Title: Poor Life Choices
Summary: "Look. You're my brother, and I love you more than anyone else on this earth, but I do not support the decisions you are making."
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol use and sex, language, AU-ish
Author's Note: And here's another one! Not much to say about this one, really. I'm trying to get myself to write something other than this crack, but I'm having a hard time getting inspired. I'm up for requests, if anyone's interested. ^^
"You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself… return it to its mom now."
"Rudger." Uh-oh.
Rudger tried not to flinch as he turned to face his brother. Rex had just returned from some kind of weekend trip with a few classmates and was sleep deprived, grouchy, and in absolutely no mood to deal with his older brother's nonsense. Unfortunately for both of them, said nonsense tended to occur when nobody was equipped to deal with it.
"Yeah?" He said, trying to sound casual.
Rex narrowed his eyes. "There is a deer in the bathroom."
A pause. "You know, I told the landlord that we have a serious pest problem." Hey, it wasn't like a serious answer would get him out of trouble anyway.
"Rudger," Rex gritted out, "What. Did. You. Do?"
Rudger scratched the back of his head. "Well, Makoto invited a couple people over for some drinks, then we decided to head out for a few more, and then I think we ended up at a petting zoo…"
Rex went from pissed to skeptical to aghast in the span of a few seconds. It would have been pretty funny to watch, actually, if it hadn't meant Rudger's certain doom and the suspension of all drinking privileges for a month.
"Oh my god. You didn't – I don't even – arg!" Rex looked on the verge of tearing his hair out. "You stole a baby deer? What the hell is wrong with you? You can't just take animals from the zoo!"
"It was just a petting zoo." Rudger said defensively.
"It doesn't matter what kind of zoo it is! What were you planning to do with a deer anyway, keep it as a pet?"
"Maybe…"
The fact that his irresponsible brother was still alive was a testament to Rex's self-control. "No. No, no, no, no, no. You are not raising a deer. You can barely raise yourself. Return it. Now."
"Hey," Rudger shot back, "I practically raised you, didn't I? Personally, I think I did a pretty good job."
Rex was caught off guard for a second, then recovered and smacked him in the back of the head. "Flattery gets you nothing. Take it back now, or I'll call the Animal Protection Agency on you."
"Not again! Come on, Rex, those guys have my fingerprints!"
"Well, you better hurry up and return that deer, then, hadn't you?" Rex replied smugly.
"Dammit." Rudger swore and ran for the bathroom.
Author's Note: I have no idea why the Animal Protection Agency would have Rudger's fingerprints. I don't think they even take fingerprints. Ideas? XD
