Hello again dear reader, welcome back to another chapter in our adventure. A quick recap given it has been a week since my last upload. After a wild New Years Party, Rimmer has found out he is married and that a certain Dice world Mafia type Android wants him to place a big stakes game of Dice. We pickup the story on the way to the game.
Chapter 4
Outside Mr Bigs place Tiny firmly ushered Rimmer and Lister into the back of the blacked out hopper once more.
"Where we going?" asked Lister.
"Secret." Replied Tiny as he brought the hopper ready for its first bounce.
"Err that's very nice and all but I don't much like secrets much." Replied Rimmer. "In fact Lister here will tell you that I actually find them very tedious."
"Good." Said Tiny menacingly.
Rimmer turned to Lister. "So why did you want to come along Listy, want to watch me fail so bad do you?"
Lister put a finger to his own lips in a command to silence Rimmer, then he lent forward to address Tiny. "Err got any tunes in this thing mate?"
Tiny reached over and twiddled a knob. Suddenly the hopper was filled with thumping music. Rimmer clasped his hands over his ears and glared at Lister.
Lister removed Rimmers left ear covering hand and spoke directly his ear. "The tunes will keep Tiny out of hearing shot."
Rimmer nodded, suddenly aware of Listers plan. He grinned. "What now?" he said leaning casually towards Lister.
Lister lent in closer to Rimmer and explained his plan. Lister had only thrown some vague ideas together, but it was a plan of sorts. Rimmer would play the game and Lister would help. With Listers professional gambling skills he felt sure he could help Rimmer win. Rimmer however looked shocked. "That's the plan!" said Rimmer shaking his head. "Great plan Lister. We play a game neither of us has ever played and cheat at the same time. Great Great plan Listy. A fine plan that goes right up there with that stupid dome thingy they built at the turn of 2000." Lister tried to remember the news about said location. "Didn't it end up some sort of car park or something?"
"And what are these gambling skills Lister, I hope you're not referring to those Thursday night sessions with Peterson down the Parrot Bar? Because if you are, I think I'd rather have Mahatma Gandhi as my partner."
"It's a plan, what you got Rimmer?"
Rimmer lent over. "I say we gosh big boy there and nick the hopper. Make a break for the space port and blast back to Red Dwarf." Said Rimmer enthusiastically.
Lister shook his head. "No way man, what about Kryten and the Cat?"
Rimmer just shrugged and the hopper bounced on.
At last the hopper stopped bouncing to which Rimmer was quite thankful. Even with the fully working suspension his head was thumping.
Tiny leant over the font seats and glared at the two of them. "Were here, time to go to work."
Rimmer just smiled and the three of them got out.
They appeared to be in a rather rough looking part of town. Lister noticed at least three burnt out buildings. "Nice neighbour hood must remember to come back sometime when it's not dark." Tiny led them through an ally towards a darkened door. He stopped and rapped on it three times. A small hatch opened and a voice from inside asked who it was.
"It's me." Said Tiny as if that was enough, and apparently it was. The door slid open flooding the ally with light. He turned to the other two and waved them in. "Come on."
A short corridor later and they it opened out into a large room with a single table in the middle. Around the table sat three other beings. Lister recognised two of them; a Gelf and Simulant, but the other he hadn't seen before. It appeared to be some sort of moving blob. A bit like something you might find in your handkerchief should you go looking.
Rimmer stopped in his tacks and grabbed Listys arm. "You sure you don't want to go with plan B?" he asked nervously.
Lister pulled him forward, until they reached the seating. The simulant grinned at Lister. "Human scum, if the Hologram loses, I win you to play with?"
Rimmer sat down and nodded to the other players as if it was required somehow, however none of the players replied.
Tiny introduced him to them. "The Simulant here is Glawdragger the third and next to him is AcchhAchhKakaka and next to her is Life-form Beta and lastly this individual joining us now you know of course." Tiny paused and signalled someone beyond the room.
Rimmer turned to see a large metal box roll up and stop next to the table. A small window was located at head height and both Rimmer and Lister could not resist a peek at who was inside.
Tiny moved closer to the box and caressed his large hand down the side as if it was some sort of body. "Your wife!"
"Man she's lovely Rimmer." Said Lister nudging Rimmer.
Rimmer had to agree the face inside the box was indeed very attractive and appeared to be human, well at least to look at. As he gazed upon the soothing face he suddenly was shocked to see it turn and smile at him.
"She's alive." Said Rimmer in shock.
Tiny grinned. "Well of course she is, you don't think Mr Big is a complete Bastard?"
Rimmer sat took his place and sat down a worrying feeling creeping up from the pit of his stomach.
Tiny turned to the rest of the group and rubbed his hands together in glee. "Lady's, Gents, Rouges and life forms let the Dice begin."
The game of dice was a lot simpler than either Lister or Rimmer could have hoped for. Basically it involved throwing two dice and getting even or odd pairs. The player with the highest pair of the round won. Unfortunately it was this very same simplicity that made it deadly serious to play. Getting into Dice was easy, getting away from it with your clothes still attached to your back was harder.
Three rounds had past and Rimmer was actually enjoying himself. He had won two of the rounds and had a hefty pill of chips in front of him. Rimmer dared a look at his wife and received a smile in return. The round began again.
The Simulant threw first. A double four. Next the Gelf, she got a pair of threes. Then his wife played, her mechanical box arms tossed the dice into the air and they all watched them land as a pair of fives. Rimmer grinned. His turn, he threw the dice and watched in horror as the first landed as a one and the second as a five. Only the life-form to go. It reached out and scooped up its dice rich promptly disappeared into the folds of what loosely could be called a hand. It then flipped out the hand and tossed the dice onto the table . They all watched, knowing that it was between the blob and Rimmer. Rimmer held his breath as the first dice stopped rolling and landed as a four. It wasn't part of a winning pair, but if the second was a pair, then Rimmer would loose. The second landed and Rimmer sighed in relief. It was a one. Rimmer smiled, he was still in. OK he was several hundred thou down but he was still in the game. He and Lister watched as Tiny made his way around quietly to where the life form was sitting or rather perched. Tiny moved something in his hand to behind the life-form and zapped it. What was ever holding the life-form together failed and the bluey slim oozed into a big wet puddle on the floor.
"Hey why did you do that for?" shouted Lister.
Tiny grinned. "Rules!"
"What, a player goes out, they go out?" said Lister in sudden understand.
Tiny nodded. "Part of the game, not only is the stakes big for the money but also for your life."
Rimmer suddenly didn't feel so confident, no longer was he playing with someone elses money he was playing with his life, all be it his holographic one.
"Errr can we take five?" asked Rimmer.
Tiny mulled it over. "Sure, I don't see why not, going to be a long one this game."
Rimmer pulled Lister away from the table and spoke in an urgent tone. "Lister, this is insane, either I get killed playing this stupid game or I watch my wife get killed."
"OK, so there are risks, there are risks in all of life. You never know when your going to get hit by a bus, do you? But what else can we do they have Kryten and the Cat, not to mention him over there." said Lister nodding to Tiny.
Rimmer glared at him. "Lister what are you dribbling about, there are no smegging buses around here. What the smeg are we going to do?"
Lister nodded towards the large metal box holding his wife. "Well, don't worry about the misses she seems to be playing a mean set of dice, and anyway she's not really your wife, is she, so what do you care?"
"That's not the point, I think AJ has something to do with her being in that box thingy. We've got to help her?" said Rimmer sounding a thousand more times heroic than normal.
"Rimmer, just play the game, something I'll happen it always does."
Both he and Rimmer returned to the table. Rimmer sucked in his breath and decided to try and talk to his wife.
"Hi." He said.
The women in the box mouthed "Hi." Silently at him.
Rimmer continued. "Err come here often." He said looking stupid.
A silent giggle could be seen on her face.
"I mean you OK in there?" said Rimmer correcting his last question to what he really meant.
He watched her face carefully and just before she turned her head away he noticed a single tear break the surface of her right eye. He knew she was in trouble and he knew more than ever wanted to help her.
Rimmer shuddered as he watched Tiny circle the room like some sort of vulture waiting for dinner. His mind had been racing, and he still had no idea how he was going to save himself, Lister, Cat, Kryten and his new wife, he was Arnold J Rimmer space coward not some burly astro who would probably gun his way out of trouble. His turn, he tossed them onto the table, hoping more than ever his luck stayed true, the dice landed a pair of fives. He was still in. The Gelf threw down a pair of ones. Rimmer looked up into the face of the Gelf who was already pleading in long winded Kinokawawee with Tiny. Tiny however was not having any of it. He had already activated the chairs retraining device and watched in fascination as the Gelf struggled against the chest bonds. Tiny raised his gun and sent the Gelf to be with its final tribe.
"Do you have to do that?" asked Rimmer.
"Yeah, it's in me contract." Replied Tiny dragging the slumped Gelf backwards towards a hidden door.
"Couldn't you have just chucked her out?" Rimmer looked around the remaining players. "I mean would any of us objected? I know I would have not of minded." He said looking at the others for signs of support. Unfortunately none came.
Tiny returned wiping his hands on a dirty towel. "PLAY!" he said harshly.
Rimmer looked down at the pot. It was now a cool 23.5 million Dice dollar pounds. He looked up at his wife, who had made no further eye contact with him since before; she was also staring down at her dice. Rimmer looked over at the other remaining contestant, the Simulant. It smiled a row of badly maintained teeth at him.
Rimmer threw down his dice, he had to admit that so far he had been very lucky. The pair rolled across the open space on the green table top. The pair stopped rotating and revealed a pair of Sixes. Rimmer grinned, or maybe he was just dam good at this game after all.
His wife went next, she threw down a pair of fours. 'Not great, but he'd seen worse rolls this night.' He thought
The Simulant threw and Rimmer for the first time noticed that they were unlike his dice, these were fashioned out of some sort of white shiny material. The Simulant noticed his questioning eye on his dice and supplied the answer. "Human Bone, I find it rolls well."
Rimmer shuddered and read the dice. A pair of fours.
"Oh dear, looks like we have a draw." Grinned the Simulant.
Tiny lent over the table and looked at each play in turn. "Rules, are play again, just the two of them until one is gone."
Rimmer gulped. He could not bear this. There was a possibility that the lady in the Box would meet some sticky fate right here before his very eyes.
The Simulant wasted no time and threw down another pair of fives but then so did the lady in the box. Next a pair of threes, so did she. Next a pair of sixes. Rimmer could not bear it any longer and closed his eyes and waited. He heard her dice land and then Listers voice. "It's OK Rimmer she got a pair of sixes too. It's like they are in tune with each other or something."
Then something odd happened. The stimulant winked at Lister. Lister was sure it just happened. Simulants are known for a lot of strange things but winking at humans their ultimate enemy was not one of them.
The battle of the dice suddenly drew to a close, at last the pair had a winner. Her dice had landed on a two and a three while his a pair of threes. Technically the Simulant was the winner. Rimmer shot a look at Tiny who was already heading round towards the box.
"No, you can't."
Tiny ignored him and was just about to pull the trailing lead from the unit when his face changed to one of utter surprise.
Rimmer and Lister watched as a streak of red tickled down the big mans head and then as he fell forwards on to the floor.
Lister looked over at the Simulant, who was holding a small gun aimed at the last place Tiny had stood.
Lister was confused. "Err why did you do that for, you're a blood sucking piece of scum, hate all life kinda rant is you. What do you care if another human dies." Finished Lister.
To answer him both Lister and Rimmer watched as the Simulant ripped off a mask and revealed another Rimmer. Or at least someone doing a dam good job of looking like him.
"Sorry chaps, didn't want Tiny there killing the Mrs." Said the stranger.
Lister and Rimmer looked at each other and both said one name. "AJ?"
"Yep that's me, sorry about the disguise but these guys don't like me much and so you see needed a way in." said AJ stripping off another layer of makeup.
Lister suddenly noticed the voice. "Err your not related to Ace Rimmer are you?" he asked.
"Nope, never hear of the chap. Now we better get Alice out of here. Can you give me a hand?" said AJ moving round to the box.
Rimmer smiled and thought. 'Alice, that's a nice name. Alice Rimmer, yes he liked the sound of that.' Unfortunately the other half of his brain remembered the situation and what he suspected was AJs doing.
Rimmer held up his hand. "HANG ON a smegging second. You put her in that thing, what makes you think we want to help you?" said Rimmer his voice straining with accusation.
"OK fair cop, it was me. But I had no choice fellas. Mr Big he had me in a squeeze. It was that." Said AJ pointing to Alice and her box. "or well the other is two options are too painful to think about."
"And did Alice have a say in this little venture?" said Rimmer bluntly.
AJ looked down at the floor. "I had no time, look they were going to kill her. It was the only option."
Lister intervened. "It's OK man, you here for her now right?"
Rimmer wasn't as impressed as Lister. "Oh great you astro big shot types are all the same, look after number one and leave everyone else in the dirt."
"No, it's not like that, I had no choice. I risked a lot to be here tonight friend. Now if you don't mind we don't have long, that box she is in expires in another 8 hours."
"OH, isn't there some of sort of catch? Normally I find there is." Suggest Lister.
"Sorry, not that simple. These things are dead locked only one key can open it."
"Let me guess," said Lister. "Big man?"
AJ nodded. "We have to get the key. I'm going to his place. Any help would be welcome but I understand if you chaps want to split."
Lister shook his head. "Naww we've got business with Big Man too. He's got two of our friends. Count us in man."
Next time: Rimmer and Lister accompany AJ in a bid to rescue Alice from her box and get Kryten and the Cat away from Mr Big.
