Flash back chapter.

He couldn't remember being happy, and that he thought, was the saddest thing ever. He couldn't remember and he didn't even know what it felt like anymore. So he made a decision, to put an end to his life. It didn't take him long to decide, once the thought came to him he knew he would follow through with it. He had been thinking about the past couple of years, how stupid he was, and how he had let things get so out of hand. If he had just noticed a little earlier life wouldn't be like this. He thought how much better things would be if he was just dead, and that was it. He was about halfway through the bottle of vodka when he came to the decision. He picked up the bottle and headed off to the bathroom.

Once there he drew a hot bath, and stepped it. He didn't bother with the whole cliche' of stripping off and dying naked. When Kanda found him he wanted to be fully clothed, he didn't want Kanda seeing him naked ever again. He got in barely even registering the uncomfortable feeling of wet clothing sticking to his skin. In the bath he lifted the bottle and drained the rest of it in one go. It barely even affected him anymore, and that he thought was also too sad. He shouldn't be able to drink so much and feel such little affects. He wanted the numb, listless feeling, and then he realised he felt numb most of the time anyway. With the bottle empty he smashed it against the side of the bathtub. He shifted through the broken glass looking for a big and sharp piece, not even registering how it cut his fingers.

He found a piece that he figured would do and picked it up. He leaned back and pressed it to his wrist. He felt a brief moment of fear upon thinking that the next time he closed his eyes it would be the last time. And then he started to cry, that only the thought of death had given him any kind of feeling. He pushed the glass in and dragged it down, down, down, all the way to the crook of his arm. He cried harder upon seeing the water turn red, because he couldn't feel the cut in his arm.

"Moyashi!" Kanda yelled, pounding at the door. "What was that noise?"

Allen chocked out a sob and traded the glass to his other hand. He quickly cut a line down his other arm and dropped the glass and his arm into the hot water.

"Moyashi! Open this door, right now!" Kanda yelled again, the door rattling on it's hinges.

Allen simply closed his eyes and willed death to come.

"Please," he whispered, "Please just let me die."

The pounding got louder as Allen began to feel light headed. At least he felt something, he thought, even if it was just dizziness. He drifted away, the last thing he heard was the door snapping and slamming open.

He had never thought that waking up would be so horrible. Waking up, he felt something, pain, in his arms, and in his heart. He was alive, he had failed, he didn't want to be alive. He also felt sick, his head throbbed, his throat was dry and he hurt everywhere. He creaked his eyes open and looked up into the face of Kanda.

"What were you doing?" He asked calmly, feeling Allen with dread.

He didn't respond, could respond. He looked around him, expecting a hospital scene, but instead saw his own dimly lit dining room.

"W-why?" He rasped, not understanding why he was in the dining room. He moved around as best his could and felt the hard surface beneath him, covered with a slick substance. He had only asked 'Why?", but Kanda seemed to understand what he was asking.

"I couldn't take you to a hospital Moyashi, they would take you away from me, you belong here remember."

Allen whined and with great effort lifted his arms to look at badly stitched wounds.

"Now I ask you again Moyashi, what the hell were you doing?"

"What, do you, think, I was, doing?" Allen rasped again, feeling angry. Angry that he was alive, angry that he wasn't even allowed to go to a hospital. Angry at Kanda. "I was trying to die."

He turned his head to the side and looked down, seeing that he was lying on the dining room table which was splattered with his blood. Kanda stepped up and grabbed him by his still soaked clothes, hauling his limp body up. He raised his fist and struck him across the face. Allen felt his teeth cut into his lip and blood start to run down his chin. When Kanda struck him a second time, he drifted into oblivion again, but this time he knew he would wake up.

With the Moyashi unconscious, Kanda bandaged his stitched arm, before lifting him and carrying him up the stairs. He stripped him of his clothes and changed him into a set of soft cotton pyjamas. He lay the Moyashi on the bed and then disposed of the wet and blood stained clothes. With everything taken care of he lay down next to the Moyashi and held him tight.

It was probably the closest Kanda had ever been to crying. He didn't know what he would have done if he had lost his Moyashi.

.

"I don't want to go." Allen mumbled through his swollen lips.

"Get up, Moyashi." Kanda demanded, for a second time, he didn't want to have to say it a third time.

"I don't want to, I don't feel well." Allen mumbled, he was light headed and standing up was hard enough let alone walking. He reached forward and grabbed his glass of vodka, bringing it to his lips. Just as the first bit of liquid touched his lips the glass was snatched from his grasp, the liquid spilling down his front. He whined at it's absence and reached for it uselessly.

"I can't trust you here alone, so you will come with me from now on, until you've gotten over this, phase." Kanda said calmly, holding the glass just out of his reach.

"Okay, I'll go with you, just give it back." Allen grumbled.

"You'll have it to go, I have to leave now and I don't want to wait until you finish drinking." Kanda said moving away.

Allen remained seated, swaying back and forth. He was so light headed he didn't think he could stay awake for much longer, he knew it was from blood lose. He almost wanted to go to a hospital and get fixed up properly just so he wouldn't feel like this anymore.

"Here you go." Kanda said returning, handing him a flask.

Allen took it from him and shoved it in his pocket.

"Let's go." He said pulling Allen up and all but carrying him out of the house.

"Hey kid, haven't seen you before." A happy voice said, invading his thoughts.

Allen turned slightly and looked through his fan of hair. He hadn't even noticed the person sitting down next to him until they spoke. Now there was some strange guy with ridiculous red hair and an eye patch smiling over at him.

"Don't talk to me." Allen mumbled turning away.

"Jeez, you don't have to be so rude, I was just saying hi." The red head said, sounding hurt. Allen couldn't believe it, but he actually felt bad for being rude to the guy. Allen felt he had to defend himself against his apparent rudeness.

"It's for your own good, if he sees you talking to me he'll get mad."

"Who's he?"

"Kanda." Allen said, barely louder than a whisper.

"Kanda…, oh, that would make you Allen right?" He asked with sudden cheer, "Wow, we've all heard so much about you but never met you. Man, I'm kinda jealous. Kanda talks about you so much, he really loves you."

At his words Allen felt nothing but anger, he clenched his teeth tightly and reached into his pocket, grabbing the flask and pulling it out. Kanda didn't love him, just liked controlling him, and he wanted at least someone to know the truth and this would be the only chance he got.

"Does this look like love?" Allen hissed looking up at the red head, giving him a full view of his face. He almost felt happy at the way his eyes widened at the bruising and cuts on his cheek and lip.

"Holy shit." He gasped, reached up and grabbing Allen's chin. Allen flinched away at the touch but the man refused to let him go. "Did he do this to you? Does he hit you? How often?"

"Just sometimes." Allen mumbled pulling his face from the man's grasp.

He unscrewed the lid of the flask and brought it to his mouth, his hand shaking. When he got to his mouth the lip of the flask chattered against his teeth, small dribbles of the scorching liquid running down his throat. His drinking was interrupted when a hand grasped his wrist, causing him to hiss in pain. He tried to pull his hand from the grasp but couldn't do so. Instead his sleeve was rolled down and his bandages revealed.

"What happened here?" The man asked, all cheer gone, replaced by a serious expression.

"What the fuck does it look like?' Allen hissed, "I tried to fucking kill myself."

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"Yesterday?" He said, his voice rising too high for Allen's liking. "You should still be in the hospital, and you shouldn't be drinking that." He nodded towards the flask.

"He wouldn't take me, and I always drink."

"He wouldn't… what… how old are you anyway?"

Allen pulled his hand from the man's grasp and took the drink he so desperately needed.

"I'll be seventeen on the twenty-fifth." He said screwing the lid back on the flask and pocketing it again.

"Seventeen, but, where are you parents?"

"They're dead, or more like I'm dead to them. Now go away, before he comes back."

"Allen." He said, grabbing his shoulders and forceable turning Allen to look in his eyes, "You do not deserve this life, you need to get away."

"What the fuck would you know what I deserve? And where do I go huh? I don't have anywhere to go, except a fucking morgue. Now fuck off, it's not you he'll hurt but me… leave."

He continued to look at him, his gaze searching Allen's blank face.

"Leave." He said in a dead voice, pulling the flask out again and taking another gulp.

The man continued to look at him, and with a look of disgust he got up and left. Allen drained the rest of the flask and let it drop to the ground.

A few minutes later the man ran back to him and roughly shoved something in his pocket.

"Next time he hits you I want you to tell me, call me, text me, whatever, just tell me." He said before running off again.

Allen gapped after him, and continued to do so until Kanda returned and took him back home.

At the house he let Kanda lead him up to the bed and undress him. When undressed he lay down and got comfortable, wanting desperately to sleep. Kanda had other idea's, as his hands began to roam up and down his body.

"Please don't." Allen mumbled, "I'm still tired."

"I'm tired too, and frustrated, so deal with it."

"Don't." Allen yelled, slapping his hands away.

Immediatley he felt fear grip him as he had never done anything like that before, he had never pushed Kanda away before. Kanda looked down at him, his own eyes wide with shock. He didn't speak, but his hands rushed forward and wrapped themselves around Allen's neck.

"Don't you dare defy me Moyashi," he hissed, "I do a lot for you, I've lost a lot for you, so you will provide me with what I want."

At first his hands flailed, trying to push Kanda away from him. But then he realised that if he just left it be, then maybe he could die. He lay back and let Kanda chock the life out of him. Just as he was beginning to slip under, the hands were removed and he found himself still alive. And then the beating started, his face, his stomach, his chest, everywhere. He felt blood leaking out of him, blood he knew he couldn't afford to loose, but not caring anyway.

When Kanda stopped beating him, he went back to his original thoughts of satisfying his desires.

Later that night, when Kanda was asleep, Allen reached to his discarded clothes with a shaky hand. He grabbed his pants and from the pocket he drew out a folded and crumbled bit of paper. Slowly, and as quiet as possible, he unfurled the piece of paper and looked at what was written on it.

"Lavi Bookman

0444 555 682

14 Sherwood Rd

Morningside"

That night he sent his first text to Lavi, just four words.

"He hit me again."

He knew he should have deleted the messages. He definitely should have gotten rid of the piece of paper with Lavi's details on it. Most of all he knew he should have remembered to set his phone to silent. His phone went off, and Kanda read the message, it wasn't much, just a few words.

"How are you today?"

Upon reading the message, Kanda started to search through his Moyashi's things. It was something he never had to do, he never thought that the Moyashi would go against him. But when he search through his Moyashi's things he found something, a small bit of paper, creased and frayed as if it was constantly folded over and over again. Written on the paper were the details of another man, and Kanda was not happy. After that he search through the Moyashi's phone and read every single message he had received from Lavi.

Allen knew he should have erased all evidence of his communications with Lavi. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. At night he would read and reread every text he got from Lavi. Everyone of them, and then he would open the piece of paper and look at the writing on it. It made him feel good, looking at the writing, because there it was, proof that someone cared, that someone gave a shit. He could happily sit there and stare at it. It was happiness that he felt looking at it, but something better. Hope. So he refused to get rid of it, even against his better judgment. He knew he should have done it, but he couldn't do it. And ignoring these things almost killed him.

"Moyashi." Kanda said walking up to Allen on the couch. "Would you care to explain this?"

With that he threw the piece of paper at Allen. The paper bounced off his head and fell to the ground. He didn't need to pick it up and open it to know what it was. He knew he was in trouble, of the deep kind. He simple looked up at Kanda and tried not to shake.

"Well?"

"It's nothing."

"Nothing? How is it nothing?"

"He just wanted to know if I was alright. I never did anything with it."

"Really. Then how about this?" Kanda asked, pulling the Moyashi's phone from his pocket and throwing it at him, hitting him in the face. "How come this is full of messages from Lavi? How come he's asking about you? Telling you it's alright? Telling you he cares? Hmm, how do you explain that?"

Allen looked up at him speechless not knowing what to do, the only thing he knew that he was scared, more scared than he had ever been. He stood up, his legs shaking, and looked Kanda dead in the eye, and then ran. Instead of running to the front door he ran up the stairs, his fear not letting him think straight. He ran to the bathroom and shut the door behind him, reaching down to lock the door. But the door was splintered and the lock broken from when Kanda had kicked the door open. He backed away from the door, pressing his body up against the basin. There was silence and then the door slowly swung open, revealing Kanda. He walked in and slowly pushed the door closed behind his. Allen had never heard a closing door sounding more ominous.

"You're a whore, Moyashi. A fucking whore. Do you know how much I've done for you? How much I've had to give up for you?" He stalked forward and ran his fingers through the Moyashi's soft hair, almost gently, before wrapping his fingers around it and holding it tightly.

"You fucking WHORE!" he screamed, twirling him around and slamming his face into the mirror. "WHORE!"

He slammed his face into the mirror again, causing it to crack and staining it in blood. He brought his head back, slamming it against the mirror again and again, shards of glass falling from it and landing in the sink, other's lodging in Allen's face. Allen tried his best to block it all out, even though his face was split open, blood running down his face and neck. His face was pulled away from the mirror and then, he was beaten again.

He woke up on the floor of the bedroom, he was naked and covered in blood, and unable to see out of his left eye. He hurt, more than ever before, but he felt something else much stronger, something he never thought he would feel again. Determination, for a change, he had woken up with the will to live, and with something else. The idea that maybe he really did deserve something better than Kanda, and that maybe there was someone else that truly cared. Ignoring the pain he got up, and dressed himself. When he realised that Kanda was nowhere to be seen he started packing everything, everything at all that was related to him in any way. His clothes, his toothbrush, everything Kanda had bought for him to use, anything Kanda had bought him to eat. He packed it all into multiple bags and headed out.

He was terrified as he walked to the door, thinking Kanda was going to appear out of anywhere and stop him. It was the longest walk of his life, and when he finally got to the door and opened it, he couldn't contain his feelings. He ran out the door, ignoring his screaming limbs and the uncomfortable feeling of the full bags, bashing and knocking against him. Along the way every public bin he passed he dumped something in it, his toiletries, a pair of shoes, some shirts here, some pants there. In the end he had nothing and he felt a whole lot lighter, not just because of the lack of actual weight.

He knew where he was going, he had memorised the address the moment he saw it. There was no thought in his head that Lavi would turn him away, he believed Lavi actually cared. He ran and stumbled the whole way, even though it was hours away.

When he reached the house he stumbled up to the door and slumped against it. He had made it, at last, he had made it. He knocked against the door softly, panting and in pain. His whole body throbbing in pain, but he didn't care, he could feel it, and feeling it was everything. He could feel.

The door opened and Lavi appeared, his expression instantly changed into one of surprise and shock.

"Lavi." Allen panted, stumbling forward and slumping against him. "I left him, I finally left him."

He looked up at Lavi with a one eyed smile, before slumping down and passing out. Before he could fall to the ground Lavi reached out and caught him, holding him close.

"I'm glad for you, Allen." He said, a small smile gracing his face, even though he knew Allen was badly hurt and needed help, "I'm so happy for you."

Meh, I felt like doing a flash back chapter. A small bit of happiness, and for those people who wanted it, some Allen torture. For those who wanted him to go back to Lavi, this is kind of like that. For that one person who wanted Kanda to be nice… not happening, sorry. Kanda is 100% asshole in this.

Keep up the review people… please?

What should I do next, I've got plenty of ideas but I'd still like to know what people want to happen.

Next chapter… possibly some LUCKY, if you all approve that is.