"Derek!" a female voice wafted through the door. Derek smiled - he liked that voice. It called again, this time more urgently. "Derek!" Derek sighed and rolled out of bed, his feet touching the cold floor making him grimace. He left the room and headed downstairs and through to the kitchen. The female turned to look at him as he entered and smiled. She nodded towards the steaming cup of coffee, which was resting beside a bowl of muesli and a newspaper. Derek walked around the counter and slipped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. "You," he mumbled softly. "You, are the perfect wife." She turned round to face him and wound her arms around his neck. "I know." she replied, smiling at him. Derek's stomach flipped as it always did when she smiled at him like that. "And you," she continued. "You are the perfect vet."
-
Derek opened his eyes with a start. He looked at the clock beside his bed - it was only 3am. He looked to the woman beside him - she was still fast asleep. Derek sat up and quietly slipped out of bed and out of the room. He padded along the corridor to the bathroom, where he went straight to the sink and filled it with cold water. He splashed his face several times and then studied his face in the mirror - he had been dreaming about Meredith. And not only about Meredith, Meredith being his wife. He didn't know what was going on - he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Meredith since she had arrived in the hospital. "It's just the surgery," he told himself. "You're thinking about the surgery, and she's getting the surgery." He splashed his face one more time and then dried it. He headed back towards the bedroom and climbed back into bed, putting his arms around his wife.
-
Finn paced up and down, every so often stopping to ask at the desk if Dr Shepherd had arrived yet. Every time he was told the same answer, that no he hadn't, but he should be arriving shortly. Finn continued to pace and then tried to sit down but found he couldn't sit still. Finally, he saw Dr Shepherd approaching and ran over to him.
"Dr Shepherd, do you have a minute?" he asked.
"Sure, shall we go to Meredith's room or…?" Derek responded. Finn shook his head so Derek led him to an empty room and closed the door. "Is everything alright?"
Finn was again pacing up and down the floor, his hand to his mouth. He looked deep in thought. "You can't perform the surgery on her!" he suddenly said. "I've seen the way you look at her."
Derek was taken aback. "You have?"
"Yeah, like she's…like …like she's going to die." Finn said, finally stopping his pacing and turning to face Derek. "You can't let her die. I love her and I don't want you to take this, this risk!"
Derek shook his head. "She's made her decision she wants this surgery, and I have to go with what the patient wants."
"I'm her fiancé! Does that mean nothing?! Don't I get a say in this?" Finn asked, getting angry.
Derek took a deep breath and stepped back. "It's Meredith's choice." he said simply.
"What if she dies? What then, eh? I'm left alone, and I've lost her forever." Finn replied.
Derek clenched his fist. His voice was slightly shaky when he spoke. "If she doesn't have this surgery you'll lose her in about 5 or 6 years. Is that what you want? You can't be selfish and want her not to have the surgery just so you might get an extra few years. If this surgery is successful, you can have forever. Don't you get that? Stop being so bloody selfish, and be grateful you even have her at all!"
Finn stopped pacing and looked in shock at Derek. Derek rubbed his face and then turned and left the room. He headed straight to the on-call room, closed the door, and kicked the bed in frustration. He winced at the pain and collapsed down onto the bed, banging his head against the wall. "Get a grip, Shepherd," he said to himself. "She's a patient. She's a bloody patient." The door opened and Dr Sloane walked in.
"Were you talking to yourself?" he asked. "Derek, you're a neurosurgeon, it's not a good sign if you're talking to yourself…" he laughed.
Derek stopped hitting his head on the wall. "Can I trust you?" he asked, turning to his friend.
Mark laughed again and went and sat down beside Derek. "Of course you can Derek, what's going on?".
"Have you…have you ever had, have you ever had feelings for someone you shouldn't have them for?" Derek asked.
Mark nodded. "Plenty of times. It's got me in a lot of trouble in fact. So, who's the mystery person?"
"No-body," Derek said, standing up. "And don't tell Addison about this. It'll pass."
Mark shrugged and also stood up. "My lips are sealed. So, is it a nurse?"
Derek shook his head and left the room.
-
Derek entered Meredith's room. She was asleep so he sat in the chair beside her, waiting for her to wake up. A strand of her hair and fallen across her face, so he gently brushed it away. As he did she started to stir and opened her eyes. "Hey," she said, her familiar smile firmly on her face. "Where's Finn?"
Derek stood up and picked up her charts. "I think he went home to get freshened up. I'm sure he'll be back soon. Anyway, I have some good news. We can get you into surgery tomorrow."
Meredith took a minute to take in this information. "That soon?"
Derek nodded. "The sooner we get in there the better."
Meredith nodded and lay back in her bed. "Dr Shepherd?"
Derek put down the chart and went to Meredith's side again. "Yes?"
"Dr Shepherd, I'm scared. I try to pretend I'm not, because Finn - I don't want him to be scared. If I die, or if there are complications and I lose my memory, I don't want him to be angry. He'll get angry, but he shouldn't. These things can happen. But I don't know how to tell him, because then he'll know I'm scared and he'll try and talk me out of it.. and…" Meredith broke off and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
Derek took her hand and squeezed it. "It's ok, it's understandable. But you need to tell Finn exactly how you feel. I promise you Meredith, I will do everything in that operating theatre that I can to get you back out here, like your old self."
Meredith nodded again. "I know you will - I trust you." She looked up at Derek and he looked straight into her eyes. He instantly regretted it - he was stuck. He couldn't pull away from her gaze and he still had her soft hand in his. The moment was broken when the door opened and Finn came in. "Dr Shepherd, could Meredith and I have a moment alone please?"
Derek composed himself and turned. "Of course, yes - of course." He hurried from the room and as he did he glanced back at Meredith. She was hugging Finn, but looking at Derek with a strange look on her face. But then she smiled at him and Derek smiled back before turning and continuing on his rounds.
