Return to Life

Chapter 4

Khoonda showed itself trustworthy, not only because of the diligent attention they devoted to guarding the body of the Jedi Exile, but also their ability to keep this a secret. No one else on Dantooine were aware of her presence, though whether this was important remains to be seen. After the second day, pressured to return to the students at the enclave and reassured by Khoonda's competence, Atton left Adel with Mira for the first time since she arrived.

It felt a little surreal, going back to the Jedi. The young children, as well as those becoming adults, kept greeting him with the words " Master Rand". They referred to him as such for the past few years already, even before Adel left, and Atton had that much time to grow accustomed to the name. After seeing Adel's body, though, it suddenly occurred to him that he would never have been referred as such if he had never met the Jedi Exile. The thought made him feel lost, like he did not belong among the Jedi, and he wandered through the corridors as if in a dream, ignoring the concerned looks cast his way.

" Master Rand?" One of the new knights asked, " Are you alright?"

Atton, Adel had said, Are you alright?

I'm fine.

You seem distracted.

" I'm—I'll be fine. A lot of crazy things happened the last two days. How is everyone? I see this place hasn't blown up since I left."

" Well, not literally. The children were a bit freaked out though, didn't know where you were."

" I had no idea I was so loved." Especially since I don't really like children.

" I think it's more along the lines of being naughty while you're gone. To their great chagrin, there are some responsible knights here, along with some responsible padawans."

Just how many of these folks do you plan to train? Atton had demanded, as Adel gently led the would-be knight into the arena.

He's smart, Adel had replied. And we have a whole Order to rebuild. If you're concerned about my health, you should train some as well, to lessen my load.

The young man from the memory swirled into the physical world, into the knight standing in front of him. One of Adel's later students, though among her last. After she had suggested teaching to Atton, the others eagerly took it up, especially Mical. Adel, weary in spirit, let go of the reins to her students. She began training alone, perhaps preparing to fight the True Sith in the Unknown Regions. She still loved children, but for most of her time on Dantooine, she never taught them again.

" Master Rand?"

" I'm fine." Atton nearly winced at echoing the remark from his memories. " Just remembering old times. Well I'm back to pick up the pieces, or what's left of them."

Are you listening to yourself? Atton Rand, a teacher to the little runts?

Adel had smiled. Why not? You would be a good teacher. You taught me very well, after all.

Right. I taught you how to play pazaak. I only happen to be the best pazaak player in this galaxy. This is different.

How so?

Don't give me that! Don't go all Jedi-cryptic on me! She had started laughing, And what are you laughing about? I wasn't kidding! I'm a lousy Jedi and everyone knows it!

She had abruptly stopped laughing. Atton, listen to me.

He could not help but obey, even though he expected something like ' You are not a bad Jedi' or ' You underestimate yourself'. All things he was ready to ignore, to brush off at their very beginning—

We helped a lot of people in our adventures together. Habat, on Telos, the poor refugees on Nar Shaddaa, Khoonda on Dantooine, the Queen on Onderon, but none of that is as great a help, or as influential, as what we do now. Teaching these younglings the ways of the Force, how to be Jedi. When we help others we solve the immediate problem. When we teach others, we solve all of their problems for as long as they live, and perhaps even beyond, if they choose to teach it to more people. That is the blessing of being a teacher, Atton. There is nothing like sharing your knowledge with those around you, especially a child, because in that child you see everything that you hope to become, and the knowledge that once you are gone, this child will remain and carry your knowledge with it. Everything else you did can be undone, but so long as your students still walk the galaxy, you are ensured that one legacy. And that is enough, because it is the only legacy that matters.

" I'm sorry." Atton rubbed his face, realizing he had spaced out again. " I'm hit with a relentless series of flashbacks."

" Back to the good old days when the Sith were running around?" The knight joked.

" Something like that." Atton summoned a smile, even though his heart was not in it. " Was actually thinking about when I first started teaching. Force, was I a mess."

" You were scary. Everyone preferred Master Mical or Master Mira." The knight remembered. " Is it a coincidence that both of their names start with the syllable 'Mi'? And neither use their last names?"

" Maybe."

" You're no fun." The knight laughed. " 'There's no such thing as coincidences', remember? Master Shan would be all over me for that comment."

" Master Shan." Atton found himself laughing. Ohhh Bastila. Now she gets to go head to head with Atris. All they needed was to resurrect Kreia and put the three in a room. " She's…quite a character."

" You're the one enforcing her rules."

" You do not mess with Bastila Shan. Kick Sith around? By all means. Annoy the Republic? No sweat. Make things difficult for the rest of the Jedi Council? That's great. Mess with Bastila Shan? You'll wish you were dead."

I have no quarrel with you, Bastila, Adel had said, But I have no intention of continuing this conversation. Our destinies remain separate. That is all you need to know.

You will answer my questions! Bastila had demanded.

I have no obligations, to you or Revan, Adel had replied, her voice non-threatening, but authoritative. You have no hope of understanding what I know and what I've seen, and I have no desire to make you. We are done here; I must go train. Mical will show you your way out.

Unless you are the Jedi Exile, who has experienced things far worse than anything Bastila could come up with. Of course, now Adel is even more fearless, because she is dea—

" Master Rand?"

" I'm doing it again, aren't I?" Atton shook his head. " Tell you what, I'm going to go meditate. You can take over classes again for today."

" Yes, Master Rand."

They parted ways, and Atton went outside to the garden in front of the center of the complex. The sun was shining merrily on the vegetation, and he sat down among the flowers, heart heavy and tired. This was the place where Adel had met the three masters. Where they had tried to rip the Force from her for their own selfish ends, and where Kreia had murdered them in her defense. There had been one redeeming quality to the old witch; she had truly loved Adel, even if that love had been twisted by her psychosis.

I was her student. Adel had told him, weeks after Traya's downfall. I was what she had hoped to be, once upon a time, and still hoped to be at the very end. She died knowing I was still here. Her legacy lives as long as I'm here. A Sith's greatest legacy was a Jedi. She smiled a little. It was a good death for her. I understand now.

How did Adel die? What kind of death did she have? Atton buried his hand in the grass and tugged them out. It was either that or tear out his own hair, which was not very Jedi. Not fair. Not fair. It was not fair that Revan and Adel suffered the same fate when Adel was so much better than Revan. It was not fair that the old witch died a good death, cradled in the arms of her favorite and most beloved student, when Adel had died alone. Though was she alone? He did not know anymore. She certainly did not come to Dantooine alone. And her face was so peaceful—she must have died painlessly. Or perhaps her training was such that she still felt at peace despite being in agony. Who was the Jedi? Was he really a Jedi—there were so many questions that Atton did not even want to begin searching for answers.

It was not fair that Adel died at all. She should be retiring on some luxurious planet after everything she had done for the galaxy. She should be honored by her students and colleagues and remembered. Those padawans and knights walking around in this garden—they should be mourning too, but right now none of them knew that Adel was here, that Adel's body was here. Force, most of them probably did not even know who Adel was.

They should raise tall statues in her honor, and even that would not have been enough.

He tugged out another patch of grass. He should really get to meditating. Releasing, his, ah, despair into the Force. Funny, how the blackness seemed separate from his being, like it belonged to someone else, and yet remained attached to him through a link that was frequented randomly, every time he spaced out. There seemed no sense to the crushing weight in his chest. He always thought that sorrow would feel more…obvious. Not this obscure, vague sensation that nothing in the galaxy mattered anymore, that he really wanted to just sleep a lot because he was so tired for some reason.

He lied down on the grass staring upwards at the sky and listening to the murmur of voices and footsteps all around him. He could cry here and no one would know, and by the Force, he wanted to cry, but his eyes remained dry and he felt drained and empty. All the tears in the world would not bring her back.

There is no death, there is the Force.

Screw you.

Adel's laughter rang in his mind.

" Atton?"

Atton sat up. It is nighttime already? The sky was black and glittered with stars overhead. Two knights were looking down at him from above. Deesra Luur Jada stooped over him.

Well, I'm in top form these days aren't I? Atton thought wryly, wondering how he managed to fall asleep for so long, and mostly dreamless too. " Hi Deesra."

'Hello.' Deesra blinked at him. ' I leave for a week and you're this tired already?'

It took a moment for Atton to understand him.

" Hi Deesra." He said again.

' You are out of it.' The twi'lek said in his language.

" Hi Deesra."

' Come along, let's get you up.' The twi'lek heaved Atton to his feet. ' Mira was trying to contact you. For some reason none of the students anticipated that their Master Rand would be snoozing on the grass in the gardens.'

" I can't imagine why." Atton rubbed his head to relieve the headache that formed.

' Well! It's nice to know that you currently remember more phrases than 'Hi Deesra'."

" Very funny. Did she say what she wanted?"

' Mira? No, just that she wanted you to go to the administrative building. Can you make it there on your own, or should I accompany you?'

The twi'lek Master was a good friend ever since Adel settled on Dantooine, but Atton had the sense he should keep her arrival private, exclusively to her disciples. " I'm good. Thanks for getting me. I've been a little out of it lately."

' I can see that. Be careful, and hurry back quickly.'

" I will."

Night on the Khoonda Plains was quiet, and Atton crossed fearlessly over the fields to the administrative building. He saw two additional ships, which meant there were at least two visitors to Dantooine. Stretching out his senses, he recognized Bao-Dur and Brianna along with Mira in the room where Adel slept. The building was lit with merry lights, in contrast to the peaceful dark outside. He almost did not want to go in.

"—These are hieroglyphs—" Brianna jumped when Atton palmed open the door, " Atton—"

" What are hieroglyphs?"

" Oh, the stuff under the lid." Mira pointed.

Atton blinked at the coffin. Sure enough, there was a line of hooks and barbs circling the coffin. He thought those were designs, albeit bad ones, and had not really noticed them, being too preoccupied with the woman they encased.

" Great. What hieroglyphs?"

" Uh…"

" Sith hieroglyphs." Bao-Dur's serene voice made the statement all the more ironic.

If Atton had not already started sitting down, he would have fallen. " What's Adel doing in a Sith coffin?" There answers the question of whether or not she ever met the True Sith in the Unknown Regions.

" I guess it depends what the hieroglyphs say." Brianna replied, reaching for her bag to take out her datapad. Her hands trembled a little, belying the steadiness of her voice. " I made a point not to understand the Sith too much, for obvious reasons. There were a lot of Sith holocrons at the Academy, though, and I think I can provide a rough translation with the programs in this…" She scanned one side of the coffin. The datapad beeped when it finished, and Brianna skimmed over it.

" I'm going to have to work on this."

" What's wrong?" Mira asked.

" It's not…comprehensible right now. I'll have to refine it a little. It's an old language and not very well understood, so the program's not very good."

" Well can you give us an idea?" Atton asked impatiently.

" How about you read it out loud," Brianna thrusted it at him, annoyed.

Atton snatched it and enunciated, " ' Here on white to lie to touch to harm greatness on evening Force's to come stars the birth of.' What the Sith—"

" As I said, needs work." Brianna snatched her datapad back. She pushed Mira and Bao-Dur aside in order to scan the remaining sides of the coffin.

" She's very well-preserved," Bao-Dur said softly. " I don't detect any decay at all. Is it possible that she's in stasis?"

" She's probably in stasis," Atton said dispassionately " Doesn't mean she's alive."

" Don't bother." Mira interrupted. " Atton's too scared of false hope. Let's just be professional about this, because so am I, to be honest."

" Right." Bao-Dur laid a hand on the glass lid for a moment. " I've never seen her this way before. It looked like whoever put her in put a lot of thought into it."

" She came here with a Jedi."

" That doesn't mean they would do this." Bao-Dur gestured. " Still no results on who the Jedi was?"

Mira shook her head. " They've been trying to request permission on the more obscure records, but so far, no go on those."

" How long before Mical arrives?"

" I don't know." Mira blinked. " He hasn't contacted us."

" He's working on the trial on Atris." Brianna finished scanning, her voice nonchalant. " I personally hope they send her to the Unknown Regions."

" No love lost for your former Master?" Atton could not resist drawling.

" She was never actually my master." Brianna frowned. " You know that."

" I do." Atton felt a little chastised. " But you did have to put up with her for a long time."

" That's history." Brianna also laid a hand on the lid. " Master Ri did more for me than Atris ever did."

Atton sat back, looking at his fellow disciples. At least they all shared a love for Adel. The knowledge relieved the heaviness in his heart somewhat. He was not alone in his grief.

" I'm going to go figure out why she's buried in a Sith coffin." Brianna sat down and began punching code into her datapad.

" I'm going to see if I can fix T3." Bao-Dur stepped back. " Also if the ship's computers could give us any clues."

" Most of it's fried." Atton told him.

" So was T3. We have to try." Bao-Dur laid his hand on the coffin again. " She's safe in there," The zabrak said, more to himself than to anyone else, " And maybe that was the point. If one day we come up with technology to revive the dead, she'd be able to hop out."

A lump formed in Atton's throat. " If such technology is possible, Bao-Dur, you better make it fast. Otherwise, I think it would be more of a punishment than a reward for her."

" Hm." Bao-Dur shook his head sadly. " I'm going to work on the droid."

Mira plunked down in the seat next to Atton. " I guess it's just you and me." She said quietly. " Do you have to go back to the Enclave?"

" I should, but apparently Deesra's back. He can take over." Atton reached for his commlink. It occurred to him that he was really quite pathetic, unable to leave Adel's body for more than a day. " Hi Deesra. Listen, I'm staying at the administrative building…"