serious case of writers block going on guys. Not sure if it's because I finished watching the show or what, but it's hardcore. Also, I keep getting all these alerts you guys are following the story but then no reviews :(. Which makes me think no one likes it so I'm not very compelled to write more. So, please review. Let me know what you like and whatnot so I can include more of it. :)


"Hey Nicky could you help me for a minute?" Nicky looked up from where she was 'fixing' a light fixture above the hallway. Honestly she could fix it in about six seconds, but she didn't want to go back to the shed and be forced to fix a lamp. She was so tired of fixing lamps.

"You wanting some chapel time, Morello?" She winked to the short woman below her. "I always have time for that."

Morello couldn't find Piper anywhere so she figured if anyone knew where Piper was, beside Alex, then it was this crazy haired woman. Even though she was sure Nicky was the last person Piper wanted to see right now. "Have you seen Chapman?"

Nicky cocked an eyebrow and came down a few steps. "You switching to blondes now?" Morello just gave her a look. "You can try it," Nicky began, going back to her light work. "But I'm pretty sure the only girl she will go for is Vause."

"Nicky be serious." Morello shot back.

Nicky stopped her light work and came down the ladder. "What's going on?"

"You are what is going on!" Morello shot back. "You couldn't keep your damn mouth shut."

"Is this about me and Vause?" Nicky asked.

"No." Morello stated. She tried to hide the hurt from her voice. Truth be told, she was hurt by Nicky and Alex too. She knew she gave up any and all right to Nicky, and she knew Nicky had been with women in the prison both before and after her, but it still stung to have it thrown in her face. Especially when it was a mutual friend. "This is about you keeping your mouth shut. You didn't even give Vause a chance to tell Chapman herself. Things had just gotten good with them." She may be batshit crazy, but Morello was a true romantic at heart. "Sometimes you can be a real asshole."

Nicky let out a long breath. Lorna was right. Her and Alex's little fling, if you could call it that as all it consisted of all of one quick fingering, didn't mean anything. Alex was heartbroken and looking for a little comfort. Nicky shook her head and put the ladder away in a nearby closet. She had to make things right. Besides, she knew where Piper would be if she didn't want anyone to find her. And aside from Jenkins, Nicky was just about the only one who could catch her.

She made her way outside and to the track. Sure enough, Piper was the only one out there. Nicky hung back for a few minutes. While she could keep up with the blonde, Piper had some rage she had to run off and Nicky couldn't keep up with that. She had occasionally joined the blonde on a run, but she was more there for the social aspect. To catch up on her Alex and Piper drama or other gossip the blonde had heard around the prison. Not the running. Although when she was really missing the smack and jonesing for a fix Piper had helped her channel that into running.

"Fuck!" Nicky seethed as she slammed her fists down into her metal locker. She reached over and threw everything on top of her locker onto the floor. Reached down and flipped over her mattress, her pillow and blankets flying across the cube. One of the guards had stopped her on the way to her bunk for a pat down. A very handy pat down. She wasn't one normally on the list for a grope when the guards were feeling antsy, but it happened occasionally. And it pissed the brunette off to no end. Nothing would happen if she told another CO. No one would believe her. Or if they did, they would just make it happen more often to shut her up. They could do whatever they wanted.

"Nicky, what the hell?" Piper asked, coming up behind the shorter woman and grabbing her hands. She quickly looked over to the CO bubble, thankful that no one was paying attention. If Nicky kept this up she would get in serious trouble for throwing her things around. "What happened?" She asked, putting Nicky's mattress back on her bed so the angered woman could sit. She reached down and picked up the things off the floor. "You're gonna get sent to SHU if they see you."

"Fucking guards can't keep their fucking hands to themselves." She turned to the CO bubble. "Fucking pigs!" She shouted. Not that the CO heard her. O'Neil was on duty in her dorm which meant Officer Bell was in there as well. She scratched her arms. She needed a fix. That had always calmed her down. Not like there was anything else in prison to help. And she knew who to get it from too.

Piper finished fixing Nicky's locker just in time to grab the other woman's arm before she made a bad decision. Well, another bad decision. She turned and pulled Nicky in the other direction. "Come on."

"Let me go Chapman!"

Piper stopped and turned, but didn't let go of Nicky's arm. "Do you really want to go and get involved in that shit again?" She questioned. Nicky looked away. "Get hooked again, have to detox again? What would Red say? You'll get sent down the hill to detox and then what? Is it worth more time on your sentence?" She dropped Nicky's arm. "Because if it is, by all means." She gestured back down the hall they had come from.

Nicky took a step back and leaned against the wall. "What do you suggest?" She didn't want to go down that road again, but it was the only thing that gave her any fucking relief. And sometimes the overwhelming desire to feel that bliss, that numbness for even a second got to be too much.

Piper smiled and pushed Nicky out the door to the track. "Go."

Nicky raised an eyebrow. "Go where?"

Piper dragged her onto the track. "Go. Run. Run until your legs are on fire and your lungs feel like they're gonna burst. Then run some more. Run until the pain in your body is all that you can think about."

Nicky looked at the blonde like she was crazy. But, really, what was the alternative? So Nicky did. She ran and she ran and she ran. She ran until there were buckets of sweat pouring off her body and she couldn't think of anything other than the pain. She ran until she couldn't take another step and Piper had to help her back to her dorm. But she hadn't used.

Nicky caught Piper as she rounded the corner and joined in on the blondes pace.

"You know, sometimes I regret ever bringing you out here." Piper began.

"No you don't." Nicky stated. She knew Piper didn't. The blonde was happy that she had helped Nicky in a moment of weakness and had given her an outlet rather than using. "You're just pissed."

"No fucking shit Nicky!" Nicky grabbed Piper's arm and slowed them down to a stop. Piper stopped, but yanked her arm back and took a couple of steps from Nicky. "Why?"

"Why not?" Nicky answered with a chuckle. "Look Chapman it's fucking prison, okay? You had just broke Vause's heart. Again, from what I hear. I was there and she was devastated."

"You took advantage of her?"

"It's prison." Nicky shrugged. "I was trying to make her feel better." Piper glared at the other woman. "Look," Nicky began softly. "You had broken up with her. You didn't want her anymore. Sometimes you just need something to take your mind off the pain, even for just a couple of minutes. She didn't even touch me." She held up a hand to Piper to let her finish. "You have running. But Vause and I prefer to fuck our problems away, okay? And you know what? She cried. It's not something I'm used to, but she fucking cried. Over you. Again. So before you get all pissy and mad at me just remember . . . You left her. I was only trying to help."

Piper watched as Nicky turned and went back inside. In her own fucked up way, Nicky was just trying to help Alex and Piper could see that. She had no claim on Alex when she and Nicky had hooked up. Alex was free to fuck whomever she wanted. Piper had just ended things. Again, as Nicky reminded her. She was an emotionally manipulative narcissist who had started a relationship with Alex only to leave her again. It wasn't fair and she knew it. She had no right to be mad at Alex for trying to find a little comfort, especially after Piper had left her.

Piper shook her head and ran inside. She needed to hurry if she was going to get a shower in before count.


Piper didn't see Alex for the rest of the day. She wasn't sure if Alex was avoiding her or if they had just both been busy. They didn't have much downtime in prison except on weekends. Downtime lead to trouble so they were kept as busy as possible. Although Alex wasn't at lunch and that was worrisome. Piper sat with the usual cloud - Morello, Yoga Jones, Boo, Nicky. She wasn't mad at Nicky anymore. In her own fucked up way Nicky was only trying to help. They'd talked and were okay. "Have you guys seen Alex?" They all shrugged. Piper looked around. Alex hadn't been at lunch, surely she wouldn't skip dinner too? Piper was the one that was supposed to be upset so shouldn't Alex have been seeking her out?

"I'll catch up with you guys later." Piper said as she bussed her tray, pocketing her carefully napkin wrapped brownie. She checked the obvious places first - her bunk, the laundry, bathrooms, rec room...No Alex. Half an hour later it finally dawned on her where her raven haired love was. It wasn't a very big prison, but there were plenty of hiding places. But she knew where she would find Alex now. And there among the few rows of books in the library, she was. Laying down having what Nicky referred to as a 'Barnes and Noble' moment. Piper walked over and gently kicked her foot. "Hey."

Alex looked over and smiled sadly. "Hey."

"You missed lunch." Piper said as she sat down beside Alex. "And dinner."

Alex let out a breath as she sat up. "Yeah." She carefully folded the corner of the book she had been reading and set it down. She gently took her glasses from the top of her head and put them back on her face, using that action to cover up her wiping a few tears from her cheeks. She wasn't a cryer. Alex Vause was not known as a cryer. Her whole upbringing and her life before she met Fahri and got involved in heroin, was shit. It was hard and sad and a lot of the time dark and cold as their electricity and heat were shut off more than they were on. But she'd never cried over it. Her life had hardened her. But somehow, the blonde woman before her turned her into a blubbering fool.

Alex could harden he heart when it came to Piper if she had to. When Piper left her in Paris or, more recently, the past Christmas, she had to harden. She couldn't break down and completely lose it. When Piper left her in Paris, Alex had to deal with arranging everything for her mothers funeral. There wasn't time to fall apart. A week or so later when she finally realized Piper was truly gone she let herself loose it. But that pain was too much for even her to deal with so she'd turned to heroin. When Piper left her on Christmas, Alex turned to Nicky. She was a terrible junky, absolutely no desire to turn back to heroin and Nicky was there. But she couldn't lose her shit in this place and ball her eyes out over her lost love.

However, now, Alex was feeling vulnerable. She couldn't help it. Piper had gotten under her skin, again. And this time she had nothing to dull the pain. So she tried to escape into a book as she'd done so many times before in her life. To lose herself in the story and forget about the shit storm that was her life at the moment. But it hadn't worked. This time, it hadn't worked. And every part of the story reminded her of a memory with the golden haired woman beside her. She didn't know if she would ever have the words to tell Piper how much she truly loved her or how badly she wanted things to work out.

Piper nudged Alex and gave her the wrapped up brownie from her pocket. Alex smiled And took the offering. "Thank you." They were fucked up in that way. Even when they were mad at each other or hurt by something the other said and did, they still took care of each other. Maybe that wasn't so fucked up at all, Alex considered. Not that she knew, but maybe that was how a real, loving relationship went?

Piper noticed Alex's red eyes, but didn't say anything. She knew the brunette didn't like to be seen as weak. She reached over and entwined her fingers with Alex's. "I'm sorry." She began. "I have no right to be upset by anything you did after I told you I chose Larry."

Alex nodded. "No, you do. When you hear the person you're in love with has been with someone else, even after you, it hurts." She shrugged, looking down. Piper felt her heart squeeze in her chest. She can't imagine how it hurt Alex hearing everything about her and Larry. How her coming to Alex with her problems with Larry had to hurt the brunette.

Piper looked down at their entwined fingers. "I'm sorry." She reiterated. "For everything."

Alex smiled sadly. "Me too. I'm sorry I went to Nicky and I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it. You shouldn't have heard that from her." She looked down at their hands together and shook her head admitting defeat. Their hands fit so perfectly. "Maybe our time is just over."

"Maybe." Piper said with tears in her eyes. "Then why does the thought of you being with anyone else break my heart?"

"Same reason the thought of being with anyone breaks mine." She looked away, willing the tears not to fall. "I don't want you to be with anyone else."

"I don't want to be with anyone else." Piper cried.

Alex gently wiped the tears from Pipers face before quickly brushing her own away. "Then why can't we get this to work? Why is it this so fucking hard?"

They sat in silence for what felt like hours. Tears falling from each woman's faces, their hands held tightly together between them.

"Because we know the outcome." Piper said softly. "With drugs involved, we know the outcome. It's never been our love for one another that's been the problem. Even when we fucking hated each other we still loved each other. But, no matter how little you're involved with heroin, it will take over your life again and then there's no room for me." She finished speaking just as softly as she had started. Alex had chosen smack over her once before. Piper didn't doubt she'd do it again.

Alex let out a frustrated breath and shook her head. Why couldn't she have both? She'd made it three years with Piper while importing large amounts of heroin and things had been fantastic. They'd been stupidly happy traveling the world together. Waking up in the morning, wrapped in each others arms, no idea what the day would hold or where they'd end up. It was only after they increased, more like doubled, her output that their relationship went spiraling quickly down the drain.

Before Piper she'd had big plans in the cartel. She was already pretty high up on the chain when she was with Piper and even higher when she was arrested. Another ten years or so and she would have owned everything. With her skill alone she could have, but you had to wait until the higher ups aged and needed someone younger and hotter to step in. Someone who knew their shit. Someone like Alex.

It wasn't so much the drugs Alex missed. She missed the power, the adrenalin, the money. The deals she made happen, the parties, the trips. She'd had an amazing fifteen years with them. Maybe that was enough. It had been a great ride. But she wasn't twenty-one anymore being swept up in the money and the rush she got. She wasn't in her late twenties anymore traveling all over the world making multi-million dollar deals happen. She's given these people years of her life and what did she have to show for it? What had they given her? A long sentence on a hard prison bunk.

As if reading her thoughts Piper spoke. "Do you miss it as much as you missed me?" She asked, referring back to the years they spent apart after their Parisian breakup. Or even the time they'd been in prison together when they absolutely fucking hated one another. Yet remembering the happy years they'd shared when they caught a glimpse of the other, heard them speak or someone mention the others name. Locked up together close enough to touch and yet consumed with too much hate to forget all the hurt the other had caused to their life. Even though they were still madly, irritatingly at times, in love with one another.

Alex looked up at what was right infront of her. Piper. The business certainly hadn't helped her with that. Yes, Piper had left her. When her mother died. But Alex couldn't really blame her. It was shitty timing, but Pipers reason for leaving had been valid. The blonde had never asked for anything of Alex. Ever. Except her time. The parties, the trips, the gifts - of course they were nice, but Alex knew Piper would have happily given them up for a little of the brunettes time. In fact, Pipers favorite trip they'd taken had nothing to do with Alex's job. It hadn't even been a big, fancy place they went to. It was just a long weekend trip they'd taken up in Vermont. Just them, a car and a map. And it had been heaven.

"Another trip?" Piper asked, looking down at the bags on their bed. She put the towel she'd been using to dry her hair down on a nearby chair. She'd only been in the bath for twenty minutes. Though she had quickly learned that in Alex's world things could completely change in under twenty seconds.

"Mhmm" Alex nodded as she grabbed some clothes from a drawer and threw them in one of the bags.

"Where to this time?"

"Vermont."

Piper looked at Alex unsure if she heard her right. "Vermont?" She repeated. Alex nodded and gave her a quick kiss. "Lot of heroin shooting mountain people?" She joked.

"Nope."

Piper was confused. "Who's going?"

"Just me," Alex began, moving closer to Piper. She gave the blonde a kids as she wrapped her arms around the younger woman's waist. "And you. My aunt has a cabin she said we could borrow for the weekend."

"Like a vacation?" Piper questioned, her eyes lighting up. "Like normal people?"

Alex smiled at pipers excitement. The blonde was nearly jumping up and down in excitement. "Just like normal people."

All these years later the drugs were gone but there was Piper. Offering all of herself. Willing to ride off into the proverbial sunset with her. As long as she would give up the drugs.

Alex shook her head. "No." She answered honestly. "Not even close."

Piper smiled sadly. "I missed you." She shrugged. "I still do."

Alex physically felt her heart break. She wanted nothing more than to be with the woman infront of her. "It's not going to be easy."

"What isn't?" Piper asked in confusion.

"Life after prison, without my job."

Piper was ecstatic, bit she needed to hear Alex actually say the words. She needed to hear Alex promise her. Unconsciously she held her breath as she looked deep into Alex's eyes.

"I'm not promising it will be easy, but . . . No drugs." She smiled as Piper fell into her arms. She wrapped her arms as tightly around the other woman as she could. "I love you" She whispered into the blondes ear.

Alex realized with every passing day, hour, minute, with the ten years they spent apart and the time they spent in prison with people dying and being assaulted, that time wasn't as plentiful as she had once believed. She would never again miss an opportunity to tell Piper that she loved her. She smiled brightly as Piper repeated the words back to her. The blonde gave Alex much more than her heroin importing job ever did. "I will never again chose drugs over you Piper. I promise."