Peyton does a lot of people watching today, reading body language, while applying for jobs. Enjoy this latest installment. Thank you for continually reviewing.
May 12
I am saddened to say that today is the day that Peyton Sawyer looks for a job, I had that thing with Thud going like over a year ago, but it didn't pan out to be a long-term thing. They were taken over by new management that didn't trust teenagers, so I was relegated. The way that teenagers are treated by some grown-ups is abominable, they're so rude to us. Just because we are misrepresented in today's society as being reckless troublemakers, we're not all like that. That makes me sad that society sees us that way. I'm not being sarcastic, it really bothers me, but what can I, one person do about it?
Anyway, it's now 9:29a.m. and I'm going out to drop off some resumes.
While walking through the downtown, I come across Karen's Café, where Haley works on a part time basis. I work at Tric on and off when it's open, but Karen has kept it closed since Keith's passing. I respect that, but I need to make some money to support myself, I can't always be asking Daddy for money.
Back to something shocking I saw when I was walking by the café, it was closed for the week, because Haley is out of town and Deb is at the hospital with Cooper and Karen's all alone since Lucas is probably off with Brooke. Now that assumption would normally be correct, except I saw Dan talking with Karen, they were sitting, heads together in a booth across from one another. His hand was on top of hers, almost comfortingly, now without appearing too obvious. I watched them for a few minutes, reading their body language. I could tell that Dan is under some kind of heavy burden, his shoulders slump forward and his head looks like he's barely holding up, but his face seems to have a boyish aspect to it. His fingers lightly trace her hand, dancing over the knuckles. From Karen, I sense a hesitance, which is right, because Dan has been a real ass to her and yet I could almost see her letting him back in. I've been watching too many romantic movies, to be reading this from their body language. I mean, come on, Dan and Karen, they were high school sweethearts, but that changed with Lucas's birth and now with Keith's death, I don't know.
Back to the job hunt, I dropped a resume off at a coffee shop, called Sweeney's, down a couple of blocks. I also, mental cringe, dropped off a resume at McDonald's. McDonald's is universal and most of their workers are teenagers, but I don't know if I could see myself working there, I'm an artist, I like to create things, so I could be a sandwich maker, maybe create a new burger or something. I should be an ice cream flavor creator, that would be extremely fascinating. Thinking up new flavors and getting to test them, I'd probably get fat really soon.
I dropped off a resume at that music store that Chris Keller worked at when he was first in town. Another place called Dakota's was hiring for hostesses, they're a hip new restaurant. Their manager totally looks like my age, I had to ask him if he was still in high school, he smirked and said no, he was a sophomore at the local college.
I finally sneaked into the hospital to go see Rachel and Cooper, I felt bad about not seeing them. I saw Nathan alone in Cooper's room, sitting and talking to him. He looked up and smiled when he saw me. I hugged him, "How is he?"
"He's still in the coma, he'll come out, he has to. Haley and I aren't going on our trip, I want to be here for him and my mom, she's taking this pretty hard, him being in a coma and all, especially since Dan is MIA and has been since the wedding," Nathan said to me.
It was on the tip of my tongue to reveal that I'd just seen him with Karen, but something inside of me, kept my mouth shut. I shrugged and patted him on the shoulder, "Where is Haley?"
"She's with Lucas," he answered.
"Oh." The silence between us, branching out into tension. I started moving towards the door, "Tell Cooper hi for me, when he wakes up," I waved tentatively.
Turning I walked down the hall to Rachel's room, her room was full of flowers from all her friends, well-wishers. She was looking out the window, her face turned in my direction when she heard footsteps.
"Well, well, look who it is, long lost blondie," she taunted weakly.
"How are you?" I asked from the doorway.
"I'll be fine." Her stoniness puzzled me, moving towards her, I looked at her more closely. Her skin was stretched tautly over her bones, she was very pale and seemed to flinch whenever her body moved. I could see the blue of her veins through her skin.
"I lost my baby." She said aloud in the thick silence.
I looked at her, my heart in my throat, not knowing what to say, this was one place I had no experience with. "I'm very sorry." The cliched words came out harsh and grating, almost husky.
"That's what everyone keeps saying, and you know what's even funnier, had I not lost the baby, I wanted him or her, even if it meant getting fat again. I wanted a piece of Cooper, he'll hate me when he wakes up, I almost killed him." Tears streaked down her pale cheeks, we had a moment of silence for her to gather her composure and for me to well I don't know.
"I should go," I moved awkwardly towards the door. "If you need anything call me," I said and left her to her silent grief.
A sight of overwhelming confusion stopped me in my tracks, the golden boy and the princess, rigid body language, fighters in the midst of a battle, in a place of healing, only adding to the negative energy that was trying to take me over.
The princess was crying, great big crocodile tears and the golden boy was pleading, a tone of helplessness in his tone. Their words were harsh, hers angry and his repentant. Rushing up to them, I stepped between them, "Enough." My eyes flared with banked embers of anger, glaring at the princess, weakening when looking at the golden boy.
"Take it somewhere else, people are trying to heal here, and you are not helping," my anger echoed in my tone. My feet picked up speed again as I turned another corner, soon out of sight. Leaving the two, silent in introspection, one sad and the other feeling immense regret, both feeling like children for having acted so juvenile.
I'm home again and I'm happy to say that today was a happier day, I don't have a journal entry for today, no theme seemed to rule my day. I'm going to order a large pizza of some kind and watch a movie in the dark by myself and give thanks that I've never lost a child of my own. I feel for Rachel and I hope that I never have to go through that experience.
It's only 8:19p.m., but I've had a busy day, lots of people watching. Memories cloud my mind from today and I get lost in the fog.
