Chapter Four
Later that afternoon.
Ruby returns home coming in the back door, walks through to see Charlie is sitting on the couch watching TV, still in her uniform. There is a bowl of ice cream on her lap and she is laughing at the Home & Away re-runs on Channel 7.
Hey Charlie, you're home early, I thought you weren't due to finish before 5pm?
Well you got your wish, I lasted about 4 hours, before more tears came and I realised I just can't be there, not now. Poor George, she had to babysit me, and after my tears, we kind a cleared the air a bit, and she sent me home.
So what does this mean, you are home for the day or what?
No I am home for at least the next month! So you are back on the caring duties for me, I'm afraid, and starting right now, I need you to get my boots off! Please Rubz, Please!
Ruby rolled her eyes at Charlie, and realised that is why she is still in her uniform, she can't get her boots off! Ruby starts to laugh, remembering the morning 'dressing session'.
What, what's so funny?
Oh nothing Charlie, I just worked out, that I have more power than you do. I can choose to help you or just leave you and go off with the gang. Especially given, Leah and VJ aren't here. So what do I get out of this deal then?
Charlie tries to feign anger, but can't, it really is a power struggle, and she desperately needs Rubz to help her. What is it going to cost me, I wonder?
I don't know Ruby, what do you want in return for getting my boots off?
Charlie grins at Ruby, thinking more shoe borrowing or the emerald green dress I wore recently. Unless Ruby already wore the dress whilst I was in hospital!
I do have something I want in return, I want you to tell me, how come you are my mother, and why it took you to be dying for Dad to tell me. Charlie, I still don't know what really happened, Dad just let it slip out, he was sitting in ICU holding your right hand, Charlie he was crying... He said you might die, and that I needed to know who my real mother was, he said you are my mother, but my sister too!
You knew this was coming, sooner or later, time to face it.
Listen Ruby, I guess I have time to talk, so how about you help me get changed and then I will answer your questions. I can't guarantee that I have the answers, but I will do my best to be as honest as possible.
Charlie got up from the couch, and grabbed Ruby's hand walking to her room in silence. Her mind was sifting through all those years, back 16 years, til Charlie was 12 and life was simple, living in the northern beaches of Sydney. Shit this isn't going to be easy telling Ruby what happened, I haven't told anyone, I really thought, this day would never come.
Ruby was thinking I can't believe Charlie is being so open, willing to talk to me about all this, do I really want to know what happened, this could change us forever. Now Ruby was starting to panic a little, what am I doing, I want my sister Charlie, not my mother.
Charlie, we don't have to do this you know, I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, that is ok.
Charlie sees the apprehension now on Ruby's face.
Ruby, it was Dad who opened the box and let this out, we can't put this back, we can only go forward, I know you probably don't want things to change between us, but it has already, you called me Mum this morning, remember? We are changing, whether we realised it or not, our relationship is changing.
Charlie gets some shorts and a t-shirt out of the drawers, and goes and sits on her bed, Ruby kneels down and undoes each boot, still no talking between them, Charlie manages to get changed on her own once the boots are off. Even though Ruby is there, both are lost in their own thoughts, each wondering about what to ask or how to respond.
Come on Ruby, let's go sit on the couch, and see what comes up. I am just as scared as you are, so we're on our own and maybe we can figure out what this all means for us.
How do I tell her about her father, I don't know what to tell her? God, she is older now than I was when I got pregnant. She is going to think I am such a slut. Not to mention such a hypocrite for all my lecturing.
I have done the maths, I know Charlie was 12 when she got pregnant, I didn't know you could get pregnant that young. Was she in high school then, or no, she couldn't have been in primary school surely.
Both are now sitting on the couch, Charlie at one end, Ruby at the other. There is a divide, physically and emotionally between the girls. Neither wants to ask the first question. Charlie looks at Ruby, both are sitting with their legs tucked up facing each other, backed into the arms of the couch, as if it is a showdown. Charlie decides she better go first.
Ruby, I don't know where to start, do you have a question to kick this off, coz everything is swimming around in my head, and I don't know what to say.
Ruby looks at Charlie, sitting a few feet away from her, very conscious she wants to know how she got pregnant in the first place. Ruby opens her mouth, and very quietly asks.
Charlie, how did you get pregnant?
Uh, wow, you want to know how, or why, and who with don't you.
Charlie, pauses to try and describe in words just what Ruby wants to know. Keeping her head down now resting on her knees. No eye contact, just wanting to get the words out.
OK, well, I was in first year high school, Leigh and I met these guys, same age as us, well kind of, and we hung out together, you know, watched them surfing, boarding just kid stuff what you do now really. One of the guys and me would walk off sometimes he was into music, and playing the guitar, and I liked listening to him play. Rubes, he didn't rape me, if that is what you're thinking. We were just experimenting, I guess, I didn't really place any fear or worry about being with him, neither of us were even aware that we could get pregnant, it was sex. I didn't hate it, I didn't regret it either. Well maybe later on, but not at the time.
Charlie looks up to see what Ruby is doing, and finds her leaning towards Charlie, with her hands under her chin.
Please don't judge me Ruby, I just want to explain how I was back then. Do you want me to keep going?
Charlz can you hold me, like you used to when I was little?
Charlie, not sure about why Ruby wants to be held but agrees to it. Ruby turns around, Charlie stretches her legs out with her right leg off the couch at the moment. Ruby now lies down on Charlie, with her head resting on her abdomen, so Charlie can put one hand on Ruby's head and the other just below her neck, right on Ruby's throat chakra. Charlie remembered that when Ruby was upset, she would crawl into Charlie's arms and that was how she held her. I forgot that, Mum would say to me, to pick Ruby up when she fell over, and I would just hold her to me.
I really don't know if I want Charlie to say any more, but there are questions I need to know. Charlie, is holding Ruby, now stroking her face, and feeling her heart beat with the hand resting on Ruby's throat.
Ruby, I didn't know I was pregnant, I just thought I was getting fat. You see I had this hormone thingy, some imbalance, and I was told that my weight would go up and down, so when I gained weight, I didn't know any differently. There was no morning sickness or anything. I had never got my period, so missing one, was also not a clue either. Rubz, I was 12 years old, I was the same age as VJ do you get that, I was so young, and just way out of my depth. By the time, I found out I was pregnant, I was 24 weeks, the only option was to have the baby. Can you understand, I went to the 6 monthly specialist appointment (the Endocrinologist) with Mum, as usual Dad wasn't there, on another murder investigation. The Doctor came into the room, and asked me to go out into the waiting room. I didn't know why, I saw Mum's face though, she looked worried, but I went and waited like a good girl.
Ruby has wrapped her arms around Charlie's waist whilst still lying on her. Charlie is now feeling the tears swell and knows it is only a matter of time before Ruby is showered once again with her mothers tears.
Mum came back out, she had been crying, and said it was a short visit today, and that we needed to go home. I didn't know why, normally I would be there for about one hour.
Charlie wipes away some of the tears and Ruby hears the quiet sniffle, and tightens her grip on Charlie. Ruby is afraid that if she looks at Charlie now, that she will stop talking. Ruby may not get another chance to know how she came to be born, and why it has been kept from her all her life.
We got back home, and Dad was there, I was so surprised, I mean he was on a case, and he never came home in the daylight, I wondered why he happened to be there just as we returned. They took me into the kitchen and we sat around the table, Mum was hugging me, and Dad, he looked different somehow. Mum finally spoke and she said that the Doctor had told her something, something that she didn't think was possible, she had phoned Dad at work, and he had rushed home to be here. Ruby I thought I had cancer or something and that I was going to die. Dad asked me, what did I know about having sex, I blushed, I thought, maybe I had got sick because I was having sex. I said I didn't know anything, I lied. Mum and Dad looked at each other, fearing the worst, then Dad moved around to me and picked me up putting me on his lap. I always remember that feeling of him holding me, squeezing me. Dad very gently looked at my face, and said to me, who was the man that did something to me, who was the man that hurt me. They thought I had been raped, I still didn't know I was pregnant. I was on Dad's lap when Mum grabbed my hand and said that the Doctor had said one of your blood test results came back with an increased reading, which shouldn't be possible, so they ran some more tests, and one of those tests was positive. "Charlie honey you are pregnant, and quite a long way into the pregnancy. Charlie, do you understand what I am telling you, sweetie you are going to have a baby". Dad wanted to know, who the father was, I was so shocked, I told him.
With that Ruby, pulls away from Charlie, and looks up at the tear stained cheeks of her mother. Do I really want to know who he is? Why hasn't he been mentioned before? Ruby stares at Charlie now, realising that Charlie has gone back to the 12 year old girl, frightened beyond words, grappling with a baby on the way, and no idea of what will happen to her.
Charlz, it's okay, stop for now, I can wait for the rest of it. Not now, just hold me some more, please.
Charlie relieved that some of this is finally out in the open. Not all of it, but enough to feel the burden being lifted. She will have to phone Dad and let him know, that the secret is finally released, and although Ruby doesn't know everything, like who her father really is, she has enough to live with for now, hopefully forever.
