Okay, I'm updating an incomplete chapter. I wanted to write a full chapter, but this is just half of what I originally intended, it's Castiel's POV, so it works for me. I'm really sorry it's taken so long, you guys know I like to update, so it's hard to do just half. I've been feeling rather poorly (I suffer from chronic depression and have been rather...low...lately), and it's combined with some sort of cold that I had last week. On top of that, a beloved family member is doing even worse than me. I know how I wanted this chapter to be, it's all outlined and I can see it in my head. We were going to go back to the Roadhouse and have some Adam and other things, but it's going to have to wait for a few days, I just can't seem to get it onto paper.

I want to thank you guys again for all the lovely reviews. I haven't responded to any of them, and I feel bad about that, but I will try and PM you all in the course of the day. The reviews seriously make me smile and feel good, and they actually make me a better reviewer to you all because I know how much it means to see those few lines of love in my inbox.

I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm doing something a little new (for me) with it. I'm hoping to get the next chapter up very soon.


According to Jewish religious texts, there are ten different species of Angels in the Angelic Hierarchy while in Christian texts, there are nine orders belonging to three different "spheres." As of this writing, there have been only three that I have seen myself: Seraphim, Cherubim, and Archangelum.

In Judeo-Christian religious texts, Angels are fearsome creatures with many different pairs of wings, animal-like qualities, and sometimes eyes on every available surface. The Angels I have encountered appear in Human form, and when wings are manifested, only one pair are shown. I do not doubt that there are much more to Angels than is shown to me, a mere Man of Letters, though one has taken me into his confidence and for the purposes of this narrative, I shall reveal all that he has told me on the matter.

He says he is a Seraph, and that his Order is amongst the fiercest in Heaven. I have seen him fight and cannot fault him for lying or false bravado. He is beautiful to behold, as they all are, with otherworldly eyes and deplorable fashion sense. His idea of the proper folding of a cravat is so far from the mode that I fear I will not be able to bring him into the first circles of society without employing a full-time valet for him. His clothing also appears several sizes too large for his frame and any mention of a proper tailor has been frowned down and even met with outright petulance. I wonder if the True Form he spoke to me of extends beyond the confines of his skin in the Supernatural realm rendering close-fitting clothing uncomfortable, or if he is merely eccentric. His disdain for proper headwear points towards the latter.

I am told by my Muriel that there are seven Archangels to be born into the world, Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, Raphiel, Azrael, Sariel, and Raziel and has said that he feels Gabriel is already among us.

Muriel said that he was born of human parents who were without children. He claims to have felt their pain in barrenness and entered his Essence into his mother's body and used her to create a Vessel for himself. He says that all Angels have been born this way and experience their Awakening, which remembers them to their true form and purpose.

Here I write in a different pen, for it is many decades since my original writing, and I now clarify that after having met many other Angels, still within the three species of Archangel, Seraph and Cherub, that they all encompass the same creation story of finding barren parents and blessing them with a child. In every case, the Angel was called after his or her Angelic name by the parents, which leads me to wonder if Angels possess some form of mental telepathy with the Humans they choose to bond with. The Angels I have met so far are as follows:

Ariel (S)

Belteshezar/Balthazar (S)

Mishael/Michael (A)

Lucifer (A)(possibly "The Devil" if such a thing indeed exists)

Eremiel (C)

Daniel (S)

Haniel (C)

Barachiel (S)

Muriel (S)(the one with which I have bonded)

Many of these Angels have aligned themselves with Humans (though not the Archangels), particularly such Humans as participate in The Wild Hunt and call themselves Hunters (on these creatures, which are not quite Human and not quite Supernatural, I have dedicated its own entry in my Journal), not excepting my own Muriel, of course, for he has been of true Help and Companionship to me in my times of need and distress. Of the Bond itself I may write its own entry, for it is a profound and metaphysical entity in its own right and deserves such distinction, but suffice to say that those with an Angel companion are truly lucky indeed and enjoy a love that is beyond description.

Castiel set the ledger down and sighed heavily, rubbing his fingers over his tired eyes.

"You okay there, Cas?" Dean asked.

They had spent a weary morning putting Castiel's business to rights. First he went to work to fill out leave of absence forms, then went back to his apartment building, which was thankfully nearly empty due to it being a workday and everyone being gone, and now they were on their way to Dean's "Hunt." Castiel was supposed to be reading an account of Dean's great-great-great-grandfather's in defeating a Poltergeist, but had gotten sidetracked by sketches of wings and Herschel Winchester's detailed description of being bonded to an Angel.

"I am fine, Dean. Thank you for asking."

Dean snorted. "You sound awfully proper there, man. Come on, talk to me. What's eating you?"

"I had wings last night, and I'm named after an Angel. I see women with ears on their heads like cats and men with wolf tails and I met not just one, but two gods the other night. My neighbor is probably Michael the Archangel, and another is probably Lucifer the devil…I don't know what's going on, Dean. But all considered, I'm fine. I'm…happy to be here. With you."

"Wow, shit," Dean said with a laugh. "Dude, say stuff like that and I'm gonna have to kiss you."

Castiel felt himself flush and looked out the window to hide his confusion. He wanted to say, "I'd like that very much, Dean." Instead, he said, "Reading in a car makes me feel ill. Just tell me about the Poltergeist."

Dean launched into an explanation about vindictive spirits versus shadows of those that had lived, how to find them and sever ties to the world, sending the spirit on its way. Castiel half-listened, but mostly dwelled on the idea that he might be an Angel. It seemed rather impossible, after all, he was a gay man, though admittedly still technically a virgin, which was something he really didn't want to discuss.

Of course it seemed that Michael that Archangel was probably also gay, so perhaps that had little bearing on the matter?

"Okay, I lost you again. What are you thinking about?"

Castiel turned to Dean, but as he did, his vision went cloudy and he was transported somewhere else.

"Be careful, Castiel," a voice said to his right.

Castiel turned to where he was sure the passenger door of Dean's Impala was, but instead, he was outside in some desolate place near a body of water. He looked down and saw a sort of odd fish by his foot.

"We have big plans for that fish," the voice said.

There was something familiar about the voice, not too incredibly familiar, but he'd heard it before.

"It's just a fish," he said.

"Not just a fish…the whole of creation rests on this one creature."

Castiel turned his eyes back to the fish, which was nearly shapeless and blobby. It had no scales and was fleshy like a shark or an eel, but no shark or eel he'd ever seen.

"Nothing is ever as it seems," the voice warned, and then Castiel was back in the impala, Dean's hands on his face. He had apparently pulled over to the side of the road.

"It's okay, Cas," Dean said soothingly. "It's okay, it's a memory from your past life."

"No," Castiel gasped. "No, it couldn't be…"

"Why not?" Dean's voice wasn't mocking or condescending. He actually sounded mildly curious. "You met two gods the other day, but you draw the line at past lives?"

"Dean, I just saw the beginning of Time." At Dean's shrug, Castiel felt himself get a little upset. "Could you at least try to pretend that what I just said is surprising in some way? For me?" He took a deep breath and got a good head of steam. "I mean, I'm sure for you that this is just every day, I'm sure you've had fifteen past lives, but this is my first. I have never experienced this before, and I just saw the fucking beginning of time. Can you just tell me that you find that incredible and maybe a bit impossible?"

Dean laughed. He actually laughed. Slapping the steering wheel, eyes crinkled, belly laughing like an asshole.

"You know what? This was a bad idea. Just let me out," Castiel grumbled. "Seriously, Dean."

Dean shook his head and tried to stop laughing. "Oh, man, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I swear I'm not."

"Really? Because someone who looks like you is certainly sitting next to me, laughing, and it seems as though he's laughing at me."

"You know, you've got this whole "Holy Tax Accountant" thing going on with your suit and your trench, but when you're pushed against a wall, you just turn feisty," Dean mused.

Castiel coughed to cover the fact that he desperately wanted Dean to push him against a wall and find out just how feisty he could get. Unbidden, his dream came back to him and he once again felt that hot, throbbing heat filling him to fullness…

"You really make me wish I were like Sam, Cas," Dean murmured. "Your eyes are so far away, and I'd give a pound of Dwarven gold to know what you're thinking."

Castiel snapped his eyes up. "Sam can read minds? Is that why his eyes change?" He started to panic. Did Sam know about his dream? Had he told Dean? Castiel felt a sudden need to smite Sam.

Smite Sam? Really?

"He can see into the future sometimes. He has this fairy godfather, Azazel, who flits in and out now and then, which is why we know so much about fairies. But Sam can't read minds."

Castiel felt himself literally deflate against the seat.

Castiel felt himself literally deflate against the seat. "So he can't read minds?"

Dean shrugged. "No, he just catches glimpses sometimes. The past, the future, the present. Because of him we rescued a bunch of kids from a changeling once, but he has to go to sleep to see it."

Castiel remembered the large figure lurking in his dream. "Does he ever see other people's dreams?" he asked sharply. Dean's frightened look said it all. "Dean, did he come to me in a dream last night?" Castiel started to sweat. Had Sam seen that?

Dean started up the car again and pulled back onto the road. "Uh…He said he saw you in a dream, but he was only there for five seconds. Does that sound right?"

Castiel looked down at his hand. He had somehow pulsed power through it the night before in a dream and expelled Sam from it. "Yes. I saw someone, and I think I attacked them, but I'm still not sure how I did it."

"Well, a dream's a dream, man. Strange stuff happens in dreams."

"But he was really there, right?"

Dean pulled up to a house and parked the car. "Look, here's the thing. About five years ago, a friend of ours, Gordon Walker, went through an Awakening. He was a vampire. We all knew he was a vampire, and we told him he was. It was something we just…took for granted, I guess. Well, he went crazy. I'm not just talking that he started screaming and ranting, I'm talking he went homicidal. He tried to kill Sam because he said Sam had demon blood in him. He managed to actually kill his sister and I ended up killing him. It was terrible. Horrible. I never want to go through that again, so if I'm holding back from you or not reacting like you want me to to something you say, it's because I don't know how much or how little to give you."

Castiel mulled this over. "Well, I'm sorry your friend went crazy like that. I'm sure it must have been hard, especially since you had to kill him."

Dean nodded. "It was."

"But that doesn't mean it will happen to me. Maybe he was…sorry, but…unstable before all that happened?"

"I guess he was," Dean agreed. "But I think we pushed him over the edge by expecting him to just be what we thought he was without waiting for the Awakening to take hold. You see, you're remembering things from your past life, you're remembering who you are, and soon you're going to remember you have powers. But if it all happens at once, I would think that would be a strain on anyone."

Castiel mulled this over. "Am I an Angel, Dean?"

Dean nodded. "I think you are."

"So I truly saw the beginning of Time itself."

Dean just nodded again.

Castiel sighed. "You're right. It does make me want to go crazy. Going crazy would…would make more sense. If I were crazy, then none of this would be real."

Dean reached over and patted his shoulder. "It's okay, Cas. It's going to be okay."

"You keep saying that," Castiel pointed out. "What if it's not?"