~ How are you feeling today ? ~ 4

BPOV

Riiiing.
Finally, the ordeal is over. I slowly pick up my things and prepare to leave, mentally kicking myself for missing the opportunity to bang that sex-god in the backwoods behind the school.
Ah well, maybe that would have been too depressing for me anyway. The place is always green, always wet, always dreary and making the inhabitants want to off themselves. I may have not seen everybody... this is a concept to explore when I'm done with the Kärcher.

After walking around for the better part of an hour, I realize that I ' m lost.

Where ' s the front office?

How is it even possible to get lost in such a small school ?

I signed all my papers to go to the secretary's hair Leprechaun. Fortunately, Mike Newton- with his beady, wandering eyes- takes pity on me and tells me how to get there. At last, I enter the lair of the legendary, Irish being...My thoughts abruptly come to a halt.

No... not him !

I think the entire town of Forks can hear my gulp.

I ' d spent all last night de-boning fish with Charlie and didn' t have time take a shower- I didn ' t even have a little tube of sample sized perfume on me ! I go to the farthest corner away from him and try to make myself as small as possible. He shudders in disgust and I saw that shudder run down his spine. His beautiful spine that supports his tall, muscular, perfectly manly figure. He reaches up to run his fingers through an impressive crown of shimmering, bronze hair.

I wonder if that color is natural. I mean, who has bronze hair? I ' d never seen anything like it and I ' m from Phoenix. I ' ve seen everything.

Nah, it has to be his natural color. There ' s no way that Edward Cullen dyes his hair like a prissy girl. Edward Cullen exudes manliness and testosterone... but, he does have on skinny
jeans...Oh God, maybe he has a thing for testosterone, too !

Maybe that ' s why he's so disgusted with me.

Everything Jessica told me is starting to make sense, now. He ' s never had a girlfriend because he ' s picky ? I think not. Edward Cullen is gay.

He must be too ashamed to come out of the closet, poor boy. And Forks isn ' t exactly the best place to be homosexual. I mean, at least in Phoenix, we had a gay club. There was nothing for poor, lonely Edward here. He must be so alone.

With thoughts of the gay Cullen clouding my thoughts, I decide to go home and take a shower. No, scratch that. I ' ll take a bath and maybe even add a touch of bleach. When added to pools, chlorine dominates and kills all bacteria and odor. Bleach should do the same thing, right ?

It' ll be perfect. I just hope that the prehistoric, red monster kicks on when I start the ignition. I ' d hate for Charlie ' s life savings to go to waste.