Chapter 3 - On Fire


The moth landed gently upon the sandy surface of the planet. Xev, Kai and Stan stepped out, feeling the heat immediately wash over them. It didn't bother Xev in the slightest though, and she led the way towards the large building that stood near to where they had landed. Similar to the one they had seen on the last Fire, but a slightly different shape, and slightly taller. Kai had a dark sense of foreboding about the place, but strengthened himself with the knowledge that whoever they met, whoever was guardian here, was his equal. Stanley seemed to share this nervousness.
"You know, Xev, I don't like this," he said, looking at the building unhappily. "Who's to say Prince will know what to do anyway? And if he does, it's not like we can *trust* him…"
"Well Stan, if you have a better idea…?" Xev asked, mildly irritated.
"I *do* have a better idea, I think we should go back to the Lexx and fly far far away from this bad planet." Stan suggested.
"If you wish to leave, I will not stop you." Kai said. "But I must remain on Midpoint, so it is unlikely that I will see you again until…"
"Until we die." Xev finished off for him. "The reason we came here is to find out something about how Kai got here and how we can get him back. If Prince is behind this all, and knowing him, he probably is; we have to get him to agree to make Kai human again."
"It's a waste of time!" Stan protested. "We know what he's going to ask in return, and I'm not about to blow up a *good* planet."
"It won't come to that." Xev assured him. "Whatever happens, none of us are to agree to blow up Water - agreed?"
"Agreed."
"Agreed." Stan echoed. "And we keep him away from 790, who probably *will* agree to anything." They marched with determination up the steps of the building, and reached the door. They were spared having to knock, however, as the door swung open just as they approached it - and Prince stood before them.
"Welcome!" he greeted the three. Stanley jumped at the sudden appearance of their enemy. The way he could just appear out of nowhere like that… it was creepy. "How nice to see you all again - Stan, Xev… and Kai? Can it be possible? This is most unusual… nobody has ever lived long after I've visited them."
"Oh, you know exactly what's going on, don't pretend you're not behind this!" Stan accused. Prince narrowed his eyes.
"I don't bring people back from the dead, unless there's something in it for me," he said, "especially people who tend to make such *good* decisions as Kai. It's against my own interests."
"Who else would make Kai into this guardian person?" Xev asked. "You just don't want to let him get to Water and rest in peace, like he deserves."
"Ah…" Prince was beginning to understand the situation. Kai had become a guardian, quite like himself - a new deity for a new planet. "Well, Kai, do you recall me ever making you into a guardian of the Afterlife?"
"No." Kai said. "But that means little, as my memories of everything except Midpoint seem too distant to clearly recall."
"Well, perhaps it was me that did this," said Prince, seizing his opportunity, "or perhaps it was just fate that Kai should become a guardian after death. In any case, he can't leave."
"I knew it." Xev said. "I knew you were behind this. Turn him back, Prince, right now!"
"Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that, Xev." Prince told her, with a brief smile. "Once Kai has become guardian of a planet, the only thing that can free him is if that planet is permanently destroyed. You released me when you first destroyed the planet Fire, and you can only release Kai by destroying Midpoint. Nothing I do can help that, it's the laws of the universe."
"We're not blowing up any planets." Xev said firmly. "We knew you were going to ask… there has to be another way." Prince shrugged.
"There isn't." he said. "But feel free to try what you like, if it makes you feel happier." Prince turned to walk away.
"Hold on!" Stan called after him. "Wait… is Midpoint a bad planet or a good planet?"
"It is neither." Kai replied to Stan's question. "It is the place between good and evil, the neutral point of the Afterlife; for those souls caught between light and darkness."
"Well, that's not so bad… it's not like we'd be blowing up Water." Stan pointed out.
"Because you've *never* agreed to do that before…" said Prince, with a wicked smile.
"I can't believe you're even *considering* doing what Prince says!" Xev exclaimed angrily. "He's evil, and you're right, we shouldn't have even come here, because he's obviously not going to help, without us blowing up something for him."
"Is there any other way in which I can be free of the planet?" Kai asked. Prince shook his head.
"I'm afraid that's the only way," he said. "You'll have to decide what's more important; the planet, or the human being." Xev scowled at Prince.
"We're leaving." She stated firmly, and taking Kai and Stan both by the hand, she walked them quickly away from Prince.

"Do you think he was telling the truth?" asked Stan. Xev shot him a withering look.
"Prince telling the truth?" she asked. "I doubt it."
"He would only tell the truth if it served his own purpose." said Kai, and then blinked. "I... remember Prince. Memories are coming back to me."
"Really?" Xev stopped walking. "That's great! Soon you'll be back to normal. Or better than normal - because you're alive!"
"Uh... Xev?" Stan pulled her a little to the side, out of Kai's earshot. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, he was an assassin for 2000 years... and then just dead for a while longer... he's gonna have some pretty weird memories."
"Weird?" Xev asked, her face crestfallen.
"Well... he's going to have some really *bad* memories, I think." Stan said. "Like when you remember killing the living Kai on Earth, that's-"
"Stan... you said you'd never mention..." Xev broke off as she realised the enormity of the situation. If this was how bad she felt remembering how she'd killed one person in an altered state of mind... how would Kai feel, when he remembered? "Oh... Kai..."
"Yes?" Kai overheard his name and turned to Xev, frowning when he saw the expression on her face. Regret, dread, fear, unhappiness. He frowned deeply. "What's wrong?" Xev considered her options. They'd started the ball rolling. Kai would, sooner or later, recall his past. It would be better if she prepared him for what he was going to discover in a gentle way... however, by doing this, she would prompt him to remember everything all the sooner - perhaps even immediately. She sighed. It wasn't as if there was a "good time" for him to know, when it would hurt less. Best to get it over with.
"Kai... you might start to remember some... bad things." Xev said, and held up a hand to Stan as he tried to interfere. "It's better that we tell him everything, Stan."
"Ok." Stan agreed, backing away. "Just... don't blame me if you regret it later."
"This sounds very serious." Kai spoke up. "I'm willing to hear the truth, whatever it is."
Xev stepped closer and began to explain to Kai the story of his past, or as much as she knew of it.

Kai didn't remember everything at once. The story seemed to make sense, yet it was a dark history for anyone to carry. It frustrated him that he couldn't quite remember this death and slavery he had experienced... he even half suspected that Xev was lying to him. Making his way back to the Lexx, he lay down on his bed and dozed, exhausted.

Xev and Stan sat around, restless, on the Lexx's bridge. Occasionally Xev stood up and paced around the floor. She knew she'd done what she thought was best for Kai. She knew he'd remember it at sometime... and, well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He hadn't meant to kill anyone, it'd been His Shadow working through him... she stopped that thought. Unfortunately, it wasn't true, it didn't work like that. She had been taken over by an uncontrollable Cluster Lizard instinct when she'd killed that one time, and it didn't ease the pain or the guilt. It made her feel like a helpless puppet. Unable to control herself. Dangerous. That's how Kai would feel, too.
"Still asleep?" she asked. Stan stood up.
"Lexx, is Kai still asleep?" he asked the insect.
"Yes, Stan."
"I didn't think he would." Stan said, puzzled. "How come Kai sleeps if he's not a human being anymore? Prince never slept on Fire."
"Maybe he did on Earth, though." Xev suggested. "I think it made him more human to be away from his planet - he could feel pain, even if he couldn't die. He might have slept, too."
"Good point." Stan nodded. Xev looked away, still uncomfortable with having to compare Kai to Prince in any way.

Kai's eyes snapped open. He could have sworn... it was as if he could smell... blood. It had been so realistic, his senses flooded with the awful scent. The dream he'd been having came flooding back to him. A woman in front of him, clutching a young boy's hand, weeping, begging, pleading for mercy - just for her son, if not for herself. He'd ignored her entirely, feeling no compassion, emotionally dead... he'd slain the young boy in front of her, and then killed the woman. He'd felt no compassion - he'd never questioned the order from His Shadow - it had been so *mechanical*. A cold shudder of dread came over Kai as he realised this wasn't just a dream... it was a very vivid memory. And it was one of millions of deaths that had taken place at his hands. Shaking, he fell backwards on to the bed, hopelessly willing the torturous memories to stop.
"Kai?" Xev appeared at the door. Kai closed his eyes, and clenched his jaw. He didn't want to see Xev. He didn't want to see anybody. "Kai, are you ok?"
"No." he said, his voice a harsh whisper in his throat.
"You're remembering." Xev said, voice full of sympathy. Sympathy that he in no way deserved. It was those he had killed she should feel sympathy for, not him, not the killer.
"How can you bear to see me, to be with me, when you know what I've done?" he asked, opening his eyes. "Don't you feel hatred? Fear?"
"No." Xev said. "I love you, Kai. You have to remember that it wasn't you who killed those people, it was His Shadow. Noone could have resisted the protoblood's effects. When you regained your free will..."
"I still took many lives when I had free will." Kai said. "I felt no remorse. I even took life before I died. My hands are stained with blood, they have been for millenia."
"But you're a good person." Xev pointed out. "When you died, the first time, your soul went to the planet Water... the planet of good souls."
"That doesn't change anything." Kai said. "And besides, I'm not there now. I don't think I ever really... belonged on Water."
"You did." Xev sat down beside him, and Kai immediately stood up. "Kai, I know what its like to have taken a life, but you can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault."
"But it WAS!" Kai turned to her. "I am at fault. The fault is in me. I can't just excuse what I've done - not to myself, and not to anyone else. I was never a 'good person' and I never can be."
"That's-"
"It's the truth." Kai cut in again. "I was a warrior in life, an assassin in death... now I'm some sort of ghost of the underworld. My whole existence is geared towards death in one way or the other. It's fate, or prophesy... I can't be anything else, Xev."
"You are more than that, Kai." Xev protested. "You were, even when you were dead. Think back. You killed, I know, but you loved too." Kai's features flickered for a split-second, then hardened and darkened once more.
"She died... because of me." he said. "Everyone I ever knew on my homeworld died - including myself. I can never be truly alive again, when I've brought death to so many. Its my nature. There is only war in my soul." Kai left, and Xev felt a tear run silently down her cheek, knowing Kai suffered, but knowing also that she could do nothing to soothe his pain. Nobody could.