Never Let Me Go
I tried to walk together
But the night was growing dark
Thought you were beside me
But I reached and you were gone
Sometimes I hear you calling
From some lost and distant shore
I hear you crying softly for the way it was before
Hymn for the Missing – Red
Everything was so white and cold – especially the windy nights. December finally has come and for some reason I looked forward to it. I wasn't sure why, I was always attracted to coldness; it made me close my eyes and just feel comfortable.
Not having to get up at a special time to go to school was just an added bonus. Exams went fairly well but the tension was still there, it never quite went away when I'm in school. Christmas was inching closer every day and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. It wasn't the same like last year – far, far from it. Would I be alone this year? Kaito and I haven't been on speaking terms for a while and I'm beginning to forget his smile. The emptiness sometimes feels like it's getting bigger.
Kaito and I always spent it together with his family; my parents would always reunite on Christmas and go to the Bahamas. But would I be left alone this year? I got a call from Kako – Len and Rin's mother – she said she would be returning with her husband to spend Christmas with them and I was happy for them; I really was. Len and Rin needed their parents and maybe I was wrong, I think they're different from my parents. Kako and her husband always called more frequently now, they always wanted to know how Len and Rin were doing and obviously missed them.
I envied that. I didn't know what it was like to have caring parent's, it was foreign to me. My parents…they weren't cut out to be caregivers. I basically supported myself and thought once or twice about moving out before. But that would mean I'd really be let him go…could I really do that?
I stood up and cracked the balcony door to let the cold air in. I silently glanced at the small box on my coffee table. I made a present for Kaito but I don't think I'll give it to him. I just wasn't sure how to go about it. We weren't exactly on speaking terms so…
I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed, Rin makes me wear my hair down and Len makes me wear my contacts proper; even giving me a huge bottle of solution.
People seem to notice me at school but I didn't care. It was mostly guys anyways; they didn't want to be my friend, the girls seemed to hate me more than ever now. I stood up and walked to my balcony and sighed. The air was comforting and made me stretch out a little. My hands began to turn white and I began to wonder how long I was out here?
"You're going to get a cold…" Kaito was on his own balcony, was he out here the whole time?
I leaned against my balcony and looked out into the night sky,
"Warm rooms are sometimes hard to breathe in…I like coldness." I tried to conceal my nervousness; I hardly knew what to say to Kaito anymore.
"Ice Queen." Was he teasing me? I really didn't know how to respond to that I was so nervous. I finally sighed, somehow making my heart calmer – I wanted to know what was going on between us and I wanted answers.
"Kaito what is going-
Kaito's ringtone blared from his room interrupting me. He looked at me not knowing whether to answer it. At that moment my body went numb and I tried to smile.
"Answer it." I said barely above a whisper and he stood looking at me still unsure. I smiled and he finally turned and retreated back to his room.
I tried to make the atmosphere lighter; it felt so tense when we were together. She appeared to be in thought and sighed. Luka was always strong and invincible in my eyes but tonight seemed different. She appeared absent-minded and adrift but serious, like she wasn't really here with me and somewhere else.
She looked so beautiful against white snow, it somehow fit her perfectly. It appeared winter favored her as well – she hardly ever got sick with a cold no matter how long she kept her window open.
She began to say something but my stupid phone started ringing. I cursed silently but I didn't want to answer it, what did she want to say? She looked so serious, I saw her expression change and it looked like her body slightly slumped. She wrapped her arms around herself and she smiled lightly,
"Answer it." Her voice sounded distant and I wanted to say no but it was hard to possibly say no to her.
I turned and before I went inside I looked over my shoulder and she was already gone; like she wasn't even there to begin with.
I sat alone in my room with the television on mute. I had the door cracked as cold wind danced in my room. I sung lightly while reading an old book, I needed my mind far from reality. My freedom of winter vacation seemed to be winding down and irritated me. School would be within a week now and I wasn't prepared to go back. Not like I was even prepared from the start…I feel like I've been thrown into the ocean…
But what was there to expect? I was thrown into the ocean far long ago when I was a child. My parents weren't concerned if I sunk or swam as long as they went to work on time.
Speaking of my parents…I glanced at my cell phone thinking, oh I don't know? A call maybe, a hello even, but I guess that'd be asking too much of them – even on Christmas Eve.
I glanced at the gift sitting on the coffee table again. I sighed and put the gift on my dresser drawer, I didn't even get dressed I just laid around in my pajamas which normally wasn't like me. But I needed a break from responsibility, I wanted to be selfish. I glared at the television screen getting tired of everyone's smiles and holiday cheer. I hated today and I just wished it'd end already.
I turned off the channel and lay on my bed. It was especially quiet, even next door; which was honestly surprising. My room would have felt incredibly still if it weren't for the light wind.
I phone vibrated violently under my pillow startling me in a horrible way.
"Hello?" I tried to contain my annoyance, whose calling me on a holiday? Can't be my parents…
"Luka!" I had to move my ear from the ear piece as Len and Rin literally screamed on the other line.
"Hey you guys, what's up?" I forgot they had cell phones.
"Come to our house!" Rin said happily, "Yeah we have a surprise!" I smiled lightly, they somehow always cheered me up when I was feeling depressed.
"Right now?" I looked at the clock, it was seven o' clock and almost getting late, would I be bothering their family?
"Duh! Hurry up!" They hung up and I got off the bed quickly and rushed to get ready. Even though I was depressed just moments ago I wanted to see them. Their smiling faces seemed to rub off on me and I really needed an enlighten mood. I even put on a little makeup to feel a little better.
I dressed in the white dress Gakupo picked out and wore black thigh highs and black boots. I did one last turn in the mirror and grabbed my bag and put all the presents in my bag.
I practically ran to the door and immediately crashed into someone's chest.
"Oft!" Arms steadied me and I looked up, Kaito! I took two steps back and blushed.
"Uh, c-come in," I stumbled on my words as he walked inside my apartment.
"You seem to be in a hurry." I nodded lightly, "So you already have plans this year eh?" His voice sounded different…like he was irritated? "I guess this year would be different." I stood awkwardly.
"Don't you have a date?" I asked, why did I ask him that? I don't want to know he's going to be together with her.
He shrugged, "Just with friends and Miku." My heart sunk and hurt was quickly replaced with anger,
"Well I have to go now so," I walked to the door expecting him to follow but he still stood there.
"To your boyfriend?" What is he talking about? He gave me this look that I've never seen before and it made me even more frustrated.
"That isn't of your concern." I honestly didn't care anymore, I was even tempted to throw his gift at his face.
I ran all the way to Rin and Len's place and rang the doorbell. I huffed lightly when I heard running to the door,
"Finally!" They smiled and pulled me into the warm house. I felt them both instantly hug me and laugh,
"Oh so this is Luka-chan." I looked up and Len's and Rin's parents were standing from the hallway smiling. When Len and Rin stopped hugging me they both held my hands.
"I've never seen them react this way to anyone; you must be really special Luka." I blushed lightly and smiled,
"Thank you sir," I bowed lightly and he seemed embarrassed,
"H-hey! You don't have to be so formal, just call me Jun." I nodded and smiled, their father was also really young like their mother.
I was glad I came. Their home had such a welcoming aura compared to the first time I came here.
Len and Rin led me to their living room to show me their huge over the top tree. It was at least fifteen feet tall! It gave the room such an elegant feeling and the vaulted ceiling was especially beautiful. Decorations were everywhere giving a beautiful holiday look.
Len and Rin walked to the tree and both of them grabbed a present,
"Here!" Rin passed her gift that was wrapped with a beautiful white bow, a nice signature of hers. Len smiled and passed his gift, "I hope you'll like it."
Jun and Kako also walked up with a gift, I blushed.
"We wanted to get you something and we really appreciate you always helping and taking care of these two." Kako gave me a motherly hug,
"Thank you Luka-chan." I almost got emotional at that moment; I wasn't used to such feelings. I wasn't used to being hugged like that.
"Don't open it yet though! You have to open it on Christmas!" I smiled and laughed lightly,
"I won't!" I promised.
I grabbed the several presents from my bag and placed them under the tree with the gallons of presents already there.
"You got presents Onee-chan?" I smiled,
"Oh course! There's one for you, Rin, and your mom and dad." Kako blushed lightly and smiled,
"You didn't need to get us anything dear." I stood up from my kneeling position.
"I wanted to! You both have been really kind to me and I appreciate that." Jun rubbed my hair causing it to frizz slightly.
"Dad! You'll ruin Onee-chan's hair!" I laughed as I patted my hair down,
"Well I better get going," Len and Rin frowned.
"What!" Rin glared, "Why so soon?" Jun rubbed Len and Rin's hair causing it to mess up terribly,
"Hey you brats, Luka-chan probably has a date!" I blushed lightly,
"No way!" Len yelled, "There's no way Onee-chan could have a boyfriend without me knowing!" Rin pointed to my direction.
Jun playfully nudged Len, "I'd be careful Len, Luka probably has tons of men after her." Len blushed and swatted his father away.
"Onee-chan a present fell out of your bag - to Kaito." She read out loud, she raised an eyebrow at me.
"See?" Jun said playfully, Kako laughed lightly.
"I'm actually throwing that away."
"What! Why?" Rin and Len practically said in sync. I stood awkwardly and tried not to frown,
"We got into a fight…I don't know, I don't think I have the confidence to give it to him." I said truthfully.
"Give it to him!" Rin pushed the present back into my bag,
"I don't even know where he is…He went out tonight Rin. I don't think this is-
"Then let's find him!" My mouth opened shocked.
"Daddy I want to go with her," He shrugged,
"Just get here before midnight you two." Rin and Len smiled.
"Let's go!"
This was crazy; I really didn't know how this was happening. But Len and Rin were with me searching the city for Kaito.
After the last possible Karaoke shop we went to I stopped,
"Let's take you home now you guys. It's okay! We're not happy with each other right now anyways." Rin glared,
"So you want to give up?" She said angrily, "I thought you were more stubborn than that Onee-chan," Len squeezed my hand and frowned.
"I-I just honestly don't know what to say to him." Rin sighed,
"You love him, don't you? You have that present specially for him; you shouldn't give up so easily!" Rin's was so encouraging, it made me want to put our differences aside and try…even just this once I wanted to try.
"I know you can do it!" Len said and smiled.
So we searched longer and finally came to the conclusion that he was at the coffee shop by the house. I heard there was an indie band playing there tonight anyways.
And…he was. My heart seemed to speed up and my stomach felt uneasy.
I stopped, my feet planted to the ground. "I can't do this." I confessed Rin rolled her eyes.
"Stop being complicated and go in there already!" She pushed me inside and luckily he didn't seem to notice, but it appeared that the guys from his group did.
"Whoa, who's that?"
"Dude, somebody hook me up with her!"
"She probably already has a boyfriend dumbass."
Kaito still seemed like he hasn't noticed me, I clenched my white dress and walked forward; my heart beating seemingly faster and faster by each step. Was this even healthy by how fast it was beating, I felt like I would faint at any moment.
"Kaito…" I called softly, he turned and immediately stood up, and I awkwardly smiled. I felt Len and Rin's intense stare from the window outside.
"Luka?" He looked like he really didn't know what to say so I got to the point; I pulled the present from my bag and handed it to him.
I looked down at my boots, slightly fidgeting.
"Hey, isn't it that plain girl that used to follow Kaito-kun?" Miku said out loud.
"Ehhhh!" The guys in the group stared at me intensely, "No way could that be!"
"That other girl was much plainer than her." My heart shattered, I looked at Kaito with one last glance and basically ran to the door. It hurt, my beating heart seemed to beat loud in my ears and my chest hurt terribly.
I wonder what hurt more, the rejection or Kaito not defending me.
"Onee-chan…" Len looked at me worriedly but I continued to stare far ahead,
"Are you going to cry?" Rin asked she didn't seem like she was going to pull my hair this time. I shook my head and finally looked at the twins.
"I'm not, not anymore." I said strongly, I was heartbroken don't get me wrong – but I was done crying now. I simply didn't have the tears anymore.
"Let's take you guys home." They watched my worriedly but nodded.
I could tell Rin was angry, Len appeared displeased as well. But it seemed like they weren't angry with me, but at Kaito's friends.
When I dropped them off Len made me promise to call tomorrow and I agreed.
I decided not to go home right away and just walked the busy streets, I somehow made it to a train station and I wondered why? Was this fate? Maybe I needed to leave just for a little while. Maybe I needed some piece of mind and a different atmosphere in a different city.
I think that's what I needed.
Why didn't I stop her? I'm such a dumbass! I can't believe I was so shocked that I let those idiots talk trash to Luka!
I sat in my room alone with all the lights off, I was just so frustrated with myself and I was completely confused. I really thought she hated me and she does the exact opposite! I knew Luka was mysterious but this is really…
My phone continued to vibrate constantly, I left abruptly after that and Miku has been calling me off the hook. I sighed and finally turned off the phone, I really needed to see Luka. I would wait all night if I had to.
I glanced at the clock, it was already two am. She was coming home right? Where is she anyways? I felt so ashamed; no that was putting it lightly.
I felt down right guilty, I didn't even get her a gift! I held the blue scarf closer. It smelt like her…she must have made it. That didn't help my guilt.
All I could remember were her eyes…That look she gave me was unnerving. Her face didn't seem like she cared but her eyes always gave it away.
She looked like she was about to fall apart and I wasn't there to catch her. Her eyes were so empty and betrayal was clearly going through her mind.
I punched the wall and was grateful nobody was home. My frustration was rising and my patients were wearing thin. But I'd wait for her because that's the only thing I can do for now…
I'd wait until she gets home to talk to her. I need to tell her how I feel; I don't give a fuck about her boyfriend anymore.
Sounds like a pretty crazy Christmas Eve, huh? I wanted to get ready for the holidays and somehow made it Christmas theme. So what are your guy's thoughts? Please let me know!
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(Okay I'll stop now, you get my drift!)
ALSO! I wanted to thank those that have already reviewed and follow my story! I'm happy to see your guy's views and I'm glad you guys love it! Yaaaayy! More people love Kaito x Luka just as much as I do! :D
Love you guys!
Ghostly
