kids. My name's Alfred, by the way, but you can call me Al." He proferred a paw in greeting.
"Antonio." Said Antonio, shaking his paw. "Nice to meet you." He yawned again, and lay back down, pillowing his head on his arm. As his eyes drifted shut, he murmured, "You're a very cute monster, Alfred...ver'... c'te..."
"Hey, man, don't fall back asleep! Antonio! Hey 'Tony!" Alfred nudged his shoulder again, shaking him awake. "Wake up!"
Antonio sat up, again, and rubbed at his eyes, again. "But I'm so tired...I've travelled so far..." His stomach chose that moment to growl, loudly, and he wrapped his arms around his stomach with a groan. "So hungry, too...I haven't eaten in days."
Alfred made up his mind. "Here, climb on." He directed, settling down on his belly next to the other. "I'll take you home with me, and we can get you something to eat and you can sleep in a nice, soft bed, okay?"
Antonio frowned, drowsy and doubtful. It sounded good, but..."Lovi told me not to let strangers take me home...or to.. go anywhere...with someone...alone..."
"That's good advice, but I'm not a stranger, right? We're buds!" Alfred reassured him. "And we won't be alone, either— there's lots of people back at the castle."
Antonio nodded. Sounded safe to him. He climbed sluggishly onto Alfred's back, wrapping his arms as far as they could go around the furry neck, and lay down with a contented sigh. "So soft..."
"Hang on, 'Tony. We'll get you to bed in a jiff." Alfred rose, padding smoothly towards the castle so as not to jostle his passenger. "What were you doin' way out here, anyway?"
"'S a long story..." Antonio stifled his yawn, nuzzling into Alfred's ruff. "I'll tell you...when I wake up..."
"Haha, alright. I'll wait!"
"Prince Alfred!" Ludwig barked, spotting the crown prince in the entryway. He folded his arms, face stern. "You are late-"
"Shhhhhh Ludwig!" Alfred whispered loudly. "You'll wake up Tony!"
"'Tony'?" Finally noticing the man sprawled on the prince's back, the steward blinked in surprise. "Ah. This is an unusual variation on your hunting pattern. Has your highness decided to expand your repertoire to include humans?"
For a moment Alfred just stared at him. "Yes, Luddy. I've decided to become a maneater." He deadpanned finally. "You'd better start locking your door at night."
"Thank you for the warning." Ludwig said, straight-faced. "Although, I should inform you that the cooking staff is unlikely to be willing to assist in the preparation of your new dietary choice."
"Aw man, you mean I gotta eat 'im raw?" Alfred complained plaintively. "That sucks."
"That would be one of the options open to you." The steward's lips twitched slightly.
"You can't eat me." Antonio reminded him, opening one eye. "My babies would get mad."
"Oh, right." Alfred turned to Ludwig. "I can't eat Tony. His kids made him promise not to get eaten."
"Ah? Very good advice." Ludwig approved, clasping his hands behind his back. "Their foresight does them credit."
"My babies are the smartest and wisest and most beautiful and adorable and sweetest and cutest children ever." Antonio agreed, closing his eyes. "They're going to be very angry with me when I get home..."
"Yeah? Why?"
"After siesta..."
"Oh, right. Sorry Tony, got sidetracked. Luddy, can you help me get Tony into bed, and then get him something to eat when he wakes up? Poor guy's all tuckered out and half-starved."
"Your wish is my command, your majesty." Ludwig turned to lead the way to one of the guest rooms, Alfred following at his heels.
"I wish you wouldn't say things like that, Luddy. Makes me feel like I'm your master, or something. It kinda creeps me out."
"It is, however, inherently true." Ludwig informed him matter-of-factly. "As your subject and servant, it is my duty to obey your commands, regardless of their nature, or even my own feelings on the matter. I am, if you'll pardon the expression, slave to your every whim and desire. You are, in fact, my master."
"..." They walked in silence for a moment, the only sound that of Ludwig's boots clicking purposefully on the marble floor. "Okay," Alfred started, pensively, "so...what if I command you not to obey my commands? Y'know, like, be your own master, instead."
"I'm afraid I can't do that, your majesty."
"You can't?"
"No. I cannot disobey your commands."
Alfred licked his nose, flicking an ear perplexedly, "But, wouldn't refusing to disobey my commands be disobeying my command?"
"No." Ludwig halted in his steps to open the door to the guestroom he'd selected for their guest. "By refusing to obey your command to disobey your commands, I would, in fact, be obeying your command."
Together they eased Antonio off of Alfred and into the bed, where Ludwig tucked him in. Leaving their guest to his rest, they exited the room, closing the door softly behind them, and walked together down the hall. "My I ask how you came across your new...friend, Prince Alfred? 'Tony', was it?" Ludwig inquired, keeping his voice low so that the echoes wouldn't disturb the person in question.
"Oh, sorry, I should have introduced you. His name's Antonio. I found him sleeping on the road a little way from the castle." Alfred explained.
Ludwig blinked. "On the road? What on earth was he doing sleeping in such a place?"
"Well, I think he's pretty wiped. He said he hasn't eaten in days." His tail twitched in time with the clicking of Ludwig's boots. "I get the impression he's hit some hard times. He said he'd tell the story when he wakes up."
"I see. Then I look forward to his return to consciousness. Did you enjoy the rest of your excursion?"
"Oh, yeah, it was awesome. I found a little cave down by the swimming hole that I hadn't noticed before. The entrance was blocked by a bunch of rocks, but I managed to dig it out. It's a pretty neat little cave. You should come see it sometime. We could camp out! You and me and Mattie, if we can get him to come too."
"That does sound like an enjoyable experience." Ludwig admitted.
"Hey, Luddy?"
"Yes, your majesty?"
"About what we were talking about. Earlier. The whole 'commands' thing." His ears flickered back and forth, broadcasting his discomfort."I don't-"
"Ah- I apologize, your majesty," Ludwig stopped in his tracks, raising a gloved hand apologetically to interrupt the prince's speech. "but I'm afraid I must go and see to the preparation of our guest's meal. Especially if, as you mentioned, he hasn't eaten for some time. If you will excuse me, your highness?"
"But-"
"I would be happy to discuss any concerns you may have at a later date." Ludwig said smoothly, clasping his hands behind his back. "However, our guest's comfort is a priority, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yeah. I guess." Alfred sat down, curling his tail around his paws. "We'll talk later, then?"
"If your majesty wishes." Bowing, Ludwig turned and strode briskly down the hall, leaving the prince staring after him. "Oh, and Prince Alfred?" Ludwig halted in his escape to call back over his shoulder.
"Hm?"
"It occurs to me that if your majesty has been digging in the dirt and exploring strange caves, your highness will most likely require a bath."
"Uh.." Alfred replied sheepishly, suddenly aware of the dirt caking his underbelly and paws. Fuck, there was even some on his whiskers. How had he missed that?
"Aha." He could smell Ludwig's knowing amusement from here. "Then after I have attended to our guest's needs, I'll draw a bath for you. It should be ready in about an hour."
"Alright." Alfred sighed. "But could you make sure it's warm this time? Last time it was freezing."
"It would have been warm if you were there on time, Prince Alfred."
Alfred stuck out his tongue, knowing that even though Ludwig wasn't facing him, he'd know Alfred was doing it.
"Sit still, your majesty." Ludwig admonished again, for what seemed like the umpteenth time, struggling to keep the prince from squirming while he was brushing his fur.
"I'm trying, but it hurts and tiiicklessss." Alfred whined, trying hard not to squirm as the brush tickled his ribs and tugged at his fur. "Be gentle with me, Ludwiiiiig."
Exhaling frustratedly from his nose, Ludwig reached down to tug the prince's ear. "If you hadn't spilled all the conditioning liquid in your attempt to pounce on me during your bath, you wouldn't have so many knots in your fur and I wouldn't have to get rough with you." After a pause, he remembered to add, "Your majesty."
"I could go and roll in the puddle of conditioner." Alfred offered hopefully, wincing as Ludwig worked another knot out of his fur.
"Your majesty." Ludwig said with strained patience, trying to brush his prince out without leaving him with bald patches, "One; you are already dry. If you were to roll in the conditioner, we would have to rinse you again, which would mean that we would have to dry you again, and we are out of towels, because you decided that pouncing on me while I was carrying a stack of fresh towels and you were soaking wet would be a good idea. There were barely enough towels left to dry us off as it was. And even if we did have enough towels, I for one have no desire to spend another 2 hours drying you off again. Two, I have already cleaned up the spill, so there is no conditioner left to roll in."
"I wish my winter coat would hurry up and shed." Alfred complained. "This would go so much faster."
"Your winter coat does seem to require more maintanence." Ludwig agreed, smoothing down the prince's now knot-free belly and moving on to his neck, "However, despite that, I must confess that I find it aesthetically pleasing."
Alfred turned his head to stare up at him, not sure if he'd heard right. "...what?"
"Don't squirm, your majesty. I'm almost finished with this spot." Ludwig directed, a light blush dusting his cheekbones.
"You think I'm cute!" Alfred grinned toothily, laying his head on Ludwig's lap. "You think I'm cute and fluffy!"
Ludwig blushed deeper. "Your-"
"Excuse me," They looked over to see Prince Matthew standing in the door, looking slightly confused, "I was just informed that our guest has awoken, and is ready to see us? I didn't know we had a guest?"
"Oh, sorry Mattie!" Alfred struggled to his feet, turning to face his brother. "I brought a guy home. I found him on the road, asleep and half-starved, and so I figured he could stay with us. He said he'd tell us what happened when he got some rest. I forgot to tell you, sorry."
"I see." Matthew nodded in understanding, used to his brother bringing home strays. "Then, I'll take care of things until you're finished here. Join us in the dining room when you're ready, eh?"
"'Kay!"
"Thank you, your majesty." Ludwig nodded to the younger prince, reaching out to grab Alfred by the scruff as he started to head for the door. "His highness and I will be down as soon as we finish getting out these knots."
"Alright." Matthew grinned, amused, and turned to go. "I'll keep our guest entertained until you arrive. Have fun, eh?"
"C'mon, Luddy. Can't we do this later?" Alfred's ears drooped in his version of a pout.
"You are not going anywhere until you've been thoroughly brushed." Ludwig responded, pushing him down and resuming his task with businesslike efficiency. "I will not have my crown prince wandering about the castle and entertaining guests looking like he's got mange."
"But you still think I'm cute." Alfred replied smugly. "Ow! Shit!"
"I apologise, your majesty. That was a particularly difficult knot." Ludwig said, managing to keep a straight face.
A little while later, sleek and well-brushed, both steward and prince joined Prince Matthew and Antonio in the dining room, where Antonio regaled them with his story.
"...and then they made me their chief." Antonio finished explaining to his rapt audience. "I'm afraid I was very, very drunk."
"Well, that explains everything quite clearly." Ludwig said, to the princes' wholehearted agreement. After a brief, whispered conference with the brothers, the steward rose from the table. "I'll begin preparations for your family's accommodations immediately. I trust the east wing of the castle will be sufficient?"
"I'm sure we can make do." Antonio stated with amiable philosophy. "I just hope my babies won't be angry with me."
AN: Edit: People keep asking what Beast!Alfred looks like. In my head? Google 'Red Panda'. Give it golden fur and blue eyes, and make it a little bigger than a tiger, and you're there.
I think by now it may be clear that not only do I like to stack my references, but also puns and wordplay in general. I like to make words work for me. Why bother with one meaning when I can squeeze out three or four?
You may not catch all the references in here, but that's okay, I had fun with it. If you do, you're both very well-read and very well-travelled. And possibly a xenophile.
Then again, you never fail to impress me, which is why you've claimed a piece of my heart.
