A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I didn't think this story would actually attract readers! Especially since it's a sensitive subject.
I come round from my nap and I feel quite cold that usually happens when you nap without a blanket, and I feel the cold easily especially in winter, I realise I've actually fallen asleep hugging the lamb and I blush at my own childishness I can imagine my grandpa going 'Oh you should've got rid of that thing by the time you turned five!' 'Toys at your age? You're a Self not some scallywag off the streets!' 'Guy you should've took that thing away' he was very strict and found my lamb a thing to be taken away after I started school. I sit up and realise my throat is really dry and I hate having a dry throat especially when the nearest water supply is in the kitchen. I then remember that I am not in my own flat, I'm in Colette's and I've been asleep for what probably is ages. I check the clock that is on the beside table it's flashing 21:30, "Oh no," I shoot up and to make it worse I've actually managed to bleed upon the duvet, "Oh brilliant," I whisper and push myself off the bed, I go into the longue and Colette's got what looks like what I used to do at uni: paperwork everywhere and a dish bowl full of what looks like chicken korma, and nan bread. I really don't feel like eating, I don't feel like anything I'm numb inside.
"Was wondering when you would be awake," Colette says and she then looks up from her paperwork, "I know you probably don't feel up to eating, but I got you something small…how are you feeling?" She puts down her pen and then places the dish bowl onto the sofa before standing up.
"Just tired I think I might go to bed," I say and Colette then smiles, "If that's OK."
"If you're feeling still slight cramps, maybe a bath would help?" She asks and I consider it, a bath would help but it means I'll have time to think.
"No…if it's OK I'll just go to bed," I ask again and Colette then stepped aside and I walked to the kitchen, to grab water and I saw on the fridge more memories of things, I open the fridge quickly and grab a bottle of water and then walk
"If you need anything you can knock on my door," Colette says and I nod, "I got your thicker pads here," she chucks the dark blue packet at me and I catch them, "If you still feel any cramping, I've got spare paracetamol in the cupboards."
….
I get ready for bed and rip open the packet of heavy duty sanitary towels, ugh these ones are so embarrassing and thick, but I guess since I did request for them and as I pull down my leggings and underwear a gush of blood appears on the floor, "What the?" I step back and go red, "Oh great."
…
Colette P.O.V.
I sit on the carpet again still buried in god knows how much paperwork, usually I'd have it half finished by now. I feel like a teenager who's forgotten to do homework, and is spending the whole night rushing to not get in trouble. Though my mind isn't on work, I feel something isn't right, again because she's too quiet. Of course she's quiet, how else is she going to be? So I get up and take a glance at my korma it's not as appetising anymore, instinct tells me something is wrong and I knock before entering, Zosia's stood in her pyjamas but looking slightly embarrassed, "What's happened?"
"I…well…blood…and…sorry," she says it looks like that is the only thing she can say, she looks like a child, I guess in a way right now she is, and the woman has been through so much:
Losing her mum
Her dad burying himself away in a bottle for months, she had popped round one time to see him and found him passed out on the sofa. You can imagine how she felt losing her mum and then thinking she lost him, she was so brave instead of leaving him she done what done what any doctor would do: help. As he came round she stayed as he vomited, cleared away all the bottles and phoned me. I think that was the last straw as then she disappeared and refused to get in contact.
Then losing a baby which she never got a chance to decide, and as I stand here right now, whilst she looks embarrassed, deep down I can read her she is terrified. I step closer and she sits on the bed, "Blood pulls when lying down, that's why there was a gush…nothing to worry about."
"I wasn't worried," she says growing red in the cheeks and then tilts her head down, "How did you know?"
"Instinct," I answer back and Zosia frowns, "Look," I place my hands down by my side and then walk over to the bed. I place my hands on thighs and sit down with my hands clasped together on my lap, "We haven't seen eye to eye since you believed that stupid-"
"Don't bring that up," she says angrily and I sigh, "It could have been true."
"Zosia your dad was faithful from the day your mother agreed to go out with him, he's too old for me anyway…and I don't fancy him."
"Lots of others do."
"That's because he puts on a smile, charms his way to get people to do what he wants…trust me Zosia if I wanted back then to get with him, he would've pushed me away…he's faithful…you may not see it but I do."
Zosia shivers as I guess she's feeling the cold, I packed her warm pyjamas not the strappy top and shorts I found on the washing pile. I stand up and go the wardrobe pulling out a blanket, "What's this for?" she asks.
"What do you think?" I chuck it at her it's soft and black, I sit back down and take it off her, "Usually with a blanket you wrap it around yourself…look I'll clear that up and then I'll leave you too it."
"No I'll do it….I made it-"
"It's not like you were drunk and vomited…and besides it's nothing I've not seen before," I say and Zosia nods, "Whatever happened to the little girl that would ask to play cards, and tell us to be quiet if we said it near your mother?"
"She grew up," Zosia answers and I agree she did grow up, and realised her loyalty to Guy was misplaced. Though she didn't grow up really she still acts like a child and I feel sometimes the naughty corner is where she should be still.
"I'll clean this up and then I'll leave you too it," I walk out and leave Zosia in the room, I return with a cloth and a bucket of water, "Do you want a hot chocolate?"
"No thank you," Zosia is laid in bed and playing with her hair.
"Like I said if you need anything…I'm a knock away," I say and she nods, "Well night Zosh."
"Night," she says back and I switch off the light and go to shut the door, "Could you…could you leave it open please?"
I smile then make my way into the living room, and resume the rest of my paperwork which looks as if it's gotten bigger.
…
Zosia P.O.V.
I wake up around midnight with my head full of thoughts, I still can't believe what happened today and I keep going back to that photo of Mama and Colette. It's weird to think I was four back then and she was two years into all clear of the first hit of illness. I then think turn myself around and pull the duvet closer around me, I'm never going to stop thinking about her she was so special to me. The woman who gave birth to me, held me when I cried, taught me Polish and told me to be what I want to be. That could have been me holding my child when he or she fell over, teach them Polish and talk to them about their nana, and tell them not to let anyone bully them into something, they do what they want to do. I try and shake the image of a child on my lap crying as the child is not existent, it's gone just like mama is, I picture again a child with black hair and light eyes, but then I picture him or her with brown hair and eyes like Arthur's, he or she could've been like me: arrogant, pigheaded, a daddy's girl and hopefully would stay one, or a mummy's boy, or like Arthur: Socially awkward, persuadable, not very tactful, either way the child would've been mine and even though I didn't get a chance to decide, I will never know if his or her eyes would be mine or Arthur's, if the hair would be black or brown, or whether the child would be a me or Arthur.
I step out of bed and walk quietly out of the bedroom, into the living room I switch on the light and walk over to the photo, I take it off the shelf and sit down on the floor studying the image: her eyes are like mine, well technically I have my mother's eyes, her smile is identical her every face shape is like hers, my hair is the same colour, I musn't cry she wouldn't want me to cry. I've lost both my mama and my child that could still be growing inside me, every month my abdomen would've expanded, at some point I would've felt the baby move and get surprised by the kicks, I stop myself before I go any further this baby is gone, he or she is not coming back and neither is my mama, I feel tears sliding down my face and two drip off my nose onto the glassed photo frame, why does everyone I love have to leave me? I then feel a hand on my shoulder and Colette is looking at me, how long has she been standing there?
"Let me take that," she takes it away and places it on the floor, "You idiot why didn't you come find me?" she asks and I shrug my shoulders.
"I wanted to be alone," I answer and Colette rubs her hand again up and down my arm, "Why does everyone love…leave me?" I ask and she doesn't know what to say, "It's like I'm cursed," I feel tears again realising themselves and then I rest my head up on her shoulder.
"You're not cursed Zosh, you've just been unlucky," I'm hearing her words and I feel my eyes release more tears, "Do you want a cuddle?" she asks and I don't know what to say, I'm not a child anymore, it's fair enough wanting cuddles of your mother but she's the woman, who used to babysit me and works with me. Though somehow I find myself nodding and she pulls away then allows me into her arms, "You'll be OK Zosia…you'll be OK."
…
Colette P.O.V.
I never thought she would agree, she's always been fussy with who held her, hugged her and who she let in. I remember from when she was little that it was only her mother, myself and Guy who could hold her and if she was passed onto anyone else her face would crumble and she'd end reaching out for whoever she wanted, her eyes would go shiny and if she wasn't passed back she'd panic and kick off. She went from cuddle wanting child to teenage tearaway who somehow managed to keep her grades at the best and then to miss independent university, medical school top of the class woman. I find it weird to think how fast has flown, so no wonder Guy still says 'she used to be such a daddy's girl'. I feel her cries subsiding and she pulls away, "I usually find a hot chocolate and a muffin helps me when I'm down…I can make us a hot chocolate and heat up a muffin?" I suggest and Zosia nods, "Are you going to go into work tomorrow?"
"Well I'll have to…to stop my father from asking questions," Zosia answers and I want to tell her no, as it's probably not the best place for her to be, but she's Zosia and Zosia does what Zosia wants. Even if it lands her in heaps of trouble.
A/N: Once again thank you to ChasingRainbows90 and PianoNinja! P.S. PianoNinja loved both your updated stories hehe! Hope you get unblocked soon ChasingRainbows90! Thanks to both of them for reading through stuff, this chapter was a bit weird but I needed this part to build the next chapter, so I hope it's OK! Reviews are welcome :) next we some more Dom and Zosia, along with a bit of father daughter problems!
