Author's Note:

Shout out to my wonderful reviewer Livi-Lu who is living proof that if I you have a thousand questions and suggestions for me-and I like them-I will do my best to please you. (And yes, Pepper is still a woman in this universe.)

To everyone else who has left kudos/followed/reviewed: YOU ARE AWESOME SAUCE...which is like apple sauce, but instead of apples IS MADE OF AWESOME.

And now, without further ado, let us wrap up Act I.


Both of the Starks were stepping off of the elevator onto the main floor of the Avengers Tower, clearly deep in conversation.

Tasha's face was lit up like she was imparting the knowledge of the universe upon Tony. "Yeah, of course I do that! Everybody loves them. Everybody. I mean, are there really any negatives?" She dipped her head to the side, eyes calculating. "I guess they kind of make running hard, but you've just got to use the proper support. Why, what are you doing with your…" She wiggled her finger to indicate Tony's body from top to toe. "…setup. I mean, obviously riding a bike isn't exactly a breeze, but beyond that I've never really considered the implications..."

Tony just looked at her for a second. "…Agreed. Recreational cycling isn't big on my list of hobbies." He shrugged before catching himself off guard with his own thought. His eyes got wide as he laughed. "I remember this time that I had to—"

"SO." Steve interrupted them before they could physically run into him on their way to the breakfast bar. He had a knowing smile on his face. "What are you two talking about?"

Tasha locked eyes on him, her gaze skipping down to the mug in his hand in a millisecond. She inhaled deeply, eyes glazing over. "Italian roast…Gimme, gimme, gimme!" She made grabby hands, complaining as he lifted it out of her reach—not that it made her stop trying. "Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve, why do you huuuuuuuuuuuurt meeeeee like this?"

"Answer first, then coffee." Steve stated, supremely amused.

Tasha huffed out a breath of exasperation, but she at least stopped flailing at him—even if the man who had stepped off of the elevator with her looked like he was more than willing to take up the task. "We were discussing the various impressive and highly technical aspects associated with…well…"

Okay, yeah, she hadn't had enough caffeine to spin the amount of bullshit necessary to cover up this situation. Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Fine!" She gave in, gesturing with a sharp point to herself and Tony in turn. "We were talking about what an unappreciated hardship it is shoving my boobs and his balls into the Iron Woman suit. He understands me, Steve, and if you don't give me that coffee this second, I will marry him instead of you. That's right. I WILL MARRY MYSELF AND FULFILL THE PROPHECY OF EVERY SNARKY TABLOID WRITER KNOWN TO MAN. I will Yoko Ono us so hard that…"

Steve cut off her undoubtedly colorful threats by lowering the cup into her hands. She reverted instantly. "Ahhhhhhh, coffee, coffee, coffee!" Tasha skittered quickly into his side, squishing herself into the shelter under his arm as she huddled over her steaming mug like an addict. Steve's soft smile made it clear that this wasn't an unprecedented event.

"Uh—to be clear—I squish my balls into an Iron Man suit, not an Iron Woman one." He reached out a hand to quickly shake with Steve, more than a little rusty at having to introduce himself. "Tony Stark, doppelganger—is there more coffee?!"

The Steve from Tony's universe perked up in his seat at the table behind the breakfast bar. "Stark?"

"Son of a bitch." Tony looked taken aback as he saw Rogers' head pop into his line of sight. "How'd you get here, spangles?"

Steve chose to interpret that question as a rhetorical one. Clearly he didn't know anymore than Tony did about how the hell he had gotten here, as the expression on his face clearly conveyed. He was mopey and sour over his wheaties.

"There's another one?" Tasha asked as she peered around Cap's arm, setting her now empty cup up on the bar. She quirked her eyebrow lecherously, energized by the coffee. "We could—"

"—Negative, Iron Woman. That statement is not cleared for takeoff." 3490 Steve interrupted her, looking a little scandalized around the edges.

Tasha kissed him on the chin, the only part of his face she could reach. "Yeah…but you know what I was thinking, anyway." She said, her smile evilly pleased by how much she had managed to corrupt him.

The Man with a Plan who had faced down countless Nazis without so much as batting an eye stammered as he maneuvered to change the subject. "S-so, uh…Not skrulls? I've never seen one that could change the features of someone it copies. It's always a perfect duplicate—though we should still eyeball my look-alike through one of the detectors Reed said he had ready."

"Gah!" Tasha's head flopped backwards on her shoulders as she went limp, mouth open in disgust. Steve managed to catch her with one arm before she hit the ground, an occurrence Tasha was definitely taking for granted, lately—no wonder women were always fainting back in the day. It was fun being all pressed up against his muscley self. "I don't want a play date with Mr. Asshatical!"

"Not even for a kiss?" Steve smirked.

Tasha glared at him. "Sorry, Mac, bank's closed."

Steve shook his head, a reluctantly amused groan slipping out. "You know I hate it when you try and use my slang…Alright, what about the fact that Reed still has all of the data about the other universes that he collected from his Bridge machine? Does that sweeten the pot enough for you?"

She thought about it for a second.

"…Fiiiiiiiiiiine." Tasha snapped back into her upright position, noticing that her other self had sneaked behind the breakfast bar and was seated at the table with the largest coffee mug she owned…possibly even the largest one in existence. A whole pot could fit in that thing.

"God, we are a nauseatingly sweet couple…" Tony said fast and low, almost unintelligible and mostly for the benefit of the Cap seated across the table from him. Rogers couldn't say he disagreed. So, he said nothing at all instead.

Tasha, of course, could still make out Tony's words. It was a tactic she often employed herself during uncomfortable situations—like every conversation she had had ever with Justin Hammer. Her sass face swiveled around to lock onto him. "Shut up and drink your coffee, you decaffeinated bitch."

"Jarvis," she continued in the same breath, leaving no room for Tony to reply. "Call down to Denice's room."

The put upon AI sighed, clearly having none of her shit today. "The line to Ms. Romanoff is open."

"Hey, Julie, how's your day?" Tasha asked, barely suppressed laughter in her voice.

Beat of silence. "That's hilarious Stark. Really. Never gets old. However, I'm still not changing my name just because you're having branding issues."

"You're lucky I don't sue you for confusing the marketplace, Rachel." Tasha skirted Steve's disapproving look before shifting into serious mode. "Listen, though, we seem to have a situation up here. The Steves, sexy dude version of me, and I all have to go pay a house call to Mr. Fat-ass-tical—and don't think I don't blame you for that, Bambie, just because it was you in another universe that used magic in my tower."

Romanoff's tone was all business now. "What exactly is the status up there, Stark? Are we dealing with unfriendlies?"

Tony could swear he heard the ominous sound of a clip sliding into a handgun. He raised his eyebrows worriedly, imminently conscious of the fact that he had no suit to protect him here. It was uncomfortably similar to showing up for MMA training without a cup—he knew he was going to get it straight in the dangly bits.

Tasha waved off Romanoff's question. "Too complicated. Jarvis can explain. Just round up Hammer Head and Bird Brain and try to work the problem from this end—we'll see you later, Brandi with an I."

The sound of static in the line and the discharging of a handgun round a few floors below them announced Romanoff's departure from the conversation.

Tasha cackled with delight. "The repair costs are worth every penny."

Tasha's Steve didn't look like he agreed. "One day—very soon—she will shoot you." He warned completely matter-of-fact.

Tasha threw her hands up in the air, her tone full of utterly dry sarcasm. "Oh. What an unprecedented event." She snapped her fingers and motioned with her arms towards the exit. "Now let's get our fabul-asses in gear. It takes a truly impressive amount of time to decontaminate myself of all of Richards' stupid, and we have things to do later."

"What's happening later?" Rogers asked from his seat at the table. His voice was rough, for the first time prompting Tony to really take a look at his truly abysmal—for an un-aging, serum enhanced Greek god—state. His adorable hair swoop was almost flat—flat—for pete's sake.

Both Tasha and 3490 Steve turned to look at both of them, surprised by the question.

Tony's face scrunched up in displeasure—only he was allowed to make Rogers feel like an ignorant clod for not knowing what was going on. He motioned between himself and Cap. "Alternate Universe, remember?"

"Riiiiiiiiight." Tasha said, still a little skeptical.

Steve's face, however, just…lit up. "Hey, Jarvis?"

"Sir?"

"Can you get the measurements for our guests here and have some clothes ready for…that thing…later?" Steve asked.

"Of course, sir."

Tony was absolutely flabbergasted by the exchange. No sass. No snark. And Jarvis was calling someone else sir? Tony was creeped the fuck out by this situation. He beat a hasty retreat towards the elevator, even managing to pry himself away from the remnants of his coffee, that's how dire the situation appeared to him.

All of their heads turned to follow his sudden and inexplicable departure.

"Shall we?" He asked impatiently, holding the doors open with the flat of his palm as he made a sweeping gesture for everyone to enter.


It wasn't particularly far from Avengers Tower to the Baxter Building…it was just an inordinately long drive. They had taken a discreet car with tinted windows, at least—a fact for which both Tony and Steve were grateful. They wanted to get this done with as little complication as possible, and the massive throng of people who had taken to the streets today made that difficult.

Even though neither of them would admit it, they feared what might be happening back home in their reality. It wasn't so much a fear of what would happen without Iron Man and Captain America. No, a deep and unsettling fear had crept into their guts, clinging to the questions that they studiously were not asking themselves.

Time travel was inherently a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff—or so said Steve's new favorite TV show that, when he was loneliest, he had nearly asked Tony…or Bruce or anybody really to watch with him.

Tony's thoughts on the matter ran more along the lines of quantum mechanics and the theories of special and general relativity.

What they were both beginning to get at, though, was that no matter how short a time it had taken both of them to travel into the future, their team would have lived every second of those four months by now.

…And they hadn't done anything to rescue Steve or Tony.

The only way that would happen—the only one—was if they were out of commission. Hands down, Tony knew that with a certainty born from the visceral knowledge of what exactly he would be willing to do for them—what he had done for them in the past. And, as far as he was concerned, they were much better people than he was. Hawkeye would have rolled out an interdimensional kidnapping plan in seconds—probably even knew a guy who specialized in the area. Natasha would have broken the faces of any officials who got in the way, and Thor would have stolen back the cosmic cube to power whatever tinfoil and chewing gum TARDIS they managed to cobble together.

Tony and Steve should have been out of there five minutes after they arrived—just long enough for a kiss on the cheek and the swapping of squash casserole recipes.

Their life, as it turned out, just wasn't that simple, though…as proven by Tasha's next words.

"Son. Of. A bitch." She hopped the curb with her car, parking right on the sidewalk a scant second before she was out of the door. The other heroes followed on her heels, and what they saw hit Tony right in the arc reactor.

…There was a giant portal right over the Baxter Building. And, it was only growing, beginning to engulf the skyscraper

Tony's legs went out from under him.