A/N: Ohh I love all the theories floating around... *giggles* some are way off base.. and some are getting close! You will get another piece of the puzzle today... *winks*
Thanks to mauigirl60 for makig this pretty. Love and kisses to Mandi and Missy for pushing me to keep going on this story! You all rock!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight... just a weird mind... ENJOY!
Ch 3
That summer was the best of my life. We spent almost every day together. You humored me and we did all the touristy things; Central Park, Liberty Island, and Time Square. You held my hand as I cried at the Ground Zero memorial site.
Then, you showed me the New York that you loved. Under your guidance, I became a master of the subway, I learned how to salsa dance at one of the clubs we frequented, and I finally got the hang of eating with chopsticks in Chinatown. You introduced me to your favorite hotdog vendor, Marcus, and the wonder of a New York chili dog.
It was sometime during that summer when I realized I was in love with you. It crushed me when I admitted it to myself, knowing you'd never feel the same. Bree had found me crying one day in my room. Over a pint of Ben and Jerry's, I poured out my soul to her. On that day of my revelation, I'd seen you with her, all blonde, perky, and beautiful. All the things I wasn't. But, that didn't bother me as much as the kiss you shared with her and the dazed look of lust that hooded your eyes.
So, it was with that in mind that Bree encouraged me to go out when Tyler asked me. He was a regular at the café I worked at in the mornings to earn some extra cash. It was frequented by business men and those coming off the night shifts. Tyler worked as a security guard a few buildings over. He was slowly putting himself through college to be a computer programmer. He was a few years older and so sweet to me.
When he asked me, with a lot of stuttering to go on a date with him, I accepted. It was time that I faced the fact that you'd never love me as I loved you. The look on Tyler's face when I'd said yes was extraordinary. He took me to a cute off-Broadway play and then to a quiet little restaurant, where we'd spent hours talking.
It was close to two in the morning when he'd dropped me off. When I made it to my apartment door, there you were, sleeping, your phone clutched in your hand. You looked troubled and so sad, even in sleep. Hating to see you in any type of pain, I brushed a wayward lock of your hair away from your face. I watched as your eyes fluttered open and when you saw me, you bolted upright and clutched me to you.
"Thank fuck, B! Where in the fuck were you? I've been calling for hours! I was worried about you!" My brow wrinkled in confusion. I knew we hadn't had any plans. I reached for my phone only to see it had gone dead.
"It's dead. I didn't realize. Why are you here?" My gut was churning, warning me not to tell that you I'd been on a date. It was a silly thought, but persistent.
"I tried to call you, but I got no answer. I got worried that something had happened to you. I figured you'd be at home, but you weren't. Where did you go?"
Once again, I ignored the question. "Let's get you inside." I opened my door and walked in; I could feel you close behind me.
"Why are you all dressed up?" I couldn't place the emotions I heard in your voice, but whatever they were, stopped me cold. I didn't turn around and I wished now that I had. Would I have seen hatred or jealousy, or maybe it would have been concern or love? Since I didn't, I'll never know.
I paused, uncertain what to say or tell you. When I felt you pressed up against me, my defenses weakened. When your warm breath ghosted over my exposed neck, they crumbled.
"Did you go on a date, Bella?"
Like the coward I was, I could only nod. Your quick intake of air confirmed that you weren't pleased, but I had no understanding why.
"Did you kiss him?" you demanded. I shook my head no. It wasn't that Tyler didn't try; it was that I couldn't make myself kiss him. Not when it was you that I'd wished I was kissing. It wouldn't have been fair to Tyler. Even though I knew I'd never get to feel your lips on mine, I still held out hope.
My admission was greeted with silence, long and deafening. When I gathered a small measure of courage to look over my shoulder, you had left, the door was wide open. I slumped to the floor as I could no longer hold myself up. Tears prickled at my eyes, I knew I'd hurt you and I hated myself for that.
I didn't see or hear from you for days. As each second ticked by, the dread and guilt in my belly grew until I felt choked by it. Why did I feel as if I'd cheated on you? You were free to go and kiss other girls and I was certain you weren't a virgin. So, why wasn't I allowed to date, to find someone to love me, to want me? My heart screamed that all I really wanted was you and anybody else I was with would just be fooling myself, and wasting my time.
I tried to call and leave a message, but I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to apologize? I had done nothing wrong! Bree had been on my case that you were acting like a jerk to me for no reason. But I knew that you wouldn't react well to me going out with Tyler.
Almost two weeks later, you showed up at my job. I was stunned to see you, but more surprised by how you looked. Your clothes were wrinkled and dirty, there were dark circles under your bloodshot eyes. You looked miserable, inside and out. Without thinking, I ran to your side. You looked at me as if you were dying of thirst and I was a cool drink of water.
"Bella," you croaked out, just before you buried your face in the crook of my neck.
"Shh, it's okay, I've got you… it's okay."
I wasn't sure how long we stayed that way, but I was content to hold you for as long as you needed me. Your arms held me close, never tightening or loosening your grip on me. I felt your breathing even out at last with each stroke I made on your back.
When I felt your arms go slack, I had to swallow down the lump of fear that settled in my throat. I waited for the cold air to surround me, signaling that I was no longer in your arms. It never came, as your hands found purchase at my waist.
Without warning, you cupped my face, bringing our lips just a hair's breadth apart, as you peered deeply into my soul.
"Mine," you whispered, and I smiled.
"Yes," I acknowledged, and then you kissed me.
A/N: We can check Tyler off the list. Hmmm... soo.. what are all your theories now? I would love to hear from you... see you on Tuesday! *kisses*
