What a Wonderful Lie
Pairing: Riku x Yuffie
Summary: He knew she could find someone so much better, but he kept lying
and saying he was the only thing she had.
Inspiration: Perfect Situation, Weezer
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What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
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"Ow! Sonuvabitch." Her voice rang clear and sharp throughout the small apartment, and clear and sharp through his head. He leaned his head back on the couch and peered down at his wrapped ankle that laid pathetically propped up on a pillow. He hated not being able to do anything for himself, hated having her do everything for him. She didn't deserve that, she didn't deserve him. And no, this wasn't him getting caught up in his arrogance and self-absorb nature. It was him admitting to the fact he wasn't all that great, in fact, he was quite bitchy and more or less quite irritating.He honestly made himself sick. He liked to play pretend that he was this laid-back, overly-confident, "I-don't-give-a-fuck" kind of guy but in reality, he was the exact opposite. He was anxious and nervous and paranoid that one day she was going to leave him and he was going to break. And this frustrated him because he should've been able to trust her and he should've trusted himself and he should've been letting her do her own thing. But his own irrational fear of getting hurt kept her on a short leash. Instead of confessing his worries he reacted in anger and was constantly reminding her that he was the only thing she'd ever have.
He had her convinced she was the luckiest girl alive.
But she was probably the exact opposite.
His frustrations caused him to lash out in bitterness and treat her unfairly. He kept her from straying to far because heaven forbid she enjoy something without him! She could find someone more suited and kinder to her and that could never happen because that would mean her leaving him and THAT would mean pain. And he couldn't bear that again. He knew he was unfair and it was wrong to keep her from being her own person because he couldn't deal with the fact that sometimes things were going to hurt.
He guessed she probably didn't see it that way. She most likely thought his possessiveness and inability to let her wander off was because he was being protective because he didn't want her to get hurt. And to a certain extent, he was; he'd never feel right or okay if something were to happen to her. But a lot of it revolved around his own selfish attributes. He didn't really love her, as a good friend he did, but as someone to spend the rest of his life with now. And deep down he knew she was aware that he didn't love her and she didn't love him, but she couldn't admit it to herself because it wouldn't make sense. Why would they live together and stay together and care for each other if there was no love? She wouldn't be able to comprehend or discover that he didn't want to be alone, because, she had never really been alone herself. She'd always had friends that she kept close, and he didn't. There had been a point in time where he had lost everything.
He KNEW she should have been out with her friends instead of staying at home and tending to him. He was perfectly capable of handling a broken ankle. But a broken ankle would be the least of his worries if she found someone else. That's why he didn't let her go out. The truth was bitter because it wasn't what he wanted to hear. But he couldn't stand to have her leave him.
'Is letting her go the same thing as losing her?'
The question was daunting…was it? If he broke it off, if he let her flourish, would it be as painful? Would it be the same thing? He knew the answer: no, it wouldn't be. Because it would be his decision and it would be doing the right thing, for once in his life. She'd probably be angry and misunderstanding at first but eventually when she was living her own life her own way she'd think of him and discover the meaning behind it.
She wasn't stupid, no, not at all. She was really quite brilliant; witty and a problem-solver. But when it came down to matters of the heart, she wasn't the most aware. She always managed to have a positive outlook on everything, something he could never achieve. She lived for excitement and thrill- the possibility of a new adventure. He lived by 'what ifs' and logical reasoning.Putting it simply; he lived with his head, she lived with her heart. He knew, someday soon, he would have to let her go. He would have to give her up and let her live by her own rules and thoughts.
He watched her as she waltzed out of the kitchen towards him, that same bright smile on her pretty face. She didn't know it but that smile caused him to wince in agony every time because he felt like she was faking it for the both of them.
"Here," She said cheerfully, placing him a tray down on the coffee table in front of him. It held a can of soda, two white pills, and a bowl of soup, "I made this for you."
He smiled weakly, leaning forward a bit to pick up the spoon, "Thanks." He said dully. He bet she thought the lack of enthusiasm and good spirits came from his ankle, but oh, if he could just tell her.
"Not a problem." She stooped down to place a tender kiss on his forehead and when she stood back up he saw her face flash with uncertainty before she took a deep breath. "Kairi wants me to go to a party with her tonight." She said in one breath. His eyes darkened, not with anger, but with resentment. He should be letting her out.
"Um…I was hoping you could stay with me tonight, I might need your help." Those violet eyes of hers dropped in disappointment but she smiled anyway, and it made him feel worse.
"Oh, okay. I'll stay home then."
"Thanks."
"Let me get myself a bowl. I'll be right back."
"Okay."He watched her walk away and back into the kitchen, her form disappearing behind the door. He sighed after he was sure she couldn't hear him. One day, one day he swore it. She'd walk away for good and he would be okay with it because he'd be the one letting her leave.
Until then, he'd keep lying.
A/N: Thanks to Zanisha for beta-ing. I hope it's okay...Review plz!
