Wow! This chapter gave me a much harder time than I thought it would. I actually wrote an entire chapter and then realized that I had moved things along too quickly. SO, I had to go back and do it again until it felt right. I hope you enjoy it
Clarke puts the finishing touches on her outfit and picks up her phone, shooting off a quick text to Octavia. They have plans to hang out tonight, but she has a breakfast date with Finn today. Harper's funeral was two days ago and Clarke is really trying to shake off the lingering sadness. She misses Harper so much, but she can't keep dwelling on it. The earth is still rotating, bills still have to get paid, and Clarke doesn't want to be alone anymore.
Maya is already gone, she said that she was going to run some early morning errands but Clarke suspects that one of those errands might be dropping by to see a certain detective..
Clarke parks her car and heads inside, she looks around for Finn but is surprised to see Maya sitting down at a table for four.
"You didn't tell me you were coming here." Clarke laughs, approaching her table.
"You didn't tell me you were, either." Maya says in the same light tone.
"Hi, Clarke." Jasper, who's sitting on Maya's right, stands and shakes Clarke's hand from across the table.
"Hi." Clarke smiles.
"Good morning, Princess." A voice says behind her, making Clarke jump. He laughs softly.
"Bellamy." Clarke nods in greeting, "Well, I'll let you all get back to your breakfast." She turns, but Bellamy catches her hand.
"Why don't you join us?" His eyes have that mischievous glow in them that Clarke always adored, she probably would have given in if Finn hadn't walked up to her right then.
"Clarke." He smiles, "Oh, hi everybody." Finn gives a small wave to everyone at the table. Bellamy still hasn't released Clarke's hand, "You ready to eat?"
Before Clarke can answer, Bellamy speaks up, "We were actually just trying to convince Clarke to join us. Why don't you pull up a chair Finn?"
Finn looks to Clarke for a split second and then back to Bellamy, "You know, I would, but I think I'm going to be selfish and keep her all to myself this morning." A sly smile breaking across his face, "But thanks for the offer, Bellamy."
Clarke is so shocked by what Finn just said that she almost laughs out loud. Bellamy's grip loosens and she takes Finn's outstretched hand, "Bye, guys." She says in Maya's direction.
The hostess seats them in a booth that, of course, happens to be in Bellamy's sightlines. Clarke scolds herself as her eyes drift over to his. He looks amused. Finn says something that Clarke doesn't hear.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." Clarke says, embarrassed.
"I said, sorry I stole you away from them. If you want, we can join them?"
"No!" Clarke says quickly, her hand shooting across the table to his, "No, I'm right where I want to be."
Finn gives her that charming smile of his and her legs turn to jello, she's glad she's sitting down.
Thirty minutes later, Clarke is proud to say that she hasn't looked over in Bellamy's direction once. She and Finn are really having a great time. They've gotten to know a lot more about each other, and she finds that she really does like Finn. Their hands are interlocked on the table when someone clearing their throat approaches the table.. Bellamy.. Clarke groans inwardly.
"Hi again." Finn laughs in greeting, "How was your breakfast."
"Fine, thank you." Bellamy replies, "Clarke, can I speak to you for a moment?"
She hesitates, "Sure." She gives Finn a reassuring smile and follows Bellamy to the other side of the restaurant, still in Finn's sight.
"What is it?" She asks.
"Will you have dinner with me tonight?" He leans in close, capturing her eyes with his.
"I.. can't. I have plans with Octavia."
"Oh?" He laughs, "What do you two have planned?"
"We were just going to hang out at her place."
"Perfect. I'll see you there."
"But.." Clarke begins, but can't really tell Bellamy that he can't go to his own sister's.
"But?" Bellamy's eyes are playful.
"I guess I'll see you there." She says, defeated.
"Can't wait." He flashes that smile that used to make her heart flutter.. Oh who's she trying to kid, it still makes her heart flutter..
"Bye." Clarke turns toward her table, but Bellamy pulls her back quickly and kisses her softly on the cheek, teasing. He pulls away an inch and stares her in the eye.
"What are you doing?" Clarke tries to sound demanding, but fails.
"Just checking." He says seriously.
"Checking what?" Her tone more threatening now.
"Have a good day, I'll see you tonight." He releases her and leaves Clarke standing there trying to catch her breath. Damn him..
Clarke turns to go back to the table, but Finn is already there, "Everything okay? You looked a little tense."
"Everything's fine. I'm just going over to Octavia's tonight, so we were talking about that." She smiles, willing her heart to calm the heck down.
"Oh." Finn says, lightly, "Will Bellamy be there?"
"Well, it is his sister's place. So, chances are, probably." Clarke shrugs it off.
Finn walks Clarke out to her car, pausing for a moment. It's that pause that happens when someone is trying to decide if they should kiss you or not. Clarke doesn't know why she does what she does next.. Maybe it's because Bellamy has her all ruffled up.. Maybe it's because she has feelings for Bellamy and she's trying to shut them out.. Or maybe it's just because she wants to.. No matter what the reason is, Clarke tilts her head up and connects her lips to Finn's. And that's all the reassuring he needs. Finn wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her against him, his lips are soft and earnest. Clarke can't deny the butterflies swarming around in her stomach. The kiss turns eager on both sides, until Clarke hears snickers from people passing them on the sidewalk. She pulls away, blushing.
"I should probably go." The smile on her face seems to be permanent.
"Okay." Finn says, a little breathless, but pulls her in for one last kiss before she leaves.
"I'm so glad you're here! I've been so impatient ALL day!" Octavia squeals, dragging Clarke into her apartment, "Bell called and he'll be by in a few." She says, studying Clarke's face.
"Okay." Clarke's still in a good mood from this morning with Finn, it lasted all through her photo shoot earlier today and even when she ran her errands. There's no way she's going to let Bellamy ruin it.
"So.. You want to tell me why my brother insisted on coming over?"
"I ran into him this morning at breakfast." It sounds more like a question than a statement.
"Uh huh.. What else happened?" They move to the couch.
"He was there with Maya and Jasper. I didn't know they were going to be there and Maya didn't know I was going to be there. I went and said hi, but then Finn showed up."
"You had a breakfast date with Finn?!" Octavia squeals, her hand flying to her mouth.
"Why is that so shocking?" Clarke's suspicious.
"Oh, it's not honey. But I wish I could have seen my brother's face when he showed up!" Octavia rolls with laughter, "Oh my gosh!" She squeezes out, "I bet he flipped!"
"Well, he was a little weird." Clarke admits, laughing a little herself.
Octavia calms herself down, wiping away the tears that leaked out, "So, Maya didn't want to come over?"
Octavia had invited Maya, but Maya had been spending a lot of time with her dad and Jasper lately, "I think we're both trying to cope in our own way. She's been spending a lot of time with her family."
"That's understandable."
"Hey, O!" Bellamy calls from the front door, locking it behind him.
"Hey, Bell!" She shouts back, "Clarke's here!"
Bellamy walks into the living room where the girls are. He sits down on the couch next to Octavia giving her a chaste peck on the cheek.
"How was your day?" Octavia asks.
"It was good. I ran into Clarke at breakfast, so that was a good start to the day." He gives her a wink.
Clarke rolls her eyes and settles deeper into the couch.
"Well.." Octavia says, trying to break the tension, "Who's up for a movie?"
They order pizza and watch a comedy, which Bellamy pays no attention to. His eyes are focused solely on Clarke. He can't believe he let her go..
Clarke doesn't know how much longer she can stand sitting in the same room with Bellamy. She can feel her determination to kick him to the curb slowly breaking away. The movie ends and Octavia is the only one that moves. She takes the dvd out and turns to the two of them on the couch.
"Okay, you two, this isn't going to get any better until you talk." She folds her arm across her chest, looking at them expectantly.
"Maybe I should go." Clarke moves to stand.
"Oh, no you don't." Octavia blocks Clarke's way. "This has gone on long enough. You two were inseparable for as long as I can remember. You owe it to each other to talk this out. I've sat on the sidelines long enough hoping that you," She glares at Bellamy, "would get your shit together and fix this. You got your shit together, but you didn't fix it! I don't know why you didn't do it, Clarke doesn't know why. You two need to talk. And I'm not letting you leave until you do." To emphasize her point, she pulls a chair over to the hallway leading to the front door and sits down. "Talk." She demands.
Clarke waits a few beats, but when Bellamy doesn't speak, she blurts, "Why did you do it?"
"Clarke, it wasn't as easy as you made it seem."
"I know it wasn't easy, why didn't you try?"
"Clarke.." Bellamy hangs his head.
"Your sister is making us sit here until we talk this out, so let's go Bellamy! You've got me here, tell me what the hell happened!" Clarke can feel all of her emotions bubbling to the surface. She knows she's going to lose it. She misses him so much, loves him. They had something spectacular and he threw it away.
"I'm sorry. I really am."
"I don't want to hear that you're sorry. I waited THREE YEARS for that! I don't know if being sorry even makes a difference at this point! Now, I want to know how you could just throw us away?" Clarke stands, without consciously making the decision to do so.
"I didn't.."
"You did! You had two choices and what did you choose?"
Three Years Ago-
Bellamy lays on the bed, passed out. Slowly, a voice breaks through the haze to him.
"Bellamy, get up! Get up!"
It's Clarke… Shit.. This won't be pretty..
"Get up!" She's shaking him now.
"I'm going, I'm going." He mumbles into the comforter. Somehow he manages to sit up, but he doesn't know how long he'll be able to stay up.
"Get in the shower." Clarke storms out of his room.
After two bottles of water and a long shower, Bellamy is finally sobering up. He walks out to the living room and sees Clarke and Octavia sitting together at the table. Clarke is crying.
"What's going on?" He asks.
"Are you serious Bellamy?" Clarke sniffs, "I can't do this anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're always drunk or passed out! The only time you're ever sober is when you're at work!" She hesitates for a moment, "Well, I don't know if you actually are sober there, but I sure as hell hope you are! I can't live like this anymore, Bell! Octavia can't either!"
Bellamy looks at the two women in his life and can't believe they're ganging up on him. They don't see the things he sees on the streets. They don't know what his life is like. How dare they judge him? They live in a protected bubble that he spends every day fighting for.
"So, you two decided you were going to have an intervention?" He laughs, humorlessly, "Is that what this is?"
"This has gone on long enough, Bellamy! For six months I've tried every way I can to help you, but you don't want help! I don't know what you want! Do you even want me anymore?" Clarke's voice catches.
Bellamy does want Clarke, more than anything, but he's pissed. He doesn't like being ganged up on, and he doesn't like Clarke making him feel like he's less than her, "I want the Clarke that doesn't act like a stuck up Princess." He spits at her, "Who the hell do you think you are?!"
Clarke looks like he just slapped her across the face. Slowly, she collects herself and walks over to him, "I love you, Bellamy. I love you more than you know. But you're not you right now. Why don't we talk when you sober up?" She pecks him on the lips and turns to leave, but Bellamy pulls her back.
"I'm sober enough now. And I don't need you mothering me. What I need is my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend is tired of having a non-present boyfriend- a boyfriend that would rather drown himself in a bottle than spend time with me sober."
"That's not what it is!"
"Then what is it? Talk to me! Please!" Clarke's tears run freely down her face, Bellamy's chest tightens.
"I love you, Clarke."
"Then choose me. No more drinking."
Bellamy's head spins, he can't promise that, "I can't do that."
Clarke looks at him like she's seeing him for the first time, "You can't choose me over alcohol?"
"Bellamy." Octavia gasps, throwing him a pleading look.
"Don't do this, Bellamy. Don't throw us away." Clarke holds his face in her hands, "Choose me. We can work through this, together."
He looks into the eyes of this beautiful woman that he doesn't deserve, "Abigail was right."
"What are you talking about?" Clarke says, exasperated.
"I don't deserve you."
"Bellamy, I love you. Please, just be willing to try.."
"I'm not good for you."
"Yes, you are! But not like this. I need the real you, not the drunk you."
He shakes his head, "You should go."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I DON'T WANT YOU!" He screams, throwing her hands off of his face.
Clarke stands there for a moment in complete shock, Octavia is sobbing hysterically, Bellamy wants to take it all back right then; but he's too damn stubborn.
"Come on, Octavia, you're coming home with me tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow Bellamy, try to sober up."
"Clarke, we're done." Bellamy says, driving the knife home, "You were never mine anyway."
He can see Clarke struggling to hold herself together, "Is that what you really want? You want me gone? Out of your life?"
"Yes."
Clarke nods her head and holds her hand out to Octavia, Octavia takes it and they walk out the front door.
Bellamy knew that what he did was wrong, knew that he should apologize. But he also knew that no amount of apologizing would fix what he had done, he needed to get sober. Over the next several months, Clarke stays in contact with Octavia and Bellamy starts attending AA meetings. He has several relapses but was on the way to recovery. He was so absorbed in work and staying clean that he never noticed when it was exactly that Octavia and Clarke finally stopped talking. And when one year passed and then another six months, he was too ashamed to call Clarke. She was better off without him.
Bellamy looks at Clarke, he still sees that Princess that would sneak out at night and run into the woods with him. He knows he was an idiot. Too absorbed in himself. Too depressed. He knows he should have gone after her. He knows he won't make that same mistake twice. He rises from the couch, crossing the room to her in four long strides. She backs up against the wall, eyes wide.
Bellamy wraps one hand around the side of her neck, gingerly, rubbing his thumb along her jaw, "I was young and I was stupid. I love you Clarke. I always have. I thought you'd be better off without me. But I'm too selfish now, I've experienced life without you and I never want to do it again.. I know that this is going to take time, but I'm willing to wait for you… Non-girlfriend girlfriend." He smirks.
Clarke can't wrap her head around what just happened. She drives home and is relieved to see Maya's car in the parking space next to hers. She runs up the stairs and into the apartment. Maya takes one look at her and stops what she's doing.
"What happened?"
Clarke relays the night's events to Maya. Bellamy and Clarke sat for hours talking about the downward spiral that led to him pushing Clarke away.
"Oh my gosh, Clarke." Maya's mouth is wide open, "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know, Maya.."
Clarke's phone dings then, she looks at the screen and sees that it's a text from Finn..
