The Cracked Cauldron
(Or: Neville, You Just Burned My Bollocks Off)
Warnings: Gender Swapping, Vulgar Language, Dysphoria, Potential Smut, Gore
Author's Note: So I read a fic seven years ago with this premise. It was abandoned. So I took the idea and went with it to (hopefully) see it through to completion, adding my own spin to it of course. I don't recall the original title or author, and if this rings a bell for anyone please let me know.
I do not own Harry Potter or other trademarked names or locations. They are property of Bloomsbury Books, Warner Bros., etc. Please support the original content.
Summary: Neville's lack of skill in potions causes Harry's world to turn upside down. Eighth year. Drarry.
My Darling Son,
I do hope this year at Hogwarts has been better than your last few years. I know that you didn't want to attend this year but you must understand that our family name has taken quite a hit and it would not do to not keep our heads high and soldier on. Your father sends his love; Azkaban is apparently much more bearable without the dementors. I just thank every star in the sky that Harry Potter stepped in during our trials and kept you out of that awful place. I know I saved his life, but I still feel that I am in his debt for giving you your freedom.
Speaking of Harry Potter, I have heard (from various sources over tea) that he has recently come into some unpleasantness? Everyone seems to be foggy on the details, perhaps you know more about it and would be willing to divulge to your incorrigible gossip of a mother. Also, I know that you have not always been on the best of terms with the boy, but I was wondering if perhaps you could try to befriend him in his time of need. It's not that I do not think the boy has a fine circle of friends, but it might be prudent if you were seen in his good graces. (And do not think I have not noticed your… shall we call it a soft spot? For him) (Mummy loves you either way, darling, no matter whom you have soft spots for) Do at least keep it in mind for me.
I love you very much, and hope to receive your reply post haste.
Your loving mother,
Narcissa Malfoy
P.S. Do try not to scowl, darling. You'll get wrinkles.
Draco Malfoy, who had been reading his mother's most recent letter with a spectacular scowl across his face quickly tried to correct his expression. His mother didn't miss a trick. Though she seemed to be laced with sugar, she was twice as shrewd as any goblin at Gringotts on his best day, and Draco knew an order when he saw one.
He looked up from his seat in the Great Hall to where Harry Potter was sitting with his (her?) friends. The female Weasley was sitting beside him (her?), making Draco's insides clench. Her arm was loosely draped around Potter's shoulder, and they were talking animatedly with Ron Weasley and the mudbl- Granger. (Draco felt no malice toward muggleborns any longer, but old habits die hard) He scoffed and tucked his mother's letter away into his robes. How could he possibly befriend Harry Potter when Potter trusted Draco about as far as he could throw him, and he was always surrounded by his riffraff of an entourage?
Pansy Parkinson, sitting beside Draco, had been reading the letter over his shoulder, and had a fair guess as to what was on her best friend's mind. "Perhaps you could try to talk to him… her? In Hogsmeade today," she whispered, nodding her head toward the Gryffindor table.
"If you're talking about Potter," Blaise Zabini, sitting across from Pansy, chimed in, "Granger and Weasley have been telling everyone to use male pronouns. Are you finally gathering the bollocks to ask him out, Draco?"
"Draco's mum has asked him to befriend Potter to make the family look better and also because she's got eyes and has figured out that Draco's smitten." Pansy replied, smirking.
"Can't argue with that logic. Not to mention the fact that he's technically a girl now and you can carry on the family name if you marry him," Blaise added.
"Would someone please remind me why I'm friends with the two of you?" Draco asked, rolling his eyes.
"Because Crabbe's dead, Goyle's in prison, and let's be honest, we look fabulous together." Pansy replied. "Anyway, Crabbe and Goyle were rubbish friends and we're all better off without them."
Draco couldn't argue with her logic, but shook his head at her anyway. "You're mad. In any case, I can't approach Potter. He'll never trust me. He'd never want to be my friend, never mind carry on my family line. After everything that's happened between the two of us, he'd be insane to let me anywhere near him. He'd probably have his girlfriend hit me with her bat-bogey hex."
"Didn't you hear? She-Weasley broke up with him after finding out he's got tits." Pansy said, raising her eyebrows at him. "She's not his girlfriend anymore."
"So Ginny Weasley is single, then?" Blaise asked, looking back to the Gryffindors with new interest.
"Keep it in your pants, Blaise; we're trying to help Draco get laid right now. You'll have your turn after." Pansy drawled, slapping the back of Blaise's hand with her fork. "Anyway, Draco darling, he did come to your rescue at your trials this summer. It might not be so difficult getting his trust. His two best friends are often too busy snogging to spend any time with him, his girlfriend's left him. He's probably quite vulnerable right now. I say take the chance."
"I second that," Added Blaise.
"Don't I get any say in this matter?" Draco asked exasperatedly.
"Well yes darling, but Blaise and I have both already voted in favor of it, and even if you vote no you'll be outvoted two to one. Best to just go with the majority. It's what we're good at." Pansy patted his arm with mock-sympathy.
Later that day, the three Slytherins were walking through Hogmeade, excitedly discussing the upcoming Halloween Ball and debating their odds of being the best looking ones there.
"It's not going to do us any good if we look absolutely devastating but we don't have costumes," Draco argued.
"Oh, Draco, it's just so tacky," Pansy complained, eyeing with disdain a storefront displaying costumes. "Not to mention cheaply made."
"It's only meant to be worn once. Then you find a person who thinks it would look better on their floor and then, boom, you've gotten a lovely night of tear-your-clothes-off sex without ruining a well made garment." Blaise reasoned
"Come on, Pansy. Potter's going to think I'm a complete ponce if I show up in dress robes and a masque. I need to do the muggle thing if I'm going to get him to like me." Draco whined.
"You are a complete ponce, Draco." Pansy muttered. "Fine! But you're going to pay for it, and I demand that it show off my legs."
They hurried into the shop before Pansy could change her mind, and quickly set to choosing costumes to wear. Pansy was right about one thing, Draco thought to himself as he felt each garment; they really were cheaply made. "I hope I don't get a rash from this," he muttered to himself as he tried to choose a costume.
"Don't be such a ponce, Malfoy," a strange but familiar voice chided him. "I'm sure even your pristine pureblood skin can survive one night in clothes made for us commoners."
Draco looked up from the rack to see Harry Potter in all his feminine glory. He was wearing a short black skirt that showed off his considerably toned legs, and a tight fitting black tank top. It was only after a moment of gawking that Draco noticed the pointed black ears and tail Harry was wearing as well.
"Er…" he said as eloquently as he could, trying desperately not to drool. On the other side of the shop, he could hear Pansy cackling.
Potter looked confused for a moment, then looked down at himself and understood Draco's reaction. "Oh! Ah, this is supposed to be a cat costume. Ginny's got one to match. I think mine is a size too small though. I was just looking for another one when I heard you muttering to yourself."
Draco stared at him in stunned silence for another moment. Harry shifted his feet awkwardly and turned red. "Well, excuse me Malfoy, I'll just sneak by you now, the cat costume display is just past-"
"It's not." Draco blurted out.
"What? Of course it is, I just got this one there not five minutes ago." Harry replied with annoyance.
"No, your costume. It's not too tight. It's meant to be worn like that." Draco explained, slowly regaining his composure.
"See Harry? Even Malfoy thinks it looks nice on you!" Ginny Weasley chirped, skipping over to the two of them.
"I didn't say that, Weasley," Draco said, as a knee-jerk reaction. Harry looked at him with something between anger and… possibly hurt on his face before Draco quickly added. "I mean, it does. But I didn't say so. I'm not so uncultured as to catcall every nice pair of legs that passes me."
"So you think my legs are nice, then, Malfoy?" Harry quipped. Again, Pansy's gleeful cackling could be heard, this time coming from the dressing rooms.
At that moment, Draco dearly wished the floor would swallow him up so he wouldn't have to find a way to gracefully leave the conversation and pretend it never happened. The floor was not particularly hungry that day, so Draco had to make do with "If you'll excuse me, I'm trying to shop in peace here. You're distracting me."
"Distracting you with my amazing legs, apparently," Potter sniggered as he and She-Weasley walked away to pay for their costumes.
Draco quickly selected a costume and stormed over to the dressing rooms. There he found Pansy doubled over, half dressed in a devil costume, red faced and wheezing, wiping gleeful tears from her eyes. "That was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life!" she laughed breathlessly.
"Oh laugh it up, you tart. I'll have you know, that was the first almost pleasant exchange Potter and I have ever had. And of course, per my luck, I had to bollocks it up like an idiot." Draco hissed, undressing as angrily as he could manage. He slid himself into a white toga and affixed a glowing halo around his head. "What do you think?" he asked, turning and inspecting himself in the mirror.
"I think you're dreadfully skinny, but here's hoping Potter's into that!" Blaise said, entering the already crowded dressing room. "I've just chatted Ginny Weasley up. I think she might be willing to dance with me at the ball. She said she's already going with Potter but she would 'see me there'. What do you think, huh?"
"I think you're actually into her and I'm a bit alarmed," Pansy said, adjusting her devil horns.
"I'm not skinny. I'm lightly toned." Draco said, pouting at his reflection and trying to flex his chest. "Just because I'm not a self centered beefcake like you –"
"Come off it, Draco, jealousy isn't flattering." Blaise dismissed, "Do either of you think a merman costume would be too obvious? Trying to get the cat to catch the fish?"
"It should be fine, a mouse would be too obvious," Pansy replied.
"Hey, isn't Potter wearing a cat costume as well? You should be a merman too Draco."
"Believe it or not, Blaise, not everything I do revolves around Harry Potter… actually I rather like that costume, where did you find it?"
"Whatever you say, Draco."
((I bet you thought I had abandoned this story, didn't you? Well, I hadn't. I just needed inspiration. No promises as to when I'll update next, just trust that I will. I promise that much.))
