CHAPTER 4
She tossed and turned, it was impossible for her to fall asleep as it had been the last few days. She still kept thinking about what happened at the pub with Alex, the kiss they shared and how mad he had gotten with her. Was he really feeling something for her? She would like to think he was but it was still a huge risk for them to take, what if it didn't work out? She would have lost a lover and a friend and just the thought of that made every cell in her body hurt. No, she needed Alex. Needed him to be there for the baby when it was born. She placed her hand on her stomach and her mind found its way back to their kiss at the pub. His lips had felt so good on hers, almost as if they belonged there. Even though they couldn't be more than friends, she could still dream about it, right?
She started to fantasize as she had done it a million times before, wondering how it was to be in a relationship with Alex. She was sure it was the same as it were to be friends with him, just a million times better. She smiled and turned to her side but she quickly cleared her smile. She had to stop thinking of him this way, it was making it impossible to stay friends with him. A sudden creak found it's way to Claire's ears from the creaking floorboard outside her room. Tess must be up she thought to herself and got out of bed. She might as well join her sister, knowing it would be another sleepless night. She found her robe and quickly put it on and started to make her way downstairs. A vague light came from the kitchen, guiding her path from the stairs and the rest of the way.
"Tess?" Claire asked with a sleepy voice
"Oh Claire" Tess said and quickly turned herself towards her "You startled me" she said and turned on the kettle. "Want a cuppa?" she asked and took the cups off the rag with the nod from Claire.
"Another sleepless night?" Tess asked and waited for the kettle to be done with boiling.
"Yeaah" Claire said and leaned back in the chair with a sad look on her face.
"Still thinking of Alex?" Tess asked and poured the water in the cups and placed herself at the table.
"How can I not? I think I may have ruined everything Tess. I'm not gonna be surprised if he decides to pull himself out of it all" Claire said and caressed her stomach. She wanted Alex to be a dad for the baby, she didn't wanted it to grow up without one and getting Peter back in the picture was out of the question.
"Avoiding him doesn't make things better. I think you should try talking with him" Tess said and made herself comfortable on the chair.
"I don't think I can" Claire said and the sadness from her eyes found its way to her voice.
"Why not?" Tess asked and looked at her sister with a light smile
"Because .." Claire stopped. She couldn't tell Tess why she couldn't talk with him. The reasons were many but the biggest of them was the fact that she would be listening to her heart for once if she talked to him now, and she couldn't do that. She couldn't surrender herself to him when she knew it was wrong, it would all go to hell and that couldn't happen.
"Where are you going?" Tess asked as Claire got up from the chair.
"I'm not gonna get any sleeping done tonight, I might as well get some work done" Claire said and made her way to the study without looking at her sister. She had to retreat herself from the conversation before it was too late and she would have spilled out every thought she had about Alex. She had to keep them from herself otherwise they wouldn't go away and she was afraid she would act on them, as her heart kept telling her to do. It wasn't like Tess didn't know she felt something for him, she just didn't needed to hear exactly how much, even though she had a feeling Tess saw right through her.
She looked at the clock on the wall, almost 5am. Perfect she thought to herself and got up from the chair in the study. It was a perfect time to take a walk around the property to check that everything was as it should be, she hadn't done that for so long. She got back to her bedroom, making sure the creaking floorboard wouldn't wake up Tess. She quickly got rid of the robe and grabbed the first set of jeans and a shirt in her clothes. "How can it be so difficult to close a damn button?!" Claire damned out in the room. She was at a point where her clothes definitely were getting too small. "Uuurgh!" she gave up and got off the jeans and threw them on the bed. She rummaged through her closet to find something she could fit in, there had to be something. She pulled out a pair of her old jump pants and frowned. Well, it would have to do for now. She quickly took a look in the mirror, this wasn't that bad, right? She sighed, it was more than bad. Whatever she thought to herself and made her way downstairs. Time to get some work done!
"Where have you been?!" Tess asked as Claire got in sight in the kitchen.
"What do you mean? I've just been taking a walk around the place" Claire said confused and started to wonder why they all was there and dressed. How long had she been?
"I woke at 6 and you were nowhere to be seen - Don't tell me you've been out walking until now?" Tess asked and gave Claire push towards the chair and ordered her to sit down.
"I wasn't walking Tess, I was checking up on things" Claire said and rolled her eyes
"It's almost 7 Claire!"
"Is it?" Claire asked and looked confused at the others. Had she really been taking two hours to check the fences near the house? She usually did it in half an hour. She sighed, this pregnancy was really beginning to take it's toll on her.
"You gotta stop walking around acting like you can do the same things as you did before the pregnancy" Tess said with a tone of anger in her voice.
"I'm fine Tess" Claire said and looked at the others that had the same expression on their faces as Tess. "Really, I am" Claire said one more time, knowing it would take more to convince them.
"Here, eat something" Meg said and handed her a plate of fried toast and eggs.
"Thank you Meg" Claire said. She was beginning to feel pretty hungry and quickly started to eat.
"Uhm Claire .. " Jodi said and stopped her eating "What exactly are you wearing?". Claire looked at herself, jumpers, what else? She frowned and looked at Jodi who tried to hold her laugh in.
"What's wrong with it?" Claire asked in a firm way.
"It's a bit 90's .. Don't you think?" Jodi said and started to laugh, which made Tess laugh as well. Claire send them both a stare saying that was enough, but it didn't help and she started to feel a bit out of place. What was she suppose to do, she didn't had anything else that could fit her.
"I think we need to go shopping" Tess said and dried her eyes from laughing so hard. The word shopping gave Claire big eyes. No way she would ever be going shopping.
"I need to work. Not shop" Claire said and got up from the chair. "Becky and Jodi, you guys can check out Little Regret, I'm going to check on the sheep's in Skinny Jims." Claire said and started to make her way outside. "Claire, wait a minute" Tess said and quickly got up from her chair and followed Claire outside.
"What is it Tess, I'm in a hurry" Claire said, still annoyed by what happened in there.
"We need to talk about the birth class". Claire stopped, could she just drop it already?
"I'm not going Tess and I'm not going shopping either!" Claire said and started to walk towards the stables.
"You have to - You have to know how it is to give birth" Tess said and watched her sister get Eagle ready.
"Women have been giving birth for centuries, you think they had birth classes back in the 1800?" Claire asked and turned away from Tess to fit the harness properly.
"Well this isn't 1800 something, Claire" Tess said and started to get annoyed with her sister. Why did she always had to do this? Everytime she was scared of something she completely shut down and pretended it didn't happen. "I'll go with you" Tess said, hoping it would make Claire more comfortable about the idea of going.
"Tess. Drop it. I'm not going" Claire said and mounted Eagle with a bit of difficulty. She had to catch her breath as she finally got in the saddle, she had to move around a bit to find a comfortable position but little did it do. Her bump was still in the way. She sighed, feeling everything was against her right now.
"If you aren't back before 11, I'm sending someone" Tess said as she saw the struggle her sister had with the saddle.
"Yeah yeah" Claire said and sat of in a canter.
She was beginning to think riding out hadn't been the best idea. She was feeling the weight of her stomach and the uncomfortableness from the saddle made the whole thing worse. She didn't understand it, because two weeks ago she had no trouble riding - She only felt a slight discomfort then but now it was almost not bearable. She couldn't have gotten so much bigger, could she? On the other hand her clothes didn't fit her at all by now. She sighed at dismounted Eagle.
"I just need a little break mate" She said as she caressed his muzzle. She placed herself on a stump of tree and breath a sigh of relief. A short break would do her good and then she could ride back in. She had no idea how long she had been sitting on the stump but the sun's beams felt like warm tickles on her bare skin. Her mind once again started to find its way to Alex but she quickly stopped it, she couldn't go there - It was out of the question.
"Let's go back mate" Claire said to Eagle as she gently stroke his mane.
"What are you doing here?" Claire asked surprised as she saw Alex sitting on the veranda.
"Tess called me" Alex said and smiled at her. Of course she did, Claire thought to herself and placed herself on the bench beside Alex. "She told me you are having trouble sleeping and refusing to take up .." he stopped, it felt a little weird to be talking about women things. "Birth classes" he quickly said and scratched his hair. Claire looked at him with big eyes, she couldn't believe she just heard those words come out of Alex's mouth and she smiled as she saw how uncomfortable he was but she soon remembered Tess's actions and sighed.
"Look mate, Tess shouldn't have said anything. There's nothing wrong, I just don't want to go" Claire said, trying to sound convincing.
"Why not? I mean .. Don't you pregnant ladies have to, kinda go?" Alex asked, feeling out of place in the topic. Claire laughed.
"We don't HAVE to go - many do to calm their nerves about the birth" Claire said.
"And you don't have any nerves?"
"No!" Claire quickly said and looked away from Alex. Truth be told, she was a mess inside, fearing the birth more and more everyday. But there was no way she would be going without a partner, her pride was too big for that. Alex studied her face as she had told him no, he knew she was scared, he could feel her body tense up as soon as he had asked her.
"What if I came with you?" he asked, hoping for her to say yes.
"What?" Claire asked surprised.
"Isn't that what "fathers" do?" He asked and leaned back at the chair.
"Well yes, but you aren't the dad?"
"In theory I am" Alex said kept his stare at Claire. "Come on Claire, if you want people to believe I'm the father we have to do these things together. Don't you think people will start wondering where I am in the big picture?"
"Well .. " She stopped. He was right, Alex Ryan was actually right and for once she couldn't disagree with him.
"Would you really do that?" Claire asked humbled.
"Of course!" Alex said and smiled
"But what about last time we spoke?" Claire asked and felt her inside twist and turn.
"Mates fights and make up, forget about it" Alex said. He had no intention on staying mad at her, after all it was Claire - and she was someone you couldn't hold a grudge to.
"Now to the sleeping" Alex quickly said to avoid dwelling with that conversation any longer. "Come" he said and reached out her hand for Claire to take.
"What?" Claire asked with a smile on her face. "What is this?" she asked as they got to the other side of the veranda.
"I always use this when I can't find comfort in the bed" Alex said and pointed at the hammock that hang between two piles on the veranda. "come on, in you get" he said and ordered Claire to get in.
"It's comfortable, aigh?" he said and studied her as she was laying in front of him.
"Mmm, very" Claire said and closed her eyes. She hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time.
"Claire?" Alex asked as he felt her breathing getting heavier. He smiled for himself, she was already fast asleep. He gently stroke her hair, feeling drawn to her. She was beautiful even in old jumpers and messy hair.
