Disclaimer: Unless there's something I'm missing and I've magically become J.K. Rowling (I wish) then anything Harry Potter related is not mine!
Note: NEW CHAPTER! And, in case you couldn't tell, I'm excited about this one. I spent all day on it so I'm hoping that it's really good and you all enjoy it *crosses fingers* So, get reading and, if you wish, let me know what's going on in those pretty little heads of yours.
Love always
~ Shadow of a Black Rose xxx
Warning: Little bit of a shouting match but that's it for this chapter; I'm actually amazed how well behaved I'm being with this story. I normally can't handle more than one chapter without something naughty being slipped in there (haha I turned that dirty in my mind ;P)
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It seemed I had been right about the overall appearance of Malfoy Manor when imagining it the night before. Obviously, not everything was exactly like I'd pictured it, but on the whole there was the same largely cold, overpowering and expensive air about the place that seemed to suit the family so well. Just as I had thought, most of the manor was in dark wood or marble with the main colour scheme centring on the colours of Slytherin house. The library, in which I was to take most of my lessons, was enormous; it was bigger than my house, with every wall entirely composed of bookshelves holding thousands and thousands of books. The only exception was the far wall which was split down the middle by a large, arched window that gave a beautiful view of the grounds and allowed a strip of sunlight to pour into the room and reflect off the tiny silver letters on the spine of each and every book. The most impressive part, however, was the centre of the room. It was like a maze of tall bookshelves that I was almost certain I would have got lost in, had it not been for Narcissa guiding me through each set of shelves towards a large table by the window on my arrival at the manor.
Narcissa and I spent the majority of the morning discussing what we would have to cover throughout the year and how long we should spend on each topic. She was adamant that, as well as the usual subjects I would study at school, she wanted to give me lessons in the sorts of subjects that – as she put it – 'every young lady should be taught'. I wasn't so sure at first. I already had so much that I actually needed to learn for my exams and I thought it would be a waste of time for me to learn how to play a piano or how one should act in the presence of royalty; I mean, when was I ever likely to meet a King? But after two hours of debating the matter and making no progress whatsoever I decided it wasn't worth the fight. If she was that intent on teaching me how to live in an elite society then what would be the harm in letting her.
"You'll be thankful for this at some point." She had told me when I finally agreed to it, a smug little smile painted on her lips that I couldn't help but giggle at.
"Oh will i now?" It was far more flirtatious than I had meant it to sound. I tried to keep the grin on my face but Narcissa seemed to have frozen in shock and I began to worry that it had been a mistake to have even replied. She looked to be considering it for a moment – I could practically see her mind working as her eyes searched my face for... what? It was like she was looking for a sign or hint of something in my features, but what she was looking for I couldn't possibly tell.
"Yes," she murmured, her lips twitching into a slightly unsure smile, "yes, you will."
Silence fell over the room and i shuffled my books around in an attempt to seem busy. I could feel her eyes still locked on me, still searching for whatever feeling or message she had been looking for before. I really had to keep my emotions under control, I'd only been in her presence for a few hours and already I was slipping into dangerous territory. If I gave any more away I might as well just rip my heart from my body to save her the trouble of doing it herself.
"So, what's Draco doing now? I assume he didn't have any interest in returning to school and taking his NEWTs." A pathetic attempt to cover my tracks, I could only hope she'd buy into it and forget about my little slip up. Narcissa began to chew on her lip a little at the mention of her son. I had a feeling this was a bit of an awkward subject at the moment, but it was too late to take my question back now. We sat in silence for another few moments as she continued to chew on her lip and consider how to deal with the awkward situation I had, once again, created.
"No," she began, her brow creasing slightly; she looked older than I'd ever thought possible. Draco must have really been giving his mother a hard time since the war ended. "No, my son refuses to do anything now that the war is over. He believes no employer will ever take him on considering what he... well, which side he chose. I'm awfully afraid he's given up completely." Her eyes dropped closed for a moment and a few tears seeped out from the corners. Gently, they rolled down her cheeks and dropped, one by one, from her chin into the skirt of her silken, sky blue dress. "I've tried to convince him... I've said everything I can think of to make him believe there's still hope. But how can I convince anyone of anything when I don't believe it myself?" Tears continued to drop into her lap but there was no evidence of it in her voice. It amazed, and saddened me to see how she accepted the situation so simply. I wanted to hold her hand and kiss away the tears. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and let her cry to her heart's content while I gently stroked her hair and promised to do all I could to make everything okay again. I wanted so much to make her smile again, but all I could do was sit and watch as she cried over her broken life.
"Mrs Malfoy I..."
"Oh Ginny, I'm so sorry. What must you think of me, sitting here like a blubbing child?" She blinked away the remaining tears and brushed a few strays from beneath her eyes. "It's not all as bad as I make it seem, I just hate that both Draco and Lucius are taking our... situation in such a defeatist way. I'm the one that has to stay strong and try to make things okay again when it's their misdoing that landed us here in the first place." She sighed deeply before allowing a small smile to grace her still exquisitely perfect features. "But I shouldn't be troubling you with my problems; maybe we should have some lunch. I don't think either of us is going to be able to continue on an empty stomach" and Narcissa rose to her feet and began heading towards the door, seemingly, as though nothing had happened.
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"So you all really live in that tiny house? Oh, but how do you not go mad with the lack of space? I wouldn't be able to live in conditions like that." Narcissa giggled giving me a look that almost seemed to scream 'I don't believe it's possible'.
"It's not really as bad as it seems, well apart from when Fred and George decide to pull some devious prank on Ron. It's unbearable to have to listen to the fighting it causes, all day and all night!"
We were perched on the sofa in the sitting room after finally finishing the work for the day and deciding that, since we would be spending almost every day for a year together, it would be a good idea to get to know one another a little better. We'd already discussed every member of my family, in detail and we'd covered every year that I'd spent at Hogwarts right up until the battle and, really, there was no need to discuss that - we both remembered it vividly.
"I always wondered what my life would have been like if I had had brothers instead of sisters. Then again, Bella could probably have passed for a boy I suppose, she was certainly violent enough" Narcissa sighed, sadness swimming in her eyes.
"Were you close, you and Bellatrix?"
"You could say that I suppose. I had a closer relationship with her than anyone else, but Bella never really got close to anyone. She wasn't the sort to bother herself with other people... then again, you probably know that already."
"You know, I know that everyone else thinks she was a terrible person who was totally insane, but I don't think she was really that bad. I think she just made mistakes." Narcissa laughed and leant back, staring into the fire opposite us where enchanted green flames crackled away with a strange icy warmth. Her eyes seemed to cloud over reminiscing about her sister, as if she needed full concentration to actually remember her at all.
"She wasn't always so lacking in sanity you know." She rolled her head to the side and locked her eyes on mine. It was the first time she'd looked me directly in the eyes before and it felt as though a spark of electric energy shot through my body. I wondered if it were possible that she'd felt it too, but it was so hard to tell when she could easily mask any feeling she wished to remain a secret – she was good at that. "When we were young Bella was the one with common sense. Dromeda and I would always want to hunt for small animals to practice magic on, but Bellatrix refused to let us go. She was always saying that she was the eldest sister, and as the eldest it was her job to stop us from doing something silly like exposing magic by accidentally getting caught trying to explode a rabbit or something like that." She laughed slightly, turning her gaze back to the fire. "But then, she met The Dark Lord. I don't know what it was about him; maybe it was his power or his looks, but for some reason Bella fell totally in love with him. She would have done anything he asked – she did do anything he asked. It was Azkaban that made her the woman she was when she died; when she came back from that place, that's when I knew I'd lost my sister." Tears were brimming in her eyes again but this time I wasn't going to let her sit there and cry. I placed my hand over hers and stroked it gently with my thumb.
"That must have been terrible for you." The words sounded forced and tasted bitter. That wasn't what I had wanted to say at all. I wanted to tell her that, even when we lose those we love, they're still in our hearts, and that those that loved her would always be there to support her. I wanted to tell her that I was there for her and that I loved her – but that would have been too much. That would have caused problems. And I had to remember that once the words were said I could never un-say them.
"It was, but..."
As if on cue, as I was sure Narcissa was just about to say something important, a loud bang resonated from the entrance hall and cut her off mid sentence. I felt her hand tense in mine.
"Lucius." She muttered. Her voice was shaking slightly and she was trembling as she lifted herself from the sofa and slowly began to walk towards the door. She paused momentarily and looked back to me, her big blue eyes reflecting the light of the fire. "It's probably best if you stay in here for the moment. I'll be back as soon as I can." With a weak smile, she turned and tottered out of the room, allowing the door to swing shut gently behind her.
I sat for a few moments, fidgeting uncomfortably in the silence and emptiness of the sitting room. Part of me wanted to go and make sure she was okay; it didn't sound like Mr Malfoy was in a very good mood and I was a little worried that it wouldn't turn out well for her. The only problem was, she had told me to stay put and I didn't want to risk making things worse by not doing what I was told. Not knowing what to do I stood and began to pace back and forth across the room.
"I am sick and tired of being gawped at all the time like I have some horrible disfigurement!" The voice was muffled but it was unmistakably the voice of Lucius Malfoy, and he sounded angry. Muffled speech followed, presumably Narcissa was trying to calm her husband down but I couldn't make out what she was saying. Cautiously, I began to edge my way a little closer to the door which had not fully shut when Narcissa left the room. "No I can't understand it!" Lucius barked "We are trying our best to make things right with these people, but how can we when they won't give us half a chance to do so?"
"Lucius, not all... some people are willing to give us a... should give it time... will come..." It was typical really, hearing parts of what Narcissa said was actually slightly worse than hearing none at all. I kept asking myself if I should risk leaving the room but I had a horrible feeling that I'd regret it if I did.
"What do you know? You're just a stupid woman! I don't know why I'm even allowing you to attempt this idea of yours; it'll never work!"
"Allowing! Since when, Lucius, do I need your permission to do anything?" I pressed my ear against the door, not wanting to miss a single word. If he hurt her there was nothing that would stop me from running out of that room and making him wish he'd never been born.
"Since the day you married me!"
"Yes, and we both know what a mistake that was! My mother has a lot to answer for!"
"Oh please, your mother isn't the one who married me Narcissa!"
"No but she's the one who forced me into it!"
"Well could you blame her? Chasing after that filthy mudblood Evans girl as you were! You were a disgrace to your family and you still are!" I wondered for a moment if I had misheard him, but no, I couldn't have. Narcissa was once in love with Lily, Harry's mother? "We both know the reason you're teaching the Weasley girl Narcissa and it has nothing to do with her NEWTs or our social status!"
I froze on the spot as silence engulfed the entire manor. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? My lips trembled slightly and I could barely breathe. The hum of voices began again but I could no longer decipher what the two Malfoys were discussing. I stumbled back to the sofa, still in shock and collapsed back into my original seat. There was only one possible reason to why Narcissa was helping me if it wasn't for her own benefit and it was the same reason her family had forced her to marry Lucius. She felt something for the wrong person. She felt something for me. A thousand thoughts were speeding through my mind at once: why hadn't she just been honest with me? How would Lucius even know that his wife felt that way towards me? But the one question that stood out from all the rest was the endless question of what I should do next.
Once again, a loud bang could be heard all through the manor. Obviously Lucius had had enough of his wife and was going somewhere as far away as possible. The only sound I could hear for a short while was my own, unsteady, breathing; however, after a few moments the click of Narcissa's heels on the stone floor heading back towards me echoed through the door which was still partially open.
Should I say something when she re-entered the room? No, that would make it seem as though I had been listening... well, I had been listening, but she didn't need to know that – besides, I had to think things through and give myself time to process everything I had just heard. I was still in shock and discussing my feelings would only make things more complicated if it happened too soon. I composed myself as quickly as I could, and just in time as Narcissa re-entered the room and, this time, ensured the door closed fully behind her. She lingered by the door for a moment, swaying slightly and clutching onto the wooden frame. She distinctly reminded me of a ragdoll; too weak to hold herself up properly, but with the right surface she would eventually get her balance.
"I'm so sorry about that." Her voice was horse from the shouting match that had just taken place and her back was still turned to me, "Like I mentioned before, Lucius isn't handling things well at all. It appears you caught him on a bad day." Slowly she turned and returned to her seat beside me.
"It's alright, I understand. I'm sure it's quite tense around here at the moment. Not many people are going to understand how sorry you are." She smiled slightly but I could see the strain on her face. "Listen, Mrs Malfoy, if you want me to leave you just have to say so and I will. I wouldn't want to be getting in the way and making a nuisance of myself."
"No of course not, I enjoy your company Ginny. But, I know that you're probably feeling a little uncomfortable right now. If you want to leave you may." I was going to deny it but the knowing look in her eyes stopped me in my tracks.
"I suppose I'll see you tomorrow then."
"I'll meet you in the library."
One floo journey later and I was home, about to start another sleepless night; I only hoped this time I would be able to create a little more peace of mind for myself.
