"When is Genma coming home?" Izumo whined from his seat on the couch watching Kichi and Tomo tear up the living room. He barely twitched when Kichi knocked Tomo down and took his 'toy', a pair of rolled up socks. His socks.
"She's a better aim." Kotetsu sighed, watching from his seat and holding baby MeiMei as the child slept.
Izumo nodded. "But he's got more muscle, see?" They watched as Tomo sat on a squealing Kichi and took back his toy.
"Genma won't be back for a week." Kotetsu moaned as the fight between the toddlers knocked into a side table and a lamp wobbled precariously.
"At least a week." Izumo groaned, too tired to move. "Why don't you put down the baby and check out the boxes that got delivered?"
Kotetsu shook his head, careful not to startle the infant. "Whenever I put her down, she starts to cry."
"She's asleep now." Izumo pointed out wearily.
Kotetsu just shook his head again. "She knows. Somehow, even asleep, she knows and she wakes up and cries."
Izumo sighed and rubbed his aching head. "The one who doesn't go open the boxes has to make dinner for us all."
"Deal."
Izumo growled low. "I don't mean take-out."
Kotetsu sneered over at him. "Yes you did, you just thought I'd fall for it, do all the work and then watch you order take-out." His gaze narrowed on his roommate. "Cheater."
"Tzzzt. Fine." Izumo said, not admitting guilt. He stood and stretched, then dodged the toddlers as they shot by him. The shinobi reached down and grabbed two little arms to stop them. Bare arms for bare babies. Tomo's clothing was covered in milk and Kichi had already stripped off her own clothing. Now they were both bare except for their diapers. Luckily it was summer and it wasn't too cold in the apartment.
Wait? Diapers? "Oh fuck me." Izumo said almost shrilly.
"Fuk!" Kichi crowed as she chased Tomo a moment, then the two switched and he turned to chase her while both cackled like little banshees. "Fuk!"
"What now?" Kotetsu moaned, not even bothering to say anything about the bad language. With what the two have them had been through all morning, a few bad words wasn't that disasterous.
Izumo pointed, his finger trembling a bit. "They're wearing diapers."
"I can see that, you …oh crap." Kotetsu's stomach turned over. "Genma doesn't have enough shirts to act as diapers for all of them, for a week."
"At least a week." Whispered Izumo, now noticing that Tomo's diaper was sagging quite a bit. "I think that one's loaded."
"Crap."
"Maybe." Izumo nodded. "Aren't they too old for diapers?"
Kotetsu shrugged. "How the fuck should I know?"
"Fuk!" Kichi giggled and grabbed Izumo around the knees as she used him as a barrier between herself and Tomo.
"Watch your language." Izumo muttered absently.
Kotetsu sighed. "I will if you will."
The two men gauged each other's strength, purpose of will, abilities, honor and determination. "We're fucked." Izumo sighed.
"We fuk! We fuk!" Kichi crowed. "What fuk? Huh Zumo, what fuk? You say it, you say fuk. What it mean?"
Kotetsu looked stunned and more than slightly appalled. "That's a grown up word. You can't say it."
"Why not?" Kichi grinned, then squealed as her brother tackled her and took away the purloined sock roll. "Mine! Gimme back! Tomo bad, bad Tomo!"
Izumo and Kotetsu both held their breaths, but she didn't return to the subject of the 'grown up' word. "One hundred yen in a box for every grown up word?"
"Yep." Kotetsu agreed, his eyes wide at the near miss. Then he caught a bad whiff as Tomo ran by him. "The boy reeks."
Izumo looked nauseated, but he was the one standing and Kotetsu was the one holding the baby. "Trade?"
"Not a chance in …er, a deep, dark place." He amended. Kotetsu wasn't sure if 'hell' was a bad word, but he didn't want to be the first to put 100 yen in the kitty.
Izumo groaned, then looked at the squealing kids. "Why are they still in diapers?" He bemoaned his fate as he went to collect another shirt of Genmas. With vengeance in his heart, he chose a particularly favorite t-shirt of his missing roommate's that was emblazoned with the name of a favorite band.
"Kichi!" Kotetsu yelled three times before gaining the girl's attention. "How old are you, anyway?"
"I two!" Kichi yelled in delight, stretching up on her tip-toes to her tallest height. "I two now! Wast week I turn two! Did you know that Kotsu? Huh? Mama had a party and evewything. Cake and games and …"
"CAKE!" Tomo yelled, looking like a happy little hellion as he threw both hands up high in the air. "CAKE!"
Izumo rubbed his ears. "Boys should NOT yell that high."
"The voice doesn't change until the teens, I know you know that." Kotetsu groaned. "At least we found another word he knows."
"How old is Tomo anyway?" Izumo asked as he captured the little boy who thought it was a grand game to make the man chase him around the chair. He giggled and squealed in utter delight as he was caught, then kicked his feet to be let down again.
"He two." Kichi held out two fingers to illustrate her point. "We had cake, don't you 'member Zumo? I said. I said we ate cake."
"CAKE!" Squealed Tomo as he struggled to climb out of Izumo's arms.
Kotetsu looked startled, back and forth between the two. "Twins?" He scoffed. "Nah. She talks more."
"And he's a lot bigger. Heavier. They can't be twins. Aren't twins supposed to be the same?" Izumo commented as he put the boy down on a towel and loosened Tomo's diaper. "OH SHIT!" He leaned back and gagged as the sight and smell hit him.
"100 yen." Kotetsu said while striving not to breathe.
Izumo shook his head as he cleaned the baby up the best he could while Tomo kicked his feet and tried to get away. "Shit! He put his foot in it!"
"200 yen."
The beleaguered shinobi glared at the man sitting calmly and holding the still sleeping baby. "They're not bad words, they're descriptive of what is actually down here!"
Kotetsu considered the argument a moment, then nodded. "They're still bad words, but I see your point. 100 yen for both words then?"
"Deal." Izumo nodded as he finished wiping up the boy's bare bottom. "Look, his …it's standing up. I didn't think babies could do that."
Kotetsu leaned forward to look and was nailed in the chest by a stream of pee that shot up and over Izumo's shoulder.
Izumo turned to stare in horror a moment, then started grinning, followed by a distinct chortle. Finally, full out – belly cramping laughter.
"You did that on purpose." Kotetsu growled menacingly.
Izumo only laughed louder, unable to defend himself. Like he could schedule something like that? Much less aim it!
"Bad Tomo!" Kichi scolded, shaking her baby finger at her brother who was grinning widely at them all.
Izumo's merriment wound down and he finally managed to sit back up. "Good aim boy." He said for his roommate's benefit as Kotetsu held out his shirt from his skin in disgust all while trying not to wake baby MeiMei.
"Good?" Kichi queried. "Mama say bad! Bad Tomo. See Zumo? He have pee-pee." She pointed to her brother's body, anxious that the man understand. "Tomo have pee-pee cuz he a boy. Kichi no have pee-pee, right?"
Now uncomfortable, Izumo actually managed a small blush as he hurriedly covered the part of her brother's anatomy she wanted to discuss.
"You a boy, right?" Kichi continued unabated. "You got pee-pee, huh Zumo? You got pee-pee too, right?"
"That's debatable." Kotetsu muttered darkly as he stood, holding the baby in one arm and tenting his shirt away from his skin with the other.
"Ako he say no say pee-pee. You know Ako right Zumo? He my fwiend. You know him? I know Ako and he say NO say pee-pee." Kichi prodded him with her finger while watching him messily wrap Genma's favorite t-shirt around her brother.
Izumo sighed. "I'm afraid I agree with this Ako person. Don't say p... don't say that word, especially around me." He nearly begged.
Kotetsu put the baby on a pile of towels and reached down to pull off his shirt when the infant started fussing. "See? She knows. I don't know how she knows but she always does! She's gonna be ANBU one day, I can tell. She always knows when I put her down."
"I no say it then." Kichi promised solemnly. "I no say pee-pee no more. I no say it no more, right Zumo? Huh? Kichi good girl."
"Yeah, right." Izumo muttered and stood Tomo up just as the make-shift diaper pooled at his feet. "This worked on MeiMei."
"She doesn't stand or run." Kotetsu muttered as he pulled off his shirt with a look of disgust. "We'll have to come up with something else."
"Kichi good. Kichi say pee-pee no more." The little girl continued unabated.
"Good Kichi." Izumo muttered as he got up to capture the now streaking boy as he laughed and zig-zagged across the room. "Come here, Tomo!"
The boy finally zagged when he should have zigged and yelled in utter delight as Izumo scooped him up. "Let's try this again, right kid?"
Tomo screeched his displeasure at being caught as Kotetsu rolled his eyes and picked up the now crying MeiMei.
"Put on a shirt first." Izumo muttered as he put the boy back down to attempt another diaper.
Kotetsu grimaced. "She won't stop crying long enough for me to go get a clean shirt. She always wants to be held."
"Yep. She's a girl." Izumo groused, then winced as one of Tomo's little heels struck his thigh. "Da…. The kid can kick."
"That was almost a bad word." Kotetsu grinned, making a motion with his hand to signify money.
Kichi poked Izumo in the side as he tried to make the t-shirt into a more effective diaper this time. "You know what? Zumo, heh you know what? Ako no say pee-pee. He don't!"
Izumo chuckled. "I thought KICHI no longer said that word."
Kichi pouted. "I say AKO no say it!"
Kotetsu grimaced. "She's a girl too. Do they learn to argue like that in the cradle?"
The little girl poked Zumo again. "Ako says pe-nis. It a pe-nis. Did you know? Huh? Zumo?"
Stunned, both men looked up and Kichi grinned. The little girl was very happy to once more be the center of attention.
"How old is Ako?" Izumo whispered hoarsely.
"Thwee." She held up four fingers, then laboriously pushed one down. "Thwee."
Both Kotetsu and Izumo relaxed a bit at hearing the mysterious Ako was just another child.
"Pe-nis!" Kichi said, pointing at Izumo, though more at his chest thankfully than anything more anatomically correct.
Kotetsu cracked up. "She got that right."
Izumo growled and tried to ignore her. "I say it's a bad word and she owes us 100 yen."
o.o.o.o.o
If you have any funny baby stories, I wouldn't mind a PM! LOl
