A combination of road works and a fairly serious traffic accident delayed the club's return to the city. Indeed, it was nearly one on Monday morning when the road-weary students and their chaperones stumbled out of the bus and into the care of their parents and guardians. It was a foregone fact that none of them would return to the school for the remainder of the day, so it was not until Tuesday that it became evident how deeply rooted the issue with Maya from the weekend truly was.
Riley had been the first to notice that something was wrong. After all, Maya had not made any attempt to contact her the previous day, and had not responded to any of the messages she had left her. She was growing increasingly unnerved, especially when Maya had not shown up to meet her that morning and so, she and her dad (due to her still bum ankle) had driven to the school alone, he ensuring that she was capable enough of hobbling around on her own before he relinquished her until first period. But, as students slowly trickled in, one seat remained glaringly empty, so much so that, when the boys and Smackle finally entered the room, Riley was nervously shredding a page of her notebook. She raised her head swiftly, half expecting to see Maya's blonde hair peeking over Smackle's shoulder, but no, Maya had not been with them that morning.
"Where is she?" Lucas asked, as he set his bag down. "Did Maya go to the washroom Riley?"
"I was hoping she was with you guys," Riley admitted, crumpling the debris on her desk into a single ball.
Lucas' expression grew worried. "She didn't come with you?"
"Is Maya still sick?" Zay asked, drawing them back to the explanation Josh had given them on Sunday.
"She can't be," Riley responded despondently. "Dad and Uncle Shawn talked for hours last night. He would have mentioned if she were ill."
"And you haven't heard from her at all?"
"No," Riley snapped, a bit of her frustration bleeding through.
"Hey, it's okay," Lucas said quickly, reaching over the stroke her arm. "Calm down Riley."
"How can I be calm?" she hissed. "What's wrong with Maya?"
"Does anyone have a clue?" Lucas asked, looking at them.
They all shrugged to varying degrees. It wasn't a new conversation topic. Maya had been fine the first few hours of the trip and had basically isolated herself after that. It made sense at the time when Josh had declared her ill; none of them could ever recall a time when Maya had been in less than stellar health, so it had made sense that she would just want to be alone until she was better. But right about now, Lucas was pretty certain that he was not the only one wondering if she had been sick to start with.
"We'll figure it out, okay?" Lucas promised her as the bell rang.
"Okay," Riley replied softly.
He patted her arm once before he took his seat, and Riley turned away, and breathed deeply as she tried to compose herself before her father arrived. She didn't know what she would say when he asked her where Maya was, but, she really needed to be in control of herself before that question came. Except…it didn't. They all watched on in confusion as he arrived, greeted them, and then commenced the lesson without a single inquiry about her. Their group was not the only one to quietly question it. Riley's father never ever let an empty seat go unquestioned, but he was considerably more involved when it came to his daughter and her friends. So when his eyes did nothing except linger momentarily on her desk before moving on, Riley's fingernails dug into her palm.
Something was seriously wrong, and her father knew something about it. Plagued by her thoughts, Riley scarcely paid attention to what her father was teaching. For once there was no profound lesson involved…it was as if he too was not one hundred percent at the moment, confirmed when he actually assigned them a bit of in-class reading to do. Riley kept up her pretence of paying attention until he walked pass her desk. Almost without her realising, her hand shot out and she grabbed onto his sleeve. He looked down at her, and Riley's eyes widened when she saw the conflict in the depths of his eyes. She knew that expression; that was how her dad looked when he was trying to ignore something. And somehow, she knew whatever was bothering him involved Maya.
"What's happening daddy?" she asked him, her voice quivering. "You know. Where's Maya?"
A flicker in his gaze confirmed her suspicions. "Let's talk about this after sweetie," he told her softly, and moved to dislodge her hand.
"Daddy," she repeated, a bit more desperately.
"Is Maya in trouble sir?" Lucas asked then. "Please tell us."
Cory sighed as he saw that the entire class' attention was now firmly fixed on him. He couldn't blame them, he supposed, as he turned, heading to the front of the class once again. Save Lucas, Smackle and Zay, all of them had spent at the very least, their entire middle school period together. It was obvious they would be worried about one of their own.
"Ms. Hart isn't in any sort of trouble, Mr. Friar," he responded, as he turned to open his briefcase.
"Then why isn't she here sir?" Farkle inquired.
Cory took out a pink slip and held it up for them to see.
"Daddy?" Riley let out, shock in her tone. She knew what that was. Her father had handed two of those to her and Maya at the start of their eighth grade. "Is that-"
"A transfer slip," he confirmed. "Ms. Hart requested removal from this timeslot. Administration approved it."
Seconds later Cory had to raise his hand for silence as the class erupted into surprised chatter.
"Why did you approve that?" Riley demanded, her eyes starting to burn. It didn't make sense. None of this made sense. She turned, shooting desperate looks to the rest of her friends, only to find all of them with similar expressions.
"It wasn't my decision to make," he finally said. "The majority of the teachers had already signed off on it. There was no valid reason for me not to."
"But-" Riley started, only to be cut off by Zay.
"Wow, you said teachers. As in teachers plural?"
"I did," he confirmed.
"How many classes did she switch around?" Smackle asked.
Cory rubbed at the back of his neck, a gesture that just caused Riley's heart to drop further. That was one of his nervous ticks. "She switched her periods for History, Art, Spanish and Biology."
"But we have three of those together!" Riley protested loudly.
"And she had Biology with me," Lucas added, his tone softer.
"She moved all the classes she had with you two," Zay said.
"Not helping," Farkle hissed.
"Just what happened at the lodge?" Smackle asked, adjusting her glasses.
They all fell quiet at that, unable to answer. Across the room, Sarah shared a pensive look with Darby who only shook her head. Sarah nodded, and her grip on her pencil tightened as she willed herself not to speak. The bell rang, and for once, she was eager to escape the confines of their history class.
It was strange, very strange, to be in a History class on her own. She was the odd one out. She recognised a good few of her new classmates from the other classes they shared together and the guy she was next too definitely shared a few classes with her. Indeed, he had passed her a note with a scribbled "glad ur here! :D" that had managed to make her smile. But still, it was different. Mr. Matthews definitely taught the same way, intertwining life lessons into whatever he was teaching, but he didn't make a big deal out of her presence which would have drawn more attention to her than was necessary, and she was grateful to him for that.
He hadn't even pressed her to answer a single question, which left her with the entire period to just jot down key points he was saying because, now, more than ever, she had to pay attention in her classes. She had no one to rely upon to keep her caught up with notes and assignment details, and while that realisation was only now hitting her, she accepted the burden she had now added to her life. It was her decision, and she would not and could not regret it.
The bell rang, signalling the end of the class. She gave her seatmate a polite smile as he said goodbye, but didn't hurry to pack like the rest of them because she knew what was coming.
"Remain behind Ms. Hart."
"Mr. Matthews?" she said simply once the last of her new classmates had left. "How can I help you?"
"I want to talk to you Maya," he responded as he sat on the desk in front of hers. She had taken a seat in the back row, mostly so she did not have to hold eye contact with him. "What's happening?"
"Nothing at all sir," she responded, "I'm just doing a bit of life re-organisation."
"By re-organisation you mean separating yourself from your friends?" he asked, mildly. She shrugged and bit at her lip. "Look Maya," he continued, "what happened at the lodge? You weren't acting like yourself then and now this? Changing your schedule?"
"You don't agree?"
"You know I don't."
"Then why did you sign off on it?" she asked, looking up at him. "I wouldn't have been able to swap History and Art without your permission."
Cory sighed, before admitting, "You didn't ask to leave my class entirely. You just wanted to change the time period."
She smiled slightly at that. Administration had given her the worst trouble with that. She could have gotten her entire schedule altered, eliminating her from classes with every last one of them save PE with Zay. However, that would have meant giving up the man before her as a teacher, and out of all the other things she was now planning on doing without, she could not quite bring herself to say goodbye to him.
"I know you still have a lot more to teach me," she said softly, her smile broadening slightly as a look of fond remembrance crossed his face.
"Do you trust me?" he asked her seriously.
"I do."
"Then talk to me," he bid, "help me understand why you're doing this. I'm not your history teacher right now, not Riley's dad, or your future dad's best friend. I'm just me, Cory. The man you know you can always talk to about anything. So please, tell me."
"I'm tired," she admitted after a few seconds of silence. "I think I've been tired a long time now."
"Tired of what?"
"I'm tired of pretending, tired of constantly being tossed to and fro, tired of having people dictate my life. So I'm ending that."
"What do you mean?"
"What's the meaning of life sir?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.
He chuckled before answering, "People change people."
"And that change is supposed to be good right?" She waited until he nodded to press her point home. "So why is it that everyone thinks that me changing is a bad thing? Why does everyone want me to go back?"
"And by everyone you mean Riley," Cory deduced.
She nodded. "Riley's my world. You know that. She's been the most important person to be from the day one. There's no one's opinion I hold higher than hers. So how do you think it makes me feel when she says that she doesn't want who I am? That I'm not me and that she wants the old me back? She's the one who was happy when I found something to hope for. She was there when I realised that I didn't need to be angry all the time. She helped me choose the stupid clothes I had only to turn around and accuse me of dressing exactly like her, of wanting to be her."
"Maya, I-"
Maya continued on, interrupting him. "But you know what, even though it hurt, I decided to do what Riley wanted. Because Riley is my world and the one thing I have always sworn to do is protect her. I wanted her happy, and me being me apparently was bothering her, so I tried to fix it. I started to dress like my old self again, tried to not be so much of a goody-two shoes. And what happened then? She started accusing me of doing stuff I would never, ever do!"
"The money," Cory guessed.
"Exactly!" Maya said, her voice raising a bit. "I would never, ever, steal from anyone, far less you guys. And why would I jeopardise my mom's job like that? I was right there in the classroom with her, and yet she blamed me for that stupid fire alarm going off. And I wondered, is that who she sees me as, wants me to be? A borderline criminal she can save?
"I realised something that night, although I never told it to anyone. I can't go back to who I was. It's just not me anymore, and I am so glad it is not me. But I figured I could just pretend for Riley's sake, and even though it's hard to, I was okay with doing it."
"So what changed?"
Maya bit down on her lip, her mind flashing her back to that moment in the ski lodge. "It doesn't matter," she finally said.
"It matters to you," he pressed. "Maya, something changed, something big."
"Pretending to be who I was cost me Lucas," she finally admitted, her tone cracking midway through the sentence. She turned her head away, not wanting him to see the pain on her face.
"Oh Maya. This is why I didn't want us to go to that stupid ski lodge. Nothing good comes from it!"
Despite the turmoil that was once again rising, Maya chuckled at his fervent declaration, the bit of humour stabilising her enough so that she could meet his gaze once again. "I would agree with you," she said, "except that going there ended this triangle, and we all knew that that was necessary."
"You told Riley and Lucas to have each other," he said, "Riley mentioned it."
"Was she happy?"
"Yes," he admitted, "but she was also worried about you."
She shrugged again. "I figured she'd be too caught up in her joy to notice," she revealed.
"You're her number one priority Maya."
"And she's mine."
"But how does this cost you Lucas? The three of you have been pretty firm that no matter how this went down, there would be no hard feelings."
"I think we both know that would have been impossible," she said.
He rubbed at his neck but still nodded. "After Mr. Friar failed to keep his declaration of choosing neither of you, I knew this was bound to happen."
"They can't know I'm hurt," Maya warned him. "I backed out so they can be happy. It was my decision to."
"Prompted by what?" he inquired. "I know you as well as I know my daughter Maya, and you definitely had no plans of backing out before."
"Riley said that I started to become her somewhere around the time that Yearbook came out," Maya told him, drawing him back to the first part of their conversation. "And, that because she likes Lucas, I started to like him too."
"Ah ya, yai…" Cory muttered, but gestured for her to continue speaking.
"It's not that I believe her," she said quickly, before laughing when he breathed a sigh of relief. "But I'd admit it was around there that I started to really change you know. We got Harper for a teacher and I realised that not all classes sucked. I really started getting into Art and even becoming its defender, and I got hope. Me caring like that is very much Riley behaviour; Riley lives for meddling and fixing things, but me having things that are important to me doesn't make me her.
"But then the more she said it, the more I started to think. Lucas didn't start having feelings for me until around that time. It is possible that he developed feelings for the parts of me that reminded him of Riley and if that was the case then he really didn't want me for me. I fought against that for a while though; he had to like the bits of me that were unique right? The parts of me that wasn't changing because it didn't need to? I thought that.
"The game we played was our thing, has been from the moment I spotted him on the subway. We banter. I make fun of him, he makes fun of me. He lets me call him all those names and lets me sleep on him in class or doodle all over his notebooks because mines are already covered. He's hardly ever complained and then only when I was actually being mean to him. So I thought we were okay, and because of that I was fine with letting Riley have her way. I played up those parts of me because Lucas wouldn't be affected by it; he'd love it. Except, he wasn't, and he didn't. He stopped playing it right. It didn't feel as natural as it used to, but it wasn't like I could stop doing it. And then Saturday…Saturday…" Maya paused and took a deep breath before saying, "He said that he didn't like that about me. It's the one thing we shared that Riley has no impact on, and he doesn't like it. Maybe he never did? He only likes the part of me that's the same as Riley. So what does that leave me with huh? What am I supposed to do?
"If I want Lucas to like me I have to act like my true self, but that would leave Riley hurt because she doesn't want me like this. And if he was to choose me, would I have to pretend that that part of me that he doesn't like no longer exists? And is that fair to Riley when she has all that he likes and more whereas I would have to fake it? No. It isn't fair to her. And it isn't fair to him.
"So I chose this option sir. I chose to back out of the triangle so that Riley can have him and be happy and I've separated myself from them because the very thought of seeing them together kills me. And not just because of them being a couple, but because I don't know how to interact with them anymore without risking alienating one of them. This way I just have to worry about myself and they can be happy."
"But will you be happy Maya?" Cory asked, voice morose.
"Me being happy never leads to anything good," she said softly. "I forgot that for a while, and I'm paying for it now. I don't need to be happy sir."
"Oh Maya you are so wrong about that."
"I'm okay with that," she told him. "This way is better. Everyone will get that eventually."
"And you'll just survive alone until then? Are you really okay with that Maya?"
"I have no choice but to be."
