4. The One Who Narrowly Avoided Becoming Mrs Collins

A few days later, there was slightly larger party at Pemberley. Colonel Fitzwilliam had joined them, and his good humour relieved the tension slightly and eased the minds.

One evening, they were all gathered in the drawing room, after supper. Georgiana was at the piano with Mrs Annesley, who was turning the music sheets. Mr Darcy, Mrs Darcy, Lady Catherine and the Colonel were playing cards.

Lady Catherine seemed quite distracted from the game. She dismissed the Colonel's light-hearted attempts to have her focus on the cards. Clearly, the Colonel's good humour wasn't as pleasing to her as it was to everyone else. Lady Catherine, of course, preferred to be in an environment where the dignity of her rank afforded her a reverent and grave crowd, not one that laughed and conversed merrily. She had been under the false impression that her presence was casting a gloom over the Darcy family, which had been her goal. She had no way of knowing, of course, that Elizabeth's eyes glinted mischievously behind her back, and that Georgiana frequently had to stifle a laugh, while even Darcy couldn't always keep his composure and his lips often twitched involuntarily. Lady Catherine was oblivious to all this, because she only saw what she wanted to see. The truth is usually inconvenient for people of such arrogance and haughtiness.

"So," said Lady Catherine, quite rudely interrupting a delightful bout of banter between Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mrs Darcy, "I see that Georgiana keeps improving on the piano. That is very good."

By saying this, Lady Catherine had made two mistakes. First, she had not looked in Georgiana's direction at all, but had instead chosen to fix her eyes on Elizabeth. This warned Elizabeth that Lady Catherine's praise was just a way to lead the conversation elsewhere, most likely in an attempt to denigrate the new Mrs Darcy, perhaps on her piano skills, perhaps on something else altogether. The second mistake Lady Catherine made was due to her aforementioned blindness to these things that do not fit in her schemes. For, had she seen how her favourite nephew was eyeing his wife and his cousin with jealousy, she might have realised that it was in her interest to leave the banter to go on. It was an incredible display of short-sightedness, especially considering what she about to say and not-so-subtly hint at.

"You know, I've told Mrs Collins, who is your dear friend, that she can come anytime to Mrs Jenkinson's room to practice on the piano forte there."

This phrase sobered Elizabeth and her smile faded slightly. She remembered another good reason to be polite to Lady Catherine: her dear Charlotte's wellbeing sometimes depended on Lady Catherine's humour. She wouldn't want Charlotte to suffer from Lady Catherine's temper and mean words simply because Lady Catherine resented her spirit and quick-wittedness.

"That is very kind of you, Your Ladyship," said Elizabeth. Her tone was genuine, she was glad Lady Catherine had no mentioned the part about Charlotte "not being in anyone's way in that part of the house".

Lady Catherine inclined her head slightly, accepting the praise. She seemed to hesitate, for the first time ever before flinging another barb at Elizabeth. Perhaps she was starting to appreciate Elizabeth, or perhaps her conscience had finally awoken and she realised it would be best not to meddle with her nephew's happiness.

"Well, Mrs Darcy...", Lady Catherine said, surprisingly addressing Elizabeth by her proper name, "To know that that could have been you at that piano! I mean, before Mr Collins proposed to your dear friend Charlotte Lucas, I understand from recent intelligence, that he had asked you to marry him."

There was a short silence.

"Well," replied Elizabeth hesitantly, "How fortunate I am then, to find myself here with another piano forte and with a sister who plays it exceedingly well."

In normal circumstances, Georgiana would have blushed at the praise, but right now she was too worried about the turn the conversation was taking. She had stopped playing the instrument and was conversing in low voices with Mrs Annesley.

Lady Catherine ignored Elizabeth's attempt to redirect the conversation.

"I think you would have done very well as a clergyman's wife. You would have liked my parish I'm sure."

"Rosings and its parish are very nice indeed," Elizabeth said softly. Then, she blushed, realising that praise of Rosings could be easily misconstrued, as well as praise of Pemberley could have been once upon a time. Considering the sick heiress, Mr and Mrs Darcy were as good as next in line to inherit Rosings. Lady Catherine didn't realise where Mrs Darcy's embarrassment was stemming from and continued along the same lines, "You see, I'm surprised that, at the time, you decided to turn Mr Collins down. Surely you must have felt like The One Who Almost Managed To Become Mrs Collins, for a long time afterwards. He was a charming prospect; it was hardly wise to turn him down. He did explain though that your refusal stemmed more from expressing elegance than any real desire to refuse him."

Mr Darcy's face was becoming an interesting shade of red while a vein in Mrs Darcy's neck was pulsing rapidly. Mrs Darcy was infuriated at the reminder of Mr Collins refusing to accept that she would not marry him, and his incessant belief that she was only trying to make herself more desirable.

"I assure you that Mr Collins was mistaken in this belief. I consider myself The One Who Narrowly Avoided Becoming Mrs Collins."

"Are you implying that Mr Collins, your cousin, is not a fine, respectable man deserving of the respect of a woman of your status?"

Mr Darcy rose from his seat but his wife pulled him back down by the arm, so he sat again, his fists clenched so tightly the knuckles turned white. He was so furious at his aunt that he genuinely thought he could throw her out of Pemberley at nighttime, where Lady Catherine would have little choice but to sleep in the carriage since some parts of the road further on were highly impracticable for carriages when there was no daylight.

"I'm only saying that my friend is happy as Mrs Collins, so surely we must rejoice that everyone finds themselves happy in their marriage."

Lady Catherine seemed a bit unsure as to what to retort. She hadn't been in a happy marriage; she'd been in a boring marriage. And what Lady Catherine didn't know was that Charlotte Collins was in both, for she was happy to be in a boring marriage that left her plenty of time for herself.

"I could never have foreseen you as my niece," continued Lady Catherine after a tense silence, "And even if I had, I knew my nephew, at least one of them, would have too much sense to propose." She eyed Colonel Fitzwilliam as she said this, which either indicated that surprisingly, she had picked up on outside information that didn't concern her, namely that the Colonel and Elizabeth were good friends, or that someone had pointed it out to her. Perhaps a good observer like Mrs Jenkinson, perhaps not.

"That's enough!" roared Mr Darcy, finally standing up for good, "What are you implying?!"

He was seething with anger. His aunt was extremely surprised. She'd never seen her nephew lose his cool demeanour, and she was feeling a bit uneasy and scared about it. Georgiana seemed terrified.

"Honey, would you please sit down?" Elizabeth whispered under her breath. Mr Darcy took in a deep breath and looked at Elizabeth. She gave him a reassuring nod, "I can handle this," she murmured. He nodded his understanding but whispered back, "I can't stand this. Just give me a minute." And he went to stand by the window, with his back to them. He was, however, listening intently to the conversation going on behind him.

"What's all this conspiratorial whispering?" Lady Catherine was genuinely surprised, "Those who are not ashamed have no reason to hide."

"I'd say it's those who never hide their least respectable feelings who should be ashamed," retorted Georgiana.

"Lady Catherine," Elizabeth burst in before Lady Catherine could start a feud with her niece, "I must clarify a few things since you seem to be under a misapprehension. I have never held any romantic feelings for either Mr Collins or Colonel Fitzwilliam, as you so kindly implied earlier."

At this, Mr Darcy turned around. He brightened up slightly.

"What about Mr Wickham?"

Elizabeth was highly surprised that Lady Catherine knew about her old admirer.

"I admit that I was mistaken about his respectability and his manners, as I was about another gentleman. I never had any strong attachment towards him, nothing that could have induced me into matrimony. He's now a brother and even that relationship is a little too close for my liking. Be assured, as much as you despise me for it, that I only have eyes for my husband."

Mr Darcy was beaming.

Later that same evening, in the privacy of their bedchambers, Mr Darcy pulled Mrs Darcy into his arms.

"You were right, dearest," Mr Darcy whispered, "Lady Catherine is indeed of infinite use. She has clarified any lingering doubts I may have had. I have no reason to be jealous of your friendship with my cousin."

"Fitzwilliam!" Elizabeth tried to scold him but she couldn't help laughing slightly, "You could have just asked me that and I would have told you! I can't believe you ever thought I entertained romantic feelings for your cousin."

"I'm sorry," apologised her husband, "But you know how difficult it is for me to admit to these weaknesses... so Lady Catherine has just saved me a lot of heartache and she has saved the colonel from a broken nose."

Elizabeth tried to keep her face stern as she replied, "I cannot tell if you are only saying this for your amusement or not, but really William!"

"I know you've forgiven me already, because you've stopped your 'serious talk' attitude."

" 'Serious talk' attitude?" Elizabeth was flabbergasted

"You've stopped calling me 'Fitzwilliam'. How highly improper, Mrs Darcy."

His eyes were twinkling. She shut him up with a kiss.

"I love you, Will."

"I love you, Lizzie."