Chapter Four

The next couple weeks were a mix of falling back into the familiar task of taking care of the children and the new routine of sending the older children off to school while organizing lessons for Marta and Gretl. For the most part, it was easy. It wasn't like those first days in summer when they didn't know each yet. She didn't have to prove anything. Well, not to them.

Dinner, however, was the most difficult part of the day. That was when the absence of the Captain was most obvious and felt the sharpest. His empty spot at the head of the table was a sad reminder for all of them that he was away, not just in another room or visiting Vienna for a few days. Finally, after weeks of watching the children pick at their food and struggling to pull more than one word sentences out of them, Maria developed a game to distract them from their sorrow.

"Each of us will take a turn and share the worst thing that happened to us today and the best thing that happened," she explained to the wide eyed brood sitting around the table.

"The worst thing?" Brigitta asked somewhat doubtfully. "What if nothing bad has happened?"

"Well, then I guess you must remember to thank the Lord when you say your prayers tonight, won't you?" Maria replied and then looked around the table. "So, that's all there is to it. Who wants to go first?" No one spoke up. "Liesl, what if you start the game for us?"

"No, thank you, Fraulein Maria," the girl answered quietly. Maria had noticed Liesl was particularly glum and until that moment presumed it was because she missed her father like the rest, but wondered if that was really it.

"Very well, we can come back to you later," Maria offered nonchalantly, taking a bite of her dinner and turning to the others. "Who wants to be the first?"

"I know the worst thing that happened to me," Louisa moaned and began to make a face. "There is a dreadful boy at school who won't leave me alone. He follows me around everywhere and always tries to sit near me in class." Maria hid a smile. I suppose what figures to be best and worst depends on who is doing the telling, she laughed to herself.

"You are completely ridiculous," Liesl said to her sister, her sour mood made even more evident by her tone.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Complaining because a boy likes you," Liesl laughed at her. "Then again, you always were ridiculous."

"Liesl-"Maria warned quietly.

"Ridiculous?" Louisa asked angrily. She glared at her older sister. Liesl didn't offer to explain herself, focusing on the food before her and stabbing at it viciously with her fork. "Please do go on. How am I ridiculous?" Liesl dropped her fork unceremoniously and returned the fierce look.

"Even though you're a girl, you don't act like one. You climb trees, collect bugs… most of the time your hair is a mess and you're dirty and sweaty from running around all the time. In short, you look like a girl but act like a boy. You're a… a tomboy! I'm surprised your admirer hasn't noticed this about you. Boys don't like tomboys. "

"Is that so?" Louisa struggled for a good comeback for a short moment before placing her hands on the table with what she was sure the end of the argument. "Fraulein Maria was a tomboy. She told us that herself. I'm sure lots of boys liked her." Maria sat up and opened her mouth to interject; she wasn't sure she wanted to be dragged into this.

"Girls! I suggest the two of you go back to using your mouths to eat. Chew something, please." She shot each of them a look, but Liesl was beyond stopping what she started.

"That's the point, isn't it? If boys liked Fraulein Maria, she wouldn't want to be a nun!" Liesl let all her contempt rest on the last word without a thought. The reaction, however, was quick.

"Liesl! Don't say such mean things!" Friedrich admonished in a low hush. Liesl remained unfazed. Louisa drew herself up.

"Well, I'll say one thing I know. I would rather be like Fraulein Maria and ridiculous than be like you! Tell me, what do you call a girl that lets a boy kiss her just to get him to like her?" Louisa folded her arms across her chest and waited for the words to hit the mark. Liesl looked daggers at her sister. She had told her about Rolf's kiss in confidence.

"What would you know, you… ridiculous tomboy! Be a nun for all I care."

"Fraulein Maria is not ridiculous!" Marta shouted at both of them before bursting into tears. Maria rested her hand on the little girl's arm and then stood up. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I think it would be a good idea for you to leave the table now, Liesl."

"I'm alright, Fraulein. I can keep my thoughts to myself from now on," Liesl answered in a lower voice.

"It wasn't a suggestion, Liesl," Maria said flatly. Liesl's eyes grew wide at the realization that she was being ordered, but she obediently rose and left the table. Once she was gone Maria turned her attention toward Louisa who was shaking and on the edge of tears.

"I'm sorry, Fraulein Maria. I didn't mean to say that you were ridiculous. I just meant…"

"That will do, Louisa. I hope the only thing you have left to say is the best thing that happened to you." Louisa swallowed hard and nodded. "Well?"

"Um, I… I guess the best thing that happened today was that the dreadful boy didn't try to kiss me." Maria narrowed her eyes at the girl. Just then Kurt started to snicker and soon the others were laughing too. Maria sighed. The game seemed like such a good idea before dinner.

XxXxXxXxX

Maria knocked on Liesl's door gently, but didn't wait for permission to enter. She felt a little bad about sending the girl away from the dinner table. She never had to exert her authority before and it didn't feel good. She knew Liesl didn't mean to hurt her feelings or to provoke her sister, but the fact remained that she did.

Liesl sat on the edge of her bed and looked terrible. It was clear she spent most of the time alone crying. As soon as she looked up and saw her governess standing in the doorway, she burst into another round of sobs.

"I'm sorry I said those dreadful things about you, Fraulein. I don't know what came over me. Can you please forgive me?" Her voice was hoarse and her words were full of remorse. Maria felt her own eyes threaten to cry.

"Of course, I can and I do," she said gently. She moved quickly to sit beside her and pull her into an embrace. "You said some rather nasty things about Louisa, too, you know."

"I know," Liesl sighed. "I'm horrible."

"No, you're troubled." Maria released the girl from her arms and helped wipe her tears. "I am guessing from the topic of your little fit it has to do with a boy." Liesl rolled her eyes and nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" Liesl chewed her lower lip. Maria could see her skepticism. "Louisa exaggerated with her estimation of 'lots' but there is a boy or two in my past. I'm not completely useless when it comes to matters of the heart. Even though I'm a nun." Maria laughed, but Liesl groaned to hear her own words thrown back at her.

"There is a boy," she started shyly. "I like him very much and I thought he liked me, too, but…" She became apprehensive. "But I haven't talked to him in such a long time. I only get to see him at school because…" She stopped herself.

"Because not many telegrams get sent to this address these days, am I right?"

"How did you know?" Liesl gaped, and then groaned in frustration. "Oh, it doesn't matter. With father gone, he'll never have a reason to come. Meanwhile, a girl named Hannah keeps throwing herself at him without any shame. And he seems interested."

"Maybe he is just being nice."

"Oh, he is so nice," Liesl said sadly. "Maybe I should be as brash as Hannah and stand too close to him and giggle at every word he says and gush at everything he does." She looked at her governess as if seeking permission. Maria shook her head.

"That's not who you are," she encouraged. "If he likes you, he'll find a way to let you know. If he doesn't, well… it will only hurt for a little while." Liesl nodded and then turned to face Maria. Her face tilted in wonder.

"Did you have your heart broken?"

"Everyone has their heart roughed up a bit, Liesl. I'm not different than anyone else."

"Was it awful? Is that why you decided to become a nun?"

"Oh, no, no. That has nothing to do with it," Maria chuckled. "Wouldn't that be something if every girl ran away to a convent whenever a boy broke her heart? I wanted to be a nun because I wanted to serve God with my life. I wanted a purpose. I wanted a place to belong." She started to feel the words choke her. "But, uh, there is something I should say about that. You see, I am not going to be a nun after all. When I left the Abbey to come here, I left it for good." Liesl's eyes grew wide.

"You did? But what about all those things you wanted?"

"I still want them, but the Abbey just isn't where I'm going to find them, I guess." Maria stood up and walked a few steps toward the door. She turned back and smiled. "But I'm not giving up. Neither should you." Liesl nodded and looked at Maria with affection.

"Thank you, I feel better."

"You'll truly feel better if you go and set things right with Louisa."

XxXxXxXxX

Maria sat reading in bed when she finally realized she had been reading the same paragraph for ten minutes. She tossed the book toward the foot of the bed, pushed the covers aside and got up. Her conversation with Liesl was still running through her mind, making sleep somewhat impossible. She thought she handled it well enough. Liesl admitted her fault and mended things with Louisa. So why was something not feeling right?

She knew Liesl didn't mean it when she implied that she only wanted to become a nun because she was incapable of pursuing a love life. She wanted to be a nun because she wanted to devote her life in service to God. She wanted the comfort of being part of a life of sacrifice and love. The first time she looked over the Abbey walls and heard the singing she felt it in her soul that she wanted it so much. But there was a reason she went down the mountain that day. The reason was a boy.

She was flattered when he wanted to walk her home, unsure when he asked for a kiss and mortified when he suggested more. She knew what everyone thought of her; she was a miserable orphan and therefore nothing but trash. She had hoped he was different, that it was just a misunderstanding. Instead he seemed shocked that she refused his behavior. Then his shock gave way to ridicule. He called her things… if only they were as harmless as "ridiculous". Humiliated, she fled. Not to her home where she had no ally, where it would be pointless and embarrassing to explain her tears. She fled down the mountain until she heard the singing. In the middle of a dreadful day, God spoke to her and showed her what she could be. And she wanted to be anything but that shameful creature that boy and everyone - including herself - saw her to be.

When she first arrived at the Abbey, she was questioned extensively about her reasons for becoming a nun. She wanted to serve God with her life; truth. She felt a call to devote herself to the Church as a nun; truth. She was content with her life before and was not seeking a refuge from it; not the truth. But she thought the first two statements were what really mattered and rendered the third statement irrelevant in the end. God knew her heart, she told herself. He didn't hold her problems against her dreams.

Did she lie to Liesl or simply misrepresent the truth? She joined the convent because of what she wanted to be, not what she didn't want to be. She could see how it was a fine line. The truth was that the choice she made to become a nun did have to do with a boy after all.

She moved to her desk and reached for a pen. In the end, her experience with heartache only qualified her to sympathize with Liesl. She needed to tell the Captain what was going on. He would have his opinions on the matter, to be sure. If she didn't want to mess things up, it would help know what those opinions were.

She had already written a report on the children's health and progress at school, requested permission to begin piano lessons for Marta and Gretl, and updated him on the lives of all the children. She presumed it was what he wanted to hear as she never heard back to the contrary. She would tell him about Liesl and he would know what to say and do. At the very least he might ask the Baroness to write to Liesl and offer better advice than she could ever give. She flipped through the pages to the end where she had already signed her name and added a post script.

P.S. Now, Captain, about Liesl…

XxXxXxXxX

A week later, just as Maria and the children sat down to dinner, Franz appeared in the doorway. He cleared his throat to catch the attention of the distracted governess.

"Yes, Franz?"

"I have a telegram…" The word was like a trigger on a trap. Instantly Liesl stood up and took a step toward the door.

"Who delivered it?" She asked the butler who frowned at being interrupted.

"That boy Rolf did, but…"

"Oh, Fraulein," Liesl didn't finish, she only looked pleadingly at the other end of the table. Maria floundered. She had yet to hear from the Captain and was hesitant to let her go, but she knew it would be such a disappointment to deny her. She finally relented with a quick nod, and Liesl moved quickly to leave.

"But Miss Liesl," Franz finally spoke up. "The telegram is for you." The girl froze in her tracks.

"For me?" Franz stood with the telegram in his extended arm. Liesl reached for it, her mind racing to know who would send it. She looked at Maria and the others who sat breathless waiting for her to open and read it. "For me?" Franz confirmed it, slightly offended at the suggestion that he would be wrong over a silly matter like a telegram. "Thank you, Franz."

Everyone waited for Liesl to open and tell them what it said, but she didn't seem to know what to do. Finally she tore through the envelope and unfolded the telegram. It wasn't a very long message. She read it three times and it still didn't make sense.

"Well? Who is it from? What does it say?" Louisa said impatiently.

"It's from Father," Liesl replied while her mind still tried to decipher the message. "It says, 'Ask him to meet your Fraulein.' I don't understand." She looked at Maria expectantly.

"What?" Maria quickly joined Liesl by her side and read the telegram for herself. She let the words run through her mind until a smile spread quickly across her face. She thought it was brilliant. "I think it is very clear, don't you? Your father wants you to ask the young man to come in. You better not keep him waiting." Liesl beamed as she agreed. Maria turned to the rest of the confused children and gave them permission to start dinner after Brigitta asked the Lord's blessing.

She followed behind Liesl slowly, giving her enough time to meet Rolf and invite him to come inside. Her step was light as she thought how glad she was that she told the Captain. Instead of a letter forbidding her to let Liesl see any boys, he brought the boy to Liesl and gave a blessing. It was the last thing she expected him, or at least the man he was when she first met him, to do. She only hoped she could play her role well and not give him cause to regret his permission. Before she could doubt herself too much, Liesl and the young man entered the house through the terrace doors.

"Fraulein Maria, I would like to introduce you to my friend Rolf," Liesl said, her eyes never leaving the boy by her side.

"It's nice to meet you, Rolf," Maria said politely. He was a nice looking young man, and his smile reached his eyes as he returned her greeting.

"I'm very glad to meet you, Fraulein," he said. He let out a long nervous breath.

"Do you have time to stay for a while?"

"Yes, this was my last delivery."

"Well, we were just about to have dinner," Maria explained. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, but I couldn't intrude…"

"Oh, you must!" Liesl insisted, perhaps a bit too much. "Please have dinner with us. It's just Fraulein Maria and my sisters and brothers. My father is away."

"Yes, I know."

"You… you do?" Rolf opened his mouth to answer but was suddenly stuck to say anything. Maria quickly rescued him.

"Please stay, Rolf. You don't want to disappoint Liesl, do you?" He shook his head and turned to Liesl.

"No, I really don't. I'm not dressed properly, though. Is it alright?"

"You look fine, Rolf. Come on." Liesl took him by the arm and guided him toward the dining room. Maria followed behind. From what she could tell, she thought Liesl didn't have to really worry about Hannah or any other girl.

XxXxXxXxX

Dear Father,

Thank you for the telegram, Father. Just hearing a few words from you would have made this day special, but what you said in your telegram made it magical. I invited Rolf (that's his name) into the house to meet Fraulein Maria. She invited him to stay for dinner. I only wanted to be able to see him and talk to him, but there he was sitting at our table! I was so happy.

Fraulein Maria let him sit in your chair next to me. I hope you don't mind. I think Friedrich was a little put out about that, but I'm not sure Friedrich cared for him very much. I don't know why because Rolf is such a nice boy! He was very polite and complimentary and he even made us laugh a couple times. I was disappointed that Rolf had to leave so soon after dinner but Fraulein Maria gave us a few minutes alone in the sitting room before he left. I say we were alone, but to be honest, Friedrich kept finding excuses to come in and disturb us. I should be annoyed, but it was just such a wonderful evening that I'm not. I have you to thank for it! I'm sure Fraulein Maria told you about him but I know the telegram was your idea.

I'm so glad you asked Fraulein Maria to come back. She is such a wonderful friend and made me feel so much better when I was upset about Rolf. Did you know that she isn't going to be a nun anymore?

We are fine but miss you so much. I wish I knew when you will come home again, even just for a visit. Please take care of yourself, Father, and write to us. It isn't the same as having you here but we can close our eyes and hear your voice and it will be almost as sweet.

Your loving daughter, Liesl

No matter how many times the Captain read the letter, his eyes would get stuck at the same part; Fraulein Maria was no long a postulant. His chest tightened and the familiar heaviness of spirit came over him. His hands trembled as he folded the letter and placed it back inside the envelope. She had lied. She may still fall out of row boats but she was not the same woman as before.

He tossed the letter on the desk, stood up and began to pace around the small room he used for a private study. His movements reflected in a wide mirror over the fireplace mantel caught his eye and he moved closer. He loathed the man staring back and cursed him.

"This is all your fault."

A/N: Shout out to augiesannie for her help with this chapter. Shout out to proboard peeps for the fun. PM if you are interested in being a part of a great forum… movie discussions, story help and writing prompts. And lots of pics of CP. Oodles.

Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine, blah, blah, blah